Moments
by Double99
Summary: 26 snippets from Alex Vause's life. Every moment is based on a letter from the alphabet. *this story may contain various triggers*
1. A

Hello! This is my first attempt writing a fanfic. English is not my first language. I'm truly sorry for the spelling and grammar errors in this story. If this bothers you too much, please don't read my fanfic.

This story contains short snippets from Alex's life based on the letters of the alphabet. The fragments are not in chronological order.

Enjoy! 

**A ~ Alex**

I was quite proud of myself when I looked around the room. Setting up the crib all by myself while being 37 weeks pregnant was not exactly an easy task. Over the past few months I managed to earn some money to rent a very small one bedroom apartment and buy some babystuff from the local thrift shop where I worked. Just a few weeks ago I painted one of my bedroom walls a light shade of yellow. It was my favorite tint and the color was fitting for either a boy or a girl. I secured the secondhand baby mobile above the crib and smiled to myself. The little elephants hanging from it perfectly matched the bigger one in the painting on the freshly painted wall.

"Okay Kid, your mother is ready for you to arrive", I whispered sofly while stroking my large belly with my fingertips.

The word that just fell from my lips scared me. In just three weeks I would be a mother and although I just said it, I wasn't ready at all. Two months ago I turned eighteen and was offcially an adult now, but I still felt like a child. How in the world could I take care of a baby?

I felt a few tears sting my eyes while I let the fear consume me. I needed to stay calm for the sake of my child. I sat down on my bed and tried to take steady breaths. A wave of a bad smell reached my nose. Setting up the crib caused my body to sweat profoundly and I needed a bath. I collected some clean clothes and made my wat into the tiny bathroom. As I started to undress myself I became aware of the heavy weight my legs had to carry and how hard it had become to complete an daily task as this. I stepped into the tub and a moan escaped my throat at the feeling of the hot water soothing my swollen feet. I let my body relax and closed my eyes for a few minutes. My baby was very restless the past few days due to the lack of space in my uterus. I let my hand stroke up en down my belly until I felt a kicking foot come in contact with my palm. "Oh I'm sorry for disturbing you, Kid" I chuckled. I watched the skin of my belly stretching as the child continued kicking. I could clearly make out the form of its toes and I was amazed by the amount of strength those little legs already possessed. "You've got quite a temper don't you?" I laughed.

I felt incredibly tired as I let my eyes wander over my changed body. My breasts were full and heavy and my bras didn't fit anymore. My belly was so large that it actually made people wonder if I was expecting twins. The tissue underneath the skin was ripped because it wasn't able to keep up with the growth. I hated those stretch marks, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. My feet were so swollen that I needed to wear those ugly snowboots all the time. I didn't have a teenage body anymore and it made me feel strange. No, I was a full-grown pregnant woman now.

I emerged from the tub and put on some clean clothes. I made my way into the kitchen to grab a salade. It was 7 PM and I planned a movie night for myself. But first I wanted to call Annie. Annie was the owner of the thrift shop where I worked and she was the only friend I had.

We talked about my plans for the night and about the baby. When the labour would start Annie was going to drive me to the hospital. She made sure I already had an bag full of the babystuff I would need there. We talked a little more about random things before we said goodbye to each other.

I waddled back into my livingroom and put a copy of 'Hair' into my VCR. I settled down the black leather couch. My child was still active and I became frustrated because I knew I wouldn't get any sleep if this continued throughout the night. But when the first song started I remembered something. I turned the volume up and my child calmed down. "So music does the trick, Kid?" I said rubbing my belly again. "You don't have my traits I guess". When I was sure the baby was asleep I turned off the TV and not much later I drifted off to sleep as well.

I woke up to an excruciating pain in my belly. I had to gasp for air when I opened my eyes. For a moment I was completely disorientated and then I felt it again. I tried to keep still and concentrated on my breathing. I had read a few books on childbirth and learned the labour started with some mild contractions. The pain I was feeling wasn't mild… at all. I pulled my body up into a sitting position and noticed my pants were soaked between my legs. "Oh god this is really happening" I cried. I knew I had to count the minutes inbetween the contractions. The red numbers on the VCR told me it was 11.43 PM. Another contraction hit me with great force and I fell to my knees.

When the contraction faded I stumbled to the bathroom and grabbed a few towels. Another wave of pain caused me to fall to the ground. Luckily I could catch myself with my hands and knees. A low groan rumbled in my chest as a few tears leaked from the corner of my eyes. I managed to crawl to my bedroom and sat down the bed. My back was pressed against the headboard while I tried not to panic. I clutched the bedsheets hard as I breathed trough yet another contraction. The pressure between my legs was unbearable. It felt like my center was on fire. I lifted my hips up and pushed my wet pants and underwear down my legs and instinctively looked between them.

The books I've read couldn't prepare me for what I saw. It wasn't suppose to be like this. Everything was happening way too fast. My eyes were greeted with the crown of my baby's head covered in black hair. I touched the head stroking the softest hair I ever felt in my life. My emotions were flowing through my veins. The love I felt for this baby skyrocketed and my heart grew a few inches.

My shaky hand reached for the telephone on the nightstand next to me. I dialed Annies phonenumber and when I heard her warm voice I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Annie, t..the baby is c..coming. I can already see the head" I practically screamed.

"Stay calm sweetheart. Have you called an ambulance yet?" she asked. 

"N..no I just woke up ten minutes ago. It's happening so so fast" I cried

"Allright I'm heading over to your place and I am going to call an ambulance" and with that she hung up the phone.

I screamed when another contraction hit me. I felt the baby's head slip out of me and I immediately supported its neck with my right hand. I took in the sight and was overcome with pure adoration. The baby's face had a healthy shade of pink and its expression was one of pain and frustration. I reached for the towel with my left hand and started to clean my child's head. "Shhh it's almost over darling. I know this is a painful experience for you too" I said with the softest voice ever. I didn't even recognize it as my own.

A scream left my lungs as a wave of pain assaulted me once again. My body reacted on pure instinct as it gave a forceful push. The baby left my body completely and I started to rub its back with the towel harshly. After a few seconds a scream filled the room. But this time it wasn't mine. I wrapped the baby's little body in a grey baby blanket as I cradled it in my arms. My motherly feelings already responding, I started lifting up my shirt and guided the baby's mouth to my left breast. It latched on immediately. I glanced over to the alarmclock beside me and registered the time. 3th January 1980, 00.05 AM. I gave birth in just twenty minutes. The delivery was like an explosion I couldn't be prepared for. I wandered if this tornado was equal to my child's personality. Only time will tell.

I realized I still didn't know the sex of my baby and carefully pushed the blanket aside. The first thing I noticed were the absurdly long legs the baby had. I chuckled a bit and was curious about what I would find between them. I gave birth to a girl. A girl with a head full of black hair. A little lady with ten fingers and ten toes, with the longest babylegs ever. I kissed her forehead and she frowned. Not pleased with the disturbance. "Oh I'm sorry, Kid" I said and at the sound of my voice her eyes shot wide open locking them with mine. The action startled me a bit. The color was all too familiar with me. She had the brightest green eyes. Inherited from her father. I smiled down at her and she closed her eyelids again sucking happily.

She was still attached to me by the cord and I knew the ambulance staff and Annie would be here soon and seperate her from me. I enjoyed our closeness for a little longer. "Welcome to the world … Alex".


	2. B

A/N: Thanks so much for the follows and reviews! Let's continue this story.

Please remember, you'll come across a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. Don't like? Don't read :)

Enjoy!

 **B ~ Blue**

 _November 16, 2003_

I groaned softly when our heated kiss was interrupted by a buzzing noise. My partner was pulling away from me, but I wouldn't let her. My hands found the back of her neck just in time to keep her in place. My tongue licked her bottom lip possessively, asking for entrance. Just as she was about to open her mouth for me, the vibration of my mobile phone made us both snap out of the moment once again, and this time she shifted to the other side of the couch. "Sorry," I whispered to her as my hand grabbed my Blackberry Quark from the coffee table. The screen lit up again, and I noticed I had received a few text messages.

 **From: Yasmin**  
 _Vause, where are you… you're back in NY right? We're all getting drunk as fuck. You'll miss the good stories._

My friends were unbelievable. Getting drunk on a Tuesday night, while all of them had to work tomorrow morning.

 **From: Jane**  
 _We're at Blue Bar, wanna come?_

I felt the adrenaline flow through my body as the name of the bar caught my attention, and caused me to smile. The bar was owned by Matthew, who has been my best friend since I was fourteen. Over the past two years, the bar had turned into my hunting ground. I enjoyed flirting with the female guests, as much as a hunter enjoyed hunting for deer. I always felt like a spider, while luring those flies into my web of lies. All those girls who smuggled drugs for me, were once visiting Blue Bar to apply for a job as a waitress. So naive and innocent. Those girls were the easiest prey.

"Work again?"

Her question made me feel a little irritated, because of the accusing tone I could definitely hear in her voice. "Yeah," I sighed, not looking at her.

"So you're leaving again? I thought we would spend some time together this evening."

I could not dismiss Jane's offer. Just two days ago, one of my mules ditched my ass at the airport in Berlin. It was her job to smuggle a large amount of heroin from Cairo to Berlin, where I would pick her up and hand over the drugs to our German dealers. The girl never showed up. Kubra Balik was furious. I knew he was visiting Amsterdam for three weeks, and I was sure he would come to Berlin to strangle me personally. Fortunately, he just called me and threathened to 'sent sombody to my house' if I didn't find a new mule within two weeks.

"Sorry, it's important," I snapped at her, as I stood up from the couch and walked towards my bathroom … our bathroom.

"Alex!" she screamed at me. "You can't just leave whenever you please. We're living together now. You're always working, I just want to spend some time with you. You just came home from Germany!"

I turned around, looking her in the eye. She didn't knew I worked for an drug cartel. I couldn't blame her for not understanding the choice I made a few seconds ago.

"For fuck's sake, Sylvie, I specifically told you I need to be available twenty-four seven, because of my job. I made this very clear before you decided to move in here. If you can't handle it, please pack your bags and leave!" I said in a harsh tone.

My words caused her to start crying, but I didn't feel the need to comfort her. "I love you…," I heard her whisper as I turned my back to her, and stomped off to my bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I didn't say it back. I never did.

Sylvia and I were living together for three months now. She was the one who initiated the whole thing. I applied some eyeliner and lipstick, while thinking about her. I really did like Sylvia. She was smart, good-looking, confident, and she made me feel like a was the most beautiful woman in the world. But I hated her clinginess, her possessiveness towards me. She wanted to rush things, and was already talking about marriage. I tried to push away the knot that started to form in the pit of my stomach.

I grabbed my red leather jacket from the bed and was ready to leave. "Please don't wait up for me tonight. Just go to bed when you're tired. I'll see you in the morning."

"Is that an order or a question, Alex?" she asked me uncertainly.

"Whatever," I mumbled as I rolled my eyes and left.

It was only an eight-minute walk to Blue Bar. The clicking sound of my heels on the sidewalk hypnotized me. I was still thinking about Sylvia. Deep in my heart, I knew this relationship wouldn't last. I liked her, but it wasn't enough.

As I turned around the corner, my eyes focused on the flashy blue neon sign behind the bar's windowpanes. My feet started to move faster, as I approached the front door. Maybe I got lucky tonight. Kubra would be so pleased if I recruited a new mule in just two days.

"Oh look guys, the pimp has arrived!" Yasmin said mockingly. I gave her a soft smile, and walked up to my group of friends. "I already ordered you a beer," Jane said. She moved the empty chair beside her. A silent invitation to come sit next to her. I sat down and looked around, taking a sip from the bottle. I spotted Matthew, who was pouring drinks from behind the bar. He was staring at me with an intense expression on his face. I knew what it meant, and I immediately gave him a small nod to let him know I was at his place for obvious reasons.

Matt and I had made some kind of arrangement. He was the only one of my friends who knew about my illegal career, and when a girl entered his bar to apply for a job, he would check her out first. I only wanted girls between the ages of 18 and 22. Freshly out of college, and desperate to explore the world and trying to found out 'who they are'. Naive, curious and innocent. I had learned that most girls around the age of twenty wanted to try new things, such as drugs, travel to Indonesia and expand their sexual boundaries. I, Alex Vause, could provide all of it. If Matt was sure a girl matched the required profile, he would point his finger at her. From that moment my hunt started.

I shifted my attention back to my friends, and occasionally checked the front door, but nothing interesting walked in. After two hours, I gave up and ordered one last beer before I would return back home.

"So, Vause, how was Berlin? Any crazy stories you want to share?"

Ryan's question made me chuckle. My airport adventures always made them laugh, but I couldn't tell them some girl ditched me and I had travelled to Berlin for nothing.

"Not really. The craziest thing that happened this time was when my heel got stuck and snapped, because of some cobblestone cracks. And to make things worse, a few minutes after that humiliating moment, the customs took my moisturizer," I complained.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrific expierence all by yourself," Jane teased.

"They took my moisturizer, guys. I had to walk through the airport barefoot. I mean, if Bush fucking wins again, we're all moving to Berlin!"I joked, while lifting up my bottle tot clink our glasses together.

And then it happened. She walked in, and I let my eyes linger on her for a moment. She was wearing a floral dress and cowboy boots. I was sure the girl was a big fan of the crimping iron. She could have walked straight out of a western movie. Before I knew it, the sound of my hoarse voice filled the air.

"Hey, you, Laura Ingalls Wilder. We're escaping America before the apocalypse. Wanna come?"

She turned around, and I could definitely see the confusion in her eyes.

"Sorry?"

The gentle and feminine tone of her voice suprised me in a pleasant way. My brain was trying to rephrase the question, as suddenly, Matt appeared from nowhere. His action reminded me of the reason why I was here. I shifted my atteniotn back to the conversation my friends were having, but I still kept an eye on Miss Wilder and my best friend. The blonde ordered a margarita, wich was an odd choice, given the temperature in mid- November. After just a few seconds, Matt gave me the sign. As soon as he pointed the finger at the blonde, I stood up and walked in her direction.

"It's a little cold out for a margarita, don't you think?"

Her eyes locked with mine with an amused expression. I was amazed by their chrystal-blue color. I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat.

"Let's see this," I said, and picked up her resume. I quickly focused on her birthdate. _June 7, 1981_. Perfect. When I scanned the list with her previous jobs, I couldn't contain the smirk forming on my lips.

"Steve's Greek Cuisine? Le Grand Fromage? Bullshit, bullshit. You need a lesson in fudging a resume."

She didn't say anything for a moment.

"Do you work here?"

The sound of her sweet voice made me smile again.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I raised my eyebrows at her.

In fact, I did work here sometimes. It was part of the arrangement. Matt would let me recruite mules at his bar, and I occasionally returned the favor by assisting him behind the bar on particularly busy nights. But I didn't want the blonde to know, and I didn't want to be the subject of our conversation. So, I continued talking about her resume.

"Manager, Polly Harper. No one named Polly Harper gets put in charge. Who is that really?" I shot her a cocky look.

"It's my friend," she answered sheepishly, her face instantly flushing.

"You've never waited a fucking table in your life, have you?"

She looked down at her fidgeting hands and shook her head lightly.

"No"

There was a fluttering sensation in my chest, when a flush covered her face again.

"So, Piper Chapman, 'A Smith grad with excellent listening skills, passionate about making diners feel good.' Mmm, that sounds kind of dirty."

She was about to answer, when Matthew showed up and gave her the margarita she ordered.

"You can put it on my tab," I told him. But he already knew. I always paid for the drinks when I was recruiting.

"Safe clean and careful when handling food en drink," I continued. I was enjoying this way too much. She snatched the piece of paper from my hands. Her reaction made me let out a laugh.

"Oh, gosh," her words sounded mortified.

"I like that in a woman. What else do I need to know about you?" my tone became more serious.

"Who are you?" she asked me intrugued.

"My name is Alex"

She was silent for a few seconds, her eyes drifted off to my red lips, before she continued.

"And what do you do, Alex? Besides make fun of stangers in bars?"

I loved the way my name sounded in that sweet feminine voice. But is was her slight lisp that made my body tingle all over.

"I work for an international drug cartel."

She raised her eyebrows at me and blinked, not sure if I was messing with or not. I let out an another laugh, because of her confused expression. She grinned at me, exposing her extremely white teeth.

"No seriously, who are you?" she asked me again, more serious this time.

"Well, I'm Alex, I'm twenty-three years old, born and raised in New York, I currently live in Manhattan. I travel the world a lot because of my job. I work for an international organization wich produces the finest en most expensive types of fabric. I'm responsable for the logistics. I plan, coordinate and control the transportation of our products to other countries. So, I'm not home often. Actually, I just came back from Berlin two days ago," I explained. "Do you like travelling, Piper?"

She told me she went skiing with her parents in Austria every year. She also visited a few cities in Europe with her friend Polly. I was glad she travelled a lot, because the amount of stamps in her passport wouldn't raise suspicion at the airport, as soon as she started to work for me. My mouth suddenly went dry due the lack of saliva, as the image of this sweet girl smuggling drugs for me popped up in my head. I had to swallow to suppress the nausea creeping up my troat.

"I just gratuated and I'm looking for a job, because I need to save some money. Polly and I are planning on visiting Borneo next summer."

I couldn't help but snort at her words. It was almost cruel how much she fitted my required profile. Normally, I would be overexited when I had the chance to recruit a girl like Piper. But this time I wasn't, and I didn't know why.

I sat down on the barstool next to her, ordered a beer for myself and a margarita for the blonde. We continued talking about her studies, her hobbies and her family. I found out that she wasn't to keen on her parents, but she adored her grandmother with whom she had a strong connection.

We just kept talking and talking the whole time, and the more she revealed about herself, the more I could feel my body responding. I was grinning from ear to ear, and the little caterpillars, wich were using my stomach as their home this night, were slowly changing into butterflies.

"Hey beautiful girls, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the bar is closing in fifteen minutes," Matthew said while bursting trough our little bubble. I scanned the bar, and to my surprise, Piper and I were the only two people still left in the room.

"Well, pour us a last margarita then," I said and I gave him a smile. I turned my attention back to the girl next to me. "Where do you live, Piper?" I asked her softly.

She told me she lived in Hoboken and rented a two-bedroom apartment with Polly, but her friend was leaving the place in a few weeks, because she bought a house with her boyfriend.

Matthew handed us our drinks and I raised my glass. "To you Piper, I had a lovely evening with you".

We kept looking at each other, as I put my glass back onto the bar. Before I could stop myself, my hand touched her cheek. I closed my eyes, and leant in until my lips were pressed against hers. She stopped breathing for a moment, but I could definitely feel her increase the pressure of our kiss. She was still holding her margarita tightly, as if her life depended on it. I was about to lick her upper lip to coax her mouth open, when she ubruptly pulled away from me. Her unpredicted reaction made me retrieve my hand from her face.

"Oh Alex, I.. I didn't know you were gay. I'm not, I am so sorry," she said with a soothing voice, touching my forearm lightly.

"You don't have to apologize for not being gay, Piper," I told her in such a way as if her pulling away from the kiss didn't affect me at all. "So, you've never kissed a girl before. Aren't you curious?" I asked her boldly, while flirtatious twirling one of the blue streaks of my hair around my index finger.

Her cheeks instantly flushed, and she averted her eyes from my gaze. "Well, no I haven't."

"I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Piper. I thought it was very obvious I'm gay, because I told you what I like in a woman," I whispered.

"Oh no don't feel guilty, Alex. It's okay. I didn't say I didn't want you to kiss me. It's just …, I wasn't expecting it."

My heart had started to beat rapidly inside my chest, and I instantly felt like I was high on an adrenaline rush.

"So…," I started tentatively, "Are you saying you want to try again?"

The flush on her face became more prominent, as she nodded her head. I didn't waste any time, and pressed my lips against hers for a second time, stroking her jaw affectionately. I gave her a few open-mouth kisses before I started to suck on her bottom lip as genly as I could. My fingers moved from her jaw into her hair, as she opened her mouth to welcome my tongue inside. She moaned into my mouth at the moment my tongue touched hers for the first time. I felt fireworks erupt in my body, while Piper started to caress my upper thigh.

We kept kissing until our lungs demanded air. I gave her a few pecks on the lips before I pulled away completely. The kiss had somewhat aroused me, but when I opened my eyes, I had suppress a low moan and felt my arousal skyrocketing. Piper's eyes were still closed. I could hear her breathing heavily through her mouth, her lips were parted and moist, and her cheeks were flushed again. It was such an erotic sight. I clenched my thighs together and shifted in my seat. The movement caused my center to brush against the fabric of my panties. I wasn't too suprized when my sex came in contact with a slightly damp spot.

"Are you okay, Kid?"

The deep sound of my voice seemed to confuse her. It always dropped an octave or two when I was turned on. She snapped her eyes open, and I immediately knew I wasn't the only one who enjoyed our kiss. Her pupils were dilated and I could barely see the bright irises.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she smiled at me. "But I think we should leave before the bartender gets irritated." I turned to look at Matt and he winked at me.

Piper and I made our way outside. We exchanged phone numbers as she pulled over a taxi. I hastily kissed her one more time, before the car drove off.

A few minutes later, I reached my apartment. I closed the front door behind me and tiptoed quietly into the bedroom. I was glad to see my girlfriend was fast asleep. I undressed and put on my pyjama shorts and a t-shirt. As I slid under the covers, Sylvia started whispering, "Al, do you have any plans for the weekend?" I turned around facing her. "No, I only have an appointment at the hairdresser to dye my streaks black again. That's the only thing I've planned so far. Why?" I replied.

"Is it allright if I'm going spend this weekend at Rachel's place? I need some time to think about us."

I could hear the sadness in her voice. I felt sorry for her. We both knew this relationship wasn't going to last. She was so in love with me. "Yeah, of course," I told her.

For the next thirty minutes, I just lie there staring at the ceiling. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't control the urge to text the blonde girl. My hand grabbed for my phone and I eagerly started to type a message.

 **To: Piper**  
 _I had a great time with you tonight. Please come to my place this Saturday evening. I'll cook for you._

In less than 3 seconds, my phone vibrated.

 **From: Piper**  
 _Sounds great! Sweet dreams, Alex._

A smile appeared on my face, while reading those words. I put my phone back under my pillow and closed my eyes. I was drifting off to sleep, when my phone made a buzzing noise again. My heart started racing, when the name appeared on the screen.

 **From: KB**  
 _Alex, you've got 12 days left to find yourself a new mule. This isn't a threat. It's just a reminder ;). Or did you already recruite a girl? I'll give you a call this Saturday! Greetings from Amsterdam._

I suddenly felt nervous again. I thought about Piper. About how she was looking for a job, how she wanted to travel the world, and how she perfectly fitted into my herd of mules. I thought about her blue eyes, her gorgeous blond hair, her sweet personality, her gentle voice and how amazingly her lips tasted on my tongue. My fingers started to type a reply.

 **To: KB**

 _No, I haven't. I'll start tomorrow…_


	3. C

**C ~ Corpse**

 _May 31, 1999_

"Are you sure you're okay with being alone tonight, Al?" she asked, while grabbing her purse from the small kitchen counter.

"Of course I am. Don't worry. I'll just grab some pizza and watch a movie or something," I answered. I was lying down the couch, watching TV. I absently skipped through every channel, but wasn't paying much attention. "Please just go to Annie's birthday mom. I like being alone sometimes."

"Allright sweetheart. There's a pizza in the fridge. I'll call you when I'm on my way home, okay?"

I nodded as she kissed the top of my head. "Bye, have fun," I mumbled.

"See you later, Al. Love you," she told me before closing the door of our trailer.

I switched to some random music channel and was about to close my eyes, as the phone started ringing. I stood up from the couch and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Al, it's me. My plans for tonight got cancelled. So, I was thinking, maybe you wanna hang out?"

My heart rate instantly increased at the sound of her voice. The thought of seeing her tonight made my body shiver with excitement.

"I would love to, babe. I'm home alone tonight. Have you eaten yet? I could make us some pizza if you like?" I asked her.

"Pizza sounds great, love. I'll be there in ten minutes."

After she hung up the phone, I turned the oven on to cook dinner for her. We're together for seven weeks now and I never felt so happy in my life. The relationship also made me a little anxious. I never had a girlfriend before, I didn't knew the rules, and although I knew she was attacted to me, I was still somewhat insecure about my body. I hated the fact I was six foot tall, had to wear glasses and developed some large breasts over the years. I wasn't comfortable with boys checking out my full bosom and gawking at me the entire time. I continued setting up the table, lit up some candles to create a romantic atmosphere, and poured us both a glass of my mom's favorite wine.

Just as I glanced at the clock, I heard a car pulling up into the driveway next to our trailer. I opened the front door and was amazed by the view. She stepped out of the vehicle and waved at her parents. The girl looked stunning in her striped shirt, her ripped jeans, and the grey Converse. Her blonde, shoulder-length bob made the beautiful features of her face stand out.

"Hi pretty girl," I said, as she stepped inside the trailer. She pressed her lips against mine and I absolutely loved the fact that she didn't have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss me. She was almost as tall as me. "Hi Al," she whispered.

"Let's eat," I suggested, as I retreived the pizza from the oven and put it on the table.

"So, your plans got cancelled. How come?" I asked her while chewing on a slice of pizza.

"My parents are hosting a little memorial at the cemetary tonight, because of Memorial Day". I offered to help, but they refused and suggested I should spend some time with my gorgeous girlfriend instead."

She took a sip from her wine and continued, "I have something for you, but I'm not sure if you'll like it. Well, no, you'll like it, but I think you will hate the story behind the present." I saw a little flush covering her face and I smiled at her.

"Don't worry. You know I love presents," I reassured her. My words seemed to encourage her, as she put one of her hands inside the pocket of her jeans. I could see a smirk appear on her face, as she sticks out a fist in my direction. I raised my eyebrows at her, unsure of what to do or say.

She opened her fist slowly, and in the palm of her hand, lay a beautiful silver ring. A tiny black diamond sparkled on top of it, and my heart swelled at the sight.

"Try it on," my girlfriend whispered. I gently picked up the ring from her hand. I almost cried when I slipped it onto my finger, it fitted perfectly.

"I fucking love it. Thank you so much sweetheart," I said quietly. My eyes locked with her beautiful brown ones.

"I am glad you like it, Al," she grinned at me.

"Its so beautiful. Whatever the story is, you can't screw it up anymore. Please, tell me" I joked.

She looked at me with an amused expression.

"I stole it off a corpse."

My eyes widened and I had to blink a few times, as I let her words sink in. I was waiting for her to start laughing at her own stupid joke. But she didn't. She was dead serious.

"YOU DID WHAT?" I shrieked in horror. "What the actual fuck, Digger! Are you out of your mind?"

"Alex, please stay calm. You love the ring right? That's all that matters."

I started to calm down and let out a laugh, "You're crazy, you know that?"

She nodded at me, as she took an another bite of her pizza. "Yeah, I know."

I met Digger at the movie theater where I've been working since last September. She just graduated highschool and became my colleague. Over the weeks that followed, I had developed some romantic feelings for her and, eventually, she was the one who asked me out on a date. My mom was ecstatic, and helped me pick out a nice outfit that night. She also offered to braid my long black hair, but I refused. Sometimes, I wondered if my mother secretly hoped her daughter would turn into some kind of girly girl.

Digger and I went out for a fancy dinner and, as we ate dessert, I realized I was head over heels in love with her. At the end of the night, I drove her back home and kissed her. She returned my kiss enthusiastically, crawled on top of me and we made out in the drivers seat of my mom's car. I had kissed a few girls before, but I had never been in love with one of them. Kissing someone had never felt so good as it did right then. When I returned home, I was surprised to found my mom waiting for me on the couch. She wanted to know all the details, and of course, I told her, because she's my best friend.

We finished eating, washed the dishes and decided to watch a movie.

"At what time will you're mother be home?" she asked me, while she picked out a movie.

"I don't know, she said she'll call me when she's leaving Annie's house" I answered. "Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "My parents will pick me up after the memorial ends. I hoped to see her."

"Oh, yeah, maybe you'll see her. I don't know," I smiled at her. My mom and Digger liked each other a lot.

I settled into the couch, my back resting against one of the sofa's arms and my legs streched out in front of me, as Digger put a copy of 'Scream' into the VCR. She turned around and walked up to me. I opened my legs a bit to make room for her, while she settled between them. Her back was pressed against my chest, her head rested on my shoulder, and I couldn't suppress the urge to kiss her temple. I didn't like the movie, but nothing really mattered, as long as she was in my arms. I let my right hand travel to the waistband of her jeans and gently pulled out the hem of her shirt. My fingers slipped under the striped fabric, and I could feel her relax as I lazily caressed the soft and warm skin of her belly. After a few minutes, she tilted her head back and kissed briefly me on the lips. "You're distracting me, Al. I've never seen this movie."

I chuckled and moved my hand up to let my fingers brush against the lace of her bra. The teasing motion caused her to groan in annoyance. "Al, I'm serious. I need to pay attention."

"Oh, I'm sorry, princess, " I whispered, kissing her ear as I moved my hand to her ribcage. I kept stroking the skin of her belly for the entire time, until finally, the movie came to an end. Digger turned over immediately and pressed her chest against mine, while claiming my lips with her own. My hands instinctively travelled from her belly to her back, and goosebumps appeared on my arms when she used her fingers to draw circles on my thigh.

Our kisses started small and innocent, but it didn't take long before I felt Digger lick my lips, demanding entrance. I opened my mouth eagerly, and started to suck on her tongue. She moaned into my mouth, but when she slid her fingers underneath my shirt and squeezed one of my breasts through my bra, it was my turn to let out a moan. Our kissing intensified, and I started to play with the clasp of her bra. My girlfriend pulled away from me, while her hand started tugging at my shirt.

My breath hitched in my troath, as I realized what she was trying to do.

"Lift your arms, Al."

We had never undressed each other before, and I suddenly felt nervous. I tried to push the feeling away, because I needed to feel her hands and lips on my bare skin. I lifted my arms, just as she had requested. The blonde pulled the shirt over my head and let it slide to the floor. She hungerly crashed her lips to mine, as her hands cupped my breasts and squeezed them again. Her lips travelled from my mouth, to my jaw and down my neck. I started panting softly as she licked and nipped my collarbone. The palms of her hands massaged my breasts trough my bra and I alreadt felt my nipples harden under her touch.

"Fuck Al, your tits feel so good," she sighed. Her mouth left my collarbone and licked the shell of my ear. "Maybe we should go to your bedroom."

Her whispered suggestion caused my body to quiver slightly. "Yeah, you're right," I answered, while I stood up from the couch. I grabbed her hand and led her into my room. Digger sat down on the bed and took her shoes and socks off. She laid her head down the pillow and I walked up to the bed to get comfortable beside her, but she stopped me.

"Take off your pants, Al," her voice was dripping with lust.

"What?" I wasn't sure if I had heard her correctly.

A flush spread across my cheeks, as she said it again. I placed my hands on the button of my jeans. She smiled at my encouragingly. I unbuttoned my pants and slid them down my pale legs, stepping out of them and kicking them away. My nerves were set on fire, when her eyes roamed over my body. I felt a little exposed and self-conscious, while I was standing in front of her, only wearing some black basic underwear.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful,"she sighed. A mischievous grin spread across her face as she patted the empty space on the bedsheets. My self-consciousness flew out of the window at her gesture, and I positioned myself next to her. I pushed her onto her back, and wasted no time as I gently sucked on her earlobe. Her body responded immediately. Her breathing became heavier and she started to pant slightly. My lips left her ear and kissed their way down to her neck, where I bit the skin softly. Before I knew it, I was lifting the striped shirt over her head. My tongue travelled from her neck to the swell of her breasts. I groaned in frustration, as my lips brushed against the lace of her bra. I needed to feel all of her. My hands made their way around her back and expertly unclasped the piece of garment and slid it down her arms, letting it fall to the ground.

I snapped out of my trance, when the sound of her voice filled the air. "Al, have you done this before?"

Her question caught me of guard. I had always been early with everything. My puberty had begun at an early age, compared to the other girls in my class. My breasts started to develop at the age of ten, and my first period arrived when I was eleven. But when it came to sex, I was rather late. Well, _I_ didn't think I was late, but the group of girls who bullied me in highschool, thought differently. I didn't care, it was none of their business anyway. I just wasn't ready yet. While all the girls in my school were having sex with their boyfriends before they barely reached their sixteenth birthday, I occasionally kissed girls on the lips and was more interested in secretly smoking cigarettes with Matt.

"No," I confessed. "Have you?"

She shook her head, and I kissed her lovingly as some kind of reassurence. "We'll take our time, okay? You don't have to do anything you don't want," I told her firmly. She reached for my hands and placed them on her bare breasts. I could feel the hardened peaks pressing against the palms of my hands. "Please, don't stop," she whispered. Her words spurred me on to continue.

My body was reacting on pure instinct. I took one of her taut nipples into my mouth and swirled my tongue around it, while my tumb and forefinger pinched the other. A deep groan escaped from her throat. I was so entranced by her magnificent curves, that I didn't notice her struggling to unhook my bra. My hand slid to my back and undid the clasp in one swift motion. She took off my bra completely, and placed it on the other side of the bed. My girlfriend's hands wasted no time, as she reached out to explore the soft flesh of my breasts, flicking her tumbs over my already hardenend nipples. "Fuck Al, did I mention that I love your tits?" I let out a moan in response, before leaning in to kiss her passionately.

My hands travelled lower to unbutton her jeans, tugging de zipper down and pulled them down her legs. My fingers traced the waistband of her silk panties, giving her some time to register what I was going to do. She didn't stop me, but slightly lifted her hips to engourage me to take them off.

I slid them down and shifted on the bed to lie beside my lover once again. I turned to face her, my knee nudged her legs apart, just a little, just enough to let my fingers touch the outer lips of her vulva. My mind was getting fuzzy with arousal at the feeling of her wet velvety folds. I slowly started to rock my body back and forth, grinding my hips against the smooth skin of her upper thigh. After only three seconds, all the muscles in my body contracted for a moment, and I cried out, as a wave of unexpected pure pleasure hit me hard. The feeling only lasted for a millisecond and wasn't satisfying at all. A feeling of shame crept up my body, as I realized that I just had experienced a premature orgasm.

"Fuck, sorry," I mumered, as I burried my face in the crook of her neck, my fingers still resting on her center. "Oh, I'm just glad I'm having this effect on you," she chuckled. "Don't worry Al, it happens to the best of us," her words were so comforting. "We're women, we can come multiple times in one night. Let's just continue, unless you want to stop?" she asked me.

I didn't answer, but kissed her deeply as I pushed her legs further apart. My fingers slipped between her folds and I groaned into her mouth, as they were coated with her juices. "Fuck you're so wet, baby."

I was unsure of what to do next. I only knew my own body, I only knew what brought me to orgasm as I pleasured myself. My fingers started stroking up and down from her opening to her clit.

"Tell me what you like, sweetheart." I was surprised by the hoarse and low sound of my voice. It sounded deeper than usual.

She didn't say anything, but put her hand on mine instead, guiding my finger into her sex. Her inner walls hugged the digit immediately. Her back arched of the bed as I entered her. The sight was so arousing, that I subconsciously climed on top of her, and pressed my body against hers. Her legs wrapped around my waist, causing my finger to reach deeper inside of her. I started thrusting in and out of her, her hips matched my pace, already setting a perfect rhythm together. The sound of her moans became louder, as I added an another finger into her. She was so aroused and ready that it slid in easily. I started to thrust harder and kissed my way down her body until my face was between her legs. My lips pressed a soft kiss on the patch of hair above her center, to prepare her for what I was going to do next.

Her sweet scent reached my nose, and I couldn't contain myself any longer. I withdrew my fingers from her center, as I let my tongue lick her inner lips, teasingly pushing it inside her opening. She cried out in pleasure. Her hips lifted off the bed, silently begging me to go deeper. "Fuck, so good", I heard her mumble incoherently. My eyes were forced shut due to her heavenly taste.

I dragged my tongue from her opening to her clit, as I filled her core with my fingers yet again. I slowly sucked her sensitive bud, listening to the wet sounds coming from between her legs as my hand sped up its movements. Her inner walls fluttered around me, as her hips started to grind against my chin. I pushed in deeper en sucked a little harder, until her body went rigid and the upper half arched off the bed. Her soft whimpers turned into loud moans, her hands tugged on my hair roughly, as her pleasure reached its peak. She orgasmed violently beneath me. I stopped sucking at her clit and my fingers slowed down their pace, as I gave my lover some time to ride out the aftershocks of her climax.

"Fuck, Alex," she opened her eyes and looked at me. I kissed my way up her body and pressed my lips to hers. She immediately deepened the kiss, and groaned into my mouth as she tasted herself on my tongue. I let out a squeal of surprise, when she flipped us over, trapping me underneath her body. My lover's hands stroked my sides and tugged at my panties to pull them off my hips. She gently nudged my legs apart and settled between them. The movement caused our wet centers to brush against each other and we both cried out at the amazing feeling. I wasn't sure if she did it on purpose or that it happened by accident, but either way, it was an extremely welcome sensation.

She experimentally rolled her hips against mine once more, and we both cried out again. My hands gripped her hips forcefully, encouraging her to repeat the motion. She seemed to understand my silent request, as she did it again, and again, and again. My own body responded immediately. I grinded my hips into her, continuously rubbing my sex against hers, as we were slowly falling into a perfect rythym togehter.

"Please," I practically begged her. "Harder." My lover answered my pleas by fastening our pace, causing the old bed to squeak just a little, wich only fueled my arousal. Our moans became louder, as we could feel our orgasms approaching, when suddenly, my girlfriend stopped rubbing her center against mine. My eyes snapped open, looking at her questioningly.

"I don't want you to come this way," she whispered against my lips huskily. Before I could protest, her mouth was on my breast, sucking the erected nipple. She kissed her way further down, until her face was between my legs. I spread them as wide as I could, exposing my most intimate part to her. A strangled noise left my throat, as she pushed one of her digits into my soaking wet heat.

After a few thrusts, I felt her tongue swirl around my clit, causing my body to spasm violently. My breathing became heavy and I started to pant a little, as my lover fastened the pace of her finger. My pants turned into quiet sobs of pleasure, as my orgasm was already building.

"Babe, I'm going to come," I warned her. Her mouth encreased its efforts to help me reach my peak. I glanced down to watch her. A few waves of dominance flowed through my veins at the sight. My right hand grabbed the back of her neck roughly, holding her in place, as my hips grinded into her face. My other hand reached behind me to hold onto the headboard for support. My legs started to tremble, and when I felt a second finger enter my body, I came with a muffled cry. When the aftershocks had subsided, her fingers left my body and I groand at the loss of contact. She kissed her way up to my shoulder, licking the hollow of my collarbone. I was still feeling the urge to take control, and my hands grabbed her waist, gently flipping us over. I placed my head between her breasts, as I settled on top of her. We were still breathing heavy, our bodies slick with sweat.

A foreign sensation crept up my body, as my fingers lazily caressed one of my girlfriend's breasts. I felt a tightness in my throat as my heart swelled with strong emotion. Before I could stop them, tears escaped the corners of my eyes, falling onto her naked skin.

"What's wrong Al, did I hurt you?" her voice sounded worried.

I tilted my head up to look at her. Her chocolate-colored eyes locked with mine.

"No, I… I think I love you," I stuttered awkwardly, as she ran her tumb across my cheek. I never said it before, and when I spoke those three words out loud, I felt extremely vulnerable.

She gave me the warmest smile, before she opened her mouth to speak.

"I love you too."

I kissed her between her breasts, as she pressed her lips on the top of my head. We were living in our own little bubble, shielding us from the world, until, suddenly, I heard some noise outside my bedroom. After a few seconds, the door swung open.

"Honey, I'm home."

My mom stood in the doorway, looking at us. Her face contorted into shock, as she realized what she had stumbled upon. I didn't even had the time to cover our naked bodies with the bedsheets.

"Mom! What the fuck!" I screamed in pure disbelieve.

"Fuck, shit … sorry," she mumbled, closing the door hastily.

"I am so sorry, Digger." I felt the need to apologize to her.

"Don't worry. She kind of _expected_ to find _you_ here _alone_ ," she said. "I think we should get dressed anyway, love. My parents will be here in a few minutes."

Just as the words left her mouth, a car pulled up the driveway. I groaned softly, as I rolled off her. We dressed quickly, and stepped out of the bedroom. My eyes instantly scanned the kitchen. My mom was sitting at the dinner table, drinking a cup of tea.

"Bye Diane," my girlfriend said, as she waved at my mom.

"Bye Digger, see you next time sweetheart."

I kissed my lover goodbye, and closed the door behind her. I walked over to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of tea, not saying anything. The silence was agonizing.

"Al, you wanna talk about it?" my mom asked me tentatively.

" I don't know," I said, shrugging my shoulders, as I moved the chair to sit across from her. "Why didn't you call me?"

My mom sighed, feeling guilty. "I completely forgot, I'm so sorry. I didn't know Digger was with you."

"It's okay, mom." I couldn't be mad at her. I never could.

"No, it's not okay. You're nineteen years old, you have a girlfriend now. Of course you're having sex with her, it's only natural. I just can't walk into your room anymore. I should knock from now on. It was stupid of me to barge into your room like that."

"Please mom, stop. It's okay. I should have locked the door and you didn't know Digger was in my room." I really didn't want to hear the guilt in her voice any longer.

The silence was back again, as we drank our tea.

"Al, this was your first time wasn't it? Because otherwise you would have told me, right?" she whispered. I chuckled at her question, she knew me so well. I always told her everything. I nodded.

"I'm so glad you feel safe enough to explore sex under my roof, you know? When I was your age, I had sex in the back of cars, because my parents kicked me out at sixteen." My heart clenched at the pain in her voice. "I rather have you doing it on my couch, than somewhere behind the bushes," she continued.

I stood up from my chair and walked over to her. Settling myself on her lap, as a little kid would do.

"Oh my god, Al. You're such a big softie," she laughed. "What's on your finger by the way?"

She reached for my hand, studying the ring carefully. "That's really beautiful, Al. Did Digger gave it to you?"

I nodded my head, as she continued to speak. "It looks very expensive. Where did she get that?" she asked curiously.

A wicked smile crossed my face, as I looked into her eyes.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."


	4. D

**A/N: chapter four is up! I'm on a study break right now, wich means I was able to update regularly the past two weeks. Please don't get used to it, school starts within the next two weeks and I'll have less time to write the chapters.**

 **Anyway, a person's life is full of ups and downs and Alex Vause's life is no exception. In the upcoming snippets you'll come across good times** **and** **bad times which possibly may contain all sorts of triggers.**

 **And I'm sorry, Guest reviewer, 'D' is not for Diane, but I love to write about her relationship with Alex, so she will be in this fic a lot.**

 **If you have any suggestions for the upcoming letters, please let me know! Not saying I'm gonna use them, but I may get inspired.**

 **Oh and don't worry everyone, somewhere in the following chapters, Piper will be there too. Because, Vauseman is endgame, right?**

 **D ~ Dismay**

 _February 24, 2000_

My palms were sweating heavily as I approached the door that led to the basement. I had just witnessed a performance by Death Maiden in some live music bar I had never visited before. As I knocked on the door, my heart was almost beating out of my ribcage. There was no turning back now. In just a few seconds, I was going to meet my dad for the very first time. I nervously stuffed my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket, trying to look nonchalant and cool. I've waited all my life for this moment and didn't want to screw it up.

The door opened quickly, and my eyes locked with his. I was taken aback by their color, it was almost as if I was staring into my own.

"Who are you?" he asked suspiciously. His voice sounded deep and raspy, another trait I inherited from him, I realized. There was no doubt that this was the man I was looking for.

"I'm Alex," I was glad my voice sounded steady. He didn't seem to recognize the name and raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to clarify myself. I couldn't blame him. He didn't even know that I existed.

"I'm your daughter," I couldn't contain the proud smile that appeared on my face.

I could tell that this new piece of information startled him. "Holy shit," he sighed. "Come in."

He spoke again, as I followed him into a narrow hallway. "So, who is your mom?"

"Diane, Diane Vause. She was your girlfriend in 1979."

He snorted at my words. "Oh yeah, I remember the name, but she wasn't my girlfriend. She was some kind of underaged groupie. I only fucked her a couple of times. Great memories, though."

I was completely at a loss for words, his tone was quite rude, and my mom always told me something different. On the other hand, I should have seen this coming. He probably didn't want to admit that he had loved my mom, it wouldn't suit his rock god image.

We stepped inside a slightly darkened room. The space was full of smoke, caused by the dozens of cigarettes that lay in the ashtray. The coffee table in the middle of the room was littered with empty beer bottles and I could definitely see some traces of cocaine. The surroundings made me feel uneasy, but I tried to push te feeling away. I was here to welcome my dad into my life. Not even drugs and alcohol could ruin this moment.

"Guys, this is Alex, my kid. Apparently, I knocked up some girl back in '79," he introduced me to the other people in the room, as he handed me a beer.

"Doesn't surprise me, Lee. You probably knocked up a lot of women in the eighties and nineties. Those were some great times for you, right? I wonder how many kids on this earth have your genes," a woman who was sitting on the ground laughed. My dad raised his middle finger at her.

I sat down on the couch next to the guitarist named Jimmy. My dad continued to talk to me about one of the songs he wrote, about how the band was supposed to be in Philly right now, and about how the guy sitting next to me, had punched some booking agent. I just watched him and didn't say a word. He was tall, he looked a lot older than my mom, and judging by the look of his clothes, I could tell he was still stuck in the eighties.

He knelt in front of me, causing me to grin from ear to ear. "I can't believe you're my kid man! You're my kid! I'm so happy to see you." His words were sincere and they made me feel so welcome.

"Yeah, me too," I beamed at him.

"Because I would've never recognized you in a million years," he confessed, "and you got a serious rack on you, too."

I glanced down to look at my breasts. I noticed that my white shirt had shifted slightly, causing me to show some cleavage. It must have happened when I sat down on the couch a few minutes ago, and by the way my dad was kneeling in front of me, it must have caught his attention. I quickly adjusted my shirt and covered my breasts with my jacket, shielding them from his gaze. I was a little shocked by the comment and was about to change the subject of our conversation, as he spoke again.

"I mean, I could have accidentally fucked her, right?" he stated to the woman next to me. "But that would have been bad. No, seriously, that's … that's twisted. I didn't say that."

I felt my stomach churn and my hands started fidgeting with my hair. His words made me feel disgusted and dirty. The woman sitting on the ground seemed to appreciate his twisted mind and started laughing out loud. My breathing quickened and I knew I had to get out of this place before I slipped into a full-blown panic attack. I stood up, made my way into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

I couldn't believe what just had happened. I tried to regain my breathing, my vision blurred as I could already feel the tears stinging in my eyes. I hastily wiped them away and composed myself. I wanted to go home and just forget this whole meeting with my dad. I opened the door and was startled when some brown eyes locked into mine.

"Jesus, you scared me," I said to the man who was standing in front of me.

"You okay?" he sounded sincerely worried.

"I'm fine. I'm just… I'm just gonna go home," I answered, giving him a smile. I didn't want him to know that I felt sick to the stomach by my father's comments.

"He's not what you thought." It wasn't a question.

We continued to talk for a little while and he introduced himself as Fahri. Suddenly, he retrieved a little test tube from his pocket and held it out in front of me. I instantaneously recognized it as cocaine.

"You want a bump?" he offered.

"No, thanks,"I snorted, but immediately felt curious. I had never done hard drugs. Matt and I sometimes smoked weed when we're hanging out together and I always enjoyed weed right after I had sex with Digger. Smoking marijuana helps me relax and enjoy the sexual afterglow a little longer.

My mouth went dry as I thought about her. I didn't want to think about the girl. She broke up with me only two weeks ago. It came as a fucking surprise. We were together for ten months, before she fell in love with some other girl. She broke my heart into a million pieces. I quickly shifted my attention back to Fahri, before I started crying in front of him.

"Fahri, what are you doing hanging out with these losers?"

"Uh, there my clients"

Apparently, Fahri worked for an international drug cartel and sold cocaine and heroin to junkies like my father and his bandmates. The whole situation with my dad made me feel tired and I wanted to go home as soon as possible. Fahri walked me back to my car, while we continued talking for a bit more.

"So, Alex, maybe we can hang out next week?" he asked me when I opened the car door.

"Like… as a date? Because, that's never gonna happen Fahri, you're not exactly my type," I chuckled.

"As friends. You're not exactly my type either." His answer made me wonder if he was into short blonde girls, or that he wasn't into women at all. His hand reached into the pocket of his jeans, as I stepped into my car. He was holding the little test tube between his thumb and forefinger, showing it to me once again. The white chrystal sparkled in front of my eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want it? Last chance. The first one is for free."

My breath hitched in my throat, but after a few seconds, I grabbed the cocaine from his hand and stuffed into my jacket. He grinned at me and we said our goodbyes.

I was driving for ten minutes, when suddenly, the whole situation with my dad replayed in my head. Over and over again, until I was forced to pull the car over to the side of the road, because I was sure I was going to throw up. I pushed the car door open, bent over, and retched a few times, but nothing came out. When the nausea subsided, I closed the car door, took a few deep breaths, started the engine again and drove home.

"Al, is that you?" my mom asked when she heard me closing the front door of our trailer. "I didn't expect you for at least an another two hours."

I stepped into our little kitchen and stared into my mom's blue eyes. I felt a wave of comforting safety flow through my body at the sight of her. My bottom lip quivered slightly, as my eyes filled with tears. "What's wrong sweetheart?" Her soothing voice caused me to burst into a fit of hysterical crying. My wailing seemed to startle my mother a bit. I almost never cry, I always want to appear strong for her. "Oh fuck," she mumbled and walked up to me, pulling me into a loving embrace. "Shhh, it's okay," she whispered into my ear, as her fingers stroked my black hair. She guided me over to the kitchen table, pushed me onto a chair, pulled my jacket off my shoulders, and sat across from me. "Tell me what happened, Al."

"H.. he was nice to me. He was so happy to s..see me," I hiccuped, but didn't continue, feeling shame creep up my body.

My mom was somewhat confused. "Okay that's good, but why are you crying?" she tried to encourage me to tell her the whole story.

"M..my t..tits," I was seriously stuttering at this point. The tears kept streaming over my face. "My tits…I..I don't..," I was so distraught that I could barely form a full sentence. I opened my mouth to try again, but my mom interrupted me.

"Alex, I have no idea what you're trying to say, but you know how I feel about you, referring to your breasts as tits, sweetheart. It sounds kind of vulgar and crude to me. I know you're an adult, but I'm still your mother and I don't want you to talk disrespectful about your body like that."

I wasn't in the mood for a lecture and was getting irritated.

"H..he commented on my tits, mom. According to him, I've got a serious rack om me. He treated me disrespectful," I said, as a deep crimson flush covered my face. My mother's eyes widened with shock. "He did what?" her voice was almost like a whisper, like she couldn't believe what I just told her.

"Yeah, he also said he could've accidentally fucked me, because he would never regocnize me. I'm so ashamed," I said as pushed my glasses onto the top of my head to wipe away all the tears.

My mom swallowed, she was so angry. I could see the veins in her neck pulsating. "You have no reason to feel ashamed, Al. You did nothing wrong. He is the one who should feel ashamed. What the fuck was he thinking, talking to his own daughter like that." Although I knew she was blazing with anger, she appeared dangerously calm. I knew she was trying to hold her composure for my sake.

"And you know what the worst part was?" I continued. "According to him, you weren't his girlfriend at the time. You were just a groupie who he'd fucked a couple of times."

She averted her eyes from my gaze, looking down. "You always told me you loved each other, mom. You made me believe I was some kind of love child." I couldn't hide the accusing tone in my voice.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't lie to you, Alex. I was in love with him," her voice sounded broken.

"Yeah, well, he didn't love you back. You were nothing more than a booty call to him. That's so cheap." I spat. I knew my mom didn't deserve the way I lashed out at her, but I was extremely hurt. I needed to let off some steam and get it out of my system. "Tell me the truth, mom. I was an accident, wasn't I?"

She snapped her head up and stared into my eyes. I could actually hear the clock ticking during the long silence. But then, she nodded. "Yes … yes, you were," she breathed.

I instantly felt stupid. Of course I was an accident. My mom was seventeen when she got pregnant, there was no stability, she had no job, no money, she lived at her best friend's parent's house and my dad was already in an another state before she even knew she was going to have his baby. Suddenly, I heard myself asking the question that was in my head for years. I had never tried to ask her, because I was too afraid to hear the answer.

"Did you ever consider abortion?"

"Alex, please… don't do this," tears were running down her cheeks at this point. "Answer the question, mom!" I ordered, but still scared to hear the answer.

"Yes"

My mouth went dry and my head was spinning. I wanted to scream at her, tell her I hated her, but I couldn't, because it wasn't true. My lips parted to let out a deep breath.

"Why didn't you do it?" I could tell she was getting more and more upset by the subject of our conversation.

"I…, I was already carrying you for sixteen weeks when I found out I was pregnant. I completely panicked and called the clinic for an abortion. The appointment was scheduled for the next morning."

The nausea crept up my throat once again and a disgusting taste formed inside my mouth. I moved to stand up from the chair, when my mom continued to speak, looking me straight in the eye.

"That day, I was already sitting in the waiting room, when I felt a fluttering in my womb for the very first time. I stood up and ran away. I decided that I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to be your mother. Of course I was scared, but I was convinced that we would make it through," she told me, never adverting her gaze from mine, while the tears fell onto her lap.

"I love you, Alex. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

I didn't know what to say, there were so many questions swirling around my head.

"Have you ever regretted the decision to keep me?" I wasn't sure why I was asking her all of this. A part of me wanted to know the truth, but I didn't want to upset my mother. Although, the damage was already done.

"Please Al, please … stop," she practically begged me.

"No! I have the right to know, don't you think? So, I'm asking you again. Have you ever regretted the decision to keep me?"

I wasn't expecting to get an answer, but then, my mother's voice reached my ears again.

"No, never, but sometimes I can't help but feel so selfish, because I didn't put you up for adoption, Alex. Don't get me wrong, I love you to pieces and I would die for you, but I wasn't able to give you the childhood you deserved. You deserved to grow up with a mother and a father, in a nice house with a lovely garden for you to play in, parents who earned enough money to sign you up for sports and could afford to send you to college. But no, you had to grew up in a trailer park and had to wear clothes from the thrift shop, wich caused the kids at school to bully you. I always thought I would do better than my own mom, but I failed you. I'm so incredibly sorry about that, Alex."

I was thoroughly dismayed by all of her confessions. The anger and shock flowing through my veins subsided immediately. I couldn't recall seeing my mother so broken and vulnerable. She'always been strong, never spoke about her fears or her own upbringing before. It scared me a little. My throat tightened, the expression on my face softened and I gave her the most loving smile I could offer.

"Mom, please... I'm lucky. You're the best mother in the world. I am so blessed that you're mine. I get it, I truly do. If I were pregnant at seventeen, I would probably consider abortion or adoption too," I tried to comfort her.

She kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tightly. "I'm so sorry about what happened with your father and I'm so so sorry about what I just told you. I wish I could protect you from being hurt, but you're twenty years old, Al. You can make your own decisions and you're right, you deserve to know the truth," she whispered into my ear.

"I know mom. I feel hurt right now. It's a lot to take in. I'll need some time to process all of this," I said. "I think I'm going lie down on my bed for a while. I'm so tired."

"That's okay sweetheart, I'm going to the diner right now. I am working a night shift until six in the morning. Call me if you're not feeling okay and I'm coming home, allright?"

I nodded at her and kissed her on the cheek, before I walked straight into my bedroom. I took my shoes off, turned on the radio and settled down onto the bed. My head felt like it was going to explode and my eyelids were heavy.

Thirty minutes later, I woke up from a nightmare. I didn't even remember falling asleep. Tears were streaming down my face again, as I stood up from the bed. Seeing my mom so shattered by my questions, was more upsetting than the crass comments from my dad. The guilt was eating me up inside, as I suddenly remembered the little test tube in the pocket of my leather jacket. I needed to feel better. Before I could stop myself, my feet already stepped into the kitchen. My fingers reached into the pocket and curled around the glass cilinder form. I sat down on the couch, sprinkled a tiny amount of white powder on the back of my hand and brought it up to one nostril, blocking the other one with my tumb. I snorted the line completely, until the powder was all the way up in my nose. I repeated the motion as I brought a second line up to my other nostril and inhaled. I had never done this before, but I was sure I looked like a pro.

Within minutes, I felt the rhythm of my heart beat change, sweat trickled down my forehead, my mouth felt like it was coated with sand and my muscles completely relaxed. A explosion of orgasmic euphoria crashed into my body. The pleasure I was feeling was incredibly intense. The feeling lasted for twenty minutes, and when I came down from my high, I instantly felt better.

I stood up from the couch and made my way into the bathroom, craving a hot shower to wash my slightly sweat-covered body and let my muscles recover from the ecstasy. I undressed myself, turned on the shower, stepped under the steady stream and let the warm water consume me. My mind started racing, I couldn't believe what I had just done. Weed was mild, almost kind of innocent, but this… this was a whole other level. The image of getting addicted scared me to the core. When I finished washing myself, I turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around my body. My feet carried me to my bed and I got comfortable under the covers, not even bothering to dry myself off and get dressed.

I swore to myself that I would never do cocaine or any sort of hard drugs ever again, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep…


	5. E

**E** **~ Eiffel** **Tower**

 _January_ _12_ , _2006_

"I'm going to miss you girls so much. I can't believe you're moving to Paris. You'll come visit me for a couple of days in the meantime, right?" she asked tentatively, while we were sitting at the kitchen table.

We were having dinner at my mom's house. Tomorrow night, Piper and I would fly to Paris and live there for a while. My mom insisted on cooking for us this evening, because she wanted to see us one last time before we left. I didn't feel like it. Spending the last night in our appartment, snuggling on the couch under a blanket, sounded so much more appealing. But my girlfriend thought it was quite rude to deny my mom's offer. I had agreed on one condition, I wanted to stay at my mom's place overnight so we could enjoy a few glasses of her favorite wine. We couldn't afford to get arrested for driving under influence. It would put the whole drug ring in danger if the cops checked my background and wanted to know how in the world I could afford such an expensive car. Especially while I was 'unemployed'.

"It's only for eight months. And of course we'll come and visit you every once in a while. But, as you know, I'm going to be very busy. We're not moving for fun, it's for business. Besides, you can come to Paris too, mom. I'll buy you a plane ticket, it'll be fun," I reassured her, but deep in my heart, I already knew I wasn't going to see her for eight months. I would be way to busy to fly back to New York and my mom would never accept the offer. Suddenly, a feeling of overwhelming and unexpected sadness spread throughout my enitre body. I wasn't sure how I would cope with not seeing her for so long.

She shook her head and chuckled. "No, I would never do that. I've never flown before, I'm terrified of planes and you know that Alex." I was expecting this anwer. "And I can't leave the dogs all by themselves. Little Sammy just got here from Spain. He's deeply traumatized. I can't leave him."

My mom was having a hard time when I left the house to live on my own. She was suffering from the so called 'empty nest syndrome'. It was me who suggested that she should adopt a rescue dog, because it would fill the silence at home. Four years later, she had five of those.

"Don't worry Diane, I'll be in Connecticut to attend two weddings this April and July, I can visit you afterwards. We can serve dinner to the homeless in the local shelter and I can help you take care of the dogs if you want to."

My heart swelled with love at Piper's words. My hand slipped into hers, giving it a soft squeeze.

"Oh Piper, I would love that darling. You can stay in Alex's old room. I don't want you to stay in that huge appartement of hers all by yourself," my mom squealed. I could tell she was already looking forward to it. "Maybe we can go to the flea market together, drink coffee and share a piece of apple pie at a coffee shop."

Piper gave her the most loving smile and nodded in her direction. "Yes, of course." I couldn't suppress the small chuckle erupting from my chest. Piper didn't like flea markets at all, but was going anyway. She loved Diane and wanted to do everything that made my mom happy. My hand cupped her cheek and pulled her towards me, kissing her on the mouth. "I love you so much," I breathed against her lips.

My mom stood up from her chair to get dinner out of the oven and put it on the table, as I grabbed a bottle of wine and three glasses from the cabinet.

"This smells delicious Diane, what is it?"

"It's quiche Lorraine, a French classic. I hope you like French food Piper, otherwise it's going to be a long eight months for you," my mom winked at her, referring to my girlfriend's problems with food in other countries. Her comment caused me to remember the stomach virus Piper had cathed in Java and the food poisoning she had suffered from when we were in Cambodia. She had been so sick, I was scared she was going to dehydrate and we had to seek medical care. I wasn't to keen on hospitals in other continents. Well, I think it's safe to say that I'm not into hospitals in general. And that's an understatement.

"Alex, what will you be doing in Paris? I mean, you work here. Why does your boss wants you to go there?" My mom knew I worked for some huge international organisation, but wasn't aware of the actual products we produced and transferred. I always stuck to the fabric story. The one I also told Piper when I first met her. Eventually, I told Piper the truth, but I would always keep lying to my mom about this. She didn't need to know, she won't be able to handle it.

"The girl who was in charge of the logistics in France quit her job all of a sudden. There isn't enough time to find somebody else and train him or her for the job. So, my boss thought it would be more efficient to sent me to Paris to temporarily replace this girl until he finds someone, and let Fahri take over my job in New York for a while," I answered. I'm still amazed by the fact I didn't let the word 'drugs' slip from my mouth in front of my mother. Not once … in the past six years.

We continued eating our dinner and drank our wine. My mom and Piper talked to each other about what Piper was planning to do all these months, but I wasn't paying attention to their conversation. My mind was occupied with thinking about Christine. The French importer. The girl who had the same position in Kubra's drug ring as I had, but in a different country. I had spoken to her over the phone a couple of times and I once met her at some fancy dinner party in Madrid. I couldn't help but wonder if she was still alive. Kubra always had been very clear about what the consequences were, if you leave the cartel. Especially, when you're in charge of the logisics or when you're one of the drivers. Those were the most important people.

"Al?"

My head snapped up at the sound of my name, bringing me back from my daydream.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked.

"I was asking if you want more wine?" Piper repeated, pointing to my empty glass.

"Yes please, thank you Kid," I nodded. I was so happy that Piper was coming with me. I absolutely didn't want to move to Paris, but I knew I didn't have a choice. A few years ago, I replaced some guy in Berlin once, because he was arrested in Thailand. Luckily for me, Kubra quickly found a new, experienced, German importer and I was back home a few days later. But this time it would take at least eight months and I wasn't happy about it. Fuck, I was glad Piper would be there to keep me company.

We finished eating, washed te dishes and played cards, as my mother opened the second bottle of wine. The hours flew by.

"Have you ever been to Paris before Piper?" my mother asked, while litting up some candles.

"No, I haven't, but I took some French classes in college and I can't wait to visit the Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower with Al." Her right hand reached under the table to stroke my upper thigh. My body jumped slightly at the unexpected contact, but relaxed instantly as I realized it was Piper who was touching me. Her fingers slipped to my inner thigh and squeezed it gently. The combination of alcohol and Piper's loving gesture set my body on fire and a deep flush covered my neck.

"Oh, I'm sure Alex will show you everything," my mom reassured her. Piper's hand moved from my thigh to my face, touching my cheek.

"Al, are you okay? You feel very warm," her voice sounded so sweet and caring.

"Yeah P..Pipes, I… I'm okay. I think it's the wine," I stuttered in a low voice. My mom snorted, I looked at her, but she quickly looked down at her cards, diverting my gaze.

We continued playing cards, ate some chocolate and openend a third bottle. After a half an hour, Piper stood up from her chair, yawning and stretching her body. "Ladies, I'm sorry to spoil the fun, but it's past twelve and I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is my last day at work and I want to look fresh." She cupped my face between her hands and gave me a few pecks on the lips. "Goodnight Al, I love you," she whispered.

"Goodnight love," my voice was so deep and raspy, it almost scared me. She said goobye to my mother and walked into my bedroom.

"You can go join her Al. You know I'm fully okay with that," she said. I knew her words were sincere and I smiled at her. "Yeah, I know, but I want to talk to you about something," I said.

She looked at me questioningly, waiting for me to continue. I tilted my head towards my bedroom door to check if it was closed, before turning my attention back to my mother.

"Mom, I am planning on asking Piper to marry me," I whispered. Her eyes widened in surprise.  
"WHAT?" she practically screamed.

"Yeah, I know, shocking right?"

"Oh my god Alex, that's fucking fantastic!" she squealed in delight, causing me to grin from ear to ear.

"I didn't see this coming, sweetheart. That's a serious commitment. You never seemed to be the type of person to get married. On the other hand, you've been together for almost three years. Maybe it feels more natural to you in this stage of your relationship." Her eyes were glistening with tears of happiness.

"It's just… I want to call her my wife. I want her to know that I will take care of her for the rest of my life. I love her so much mom." My voice cracked with emotion and tears started to form in my own eyes as well.

"I am so happy for you Alex, tell my everything."

I didn't know were to start. I was thinking about this for a few months now, but the whole idea of being married, being sombody's wife, still freaked me out. It made me feel vulnerable.

"I'll ask her on Valentine's Day. I think I'm going to take her out for a nice dinner, walk along the Seine afterwards and then, I'm going to show her the Eiffel Tower and propose to her right there."

My mother's tears were silently streaming down her face at this point.

"Oh my god, when did you get so romantic? You definitely got that from me," she chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I have fucking no idea. I don't even recognize myself anymore. Anyway, Piper is working tomorrow morning. Maybe we can go the jewelry store around that time? You can help me pick out an engagement ring? I want to do this with you, before I leave."

"I'd love to," she nodded. "This is a perfect reason to fill our glasses again, don't you think?"

I let out a hard laugh. "Mom, you'll always find a reason to drink wine."

"To my daughter and my daughter-in-law," she said as she raised her glass and took a sip of her drink. I almost choked on the liquid that swirled around in my mouth. _Daughter-in-law_ … that sounded bizarre, surreal even, but it made my body tingle with possessiveness in all the right ways. Piper was going to be mine. For ever. And I was going to be hers, till the day we die. My mom and I continued talking about the upcoming wedding, until I glanced at the clock. "Mom, it's 2 AM, we need some sleep." She nodded at me and I stoop up from the chair to place our glasses onto the kitchen counter. I felt a little dizzy and had to keep my feet steady on the floor. I shouldn't have drank this much wine.

"Sweet dreams, Alex," my mom whispered as she walked up to her bedroom. I gave her a soft smile and made my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash off my eyeliner. When I was done, I opened the door leading to my bedroom and was welcomed by the most beautiful sight.

Piper was sleeping soundly in my bedroom, her back turned towards me. It was a bit strange to see my future wife all curled up in my old teenage bed. Her long blonde hair sprawled out over the pillow, her side lifting up and down due to her heavy breathing. She looked so utterly relaxed and peaceful. My body reacted instantly, warming up all over again. I hate the way alcohol has this affect on me. I put my glasses on the nighstand next to my side of the bed, switched on the little night lamp and stripped all my clothes off except for my black panties. I couldn't bear wearing clothes right now.

I settled down to bed, facing Piper. My body welcomed the soft feeling of the covers, as it sinked into the mattress. Before I could stop myself, my hand tenderly grabbed Piper's waist and pulled her towards me, spooning her from behind. She stirred a little, but instantly melted into my naked chest when she unconsciously realized it was me. The coconut smell of her hair filled my nostrils and brought me back to our time in Bali together. I buried my nose in the crook of her neck to kiss a particular sensitive spot. The feel of her skin against my lips made my stomach clench with a primal desire. I didn't want to wake her up, she deserved a good rest, but I couldn't keep my body under control. My fingers slid under the strap of her top and lowered it down her shoulder and upper arm, revealing one of her small breasts to my eyes. I let my nose brush against her cheekbone to inhale her unique scent, as her lips parted to speak.

"Mmm Al," she moaned, but still half asleep. A smile curled the corners of my mouth, as her soft voice reached my ears. I kissed her cheek again, while my hand traveled lower, lifting the hem of her top to draw circles on the naked skin of her belly, as I slowly let her gain consciousness.The feel of her warm, soft body pressed against my naked form as she slept was so erotic to me. I wanted to savour the feeling and tried to control the urge to wake her up and rush things. A low moan escaped my throat as her left hand tangled into my hair, applying some gentle pressure to the back of my neck, keeping me in place.

"Alex, what are you doing sweetheart?" She was completely awake now, blinking her eyes a few times to get accustomed to the dim light in the bedroom. I didn't answer her by words, but let my body answer for me instead. My hand delicately massaged her breast, while my mouth found hers. She rolled onto her back and I kissed her passionately, as she welcomed my tongue into her mouth. A few moments later, my lungs were already demanding air. I pulled away from her and rested my forehead against hers, while my hand slid over her belly and into her panties. Her eyes flutterred shut at the exact moment my fingers stroked between her folds. I wasn't too surprised I didn't find her wet yet, she was still allowing her body to wake up from a deep sleep, but by the way she pressed her center into my hand, I could tell it wouldn't take long for her to reach a fully aroused state. I retrieved my hand from its current place for just a couple of seconds to pull my own panties off my hips, something I often did when the wetness in my underwear was getting really uncomfortable. Sometimes, I was a bit afraid Piper would interpreted this action as pushy, but I would never force myself onto her or push her into having sex with me. She always reassured me she never felt that way and knew I just couldn't stand the feeling of a wet patch in my panties, brushing against my center with every move I made.

I kicked the piece of clothing out of the bed and slid my fingers into my girlfirend's underwear once again, sucking lightly on her collarbone. Her back arched of the bed, pushing her body into my touch.

"Al… don't," her voice was slightly slurred. The stroking of my hand immediately stilled. My eyes snapped open to look at her face. Her eyelids were closed and her lips were parted, letting out puffs of air. She definitely was enjoying the way I was touching and kissing her.

"Shh Pipes," I whispered against her skin. "I'll go slow until your body is ready," I said, referring to the lack of lubrication between her thighs.

"We can't do this," her voice sounded more firm now. "We're at your mom's house." She opened her eyes, locking them with mine.

"She doesn't care. You know she's okay with us making love in this house," I said, while my forefinger brushed over her opening. A low groan left my mouth when I finally felt the tiniest bit of dampness coat my fingertip. We were heading in the right direction.

"I know, but you're quiet during sex and I am not… I can't."

I proud smirk appeared on my face, knowing exactly what she meant. "Maybe you can lie between my legs and we can just cuddle for a bit?" she suggested. "We'll have so much more privacy when we're in Paris tomorrow."

I studied her face and realized she was serious, she didn't want to make love to me tonight and I was absolutely okay with that.

I nodded at her and my hand left her panties to push her legs apart. She placed her feminine hands on my waist to guide me between them. The change of position accidentally caused my sex to brush over her thigh. My hips bucked against her on their own accord and I could hear Piper letting out a gasp, as her body stiffened underneath me.

"Oh Alex," she whispered as her tumb caressed my cheek in the most loving way. I settled between her parted legs, closing my own and lowered my body onto hers, placing my head between her breasts.

"I.. I didn't realize you were so wet Al," she continued while stroking the skin between my shoulderblades. "Do you want me to satisfy your needs? I can pleasure you with my mouth if you want? You love that, don't you baby?"

My legs trembled the slightest bit at her words, but before I could seriously consider her offer, my mouth already opened to speak. "No, no Pipes, it's okay. Let's just cuddle for a bit."

"Just tell me if you change your mind okay?" She gave my upper arm a soft squeeze. "I love you, Al."

I nodded, placing a wet kiss on her nipple.

"Marry me."

Fuck. I mentally slapped myself as soon as the words left my mouth. I didn't want to ask her this way.

"Mmm Al, you're drunk. You wouldn't be asking this if you were sober," she giggled. "And besides, we need to talk about a few important topics before we'll tie the knot."

I glanced up to look at her. "Like what?"

"Well, you know I want to become a mother in the future and you've made it perfectly clear you don't want any children, and … I won't be marrying you when you're still part of a drug ring. As soon as you quit your job, we can talk about marriage sweetheart."

I couldn't say anything, it felt like Piper had kicked me in the stomach.

"You're going to quit when you're done in Paris, right?" Her voice was so soft, it was barely audible.

"You know I can't quit all of a sudden Piper. Kubra will kill me, literally," I whispered against her breast. She didn't answer and I already knew what she was thinking about.

"Please don't leave me." I hated the way it came out of my mouth. It was almost like a plea.

"Alex, please don't. Maybe this is not the best time to talk about this. We're going to Paris tomorrow and we'll see how it goes." Her fingers massaged my scalp and my eyelids closed at the touch.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Fear started to creep up my body. Maybe I didn't want to hear the answer.

"Nothing sweetheart, I love you," she kissed the top of my head.

It was silent for a good ten minutes, when the massaging of my scalp came to a halt and the sound of her heavy breathing filled the room. I tilted my head up to look at her. Her eyes were closed, her lips were parted and I realized she had fallen asleep. I rolled off her body to lie next to her, creating a little distance between us.

My mind was racing. Was this an another crack in our relationship? We already discussed our expectations for the future a couple of times, but it always led to a heated argument. Piper wanted to have children in five years, I certainly didn't.

I didn't expect Piper to bring up my job, she always seemed to enjoy the luxurious lifestyle I provided her. Was Piper going to leave me if I didn't quit the drug business? What would happen if I left the cartel? It would put Piper and myself in danger. Maybe I should cancel my plans for Valentine's Day and just wait and see how things would develop between us once we were in Paris? Maybe I should delay the proposal? The questions and scenarios were swirling around in my head, but there was one thing I knew for sure.

My mom and I won't be shopping for an engagement ring tomorrow…


	6. F

**F ~** **Flowers**

 _November 20, 2017_

The sound of a siren reached my ears, making me groan in annoyance. The noise became louder, coming closer. I was still half asleep as I subconsciously realized where the sound was coming from.

Cops…

My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright, gasping for breath. I slowly became aware of my surroundings and had to blink a few times to get adjusted to the bright light shining through the bedroom window. The noise seemed to disappear and became less shrill as a police car drove past the house. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. They weren't coming for me. I wondered when this feeling would pass. Although it was two and a half years ago since I was released from prison, I was still suspicious and anxious. Every fucking day I was scared the police would barge into my house to arrest me again.

I grabbed my glasses from the nightstand and pushed it up the bridge of my nose, as my other hand reached under the pillow to pull out my phone. Judging by the rays of sunlight peering into the room, it must have been late. I glanced at the alarm clock and practically jumped out of bed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered under my breath. It was already 11.15 a.m.

I opened the closet to grab a pair of black skinny jeans and a denim shirt and made my way into the bathroom, turning on the shower. The warm water soothed my tense muscles, as I thought about last night's events. The last twenty-four hours had been the most bizarre and intense hours I had ever experienced in my life. I could hear Piper's piercing screams still ringing in my ears, it didn't seem to end. She was in so much pain and had lost so much blood, that she instantly fell asleep as soon as the whole ordeal was over, a little after 5 a.m. I sat down next to her bed, holding her hand for the entire time. Two hours later, she woke up and ordered me to go home to get some rest. I didn't want to leave her, but she insisted on it and kicked my ass out of the hospital. As soon as I stepped into our house, I realized I was incredibly tired and silently thanked Piper for sending me home, but I would never admit that to her. My body was still exhausted, but I wasn't too surprised. I only slept for three hours and needed much more sleep.

I turned off the shower, dried myself with a towel, put on some clothes and threw my wet hair up in a messy bun. I didn't bother to apply eyeliner, my face looked like a train wreck and makeup wasn't going to save me. The bags under my eyes were prominent and my eyes were bloodshot.

Fifteen minutes after I woke up, I walked down the stairs, grabbed my car keys from the kitchen table and left the house. It was only a ten-minute drive to the bakery, where I bought a few sandwiches for Piper and myself. I wasn't sure if Piper would be hungry, but I wanted to give her the opportunity to eat something. After I paid for the sandwiches, I walked over to the flower shop to buy a big bouquet of red roses, those were our favorite flowers. I always gave Piper roses if I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, how deeply I cared for her. Sometimes, my mouth failed to speak those words out loud. As soon as I left the shop, snowflakes fell onto my leather jacket. Normally, I hate snow, but it didn't seem to bother me today.

I parked the vehicle in the hospital's parking lot and tried to concentrate on my breathing. A nervous feeling unfolded in the pit of my stomach. I secretly hoped Piper would look a lot better than last night. After taking a few deep breaths, I made my way into the building, walking the stairs to the tird floor. Room 307… I remembered. Before I realized it, my feet walked through the door and my eyes locked with hers.

"Alex! You're here already? You haven't slept for more than three hours." I could hear the concern in her voice. Her face was glowing and the pink color in her cheeks was back again, but she was still attached to an IV pole. My legs carried me towards the left side of her bed and kissed her full on the mouth. It was an emotional and loving kiss and when I was about to pull away from her, her hand grabbed the back of my neck, pressing her lips harder onto mine. "Pipes," I breathed against her lips. "I've got sandwiches." She released me from her grip and a grin formed on her face, causing me to chuckle.

"You're hungry love? I can imagine. You've worked so hard last night." I handed her a sandwich, wich she eagerly put into her mouth, moaning at the taste. "I've bought you flowers," I whispered as I laid them on her bedside table. "I'll aks one of the nurses if we can borrow a vase."

"Thank you so much Al, they're beautiful," she beamed at me.

I walked around her bed and peeked into the plastic bassinet atttached to her bedside.

"Goodmorning beautiful," I cooed to the sleeping baby. My hand touched the top of her little head, carefully stroking the soft tufts of blonde hair covering her scalp. "I've missed you."

I was still in disbelieve of what had transpired over the last few hours. A whole new responsibility rested on my shoulders since last night. I had fucked up so many things in life and got a second chance. But this time …. this baby depended on me and I would get only one chance. One chance to do this right. I couldn't erase the bad decisions if I screwed this up too.

"You can hold her, Al," Piper's gentle voice filled the room. The last time I held a baby was almost twenty years ago. I tried to hide the fear that unfolded in my stomach, but it was no use. Piper seemed to notice my nervousness as she continued to encourage me. "Don't be scared, I'm sure she loves to sleep in her mother's arms."

A pink blush appeared on my cheeks, as Piper spoke the inevitable out loud. _Mother_ … the word sounded surreal. I didn't want to have children until a few years ago. They scared the hell out of me, I just wasn't the motherly type and had never experienced any maternal feelings. It was during the riot at Litchfield that I seriously thought about the subject. I felt the urge to play house with Piper in those three days. I even created an imaginary bedroom with an actual reading nook for Piper, and I enjoyed it … enjoyed it a lot. Maybe I was craving stability for the first time in my life. Piper had always been open about her desire to have children and I had made it very clear that I didn't want to be a mother, but she never tried to persuade me into having them. The more I thought about babies during those days, the more I got used to the idea of us becoming parents. We were relaxing in a digger bucket, gazing at the glittering stars, as I nervously brought up the issue. I felt extremely vulnerable when I expressed my new feelings about the delicate subject to her. The sudden change in my future plans definitely surprised her, but she just kept listening and calmly asked the right questions, encouraging me to open up to her. After a few hours, we finally fell asleep in the digger bucket, as the sun started to rise.

"N..no, I'll probably wake her up," I stammered as the lame excuse left my mouth, but Piper knew better. I adjusted the blanket that was covering my daughter, putting it up to her chin. "I can't believe she's finally here, Pipes."

It had been one hell of a ride. We wanted to have a family soon after we got married, but didn't know where to start. One night, Matt, my best friend for nearly twenty-three years, was visiting us and offered to be our donor. He and his husband didn't want any kids in the future, but had talked about helping us out to fulfill our dreams. I instantly refused, I surely didn't want to think about Matt's manly fluids impregnating my wife. He was my childhood friend for fucks sake, but Piper pointed out that we didn't have any other option. I needed a week to get used to the idea and agreed on Matt being our donor. Shortly after that, Piper was ovulating and our journey began. I can still picture our first try. Piper was lying down on the bed with her hips raised up on a pillow, while I inserted the semen into her, using a syringe. It was such an awkward situation and we ended up in a fit of nervous giggling.

All those crazy years I served the cartel and spend time in prison, it was easy compared to this. Piper didn't conceive easily and grew more depressed each time her period arrived. She became obsessed with getting pregnant. It was the only thing she could talk about. I didn't like this version of her, but maybe I just didn't get it. I never wanted to get pregnant and carry a baby in my womb, this whole biological urge was completely unfamiliar to me and I couldn't wrap my head around it. So, I decided to just bite my tongue and give her all the comfort she needed after every failed attempt. On a regular Wednesday night, Piper insisted on taking me out for dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant. After we ate some appetizers, she gave me a little white box, wrapped in a dark green ribbon. I opened it and found a pair of baby socks and a positive pregnancy test inside. A wave of shock rushed through my body like fireworks. After nine agonizing months, my wife got pregnant and we were ecstatic.

We were floating on cloud nine, until her tenth week of pregnancy, the doctor couldn't find a heart beat. I had never seen Piper so devastated and broken in my entire life, but she quickly decided that she wanted to try again. It didn't sound very appealing to me, I didn't want to see Piper going through all this disappointment again. I wanted to refuse and convince her to stop trying, but as soon as she reminded me of her desperate need to get pregnant, I gave in.

It was like Piper's uterus finally realized what it needed to do, because she got pregnant again after just two inseminations. I was so relieved. This time, everything went well, the little lady inside her was alive and growing. But then, one night in July, I went through something horrific, an encounter that shattered my soul into a million pieces. I had never allowed myself to get affected by all the events in my life, I always stayed strong. But that particular night changed me for ever and I hate to talk or think about it. The whole situation had an immense impact on Piper too. She was under a lot of stress. The baby didn't kick as much as she was supposed to and the size of my wife's belly was not following the curve of the growth chart. The evidence was in front of my eyes at this very moment.

"God Piper, she's so little," I whispered. She shook her head and tears welled up in her eyes. "I know, I'm so sorry." Fuck, she interpreted my words the wrong way. "Don't be so hard on yourself babe, and besides, it's all my fault you know," I said, trying to make her feel better.

"Al, please. We shouldn't be talking about this right now okay? She may be little, but Alice told us she's very healthy and we can take her home tomorrow."

Just as Alice's name rolled off Piper's tongue, she walked into the room. "Hi Alex, did you have a good sleep this morning?"

I nodded at her, still staring at my daughter's beautiful face. Alice was Piper's nurse and was so good to her during the delivery. She had dabbed my wife's sweaty face with a washcloth and soothed her through the pain, assisting Piper by putting her knees up to her chest when she needed to push. She was the best supporter anyone could wish for. Me on the other hand… I was the worst. I just stood there, glued to the floor, while Piper almost crushed all the bones in my hand. I can't remember feeling anything, my eyes were focused on the man standing between my wife's legs, violently tugging on the vacuum extractor attached to our baby's head. Piper was screaming so loud, it took all of my willpower to not punch the guy in the face. I constantly had to remind myself that he was helping her, not assaulting her, and that it would all be over soon.

"Have you tried to hold her again?" Alice continued. I shook my head. I had only held our daughter for two seconds right after she was born, but quickly handed her back to Alice. I was too scared, she looked so fragile in my hands and I didn't want to screw it up.

"You should try again. Maybe you can take off your shirt and sit in the chair over there? I'll take off your baby's clothes and place her on your chest. Some skin-to-skin contact will do you both some good. She'll recognize your smell and touch the next time you're holding her. Both of you need some bonding time to get used to each other." She said those words without taking any pause in between the scentenes and it made me wonder how many times she told this story to convince new, self-conscious parents like myself to hold their newborns.

"Al, that sounds really good, don't you think?" my wife tried to encourage me, placing a hand on my forearm. No, it didn't sound good. I would fuck this up the second she's in my arms.

"Yeah, I guess," I whispered, not fully convinced.

"Great! Take off your shirt and get comfortable in the chair please." Alice was definitely enjoying this more than I was.

I turned towards Piper, whispering softly so Alice wouldn't hear. "Pipes, she's so innocent and pure. I don't want to hold her." I hoped Piper would understand the underlying fear immediately, but she didn't.

"What! Why?"

"I'm still dirty Pipes and I'm going to …" but before I could complete my sentence, Piper interrupted me.

"Alex, stop it right there! I don't wanna have this conversation. Again. And especially not now. Please take off your shirt and hold our child," she ordered.

I turned around and unbuttoned my shirt, while Alice undressed our baby. Our little girl didn't appreciate the tugging on her clothes and started wailing. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to take off my bra too, but I really didn't want to, so I just kept it on. I settled into the chair, trying to be as relaxed as possible, wich was not an easy task while my baby was crying so loud. The nurse walked up to me, fixing her gaze on my skin. I wanted to glare at her, ask her where the fuck she was looking at, but I knew I couldn't blame her. Although I was making a lot of progress with Susan, I still occasionally washed myself with the rough side of a sponge on bad days, turning the skin red, raw and irritated. Alice wasn't the only one who was staring at me, I could feel Piper's eyes burning into my skin. I didn't want to look at her … didn't want to see the hurt and disappointment in her eyes.

Alice placed my daughter onto my chest and covered us up with the baby blanket. I instinctively placed my hands on her small body, supporting her back and head. She immediately stopped screaming and buried her face in the crook of my neck, falling asleep once again.

"I think she likes you," Alice smiled "I'll leave you two by yourself now," she whispered and left the room. My nose brushed against my baby's crown, she smelled so good. I subconsciously pressed my lips against her forehead, while my thumb caressed her little ear. She was so warm and so little and soft. I was overwhelmed by the raw emotion and could actually feel my heart expanding a few inches.

Piper took a picture with her cell phone, but I didn't bother to look into the camera. My eyes were fixed on the little human resting against my chest. My confidence rose higher, maybe I wasn't as bad at being a mother as I initially thought.

"I just finished nursing her before you arrived. She's probably very full and isn't going to wake up anytime soon," Piper said in a hushed tone, breaking through my bubble. I know it's childish, but I couldn't help but feel a little left out.

"So, I've missed my daughter's first feeding moment?" I snapped at her, but instantly regretting my words, as Piper's face hardened. Fuck, I was so tired and grumpy due to the lack of sleep.

"She was hungry Alex, what do you expect? Did you really wanted me to wait until you came back? Try to be happy about the fact I managed to breastfeed our girl. It's not something that comes naturally to every woman you know," her voice was dripping with aggravation.

She was right and I knew my own wishes and needs would come in second place from now on. Our daughter was our top priority. "Yeah, you're right. You're such a good mom Pipes," I mumbled, making eye contact with her for the first time since I sat down into the chair. She gave me the most loving smile in response.

"So, you've quite the appetite huh?" I cooed to the little infant cradled on my chest, as my eyes focused on her again. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was still asleep, breathing rapidly, trying to take in as much air as her tiny lungs would allow.

"You've done it again, Al. I thought you were doing better," she said, referring to the skin of my arms, chest and belly. Her voice sounded genuinely concerned, wich made me feel extremely guilty.

"I am doing better, but I still have bad days."

"You need to open up to me if you don't feel good sweetheart. I'm your wife, you can tell me everything. When is your next session with Susan? Maybe we can go together?"

Susan had already suggested that I should bring Piper with me. But the idea of telling Susan all the details of that night with Piper in the room, made me feel sick to the stomach. I didn't want Piper to realize I was disgusting. It would only give her a reason to leave me again. I needed to change te subject as soon as possible.

"Are you sore?" I asked my wife tentatively. I didn't really wanted to know the answer. I hate seeing Piper in pain.

"Yeah, the stiches are too tight and I feel like I'll never be able to walk again." I noticed she didn't want to talk about it either. I swallowed the bile that rose in the back of my throat, as the memory of last night resurfaced in my brain once again. She had begged me to help her. _"Please Al, it hurts. Make it stop."_ But I couldn't, I couldn't do anything and I had never felt so powerless. The only thing I could do was stand there, frozen to the spot, dissociating. I had lost all the ability to move or talk, until the event was over. I would never do this again. This was our first baby and definitely our last.

"We still have to name her, Al. This is getting a little embarrassing."

It was true. It was getting a little awkard. I had called Carol while I was in the car this morning. I told her the happy news and she sounded genuinely excited for us and had asked about the name, but our daughter was still nameless, wich made me uncomfortable. Piper and I have a different taste in baby names. We had already picked a name for a boy during Piper's first pregnancy, but kept arguing over a girl's name and we still hadn't decided.

"Maybe we should give her the name we chose for a boy," I chuckled.

"Jesus Alex, I'm not giving my daughter a boys' name," Piper said, rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry Diane, no offense," she whispered, folding her hands in front of her and looking up to the ceiling.

I let out a hard laugh, causing my daughter to stir in my arms. My body immediately froze, unsure of what to do. The baby's eyelids fluttered open as she tried to focus on the face in front of her. My eyes locked with hers and I was surprised by their crystal blue irises. Her bottom lip started to tremble and I was sure she was going to cry in a matter of seconds. I instinctively rubbed my hand up and down her back and kissed her temple. "Shhh, it's okay, you're safe. Please don't cry," I soothed. What the fuck was happening to me? When did I turn into such a caring and loving woman?

She seemed to recognize my voice and closed her eyes again, sucking on her left wrist. My body relaxed and sank further into the chair. The baby's right hand twitched against the skin of my upper arm, softly scratching my tattoo with her little fingernails. I looked down at the little hand that was partially covering one of the roses on my arm. A sudden wave of excitement exploded in my belly, as my gaze quickly focused on the bouquet on Piper's bedside table.

"Rose…", I whispered, testing the way the name sounded coming out of my mouth. It fitted her perfectly.

"I can't hear you, love." Piper must have heard me mumble something inaudible.

"What about Rose? I think it suits her." I didn't dare look at her, too afraid she didn't like the name. I could actually hear Piper thinking and suddenly she opened her mouth to speak.

"I love it, Al."

My head snapped up to look at her. "You do?" A huge grin appeared on my face.

She nodded at me with a warm smile. "I do, I also love the fact that it's similar to your mom's middle name. I'm sure our baby will blossom into a strong and independent woman, if we name her after Diane."

I didn't even think about that. Piper was right. My mom's middle name was Rosalie, wich also means 'rose'. That's why I got my tattoo in the first place. Roses reminded me of my mother. I didn't realize tears were flowing down my cheeks until Piper's gentle voice filled the silence.

"You miss her don't you?"

I did. The longing in my heart was almost unbearable. She wouldn't be here if I needed advice about my daughter. She was never going to see me in my new role and make fun of me. She would never meet my child. My child would never meet her. I wasn't the jealous type, but I felt extremely envious towards Carol since Piper found out she was expecting.

"Don't worry Al, we'll show her pictures and tell her all the stories about Diane."

I wanted to run towards her and kiss her deeply, but I wasn't feeling the confidence to stand up with such a little human being in my hands.

There was a knock at the door and Alice walked into our room, coming towards me and took the baby from my arms. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just hormones," I joked, wiping the tears from my eyes. Alice dressed our baby and put her in the crib beside Piper's bed, as I buttoned up my denim shirt. "Did you enjoy the skin-to-skin time Alex?"

"Yes, it was very special." A blush spread across my cheeks as I said those words out loud. I didn't knew why I was slightly embarrassed, but maybe it was because I wasn't familiar with expressing so many feelings in just twenty-four hours.

"She needs feeding in about an hour. I'll come back by then and help you Piper," Alice said while checking Piper's IV drip. She left the room and I walked over to my wife. She shifted on the bed, making room for me. I climbed onto the mattress, resting my head against Piper's shoulder, stroking her empty belly. The skin was a little saggy, but it didn't matter to me. I was so proud of her and felt physically attracted to her anyway.

"So, Pipes, our daughter's name is Rose Celeste Chapman?" I asked, desperate for a confirmation.

A pair of soft lips pressed against the top of my head, she removed the hair tie from my hair and tangled her fingers into the black strands. I snuggled further into her side, closing my eyes. I was completely exhausted.

"Yes, it is."

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 **A/N** : I'm a sucker for drama haha. A huge thank you to **vausesandspanishharlem, ejm137, maryska** and **'guest'** for reviewing. I constantly want to delete this story while I'm writing a chapter, that's how self- conscious and nervous I am about my English and writing skills, but I really want to have some fun with this fandom. So… thank you so much for encouraging me to continue!


	7. G

**Thanks for all the reviews, you're amazing!**

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 **G ~ Gate**

 _March 15, 2015_

The smell of sweat filled my nostrils as I put on the oversized grey sweater. How many people had worn this thing before they gave it to me? They probably didn't even bother washing it. The jeans I'm wearing is too big and too short, which made me wonder what kind of body type in the world would ever fit into those pants. I knew I was tall, but this whole outfit made me feel like a giant. Only the navy Toms look-alikes fit properly.

"Ready inmate?"

He was just being polite, he didn't look like he actually gave a shit. I nodded and handed my ID badge to him. The silence was uncomfortable and I didn't know what he expected me to do. He looked at me questioningly, shifting his eyes to the door and back at me again.

"What are you waiting for? Nobody is coming to pick you up or what?" he laughed.

I didn't answer him, but practically ran towards the exit. My shaky hands touched the door handle and I instantly felt nervous. I looked ridiculous in this outfit and was sure she would notice it too.

I pushed myself to open the door and immediately saw her. She was talking to the woman behind the glass, who probably had recognized her. The dark red coat hugged her body in all the right ways. She was wearing black heels, which made her calves look strong and sculpted. Of course I had seen her a couple of times during visition hours in the past year, but not as much as I hoped for. We agreed on seeing each other only once a month, so she could focus on our life outside prison. She had promised me she would do her best to create stability for us before I was going to be released.

Her body slowly turned around as if she could smell my presence in the reception area. Her lips were a light shade of red and her blue eyes sparkled with happiness. A big smile appeared on her face, forming dimples in her cheeks. She looked so beautiful.

"Alex!" she squealed in delight, walking towards me and wrapping her arms around my neck. I buried my nose into her hair, inhaling the familiar coconut scent, as my arms closed around her waist.

"Hey," I managed to say in a husky voice. She tilted her head up to look at me, staring into my eyes before pressing her lips against mine. Before I could deepen the kiss, she pulled away, took my hand and dragged me outside.

The fresh air hit my lungs with full force as I breathed in slowly. I could smell the flowers and the freshly mowed grass, while birds sang their melody. It sounded so serene that it almost made me cry. I felt relieved when a feeling of serenity washed over me. I felt free.

I don't know for how long we stood there, enjoying the peace, before my companion laced her fingers through mine. I smiled at her, she didn't want to stay in this place any longer than absolutely necessary. We walked down the path and when we reached the gate, I squeezed her hand soflty. Never in a million years I thought this would happen, walking through the prison's gate, holding hands with Piper.

We walked into the parking lot and when the car came into view, I had to stifle a laugh. A black Toyota Prius. I could've guessed Piper would've picked such car. She's so into keeping the environment clean, green and healthy that it actually wouldn't surprise me if she was going to admit she became a vegan in the past year.

"You wanna drive?" she asked, dangling the car keys in front of me.

I shook my head. I just wanted to sit back and relax, stare out of the window and take in the view.

We stepped inside the vehicle and Piper started the engine. We didn't speak for a while, but it didn't feel awkward, we just enjoyed each others company.

"Did you buy this with the money I gave you?" I asked her in an amused tone, still laughing internally about the fact she managed to purchase such an ugly car.

"Kind of, yes. I invested a lot of my own as well. Pol and I are making a good amount of money these days. PoPi is booming right now, we're working twenty-four seven," she told me proudly.

When Piper got released from prison a year ago, I gave her a note with crucial information about several bank accounts in Switserland. When I was part of the cartel a few years ago, I convinced Matt to open the Swiss accounts so I could transfer a large amount of drug money into them. I thought it was wise to save up for unexpected and unwanted circumstances, like ending up in prison. I still remember the dumbfounded expression on Piper's face when I told her she had to contact Matt as soon as she arrived home and give him the note. I knew there would be enough money to rent a house and buy furniture, clothes and food for a year. And apparently, enough to afford this fucking horrendous car.

Polly had contacted Piper as soon as Piper walked out of prison, making an effort to clear the air between them. They had started up their soap business again and I was glad Piper was making money for herself. The fact that Piper had a secure income made me a litte nervous about my own contribution to our finances. I didn't know if I was able to get a job. I never went to college and I'm a registered criminal. Nobody is going to hire me. My pessimistic thoughts were interrupted by Piper's voice.

"Katie invited us over for dinner tonight. The girls want to meet you, but I guess that you want to spend time at home, right?"

Her intuition was correct. I did want to be at home, with Piper, alone and not talk about diapers, fashion and organic food. Polly had introduced Piper to her new group of friends whom she met at her prenatal yoga classes. I was glad Piper was making new friends and was doing so well after she had been released, but it made me wonder if I would make friends soon. The only one who had stuck by my side after I got incarcerated was Matt. Piper is very sociable and is interested in the same stuff most women are interested in. Me on the other hand … I turn into an asshole when I participate in large social interactions. I don't make friends easily due the persistent bullying that I've suffered from during my childhood.

"What's the first thing you wanna do when you're home Al?"

I shook my head and adjusted my glasses. I truly had no idea. All this freedom was a little overwhelming actually. I suddenly realized that I didn't even know what my house looked like. Piper's brother Danny, and his wife found out they were expecting their second baby around the time Piper was released from prison. Their house had became to small for the expanding family and they moved back to Connecticut. Piper and I could rent their duplex two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn for an affordable price. I was immensely grateful for their help.

We kept driving in silence, savoring each other presence. After a while, my eyelids felt heavy and I decided to close them for just a few minutes.

"Al." A whisper reached my ears as a soft hand touched my cheek, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Wake up sweetheart. You're home."

My eyes shot open, focusing on my surroundings. "Fuck, what time is it?" I asked, wiping drool from the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand.

"It's 5 p.m. You've slept for at least forty minutes."

We stepped outside the car and walked up to the house. It looked nice from the outside. Not as huge as the apartment I owned before I was arrested, but definitely not as small as the trailer I grew up in. Piper opened the front door and we stepped into the hallway that led into the living room.

"Want a tour?" she chuckled.

The living room looked beautiful. Piper had done a nice job decorating it. The pile of magazines that was sprawled out on the dining table caught my attention. I curiously opened one of them, scanning its content. My eyes widened as they roamed over the pages. Piper had encircled a few of the white dresses inside. _Bridal magazines_ …. shit, this was getting serious.

"Searching for inspiration?" I asked her teasingly.

A fierce blush rushed to her face.

"It's August before you realize it Alex. I suggest you take a look at those magazines tonight. Unless you've already got a dress?"

"Who says I'm going to wear a dress?" I looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

I knew Piper wanted to see me in a white gown, and of course, I was going to buy one. I would do anything to make my fiancée happy, but I also liked to have a little fun with her desperate need to control everything.

"Come on, I'll show you upstairs," Piper said, grabbing my hand. Arousal stirred low in my belly as we climbed the stairs. Piper's butt was so close to my face, that I had to restrain myself from grabbing and squeezing it. It was bigger and rounder than I remembered. Piper had told me she had gained a little weight over the past year, but this was the first time I noticed it myself. My eyes shamelessly lingered on her body, licking my lips. She couldn't see my face anyway. Her hips seemed to be a little wider and her thighs were fuller. And fuck… did she look good. I couldn't wait to explore her new curves without her jeans in the way. I mentally thanked Danny for the staircase in the house.

"This is the guest room. You'll be sleeping in here. There's no mattress on the frame, so you'll probably feel at home" she laughed, pointing to the single bed.

Instead of taking the bait, I rolled my eyes at her and bit the inside of my cheek. I refused to give her the satisfaction.

We walked over to the bathroom. It was quite large. There was a shower, a good sized bathtub, a toilet and a large mirror above a double sink vanity. This was my favorite room in the house so far.

"Maybe we can soak in the tub after dinner?" She didn't try to hide the flirtatious tone in her voice.

Piper took my hand before I could answer her, and led me into our bedroom. The kingsize bed was enormous and the covers looked so soft and inviting.

"The left side is yours," my fiancée whispered. "I've bought you some clothes for today and tomorrow."

I loved her for thinking about that. I didn't have any belongings. The only thing I owned were the clothes I was wearing right now.

"I'm going downstairs to order some Chinese food. Please get changed sweetheart. You smell like sweat and I can tell it isn't yours," she continued.

I nodded at her as she left the room and I walked over to the stack of clothes on our bed. Piper had bought me a skinny jeans, a black long sleeved t-shirt, the kind of yoga pants I always love to wear at home, and she even bought me underwear. I undressed myself and picked up the grey lace bra from the bedspread. I was glad she had thought about buying one. Those unflattering prison bras didn't support my breasts at all. I fucking hated them. The new panties matched the bra perfectly. A strange feeling crept up my body as I put on the lingerie. I hadn't felt so feminine and sexy in the past three years. I wonderd if Piper bought the beautiful underwear on purpose, maybe she intended to make me feel this way.

The t-shirt fitted and the jeans hugged my thighs in all the best ways, but when I tried to button it, I cursed loudly. Apparently, Piper wasn't the only one who had gained a little weight over the year. I instantly hated myself. How could this happen? I probably forgot the advice those smug little bitches in high school gave me on how to starve myself. I replaced the jeans with the yoga pants and made my way downstairs, walking past Piper who was sitting at the kitchen table. I entered the living room and dramatically collapsed on the sofa.

"Food will be here in ten minutes," she said while flipping through her magazine. "Hey, where's your jeans?"

"Doesn't fit, it's too tight. I became fat in prison," I grumbled, glaring at her like it was all her fault. She just shrugged her shoulders and concentrated on her magazine again.

"You don't have to act grumpy Alex. We'll buy you a different size tomorrow. It's no big deal."

No big deal? Seriously? Fucking hell…

"I just told you I'm fat and you're telling me it's no big deal?" I couldn't believe this woman sometimes.

"Well, that means there's more flesh for me to worship," she chuckled. "And you're not fat Al."

Frustration flowed through my veins with her apathic response. I didn't want to go shopping tomorrow, didn't want to be confronted with my body when Piper would push me to try on some clothes. Sometimes I just hated the way I looked.

"Are you hungry?" Piper asked, trying to enlighten the mood, but still looking down at the pages of her magazine.

Hungry? Really? I'm seriously considering to never eat again.

"No," I growled, pushing my glasses on top of my head.

Piper tilted her head to look up at me and I gave her a dirty look as she rose from her seat.

"Are you mad at me?" Her voice sounded so gentle.

"No." I didn't mean to snarl at her, but couldn't help it.

She walked up to me, kneeling on the ground and stroking my upper arm.

"Yes you are. Why?" She pressed a light kiss against the tip of my nose.

"Don't ask if you don't care Piper," I snapped. Fuck, the words left my mouth before I could stop them.

She backed away from me, withdrawing her hand from my arm.

"Jesus Alex, stop being such a bitch. What's the matter with you?"

I didn't answer, but closed my eyes instead, creating a wall between us like I always did when we were fighting. I'm skilled at emotionally distancing myself when things get too hard.

"Alex? Please answer the question."

My vocal cords were trembling with emotion, losing the ability to speak.

"Are you seriously ignoring me? You're such a child."

I flinched at her words, squeezing my eyelids and biting my bottom lip.

The doorbell rang, forcing Piper to stand up from the ground and pay for our food. She entered the living room a few seconds later.

"Food's here. I'm going to eat it in bed and watch a movie. You can join me if you like," her tone was harsh now. She turned around and stormed off angrily.

She didn't deserve the way I snapped at her. We both imagined my first day at home a little different. I had to make it up to her. I stood up from the couch, climbed the stairs and walked into our bedroom. Piper was sitting on the covers, her back resting against the headboard. I shuffled my feet across the hardwood floor and settled on the bed, lying on my side and stared at her. She's so fucking beautiful.

"Are you actually gonna say something or are you going to keep staring at me?" she whispered, putting the food into her mouth while her eyes were fixed on the TV.

"I'm sorry and you're beautiful."

My comment made her blush. She put her food on her beside table and shifted on the bed, lying down.

"I'm not really myself these days," I continued, cupping her cheek in my hand.

She nodded and kept staring at me with an intense gaze. It felt like she was looking directly into my soul.

"I've noticed that Al, did I say something that pissed you off?"

My tumb brushed against her bottom lip, I needed to taste her. I pulled her towards me and pressed my lips against hers in the most loving way I could, offering a sincere apology. Her hand gripped my hip as her tongue licked the corner of my mouth, begging for entrance. It took all of my willpower not to flip her onto her back, rip her clothes off and fuck her into oblivion. It's been so long since we've made love to each other. I once tried to fuck her behind the vending machine during visition hours, but unfortunately, we got caught before I could touch her properly.

Our sex life has changed drastiacally since Piper had called my probation officer two years ago. We discovered a whole new way of having sex. Some nights it's pure lust and I like to be rough with her, I even tied her up in her bunk once. It was during the riot and everyone was outside or participating in some kind of stupid talent show. I loved taking the lead, being the one who was in charge. In the very early stages of our relationship, I hosted a party in my apartment. Piper was having a good time and felt like she was playing house. I had casually suggested to play doctor instead, but she didn't respond and I assumed that role-playing wasn't her thing, but I couldn't shrug off the urge to introduce some role-playing into our sex life. I tried again, while we were in prison together, suggesting a Genie and Aladdin role-play, but she didn't appreciate my offer and walked out on me . I've never done something like that either, but I'm extremely curious to find out what it's like and judging by the fact how much Piper enjoyed to be tied up, surrendering herself to me, automatically falling into the submissive role … I'm sure she wouldn't say no if I bring up the subject again.

On other nights our lovemaking is passionate, full of love and adoration. It's mostly me who occasionally needs to feel this deep connection to her, kissing and admiring every part of her gorgeous body. I'm sure I can go on for hours on those particular nights. I can not wait to deepen our sexual relationship even more, now we're both out of prison and can take our time without te risk of being caught by guards or getting disturbed by our fellow inmates.

I opened my mouth and her tongue eagerly swirled around mine. We both moaned at the contact. The kiss was heated and passionate. She was the first one who had to break away in order to get some air.

"Fuck, I've missed you," I panted. My voice was already deep and low, giving away how much my body appreciated the intimacy.

She kissed me again and this time her hand started to massage my breast. I groaned in relief, my breasts were sore since yesterday. Her warm fingers managed to ease some of the tension. Her lips left my mouth and trailed down my neck, kissing a sensitive spot. I had to stop this now, before it was too late.

"I want you Alex," she mumbled against my skin.

"P..Pipes..I." I couldn't complete my sentence, as she continued kissing my neck.

Suddenly, her hand stopped massaging my breast and slid past the waistband of my yoga pants and into my brand new grey panties. It was a completely unexpexted move that happened so fast.

"WAIT!" I gulped and instinctively grabbed her wrist, but her long skilled fingers had already slipped down my folds in one swift motion.

Her whole body froze and I immediately knew her hand had felt the string of my tampon.

"Oh fuck, fuck. I'm so sorry. I didn't give you time to stop me," she muttered. I losened my grip on her wrist. She didn't waste any time and retrieved it from its current place.

"It's okay. I should've mentioned it sooner," I tried to sound as casual as I could, but felt extremely embarrassed.

She gave me a kiss on the lips, grinning broadly when she pulled away.

"Why are you smiling like you've just won the lottery Pipes?"

She shook her head, her eyes glittering with amusement.

"Well, this explains why you're acting like a total bitch and feel fat all of a sudden," she chuckled.

I groaned and swatted her arm playfully.

"I don't believe you've gained weight Alex." Her hand slipped under my t-shirt, rubbing the skin of my belly. "You're belly is a little swollen and sticking out a bit. I'm sure you'll fit in those jeans right after your period ends love."

She was probably right. I hadn't worn tight jeans in three years. The elastic waitsband of those khaki prison pants always fitted, no matter what shape or size you are.

I pulled her towards me, wrapping her in a loving embrace.

"I'm glad to be home."

"Hmm me too. I love you," she whispered, kissing my collarbone.

I was so happy to be home. I always thought my life would be over as soon as I walked through the prison's gate, entering the gates of Hell. But today, I was thirty-five years old, released from prison and relaxing on my kingsize bed with the love of my life in my arms.

My life wasn't over.

It has only just begun.


	8. H

**H ~ Heart**

 _June 2, 1995_

She woke me up from my dream, when she slid into my bed. Her perfectly manicured fingers lightly touched my upper arm as she brushed her nose against the top of my head like she always did when she got comfortable behind me. The unique smell reminded her of the day I was born.

"Hey," I mumbled in a raspy voice, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean to wake you up."

I shrugged my shoulders, a simple gesture to let her know I didn't care.

"Did you have fun tonight?" I asked, genuinely interested.

She went on a third date with some guy she met at work. Never in the past fifteen years, she had shown any interest in men. I knew she didn't want to start something serious with a man because of me.

"Yeah, he took me out to dinner and we went to see a movie afterwards," she answered and although I couldn't see her, I was sure she was beaming.

"Well, why are you in my bed then?" I whispered teasingly "Where is he?"

She playfully squeezed my arm and kissed my cheek.

"You're being awfully cheeky for someone who just woke up Vause," she chuckled.

"No, I'm serious! Why don't you just invite him over if you like him so much?"

I knew it was a bold question. I shouldn't interfere in her dating life, but I just wanted her to be happy and have some fun.

"You know why Alex."

I did. She didn't bring men home, because she didn't want to confront me with them in the morning and didn't want to introduce me to guys who didn't have the intention to stick around for long. It's something I'm silently thankful for, but I don't expect her to stay alone until I'm leaving the house once I'm old enough.

"Mom, I'm fifteen. I'm sure I can handle it," I assured her.

She let oud a hard laugh. "Sure, I'll speak to you again when you're preparing breakfast in the kitchen in just your smelly Nirvana t-shirt as some random half naked dude walks out of my bedroom."

O god. I hate to visualize things. Maybe, it wasn't such a good idea.

"Um yeah, maybe you can bring him home when I'm staying over at Matt's place," I offered lamely, but still trying to encourage her to take steps into the world of dating, which was completely new to her.

She chuckled and opened her mouth to speak.

"Speaking of Matt, you're staying over at his house tomorrow night right?"

I shook my head. We had a real big argument this afternoon. We were supposed to hang out tomorrow night, but he had canceled our plans. My blood boiled with anger as I thought of him.

"No, he ditched me for his boyfriend," I growled.

Her fingers squeezed my arm again as some kind of comforting gesture.

"Oh well, it's nice for him he is in love with someone don't you think?"

I wasn't sure why she was asking me this, she already knew the answer.

"No, fuck him. His boyfriend is nice though, he taught me how to apply eyeliner, but Matt is not spending time with me anymore. I can't believe I'm losing my only friend to some boy who wears mascara to school. I mean, come on." I rolled my eyes in frustration to emphasize my anger, although my mom couldn't see me.

"Oh Alex, your time will come sweetheart."

My body immediately froze at her words. Last year, I found out I was into girls, but I hadn't told anyone yet.

I was fourteen when Matt and I decided to spend our free Saturday morning at an indoor waterpark. He immediately jumped into the pool and begged me to join him, but I refused and got comfortable on a lounge chair. I was admiring my new black and white striped bikini as a group of girls walked by. There wasn't anything special about them, so I didn't pay much attention until …. she came into view. A ginger-haired goddess. She was probably around the age of sixteen and placed her towel on the lounge chair next to mine. Her friends walked around the pool before diving into the water, but she just stood there with her back turned towards me. My eyes wandered over her gorgeous body. Her thick curls fell loosely around her shoulders, her butt was full and round and her legs were toned and elegant. My mouth went dry when she hooked her thumbs under the edge of her bikini bottoms to adjust them, before she positioned herself on the chair. I could feel my temperature rising by the sight of her as my body tingled in all the right places. All those new feelings swirled around in my body like an ocean of waves. I had always been intrigued by females, but these emotions were completely foreign to me and in that moment, I realized that I might be gay.

I don't care about my sexuality. I'm okay with it, but I hadn't told anyone yet. I'm scared to disappoint my mom or that the girls at my school would find out, which would give them another reason to bully me. But maybe, this was the perfect moment to test the waters.

"No, that's never going to happen," I stated.

"Don't be pessimistic. Of course you'll meet someone and go on dates."

Okay, she wasn't getting the point, maybe I've been too vague.

"No mom, I'm never going to have a boyrfriend," I said firmly, while my stomach was doing somersaults. If she didn't get it now….

"I wasn't talking about boys Alex," she whispered.

My breath hitched in my throat.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked while my tone was weak and quivery.

"No, I don't want to put words in your mouth. So, please sweetheart, explain to me what _you_ mean."

Fuck, she knows. I'm sure she knows, but she wants me to say it out loud.

"I… I only like girls. I .. I'm gay mom." I cursed myself for not being able to keep the sudden stutter under control. An overwhelming sense of peace and relief washed over me as the words left my lips. This was the first time I said it out loud and referred to myself as gay and it felt liberating. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, waiting for her to respond.

Her fingers left my arm and she started stroking my hair.

"Can you turn around please?" her voice was trembling with emotion and I was scared she was mad at me, or worse… disappointed.

I slowly turned around to face her, bracing myself for what she was going to say.

"I know Alex. Thank you for telling me," she whispered as tears rolled down her face.

I was astonished. She knew. Was it so obvious?

"Why are you crying? Did I disappoint you?" I asked nervously.

" O god no! No! It's just … you were always a little different. I've suspected this since you were five years old darling. I'm just relieved that after ten years, you discovered it yourself. I was hard for me not to ask you about it during those years."

My eyes widened in surprise. Since I was five? Really?

"Why didn't you ask me? It could have made things a little easier for me you know."I wasn't sure if I was a little mad her for not helping me to come out.

"I wanted you to explore your sexuality yourself. I didn't want to push you in any direction or have some influence on you. I was convinced you would come to me when the time was right," she said while her hand cupped my cheek. "Are you in love with anyone Al?"

I shook my head. I'm seriously crushing on my math teacher, but it's nothing really worth mentioning.

"Is there another reason you're telling me this right now?"

I swear to god, she has some kind of sixth sense for things like this. She always knows when something had happened. A blush covered my face and I was sure my mom could feel the sudden warmth against her hand. I wanted to tell her, she's my best friend, but felt a little embarrassed about the reason why I told her all of this.

"You remember that stupid party at Jessica's house last Friday right? You know, the one I wasn't invited to?"

She nodded and took my hand in hers, stroking the back of my hand with her thumb. I knew she hated it when I talked about my lack of friends or the bullying.

"There's some new girl in my class who also didn't get invited. So, we thought it would be nice to hang out together. We went to the indoor skatepark and I kissed her full on the mouth. She's nice, but I'm not in love with her," I said, not looking at my mom.

A bright grin formed on my mother's face, failing to keep her excitement under control.

"I see, and you're telling me this now because … after that kiss you know for sure you're into girls?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"You seem to be okay with being gay honey. Am I right?"

I immediately tensed up. Why was she asking me this?

"Yes, I am. Are _you_ okay with your daughter being gay?" I needed to know the answer.

She was silent for a few seconds, which made me nervous all over again.

"Of course I'm okay with it Alex. It's just … I was scared you wouldn't accept yourself the way you are. You're already a little different from other girls your age and maybe realizing you were gay wasn't making it easier for you to stay true to yourself," she whispered as another round of tears streamed down her cheeks.

She's such a strong woman, but can be so emotional sometimes, showing her caring personality. I love that about her. She only showed this side of her to the ones who are close to her. I guess I inherited her characteristics. Before I could respond, she parted her lips to continue.

"Al, the world is cruel okay? I'm proud of you for being comfortable in your own skin, but some people won't accept you sweetheart. I mean, we live in the nineties, but some people are still close-minded towards homosexuals. Homophobia is still a huge problem and I…. I'm scared for you."

Her fear shattered my soul into a million pieces. I could hear her unconditional love for me seeping through the words and I almost started crying with her.

"I know mom, but please don't be scared. People will always find a reason to hate on others."

She gave me a weak smile and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I heart you," she said before placing a kiss to my temple. It felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't care about what people might think. The only person I wanted approval from was my mom.

It was silent for a long time and I was sure she had fallen asleep, until she bolted upright and the sound of her voice filled the room again.

"Alex, you didn't have sex with that girl after you kissed her right?"

I wondered how she managed to make me so feel awkward … so fast. She could be straightforward from time to time.

I started fidgeting with the hem of my Death Maiden t-shirt, blushing fiercely.

"Of course not. I'm not ready for that yet mom."

My mother let out a deep breath and relaxed back into her pillow.

"Good."

"Good?" I frowned, looking her straight in the eye.

"Yeah, I know it isn't my business, but I think you should wait until you're in love and share you're first time with a girl you really like. I didn't wait and wasn't ready at all. I still regret that," she said in a soft voice.

I knew she didn't have the best experience. She had told me that she shared her first time with some eighteen year old dude in the back of his car. My mom was just fourteen years old and they didn't really like each other, but he had offered her a place to sleep when her alcoholic parents had kicked her out again.

"And by the way, I think it's important to get to know your own body before you explore someone else's," she continued in a serious tone. "But judging by the deep flush that's covering your face right now, I assume you're already familiar with that part Vause,"she teased. She didn't even try to hide the amusement in her voice.

"Mom! I'm not going to talk to you about _that_ ," I groaned as I buried my face into the pillow.

"Oh, are you going to act like an embarrassed teenager now?" she laughed. "That's new."

Before I could give her a clever reply, her hands grabbed my waist and started tickling me. I burst out laughing while my body twisted uncontrollably. Her fingers traveled up to my armpits, causing me to scream.

"STOP… please," I begged her and when I had to gasp for air in order to prevent myself from suffocating, she released me.

"You know I was teasing you Al. But seriously, please don't feel embarrassed about those things. You can talk to me about everything. I just want you to know that."

I nodded as I tried to gain my breathing and let my muscles relax again.

"I'm fucking glad I don't have to tell you about condoms. I was not looking forward to that," she stated.

I couldn't suppress the snort that erupted through my nose.

"Fuck, I would rather have a daughter that's gay than a daughter who is addicted to drugs," she stated out of the blue while placing her hand on her forehead. "I actually feel a little happy that you're a lesbian. Maybe your future girlfriend wants to shop with me."

I rolled my eyes at her, shifting on the bed to lay on my back as I positioned my arms behind my head and gazed up at the ceiling.

"Mom, I can ask you anything right?" I whispered softly.

"Of course."

"Do you think dad would have disapproved of me for not being heterosexual?"

I could feel her stiffen beside me.

"Oh Al, I don't know."

She wasn't being honest with me. I knew her too well.

"Yes you do! I can hear it in your voice," I said.

"Why is that important? He is not a part of your life honey."

"Because I'm going to meet him in a few years mom, that's why. Maybe I'll have a girlfriend around that time and bring her with me." Excitement unfolded in my chest as I visualized our first meeting.

My mother exhaled deeply, placing a warm hand on my shirt-covered belly.

"He wasn't exactly open-minded towards same-sex relationships at the time. I hope he's changed when you meet him darling, but I seriously doubt it."

I was thankful for her honesty, but wasn't happy with the answer.

"I'm sure he's changed. He'll accept me so we can develop a real father-daughter relationship," I stated, more to convince myself than to convince my mother.

She kissed my cheek and suggested that we should close our eyes and get some sleep. I rolled over, facing the wall and I pressed my back against her chest. I always felt extremely safe when she was lying this close to me.

"Are you sure you're okay with me being gay mom?" I asked her one last time.

"Yes I am. I don't care whether you like boys or girls or whatever. I just want you te be happy that's all that matters to me. Don't worry Alex. And besides..."

She kissed my shoulder, before she continued.

"You can't control where your heart goes."

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 **A/N** : I do not own anything, but I just loooove LP's quote about controlling your heart and I thought it would be perfect for this Alex/Diane moment, so I used it ;)


	9. I

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews! I already have a few ideas about the upcoming letters, but please let me know if you have any suggestions. I don't know how things will turn out with this fic, but a smutfest? Noooo, that's definitely not my intention. Will there be sex? Yes of course! Because it's a big part of Alex's life in my opinion (this chapter contains this side of her).

I'm a little nervous about the first part of this fragment… I like taking risks and write about the unexpected, so you've been warned. I feel shy about the second part. Why? Well, let's say… you'll find out soon enough :)

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 **I ~ Invitation**

 _December_ _17, 2024_

The colorful lights flashed to the beat of the music as the room smelled like alcohol and sweat. My hips rhythmically swayed to the song while I took another sip of my bourbon. Nicky was celebrating her 44th birthday with her group of friends at her favorite club. I didn't knew any of her friends, but they were nice and had accepted me in their social circle right away. Piper and I were supposed to go together, but our daughter completely lost it when we told her she would stay at Bill and Carol's house overnight. She loved them, but our daughter was not so fond of sleepovers. We didn't want to bother Bill and Carol with a distraught child and thought it would be best if Piper stayed home tonight. I don't think she was disappointed though. She liked Nicky, but Nicky and I had more in common.

I glanced over at Nicky, who was as high as a kite. She still occasionally did drugs since she was released from prison a few years ago, claiming it was just for fun. I highly doubt it. I recognize all the signs from when I used drugs myself after Piper had left me in Paris. I had warned Nicky a couple of times, but she's a big girl and can do whatever she wants.

I closed my eyes, completely caught up in the music and felt relaxed and calm. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed myself as much as I did in this moment. Our life had been turned up side down since our daughter was born. She demanded our attention twenty-four seven just like any other kid. I love her to death and can't live without her, but sometimes I just miss having Piper all to myself. It would have been nice to dance with her right now.

My thoughts of Piper were suddenly interrupted as a pair of hands grabbed my waist from behind. My body froze at the touch and I could feel myself slipping into a flashback. I tried to breathe through my nose as my brain focused on happy things to prevent myself from dissociating, , just as Susan had taught me. I didn't appreciate physical contact with men and was ready to turn around and slap him in the face, until his hands pulled me against his chest. I felt a warm body pressing into my back. Its softness confused me for a few seconds and I glanced down to the hands on my hips. A French manicure. I let out a breath and relaxed instantly when I realized the person behind me was a woman. I wanted to turn around and face her, but her hold on my hips intensified, gently applying some pressure with her palms to encourage me to keep dancing in this position.

I wasn't sure if this was appropriate, dancing with a woman when my wife was waiting for me at home, but my body didn't seem to mind as it began moving against her of its own accord. Nicky winked at me as the woman and I kept dancing like this for a couple of minutes. My body was completely relaxed and I enjoyed myself, but my senses were alarmed as soon as her hand traveled up to my belly, pulling me further into her front. The action caused her breasts to press into my back. Her pelvis started grinding against my ass and I could feel a familiar sensation unfolding in my abdominal region. This was becoming way too much. I stepped away from her and walked straight to the club's exit, never looking back. I desperately needed to get some fresh air into my lungs.

I stepped outside and leaned against the wall next to the club's front door for a couple of minutes, still trying to comprehend what just had happened, as a soft voice reached my ears.

"Hey."

I looked up to see a tall woman standing next to me. She was wearing a boyfriend jeans, a simple white t-shirt and red heels. Her brown hair was tied in a messy bun. I couldn't deny that she was extremely attractive.

"Hey," I said in a hoarse voice.

"You didn't like my dance moves or what?" she asked while raising an eyebrow at me.

Holy fuck, _this_ was the girl who was dancing behind me?

She didn't give me time to reply as she placed herself in front of me, standing dangerously close.

"Too bad, I was enjoying your dance moves a lot," she winked.

Her bold, daring attitude intrugued me. My eyes studied her face. She was young, very young, I instantly felt uncomfortable about my own age. Her lips were full and she had extremely white teeth. My gaze traveled lower and I subconsciously licked my lips when her breasts came into view. They were large, almost out of proportion to her slender figure. It made me wonder if they were natural. I've touched all types of breasts in my life, but I've never had the chance to explore cosmetic ones. I prefer them small, the ones that perfectly fit into my hands and, although I'm not attracted to silicone boobs, I suddenly felt curious about what they would feel like.

"I'm not..." I started, but she cut me off by pressing her full lips to mine. I was completely caught off guard by her bold move and broke away from the kiss. She opened her eyes, looking at me questioningly.

"I… I'm sorry... I can't do this. I'm married," I explained, showing her the ring on my finger.

A sly smile formed on her face.

"So?"

I opened my mouth to answer her question, but the words didn't come out. I was too shocked by her arrogance. I took a deep breath, pushed my glasses on top of my head and composed myself.

"I have a seven-year-old daughter. I could be your mother for fucks sake. You're like twentyfive or something." I answered.

"Don't exaggerate and so what if you're in your forties? You're still gorgeous."

"You're pretty straightforward aren't you?" I felt more offended than flattered. Still gorgeous? As if women in their forties had lost all their beauty. "And by the way, what makes you think I'm into women?"

"Oh please," she snorted while rolling her eyes at me "You give off a certain vibe. I can smell you're a hardcore lesbian hon, and I still haven't heard a valid reason not to kiss you," she whispered, tucking a strand of my black hair behind my ear.

I closed my eyes when her lips brushed my cheek, making their way to my mouth. I didn't do anything to stop her this time and when she kissed me, all the self-control I had left flew out the window. She didn't waste any time and started licking my bottom lip. I couldn't think straight as my primal brain took over. I opened my mouth and welcomed her tonque inside, earning me a soft moan of approval. We continued kissing as her free hand traveled up the back of my thigh, until it reached my ass, squeezing gently. Fuck, the confidence of this young woman was so attractive.

I didn't even notice that she had stopped kissing me, until her lips were close to my ear and her large breasts were pressing against mine.

"Maybe we can continue this in my bedroom? I don't live far from here," she whispered seductively.

I could feel my panties getting moist when the words left her mouth. I opened my eyes and inhaled deeply. Her invitation was so fucking tempting, but I couldn't do this. I loved Piper way too much to hurt her in such a cruel way.

"No this is one big mistake. I…I need to go home." I pushed her away and started walking. It was only a ten-minute walk to my house. I quickly texted Nicky to let her know I left the club to go home and asked her if she wanted to bring my leather jacket with her.

What the fuck just happened? I love women. I love their softness, their curves. I love the way they smell, move and sound. I've always been a very sexual person, always enjoyed kissing and pleasuring other females. But never in a million years I thought I could do this to Piper. I've never been interested in other women since I'm with her.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost walked past the house, My shaky fingers reached inside the pocket of my leather pants, searching for the keys. My feet carried me into the living room where I took off my shoes. I didn't bother turning on a light and practically ran towards the staircase. I wanted to get in bed as soon as possible. Hopefully, all of this turned out to be a bad dream when I woke up in the morning. I was almost there when my foot stepped on something hard and plastic.

"FUCK, Jesus fuck," I cursed and kicked the barbie across the room. I had asked Rose to pick up the toys when she was done playing, but of course she didn't care to listen to me.

I climbed the stairs and carefully tiptoed into my bedroom. Piper was fast asleep and had kicked off the covers, exposing her long elegant legs to my eyes. I smiled at the sight, she's so beautiful.

I undressed myself, putting on a grey vintage Rolling Stones t-shirt and a clean pair of panties before sliding into bed, covering Piper and myself with the blanket. I got comforable on my side, facing away from Piper. My eyelids were heavy and I decided to close them and deal with tonight's mistake in the morning.

"You're not going to spoon me?" Piper whispered in a soft voice.

Shit, she's awake. I didn't want to talk to her right now.

"Sorry, I didn't know you weren't sleeping," I answered in a low and husky voice.

She didn't respond for a few seconds, but I could feel her turn around. Her warm fingers slipped under my t-shirt, caressing my back.

"Al, are you turned on sweetheart?"

She knew me so well. Piper always recognizes the little signs my body gives when I'm aroused. My voice always dropped an octave or two when I was in a sexual mood and she had probably noticed it now.

"Yeah I uh…" but she didn't give me the chance to complete my sentence as she pressed herself against my back, kissing my ear.

"I've got the perfect solution to that."

Her hand started stroking my thigh, traveling up to my hipbone to push me onto my back. I rolled over and my eyes locked with her beautiful innocent blue ones. A sudden pang of guilt shot through me as she gave me a loving smile.

"Hey beautiful. I've missed you," she whispered, mere inches from my face.

I covered my face with my hands, not able to look at her anymore. A loud sobbing noise filled the quiet room and it took me a few seconds to realize it came from my throat. Piper tensed up beside me and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

I couldn't lie to her, didn't want to. My lips parted to breathe out slowly as I tried to find the words. How do you say something like this? Just drop the bomb? I wanted to explain myself and choose the words carefully, but maybe there isn't such thing as a right way to tell this.

"Ikissedanotherwoman," I blurted out.

Her fingers stiffened around my shoulder, digging her nails into my skin.

"Excuse me?"

I was sure she had heard me, but I was going to repeat myself anyway.

"I kissed another woman Piper," my voice was loud and clear.

She sat upright and grasped my wrists, trying to push my hands from my face. I knew it didn't help the situation when I would put op a fight. She moved my hands, pinning them down to the mattress as I revealed my tear-streaked face to her.

"WHAT THE FUCK," she screamed at me.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as my voice cracked with guilt, but she didn't seem to hear me.

"Tell me what happened Alex!" she demanded.

"Please let go off my wrists," I begged her as I began to cry harder. The expression on her face softened as her brain registered the fear in my eyes. She released me instantly.

I didn't want to tell her in detail, but she had the right to know.

"She… she started dancing behind me and a few minutes later she kissed me. I pulled away, told her I'm married but she didn't care, kissed me again and that's when… when my instincts took over. I'm so sorry Piper."

She gave me a cold look and bit her bottom lip out of frustration.

"Well, SCREW YOU and your fucking instincts. I should have seen this coming. Why did you do it? You don't find me attractive anymore? Am I too old for you?"

I knew Piper became self-conscious about her body after our daughter was born. Her flat stomach and perky breasts were gone and she had convinced herself that I was no longer sexually attracted to her. Which was definitly not the case. Her body was more mature and was aging beautifully.

"No Pipes! No it's …" but she didn't want an answer. She just wanted to scream at me and of course, I let her.

"I can't believe you let this happen! We've been through hell and back to restore our healthy sex life after that night in 2017! I was always there, comforting and supporting you when you needed it and as soon as you're in a club on your own, you're kissing some slut. FUCK YOU ALEX!"

She was right. We had been through hell together and it took us a long time to regain the same level of trust and intimacy as we had before that particular night.

"Piper I'm sorry. It didn't mean anything. You know what it's like. You've also kissed a woman when we were together," I sobbed.

"That happened because our relationship wasn't steady enough and you were emotionally distancing yourself from me, remember?"

I didn't know what to say. It's still not a valid excuse in my opinion, but this wasn't the right time to start a fight about that.

"I love you," I whispered through my tears, closing my eyes again as if I were in physical pain.

She shifted beside me, lifting her hips off the mattress and I was sure she was leaving the bed to go downstairs to sleep on the couch, until I felt her thighs hug my hips. My eyes snapped open and took in the sight. Piper was sitting on top of me, her eyes were filled with lust, her nipples already hard and straining against her silky top, and clutcing her panties in her hand. When my eyes traveled lower, I subconsciously let out a deep groan. Her exposed sex was already swollen and glistening with her arousal.

"You do?"

I nodded and licked my lips.

"Show me."

Confusion fogged my brain fo a second and I wasn't able to move a muscle. I just stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Okay never mind. I'll do it myself," she said while rising from her current position.

"NO!," I practically screamed as my hands grabbed her hips to push her back onto me. "Please, let me."

I shifted underneath her, gathering my strength to flip us over, but she stopped me by placing her hand on my chest and pushed me back into the pillow.

"Why don't you just lay back and relax a bit? You've had a rough night right?" she mocked. She released her soaked panties on my chest and pulled her top over her head.

The nails of my left hand digged deeper into her hip as I let the other one glide towards its final destination. She trembled on top of me as my fingers stroked her shaven mound, preparing her for my next move. My hand traveled lower, until my thumb and forefinger touched her clit, pinching it lightly.

"Fuck…..yes," she sighed in appreciation.

My fingers slid between her folds, coating them with her wetness. I licked my lips at the feeling and knew Piper was ready to welcome the fingers inside. There was no time for teasing and I gently pushed two digits into her opening. We both let out a moan at the sensation, she was so incredibly tight. Her hips bucked against my palm, trying to take me in deeper. My hand immediately quickened its pace, filling her over and over again. The only thing that could be heard were the wet sounds coming from between Piper's legs and her high-pitched cries of pleasure. Her inner walls started to spasm around my fingers and I knew she was already getting close. The arousing sight in front of my eyes caused me to pant a little and I automatically sped up the movement between her thighs. A low moaning sound escaped my mouth as Piper's juices dripped into my palm. My other hand left her hip to touch her small breast, flicking my thumb over its hardened tip. The gesture seemed to spur her on and she started riding my fingers. I released her breast quickly and moved back to her hip, assisting her to keep up with the rapid pace of my hand.

"So good," I panted, while I increased the force of my thrusts a little more.

Her inner walls contracted around my fingers and I could tell she was almost there. She grabbed the hand that was between her legs and pulled it out of her forcefully. My eyes widened in shock and confusion. I wanted to protest and push my fingers back into her velvety warmth, but I was so surprised by her action that I couldn't move. I immediately knew why she did this. I loved the sensation of being inside her when she orgasmed. I always felt pure bliss spreading through my body during those seconds and Piper knew that. She pulled my fingers out of her, because she believed I didn't deserve to feel that right now… not after what I had done to her.

Her fingers rubbed her clit a couple of times and when she pinched her nipple with her other hand, she climaxed on top of me. Her high-pitched moans were music to my ears and I grabbed her thighs roughly as a wave of warm liquid soaked through my shirt. My throat hummed with satisfaction.

The first time I managed to make Piper squirt, was during our trip to Bali. She came back to our hotel room after visting some live sex show with Fahri and Kubra. I had never seen her so aroused before. She practically begged me to fuck her. I was licking her sex and just as I pushed my tongue inside her, she came. A large amount of liquid filled my mouth and coated my chin. I had no other choice than to swallow most of it. It was an odd sensation and it caught me by surprise. The tasteless, thin, watery fluid was a bit different than what I was used to, and I immediately knew I made her squirt. Piper was extremely embarrassed and had burst into tears. I reassured her that it was okay and that I actually felt a little flattered, because she allowed herself to lose all control during sex. Apparently, she trusted me enough. It had happened frequently since then and Piper is more comfortable with it now. I still consider it as one of the biggest achievements in my sexual history and I'm always a bit disappointed when it doesn't happen.

Piper collapsed on top of me, sweating and recovering from her powerful orgasm.

" I think I marked my territory. You're mine again," she whispered into my ear and rolled off me to the right. She lay on her stomach, trying to regain her breath.

I gazed up to the ceiling. What the fuck just happened? I could understand that Piper was possessive and jealous after all that happened tonight, but that didn't mean she had the right to strip me of all my power.

I practically jumped out of bed, pulled my shirt over my head, shoved my panties down my legs, walked to the edge of the bed and crawled on top of my naked wife, carefully pushing my weight into her.

"Hmmm Al," she sighed.

I kissed her shoulder and let my finger trail down her spine. She shivered at the feeling and bucked her hips into the mattress, trying to get some friction against her center.

"Greedy aren't you?" I whispered huskily.

I rolled off her and lay beside her while my eyes glanced at her ass. A feeling of dominance spread through my body and before I could stop myself, the palm of my hand smacked one of her butt cheeks, causing the flesh to jiggle from the force. Piper gasped in surprise and I had to bit my bottom lip to stifle a deep groan.

I let my finger run over the reddish handprint that was already starting to appear on her pale skin.

"Well, I seems like you're mine too," I said in a low voice as I brushed my finger over her crack, all the way down until it slid between her slick folds. She let out a loud moan as I pushed the digit inside. I started thrusting in and out of her with an agonizing slow pace, savoring the intense feeling. It still amazed me that after the fifteen years we've been together, I still hadn't had enough of her glorious body. I picked up the pace as the smell of her arousal filled my nostrils, causing my primal brain to take over.

I spread my legs a little bit and experimentally rolled my hips, grinding my clit against her thigh. I moaned in pleasure and almost felt embarrassed about how close I already was. I propped myself up on my elbow, resting my head on my hand. I looked down to see Piper facing me with her eyes closed, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted and her hair a little damp due to her previous orgasm. She released soft little whimpers as I repeatedly pushed into her. It's such an erotic sight to see her so turned on and thoroughly enjoying the things I was doing to her.

My fingers increased their pace between her legs and my own hips matched the rhythm against her thigh. Piper's moans became louder and she turned her head to bury her head into her pillow, a weak attempt to muffle the sounds.

"Oh no no no," I whispered as I grabbed a fistful of hair, yanking her head up. "Let me hear you."

She wanted to protest, but was too far gone to form words. I added another finger into my wife's vulva, earning me a loud cry of pleasure.

"Hmm that's more like it Pipes."

I licked the shell of her ear before burying my nose into her hair, inhaling the familiar coconut scent.  
The force of my fingers was almost rough and I was sure Piper was going to be sore tomorrow, but we both didn't care. We just gave in to the feeling and both needed this.

Her inner walls hugged my fingers in the most delicious way and a few seconds later, my efforts were rewarded with another wave of Piper's fluids, coating my hand. When her orgasm had subsided, I pulled my fingers out of her sex. I rolled on top of her, covering her naked body completely while I spread my left leg as wide as I could. My hands grabbed her hips, digging my nails into her skin, as my own hips started grinding into one of her soft and full ass cheeks. I rested my head against her shoulder and panted against her skin. I wasn't even aware of what I was doing, until Piper's hand tangled into my hair. I increased the pace of my hips and dug my nails further into her skin. I was too close to the edge to feel embarrassed about my wetness on my wife's butt. The muscles in my abdomen twichted and my legs started to shake slightly.

"I'm going to come," I warned her. I always warned her before I climaxed, but I'm not sure why. Her hand caressed my scalp, encouraging me to let go.

My body convulsed on top of her and my legs started to tremble violently, as wave after wave of pure pleasure washed over me. I groaned in delight, biting on Piper's shoulder. The heavenly feeling subsided after a few seconds, but my body didn't want to stop moving and kept grinding against her. The pressure on my clit was getting really uncomfortable, but I couldn't stop myself. I had lost all control, until Piper's free hand touched my hip and brought me to my senses.

"Shhh Alex, relax love, calm down" she whispered, causing my body to slow down, until it completely stopped moving against her.

"Fuck, that was.. fuck that was a strong one," I panted against her shoulder blade, before kissing it lightly.

"Yeah, I felt that," she chuckled, stroking my hair.

As soon as my breathing turned normal again, I rolled off her. Piper slid out of bed, dressing herself into a clean pair of panties and her silky top.

"Are you cold Pipes?"

"Yeah, it's freezing outside, I'm naked and covered in sweat."

She climbed into the bed again, pulling the covers over our exhausted and satisfied bodies.

"Does this mean we're okay now?" I asked tentatively.

She cupped my face in her hand, brushing her thumb over my cheek affectionately.

"You know Alex, I think I overreacted a bit. I know you are a very sexual person. We've been together for so long. It's only natural to be curious about other women. We're still humans right?"

My face contorted in confusion. She sure had changed over the years. The old Piper would have kicked me out of the house and thrown all my stuff out of the window.

"I don't want to be with other women Piper. I've never been interested in anyone else. I don't know why it happened tonight."

She kissed me full on the mouth, moaning against my lips.

"Al, like I said, we've been together for fifteen years. We are so used to each other, it's almost like we're one person sometimes. It's normal to get a little interested if some other woman starts to flirt with you. Especially, when your name is Alex Vause."

"Aren't you mad at me?" I was still a little reluctant to believe her.

"No I'm not mad, but I'm not happy about it either. You seriously crossed a line, but so did I when I kissed… you know."

I was glad she didn't say the name out loud. I'm not sure if I could handle it this soon after the mind-blowing sex we just had.

"It was a mistake. You're sorry and it will never happen again. Right?" she continued.

I nodded and leaned in to kiss her, licking the corner of her mouth, demanding entrance. Her tongue touched mine and a groan escaped my throat. Fuck, she tasted so sweet, so much better than the plain taste I had experienced earlier tonight. We kissed for a couple of minutes, until she had to break away in order to breathe. Her fingers left my cheek and trailed down my throat, between my breasts, over my belly and into the neatly trimmed patch of hair above my sex.

"Spread your legs a bit sweetheart," she whispered against my jaw.

I did what was asked and a soft moan filled the air as her fingers slid down my slick folds.

"Sweet Jesus, you're so wet Alex. Tell me how you want it love," she asked as she kept stroking my center, adding a little more pressure.

"Inside.. soft and slow," I panted. I cupped her face in my hands, planting soft kisses on her mouth while her fingers touched my opening, preparing me for what was about to come.

She pushed her fingertips into my entrance, causing my legs to quiver with impatience. Just as her fingers were buried halfway inside me, our bedroom door creaked open. Our bodies froze and we didn't move or talk, hoping we didn't hear it correctly.

"I'm scared," a soft voice filled the room.

I instantly dried up at the sound of it and groaned in frustration. Piper gave me an apologetic smile and pressed her lips against the inked letters of our daughter's name below my collarbone, as she pulled her fingers out of me, wiping them on my inner thigh.

"What's wrong honey?" Piper asked while sliding out of bed.

I glanced over at the little figure standing in the doorway. She looked so cute in the pink My Little Pony onesie I had bought her a few days ago. Her long blonde hair was messy and she was carrying her stuffed goat under her arm. My heart swelled with love at the sight.

"I heard strange noises coming out of your bedroom. I thought somebody was in pain," she lisped due to her missing front teeth.

A snort erupted through my nose and Piper shot me a warning look.

"Oh no, nobody is in pain Rose. Mom and I were just cuddling and kissing in the bed and sometimes we make a little noise, but I promise you we're not in pain," Piper said in a soothing voice.

A few weeks ago, the three of us were relaxing on the couch. Piper and I were reading a book while Rose was watching TV. We were so caught up in our books that we didn't notice our daughter was staring at the screen, mesmerized at what she was seeing. She had nudged my leg and asked me what the people on the TV were doing. My daughter was watching an intimate love scene of some romantic TV series. Piper and I decided to tell her the truth, but left out the details she didn't need to know just yet. We had explained to her that when adults loved each other, they liked to cuddle and kiss in the nude. I've never seen her so excited and proud after we told her. She felt special because we had told her a big secret about grown-ups that other kids didn't knew.

"Naked? Like the people on TV?" she giggled while her eyes widened in shock.

Piper blushed fiercely and I let out a hard laugh in amusement.

"Well uh," Piper stammered "Now let's go to bed. I'll read you a bedtime story."

"NOOOO," Rose screamed as she ran towards me. "I want you to bring me to bed." She looked at me and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me out of the bed.

Piper and Rose loved each other, but our daughter had developed a strong preference for me. I don't know why, maybe because Piper and Rose were too similar.

"You know what, mom is going to read you a bedtime story right now," I said while glancing at Piper "and I'll take you to the pond tomorrow to feed the ducks okay?"

I felt a little uncomfortable talking about feeding ducks with my kid, when I just made love to my wife a few minutes ago. I guess this is a normal part of family life, but I'm still not used to it.

She squealed with happiness, bouncing on her feet. She ran back to Piper, tugging on her arm.

"Let's go mom, hurry!"

I observed my wife while she was interacting with our daughter. I tried to image what would've happened if I had accepted the woman's invitation. Was I capable of having sex with someone else? Probably not, I would have stopped myself before we even reached her bed. The thought of fucking another woman made me nauseous.

Piper glanced over her shoulder to look at me and blew me a kiss before closing the bedroom door behind her.

Fuck… I'm one lucky woman.


	10. J

**A/N:** thank you so much for your kind words in the reviews! You're giving me the confidence I need to complete this fic. I'm definitely going to write about what happened to Alex, but not in this chapter because I still don't know which letter I'm going to use for that particular moment. Until then, I hope you like chapter ten and please remember… english is not my first language. Thanks for understanding.

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 **J ~ Jellyfish**

 _May 12, 2019_

My eyelids fluttered open as a tiny hand touched my cheek. As soon as my eyes were locked on her blue sparkly ones, she leaned in and opened her mouth wide, greeting me with something that was supposed to be kiss. I reached for my nightstand to put my glasses on. A smile curled the corners of my mouth as my pupils focused on the little girl standing beside my bed. She looked so cute in her skinny jeans and black polkadot t-shirt.

"Hi little monkey," I said in a hoarse voice while lifting her onto the mattress.

She quickly crawled over to the empty side of the bed, snuggling into Piper's pillow.

"Where's mom?"

She didn't seem to care about Piper's whereabouts, because she shrugged her little shoulders and pulled my phone out from under my pillow.

"Dog?"

She tapped the screen and shot me a questionable look. I took the phone out of her little hands and searched for an episode of 'Clifford the Big Red Dog' on YouTube before handing it back to her. She curled up against my side and put her thumb in her mouth. My nose brushed against her crown to inhale her unique scent. I chuckled softly as my daughter's fingers touched my jaw, applying some pressure in an unsuccessful attempt to push me away.

"Look at you two, what a lovely sight " my wife's feminine voice filled the room as she walked up to the bed, carrying a tray of toast, orange juice and a steaming cup of coffee.

"Happy first Mother's Day sweetheart," she whispered as she placed the tray over my lap and kissed me on the mouth.

It was our second Mother's Day since Rose was born, but Piper and I had agreed to take turns each year and today was my special day.

"Rose, can you give mom your gifts please?" Piper asked while she sat down on on the bed.

My daughter shook her head vigorously. "NO!" The word has become her favorite since last month. Rose is a strong-willed child and I love that about her, but sometimes… I'm struggling to stay patient.

"Okay, I'll do it myself," Piper sighed and handed me the gift. I unwrapped the present and found 'The Complete Poems' by Anne Sexton inside. I've become interested in poetry since I was released from prison and after reading all Sylvia Plath's poetry collections, I had recently switched to Anne Sexton.

"Thanks Pipes." I whispered.

My fingers curled around the back of her neck, pulling her towards me. I pressed my mouth against hers, lingering a little longer than usual.

The kiss seemed to catch our daughter's attention and the phone slipped out of her hands. Her little fingers grabbed the envelope that was hidden behind the glass of orange juice, sticking it out in my direction. I opened it and pulled out the card. A wave of pride rushed through my body as I unfolded the piece of paper. Rose's painted handprints were inside of it, next to a written message _. 'Happy first Mother's Day. I love you!'_ I didn't recognize the handwriting, it sure wasn't Piper's.

"Thank you so much Rose. That's beautiful," I said before kissing her on the top of her head. She giggled and clapped her hands in excitement.

"This is not your handwriting Pipes. Who wrote this?" I couldn't hide the confusion in my voice.

"It's my mom's. She and Rose made this when she was babysitting her last week."

"Oh."

I didn't know what to say. I was a little shocked to hear that Carol had taken the time to paint with my daughter to surprise me on my first Mother's Day. Carol had accepted me as her daughter's wife, but we didn't like each other. I don't like her reserved personality. She's almost cold towards her childeren and not very involved in their lives and she still blames me for turning her only daughter into a lesbian. She doesn't even acknowledges me as Rose's _real_ mother. This card was completely out of the blue.

"That's nice of her," I said in a flat tone.

"At least she's trying," Piper responded and I could tell she was getting a little irritated by my lack of enthusiasm.

"You look lovely today Piper," I smiled, trying to change the subject of our conversation. "But I'm a little disappointed that you and Rose are already dressed."

"Why?"

"Well, it would have been nice to spend some time in the bath this morning. You know, the three of us togehter."

Piper smiled at me as her hand touched my bare leg.

"Oh sorry love. Maybe we can do that after tonight's dinner?," she offered while stroking my thigh.

A grin formed on my face as I pictured tonight's quality time in my head. Rose was just like Piper, they both loved getting into the bath.

"Come on Rose, let's go downstairs to make you some breakfast," Piper said while she reached out to touch our daughter's arm.

"NO!"

"You're not hungry?"

"NO!"

"I don't believe you little lady. Come on, we're going to let mom eat her breakfast in peace," Piper tried again.

"NO!"

Piper rolled her eyes and stood up from the bed, hovering over me to lift our daughter off the mattress.

"NOOOOO," Rose screamed while rubbing her eyes.

"Enjoy your toast Al," Piper winked before they left the room.

I ate my breakfast in silence, brushed my teeth and dressed myself. I walked down the stairs and made my way into the kitchen. Piper was brushing our daughter's hair while Rose took a bite from her toast. It still amazed me how the maternal role came so naturally to Piper. She always understood Rose's cries, whining and whimpers. They all mean different things and Piper always managed to decipher and decode what Rose was trying to tell us. Sometimes, her motherly side made me feel a little envious. I didn't always possess the skill of reading our daughter so excellently as Piper could. I don't like to admit it, but sometimes it makes me feel like I'm less of a mother… less of a woman. The first couple of months after Rose was born, I told Piper that I was extremely worried about my lack of maternal feelings, but she reassured me that I just needed more time to get to know our baby. She was right, things got better, but I'm still not much as an expert on recognizing Rose's wishes and needs.

I placed my empty plate in the sink, washed my hands and was still lost in my thoughts when Piper wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. My muscles jumped at her touch, but relaxed a second later as her voice reached my ears.

"Oh sorry Al, it's just me," she whispered before pressing a feathery kiss against the exposed skin of my neck. "Is there something you wanna do today?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I think… I uh…"

Fuck, I didn't know how to bring it up to her. Piper seemed to notice my discomfort and rubbed her hand over my belly. "It's your day Al. We can do anything you want."

"I wanna visit my mom's grave today," I blurted out. "With you and Rose."

I could feel my wife's body stiffen against me and I nervously waited for her to respond. She didn't… and after a few seconds, I opened my mouth to speak.

"I'll go by myself if you don't feel comfortable Pipes."

She moved her hands to stroke my sides as she let out a breath and relaxed against me.

"No, we'll go with you if that's want you want love. It's just, I didn't see this coming."

I turned around in her embrace, looking her in the eye.

"I'm sorry if I surprised you. I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks, but didn't know how to tell you," I admitted.

"It's okay Al. We both knew this was coming when you felt ready to visit her. I'm just surprised you want me to be there. I wasn't expecting that."

I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my lips against hers, expressing all my love for her in just one simple kiss.

"Let's go then," she whispered and removed her arms from my waist.

She walked over to Rose, clipping a little bow into our daughter's blonde locks to prevent the hair from getting into her mouth and a couple of minutes later, we were on on our way to the cemetery. Rose was babbling some inaudible things in her car seat, Piper checked her email on her phone, while I concentrated on the road. We drove past a flower shop and I suddenly pulled the car over, parking it in front of the store. The unexpected action caused Piper to jerk her head up to look at me.

"Is it okay if I go inside for a sec?" I asked, adverting her gaze.

"Yes, of course."

Anxiety spread through my body and I started fidgeting with my glasses. Maybe visiting my mom's grave wasn't such a good idea.

Piper seemed to notice my second thoughts and sudden discomfort. An encouraging smile formed on her lips. "Do you want me to go in?"

"I think that's a better idea. Thanks Pipes," I nodded, still not looking at her.

As soon as Piper had left the car, Rose started screaming for her, kicking her little feet against the passenger seat in front of her. I instinctively grabbed my phone out of the glovebox, started a clip of that fucking Clifford dog again and handed it to my daughter. She stopped screaming and gave me a grateful smile, before putting her thumb in her mouth and settling back into her seat. I knew Piper wouldn't approve of this parenting style, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with Rose's tantrums right now. The fact that I was visiting my mom in less than thirty minutes was already to much to bear.

Piper opened the car door, carrying a bouquet of red roses in her hand.

"Those are suitable for the occasion don't you think?" she asked while holding the flowers in front of me.

"Yeah, they're lovely," I smiled.

We continued driving and none of us spoke until Piper let out a deep breath.

"Are you nervous?"

I was. I had never visited the cemetery again after my mom's funeral. The longing and emptiness in my heart was so painful that I couldn't bring myself to go back there, which made me feel guilty.

"Yeah, I'm nervous. I mean, I think Annie took care of her grave for the past thirteen years, but she broke her hip last month. I just hope it's not a total jungle. I don't think I can handle it if my mom's grave is covered in moss and weed."

A wave of shame washed over me. Fuck, what a selfish thing to say. I couldn't expect all of that when I didn't even make an effort to visit after the funeral. I should be grateful to Annie for maintaining the place all those years.

"It will be allright Al, a month is not that long," Piper reassured me.

"I just hope I can find it Pipes. I don't even know what her headstone looks like," I whispered. "No I mean, I know what it looks like. I've picked it out myself, but I haven't seen it in real life yet."

It was silent for a good ten minutes, until a sniffling sound filled my ears.

"Why are you crying?" I asked as I tried to suppress the surprised tone in my voice.

"I'm so sorry for not being there for you Al. I'm so sorry you had to do this all alone."

My heart clenched in pain at the memory and I felt sadness rise up from deep within me.

"Piper stop. Now is not the time," I said firmly.

"No Alex. We've never talked about this! It's thirteen years ago and we've never discussed it."

"I don't wanna talk about it right now. Can you please respect that?" I tried not to raise my voice.

"So you're putting your wall up again? Shutting me out? Like you always do?" she spat.

I took a deep breath, trying to hold it together. I looked in the rearview mirror and noticed that Rose was watching us wide-eyed.

"Piper, I think I was clear wasn't I? I'm not ready to talk about about the time I was dumped by the love of my life at the exact moment my best friend died and became addicted to heroin and cocaine to numb the pain okay?" I whispered.

Wow, those two sentences perfectly described the six years before I got arrested.

Piper flinched at my words and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Okay. Please let me know if you're ready to talk," she sighed, but I could sense that Piper wanted to push it further.

We arrived at the cemetery and I parked the car in front of the entrance. The nausea in my stomach increased as I tried to concentrate on my breathing.

"We can sit in the car until you feel ready. I want you to know that. Don't rush because of me or Rose," Piper said in a soft voice.

I placed my hand on her inner thigh, squeezing it gently. "No it's okay. I'm ready."

We stepped outside the car, Piper unbuckled our daughter's car seat and the three of us walked through the cemetery's entrance. My stomach was flipping somersaults and a bile rose in my throat. I suddenly felt the need to have my daughter as close as possible and lifted her from the ground, carrying her on my hip. Piper looped her arm through mine and pressed a kiss to my rose tattoo.

"The place looks so different, but I think we're almost there Pipes."

We strolled along the path in silence. The smell of flowers and trees, the chirping birds and my daughter's inaudible singing helped me to relax a bit. We walked around the corner and my gaze fell on a white marble headstone. I immediately recognized it and stopped dead in my tracks. Piper looked up at me with a concerned expression on her face.

"Is that it?" she whispered while poining at my mother's grave.

I nodded and licked my lips to prevent them from drying out. My heart rate was on full speed and my hands started to shake slightly. The strength in my arms was fading and I had to place Rose on the ground before I was going to drop her.

"It looks beautiful Al. You've done a great job on the headstone. I'm sure your mom would have loved it." Piper placed her hand at the small of my back and gave me gentle push to encourage me to take the last few steps. My feet carried me towards the grave and I took in the sight.

It was a delicate grave. Just as I had requested. A vase of dried out white lilies was placed next to a little teddy bear and I immediately knew they were Annie's. I mentally thanked her for being so devoted to my mom.

I glanced at the gravestone. It was just as I had imagined, a white marble stone with a rose carving and an incarved epitaph. I let my eyes roam over the elegantly written letters.

 _Diane Rosalie Vause_

 _October 29, 1961 - June 11, 2006_

 _Your love will light my way, your memory will ever be with me_

It was so simple, but it meant so much to me. Tears were stinging my eyes as Piper placed the roses next to Annie's lilies. She turned around and hugged me. Her tears soaked through my shirt. I wiped away my own tears and felt the sudden urge to be the strong one.

"Shh Piper it's okay. Don't be sad," I soothed as I started stroking her back.

We just stood there in silence, glancing at my mother's grave. Rose had picked up the little teddy bear and waddled around the headstone before sitting down in the grass.

"Oh Al, Rose made a drawing while you were eating breakfast in bed this morning." Piper took a piece of paper from her handbag and handed it to me. The drawing was one big colorful mess, but it was one of the best things I had ever seen. Piper had written a little message on the drawing.

 _Dear grandma,_

 _This is supposed to be a jellyfish.  
We miss you._

 _Kisses from Rose_

A smile appeared on my face as tears welled up in my eyes once again.

Six weeks ago, Bill and Carol had invited the whole family to Florida to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. I didn't look forward to it, but was glad Neri would be there too. We bonded quite quickly after I was released from prison. We have a mutual dislike towards our mother-in-law and I love Neri's outgoing and caring personality. She doesn't give a shit about what people might say about her. We're both outcasts and that's probably why we like each other so much. She's always been there for us since Rose was born and I think it's safe to say that she has become my best friend. Those four days in Florida were one hectic hell. Cal, Neri and their two boys were all over the place. Danny and Maggie were constantly bragging about their jobs and three kids and my heart broke into pieces when I saw Piper trying so hard to get noticed by her parents, desperately trying to draw their attention but without any succes. As soon as she told her mother about Rose's new milestone, Danny interrupted her by starting a conversation about his eldest son's violin lessons. It was almost as if I were watching a little girl waiting for her mom and dad to give her a compliment on her schoolwork.

On Thursday's, we went to Sea Life. I had carried Rose on my hip the whole time and she almost fell asleep on my shoulder, until we walked past the jellyfish. Her head snapped up and her eyes widened. "Grandma Di?" she asked me while pointing at the largest jellyfish in the aquarium. I froze on the spot, not sure why she was thinking about my mother. Piper and I had never shown Rose any pictures of Diane, thinking she was way too young to understand, but we occasionally talked about her. Maybe a dead person was to abstract for her to understand and maybe she was trying to link my mom to an object our animal in the world around her to give Diane a face, I don't know… but I instantly felt uncomfortable. "Oh good Lord, it's a good thing your mother can't hear her Alex. I don't think she would've appreciated the fact that her only, and non-biological grandchild compared her to a jellyfish," Carol had said. Her words slashed through me like knives. This was her way of indirectly hurting me… reminding me of the fact that I'm not related to my daughter by blood.

Everyone started laughing at her comment and I had to bite my lip to keep my emotions in check. I felt Piper's eyes burning into my skin, but she didn't stand up for me. She didn't say anything. A few seconds later, I felt a warm hand press against my back as Neri whispered in my ear: "Don't worry Alex, I'm sure your mom would have loved Rose's comparison. Carol is fucking crazy, but hey, wouldn't you if you were married to Bill for fortyfive years? I mean, she probably isn't getting laid anymore and that's why she's acting like a total cunt all the time." I burst out laughing as Neri gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. We secretly bought Rose a stuffed jellyfish on our way out.

"Rose did you made this?" I asked while pointing at her drawing.

"NO!"

I rolled my eyes at Piper. " You could've told me that it was you who made the drawing Pipes. You don't have to be embarrassed about it" I chuckled.

She swatted my arm playfully, snatched the drawing from my hand and placed it underneath the vase on my mom's grave.

A sudden wave of uneasiness flowed through my veins while we stood there. What the fuck was I doing here? I felt silly for even suggesting it.

"Okay let's go," I said.

"What? Why? We just got here Al. I'm sure you've got a lot to tell her."

Was she seriously suggesting that I should talk to my mother's headstone? That's batshit crazy.

"I don't want to. Let's go okay?"

"Jesus Christ, you're too stubborn and proud. I think it's time for you to finally start mourning your mother's death and I think you actually want to talk to her, but feel uncomfortable with me being there. Am I right?" she asked.

Fuck, she knew me so well. She was right, I wanted to tell my mom everything, but not when Piper was standing beside me.

"It just looks weird. I'm not going to talk to a stone."

Piper let out a deep sigh. "Al, everybody who comes here has lost a loved one. Nobody is judging you for talking to a grave sweetheart."

I shrugged my shoulders and stared at the flowers.

"You know what, I've spotted a cute little place where I can get some coffee. It's close to the entrance. I'm going to sit there and wait for you and Rose. Okay?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Thanks Pipes."

"No problem. Take all the time you need."

She kissed me on the lips, turned around and walked away.

I glanced at my daughter who was still playing with the little teddy bear. I lowered myself down to a sitting position in the grass. Fuck, this is weird, but maybe I should give it a shot.

"Hi mom," I whispered with great effort. There was a time, I used to say those two words everyday, but after thirteen years of not saying them, they sounded foreign to me. It was almost as if I spoke another language.

"I'm sorry for not visiting sooner." My voice already started to crack with emotion. "It was too difficult. I was in so much pain after you died. I… I couldn't bring myself to …to..." I tried to explain the reason, but the words died in my throat.

My heart clenched in pain and I let out a heavy breath as I allowed myself to cry softly.

"So much has happened since then mom. I seriously think it's a good thing you didn't have to go through all of that shit. "

My sniffling sounds caught Rose's attention. She dropped the teddy bear as she crawled over to me, settling into my lap.

"And this is Rose, my daughter. You didn't see that coming right? Well… me neither. This is actually my first Mother's Day. I miss you so much and I need your advice mom. I don't feel confident in my new role as a mother, it doesn't come very natural to me. Which is strange, because I'm your daughter and you're the best mom in the world. I think your mom skills are missing from my DNA. Thanks for that," I chuckled while stroking my daughter's hair.

Tears were running freely down my cheeks at this point and my heart felt heavy.

"I'm mad at you for leaving me. It's so unfair! I was only twenty-six, living in Paris, and Piper broke up with me that morning. I fucking lost the two most important people in my life within a day. I started using drugs and did some sick things while I was high… I'm not proud of it. Do you remember the moment I came out to you and you said you rather had a daughter who was gay than a daughter who was using drugs? Well, fuck… I'm a big disappointment to you"

I let out a howl of intense pain as my cries turned more hysterical. I don't know for how long we sat there, but I needed to clear my vision to check on my daughter. I pushed my glasses onto the top of my head to wipe the tears away, but Rose didn't seem affected by my crying. She was mesmerized by a worm crawling around her little feet.

Suddenly, my blood boiled with anger as I felt something change deep inside me. Something I've never felt before. Anger towards Piper… for leaving me in Paris on my own after we found out my mom had died. I closed my eyes again and continued talking to my mother.

'Piper left me mom. She left me in Paris. I was forced to do everything on my own. I was alone when I saw you in your coffin, so cold and lifeless. She wasn't there when I had to pick out a headstone or when I had to bring your furniture to Annie's thrift shop. She wasn't even there at the funeral. I've never felt so lost and lonely in my entire life."

An agonizing wail escaped my mouth as my shoulders shook violently, until a strange smacking sound filled my ears. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed that Rose was chewing on something. Fuck. I didn't think twice and pushed my fingers into her mouth, searching for whatever she was trying to eat. My fingertips touched something squishy and I quickly removed them from their current place. I looked down and the urge to vomit crept up my throat. I shook my hand violently, trying to get rid of the crushed, dead worm in my palm.

"Rose, that's… don't ever do that again," I said through my tears. I was completely caught off guard by my daughter's unexpected nasty action and the uneasy feeling of talking to my mother's grave was back again. Maybe it was better to just leave and come back another time. Alone.

"Come on, let's go find mommy," I said looking at Rose.

I stood up from the ground and and carried Rose towards the little coffee place.

"You're not going to tell mom about our little worm incident are you?"

"NO!"

"Good girl," I laughed quietly, nuzzling my nose against her cheek.

I immediately spotted Piper sitting outside, she was enjoying her cup of coffee. A grin appeared on her face as soon as she saw us and I tried my best to push the angry feelings away.

"Hey, how did it go?"

Her genuine interest caused me to sob again as Piper handed Rose her water bottle. I didn't want to look at her.

"Oh Al," she sighed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want coffee?"

"No, I want to go home," I said in a flat tone.

I glanced at Rose who was sucking her bottle. Her face was contorted with absolute concentration and her cheeks were flushed a deep shade of red.

"And I think someone needs a diaper change," I continued.

Piper let out a hard laugh. "Yeah you're right. Let's go." She stood up from her chair and lifted Rose from the ground.

"Do you mind driving Pipes? I've got a headache and my eyes are puffy and swollen."

"You're letting me drive your Jeep? Seriously? Wow, what happened?"

I didn't answer and pushed my car keys in her free hand before taking Rose from her arms. Piper opened the trunk to change her heels for flats and handed me a diaper and the plastic box of baby wipes. I opened the car door and laid my daughter down in the back seat. By the way she was flexing the muscles in her short legs, I could tell she was going to put up a fight. My fingers untied the shoelaces of her brand new Adidas sneakers Cal had bought her in Orlando. I removed them from her feet and tried to unbutton her jeans, but she was kicking her legs in the air, which made the task a little challenging.

"Rose, please stop," I whispered in a warning tone.

"Do you need help Al? I'm almost done," Piper offered gently.

"I'm perfectly capable of changing my daughter's diaper on my own Piper," I hissed.

"I know that. She's just taking advantage of your emotional state right now and she's trying to figure out how far she can go. Maybe I can help you?"

I clenched my teeth together. I didn't want to lose my composure and snarl at her. My fingers finally managed to unbutton my daughter's jeans and tried to pull them down her chubby little legs. Rose was still squirming and all of a sudden, she kicked me in the face. I'm sure it was by accident, but it still hurt.

"ROSE! I SAID STOP IT! ARE YOU DEAF?," I screamed as I grabbed her by the ankles. The look on her face was one of pure shock and she opened her mouth to let out a piercing scream.

"ALEX!" Piper shouted and hurried over to us.

"I'll take it from here," she said while touching my upper arm. I quickly shrugged it off and walked away to sit in the passenger seat. Rose immediately relaxed as Piper changed her diaper and strapped her into her car seat.

"I understand that you're sad Alex, but please don't snap at our daughter like that again," she said as we drove off.

"I'm not sad. I'm angry."

She turned her head to the side and looked at me.

"Angry?"

"Yeah, I'm fucking angry. At you. For leaving me… in Paris."

Piper sucked in a breath, focusing her gaze on the road.

"Okay, well… that was to be expected. You want to talk about it now?"

"No, not now. I don't want to ruin my first Mother's Day. We'll talk about it later. If I'm less emotional," I growled.

"Sure, but I think it's important not to wait for another thirteen years Al. You need to open up to me about the way I broke your heart and about your drug use. I mean, I'm part of the reason why you got addicted right?"

I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that Rose was already fast asleep.

"Yeah that's right. What do you want me to say Piper? You want to hear about how I used heroin every week and did cocaine on a daily basis? Or about the night my friend got shot in the head when I was standing next to him? You wanna hear about that one time I snorted cocaine while I was in rehab, had a bad trip, jumped out of a window and broke both of my legs? Oh, speaking of rehab… I'll tell you about all those months I was there and no one came to visit me"

I saw Piper flinching at my words. I felt an unfamiliar wave of satisfaction at her discomfort. I don't know why, but I suddenly felt the urge to hurt her by words and opened my mouth to continue.

"Or do you want to know about all those nights I had threesomes with my mules? You wanna know how often I paid college graduates a fuck load of money for letting me lick coke of their pussies?" My face flushed with embarrassment at the memories and Piper's hands intensified their grip on the steering wheel as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Is that what you wanna hear Piper?"

She shook her head and when the first tear trickled down her cheek, I felt immensely guilty about the things I had just revealed. Fuck.

"I'm sorry Pipes. It's not a pretty story. But everything is okay now. We're married, we have a beautiful daughter and we're happy," I whispered.

"I know and I still want to talk about all of that and about your anger towards me, but I love you and hearing you talk about the pain I caused you… it hurts. Fuck Alex, loving you hurts."

I reached out to curl my fingers around the back of her neck and my eyes fell on her tiny tattoo.

My wife still loves that stupid beauty fish and now my 18-month-old daughter is developing some kind of obsession with jellyfish. I always loved fish, but after everything that happened in Paris… I started to fucking hate them. It's almost ironic how those slimy creatures keep popping up in my life.

"I know kid. I know. People that love each other hurt each other," I whispered. "I've always told you…"

I brushed my thumb over the inked spot and gave it a little reassuring squeeze.

"Love is pain."


	11. K

**A/N:** Fast update, because this one was on my laptop for a little while. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks to everyone who commented on the previous one :)

 **K ~ Kindergarten**

 _October 14, 1985_

I took a deep breath before knocking on the principal's door. He had called me this morning to discuss something about my daughter and asked me to pay him a visit before the end of the day. Nothing serious, just a brief conversation to inform me about my daughter's conspicuous behavior. He opened the door and I immediately spotted another woman in the room.

"Hi Miss Vause. Thank you for coming. Please have a seat," he greeted me.

I stepped inside and glanced at the woman sitting in the opposite chair. Fuck, it's Martha, my sister's best friend from high school who seemed to have vanished into thin air after they graduated.

"Hi Diane. It's been a while." She still has that screeching voice that almost damaged my hearing when I was a kid. I noticed that she was dressed in the most expensive clothes and was wearing diamond earrings. She probably married a wealthy guy.

"Martha," I said and gave her a little nod before sitting down in the chair.

"Miss Vause, your daughter's teacher and Misses Young both have some concerns regarding your child's behavior in the classroom and on the playground. She seems very impressed with Misses Young's child and is expressing her appreciation in an unacceptable way. That's why I called you, so we can talk about it. Misses Young, maybe you can inform Miss Vause about what happened?"

An unacceptable way? Alex? I know Alex is not good at making friends and can be a little overwhelming when she tries to play with other children and sometimes, kids are caught off guard by her clumsy attempts to make contact, but she has never done anything unacceptable. This doesn't sound as Alex at all.

"Diane, Alex seems to like my child a lot, but I'm not comfortable with the way she's expressing her… admiration. She's giving Chris hugs and kisses for two weeks now. Chris doesn't want it, but is scared to tell her and if I'm honest with you, I'm not comfortable with Alex's behavior either," Martha said.

This was not what I was expecting, but I could easily picture Alex doing something like that. She's having a hard time understanding social rules and interaction since she entered kindergarten and started playing with other children, but I'm doing the best I can to help her developing all of those skills.

"I'm sorry to hear that Martha, I'll tell Alex she can't hug or kiss your son without his permission."

As soon as the words left my mouth, all the color drained from Martha's face and she turned as white as a sheet.

"Chris is my daughter," she whispered in an aggravated voice.

Oh fuck. A girl? I instantly felt a little stupid. I gave my daughter an unisex name too. I could have known that there was a possibility that Chris was a girl.

"I think you should talk to her as soon as possible Diane. You don't want this to escalate do you?" she continued.

"Escalate?"

"Yes, Alex is just a little girl, but apparently she's already interested in stuff like that . Don't you think you should teach her a few boundaries? I mean, you're barely twenty-three years old Diane, Alex is five and you and I both know who her father is… it's important to pick up the early signals to prevent Alex from going down the same road as you."

A feeling of anger shot through me when the words left her mouth. What was she implying?

"Are you saying my daughter is destined to grow up into a promiscuous skank just because I had her at eighteen and her father fucked every girl in town… including you?" I cringed at my own word choice. I sounded just like my mother. Martha's face turned crimson when I mentioned her one night stand with Lee.

"No Diane, it's just, I mean… both of your genes combined…" she stuttered.

"Say what you wanna say Martha, for fucks sake."

"All I'm saying is… you should keep an eye on your daughter now that she's still so young. You don't want her to turn into some unrestrained sexual explosion once she turns sixteen, do you?"

"Oh please." I rolled my eyes at her, but tried to stay calm. "Don't you think you're exaggerating?" I sighed. "They're kids, it's completely innocent. They don't even know what their doing."

"No I'm not exaggerating, Alex is hugging and kissing my child while Chris' body language screams she doesn't want it."

"Jezus Martha, Alex is five years old. She's still developing social skills. You can't expect her to read someone's body language at her age."

"Diane, I can't believe you're okay with your daughter kissing a girl. Alex's behavior is totally inappropriate"

My body froze in its seat. I didn't even think about that, but I instantly understood the reason why Martha was making such a big deal about all of this.

"You're not concerned about my daughter's minimal knowledge of social rules. The fact that she's kissing a girl is what makes you uncomfortable."

"Yes it does. It's not normal and I think you need to tell her before it's too late"

"Too late?" I asked while I stared at her wide-eyed.

"Yes, you need to teach her that girls aren't supposed to kiss other girls. It's against God's will," she almost shouted.

I couldn't believe this woman, but I could totally understand why Martha and my sister liked each other in the past.

"The only thing I'm going to teach my daughter is that she can't force other kids to hug and kiss her, but I refuse te tell her that's not appropriate to kiss a girl. Fucking hell Martha, it's people like you who keep kids from accepting themselves. You fucking closed-minded…" I had to swallow the last word that threatened to escape my mouth.

I looked at the principal. He shot me a apologetic smile.

"Miss Vause, the children in Alex's class are making fun of her because she gave Chris a kiss when they were on the playground this morning. One of the boys pushed her and Alex fell over," he informed me.

"Okay, and where is his mother? You didn't call her to inform her about her son's unacceptable behavior?" He averted his gaze from mine and glanced down at his desk while a flush crept up his face.

I stood up from my seat and walked to the door. "I fucking hope you precious little girl introduces you to her girlfriend when she's sixteen Martha," I spat before slamming it behind me.

I stormed off to my daughter's classroom and spotted her sitting at the corner table, drawing something with a crayon… alone, while all the other kids were playing together. Fuck.

I walked up to her, put my hand on the back of her head and her green eyes met my gaze.

"Hi sweetheart. Class is over," I lied "Please get you're jacket and let's go home."

She stood up from her chair and ran towards the door, waving goodbye to her teacher. I would explain everything to Misses Smith later.

"Can I sit in the front mom?" Alex asked me when we approached the car. I nodded and stepped inside.

"You wanna go to Wendy's for a Frosty Al?"

She looked up at me with a huge grin on her face. A pure feeling of love flowed through my veins as her eyes sparkled in excitement. She looked so utterly cute in her jeans overall and grey vintage glasses that were a tad too big for her. She had allowed me to finally braid her long hair this morning. Her dark hair was growing so fast all of a sudden and it was already nearing waist-length. Alex is not a girly girl and it's something I have to accept after five years of trying. She's probably never going to wear a dress until she's in high school and wants to impress boys.

Thirty minutes later, we were sitting at a table and sipping our milkshakes. Alex was taking in her surroundings, observing other customers while I was considering different ways to start a conversation about today's events. I didn't know how to approach the subject. I didn't want to upset her or give her a feeling like she had done something wrong. She's such a smart kid, but sometimes she interpreted words the wrong way.

"How was school Al?" I finally managed to ask.

She looked down at her drink, swirling the straw through the icy liquid.

"Fine."

"Did you make any new friends today?"

Her head snapped up and she looked at me in a suspicious way as if she knew where this conversation was heading.

"No."

Shit. This would have been so much easier if she just started telling me about Chris.

"I spoke to the principal today. He told me you're friends with Chris."

A smile formed on her face and her eyes started twinkling again.

"Yeah."

"I'm so happy for you Al. It's always nice to have a good friend."

She didn't respond and took another sip of her drink. Alex has never been very responsive to questions and always seemed to live in her own little world. Usually, it didn't bother me, but it kind of frustrated me right now.

"Is Chris nicer than Ryan?" I continued.

"Yes."

"How come?"

"Because Ryan is in my head mom. He's not real," she giggled as if I just had asked her the stupidest question ever.

Alex had created a imaginary friend when she turned three years old. It worried me at first, but now I just play along. I'm convinced this phase will pass when she gets more involved in social interactions.

"I've noticed that there's a hole in your overalls. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Jake pushed me."

My heart clenched in pain. I hate the fact I can't protect my daughter from bullies.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Her voice sounded confused and I immediately believed her. She truly didn't know the reason why the boy had bullied her.

"Okay, well…. tell me about Chris, sweetheart. What do you girls like to do?"

"Playing."

This was going to take hours. I decided on a more straightforward approach.

"Have you told Chris that you like her?"

She shook her head and took another sip of her drink.

"Does she know you like her Alex?"

"I guess."

"But you just said you haven't told her," I whispered, trying to be as clear as possible.

"Yeah, but she knows because I give her hugs and kisses and hold her hand in class," she shrugged her little shoulders as if it were no big deal.

I swallowed the laugh that almost escaped my throat at my daugther's careless expression.

"That sounds nice Al. Do you like to give Chris hugs and kisses?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

She tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Because she has pretty watch."

A watch? What five-year old kid owns a watch? She can't even read time yet. I instantly relaxed at my daughter's explanation. Of course it was all about the material stuff. If some boy in her class had owned that exact same watch, Alex would have admired and kissed him too. This wasn't about gender, it's just a little kid who is drawn to pretty things and nothing else. I couldn't help but feel ashamed when a wave of relief washed over me. Damn Martha for suggesting that my daughter was already showing some signs of being a lesbian! Jesus Christ, she's only five.

"Does Chris like it when you give her kisses?" I continued.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Are you sure?" I was very surprised at her certainty.

"Yes."

Shit. I couldn't do this. I don't want to hurt my child's feelings, but it's also my job as a mother to teach her about personal space and social behavior.

"Honey, I've spoken to Chris' mom today and she told me that Chris doesn't like the hugs and kisses as much as you do," I said while trying to sound as casually as possible.

"Oh," she looked at me as if she was waiting for me to explain all of this.

"Do you understand what I'm saying Al?"

She shook her head and pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her little nose. I didn't want to hurt her, but I needed to be clear.

"You can't give Chris hugs and kisses baby. She doesn't want it."

Her bottom lip started to quiver and tears welled up in her eyes. It crushed my heart.

"Alex, please don't cry. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you. She still wants to play with you, but without the hugs and kisses."

"I can't kiss her anymore?" Tears were flowing down her cheeks.

"No, you can't. I'm sorry," I whispered.

"But Andrea and Robert give each other kisses all the time, so why can't I kiss Chris anymore? What's the difference?"

The difference is that Robert is a boy and Andrea is a girl and the parents and the school are not comfortable with two little girls who give each other kisses, but of course… I wasn't going to tell her that. She wasn't going to understand anyway. Boy or girl… it's all the same to her at this young age.

"The difference is that Chris doesn't want it and… you know what Alex? Maybe you can ask her from now on? Ask her if she wants a hug or a kiss okay? If she says no, you can't and if she says yes, you're allowed to give her one."

"Yeah, because she didn't say she didn't want it."

"I know kid. That's why you need to ask her before you do something like that okay?"

She nodded at me. I couldn't teach her about body language yet, she was way too young to understand. Asking directly if some of her actions were allowed was the best option for now.

I covered her hand with mine, stroking it with my thumb.

"Friendships are fun and difficult at the same time, but you're doing a fantastic job. I'm so proud of you Alex."

She beamed at me, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

We enjoyed our drinks in silence as I fantasized about my teenage daughter bringing a boyfriend home for the very first time. I hope our bond is still strong and Alex is feeling safe enough to introduce me to him when the time comes. The fact that she likes to kiss a girl at age five doesn't prove anything. I'm convinced that Alex will date a boy when she's ready and old enough.

"Mom?" The sound of her voice pulled me out of my daydream.

"Yes?"

"Can I ride my bike to Steven when we get home?"

Alex had met Steven on the playground a few weeks ago. I'm so happy for her, because he lives in the same trailerpark. She can play with him whenever she wants.

"Sure."

A sudden question popped into in my head and I couldn't suppress the urge to ask her.

"Do you like to give Steven kisses too?"

Her eyes widened in shock, she covered her mouth with her hands and started giggling uncontrollably.

"What's so funny Alex?" I asked in an amused tone, not sure what was so hilarious about my question.

"I'm not going to kiss a boy," she practically screamed.

"Why not?"

"Because that's gross mom." She rolled her eyes at me.

My breath hitched in my throat, my heart rate increased and a slight dizziness clouded my vision.

"Oh," is all I could say.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Maybe I was wrong, maybe Alex wasn't going to be interested in boys when she's a teenager. Suddenly, everything fell into place… the fact that Alex admires Chris and likes to hug and kiss her… the way Alex and Steven end up fighting all the time, because my daughter always forces him to take on a female role when they're playing house. Steven had told her many times that he wanted to play the father, but Alex always keeps insisting on two moms. I instantly felt stupid for not sensing something sooner. I'm her mother for fucks sake.

"Did I say something wrong?" she whispered. I could hear the fear and confusion in her voice.

"Oh no Al! Of course not." I said as I gave her a soft smile, "What do you like about girls sweetheart? Boys are nice too right?"

She furrowed her brow in concentration before opening her mouth to answer my question.

"Boys are okay, but girls are sweet and beautiful and they have pretty hair."

I nibbled on my bottom lip and tried to keep my breathing steady. I'll definitely accept it if Alex turns out to be gay. I'll support her in every way possible, but the idea of Alex falling in love with a girl when she's older, is making me feel a little uneasy. I've nothing against homosexuals, but many people do. I don't want people to judge or exclude my daughter because she's probably gay and is not going to live by society's standards. For the first time since Alex was born, I was glad Lee was not a part of Alex's life. I'm sure he would've disowned her the minute she would tell him.

I settled back into my seat, took the last sip of my milkshake and glanced at my daughter. She's such a beautiful little girl and I already know she's going to be a beautiful woman when she's an adult. A few minutes ago, I still believed the fact that Alex liked to kiss this girl didn't say anything about her future love life, but who the fuck was I kidding? It's so, so obvious and I sincerely hope that nobody is going to give her a hard time for being into girls. I know she'll tell me when she discovers it herself and until then, I'm going to take all those years to get used to the idea that she probably will never give me any grandbabies. Every mother fantasises about their child's future and I had pictured my daughter as a business woman, married to a guy, a loving mother of two kids and traveling the world with her little family. But maybe this was all going to change, maybe she will be a business woman, traveling the world with her girlfriend and without any kids, but I'll support her either way.

"Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatever is going to happen in the future and no matter what people will say, I'll always be there for you and I'll always heart you."

She didn't respond and I knew the meaning behind the words was too difficult for her to understand.

"I'm going to marry Chris" she said in a happy voice.

She sat there, sipping her milkshake in her cute overalls, completely oblivious to all the judgment and hatred in the world. I wonder what the future has in store for her. I hope she'll meet a sweet girl who will love her for who she is and hopefully, the law would allow my daughter to get married by then… and I?

I'll be crying my eyes out when I'm helping my gorgeous full-grown little girl into her wedding dress and mourn at the fact that she no longer needs me, because some other woman is taking care of her.

"I'm sure you and Chris will be very happy sweetheart," I whispered and leaned over the table to kiss the top of her head. "I'm so proud of you."

I guess my face was contorted in some kind of concerned expression, because Alex's little hand touched mine.

"Hey mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll always heart you too."


	12. L

**A/N:** thanks for the reviews! This one contains an intimate moment filled with random conversations :) Hope you'll like it.

 **L ~ Lightning**

 _September 17, 2028_

My body jolted awake when a low, long rumbling noise woke me up from a deep sleep. I turned on the lamp on my nightstand and glanced at the digital clock. Three in the morning… fuck. The only good thing about waking up in the middle of the night, is realizing you can stay in bed all day long, because it's going to be a lazy Sunday without any plans. A bright bolt of lightning lit up the room and I automatically rolled over, because I already knew what was going to happen next. My wife was sleeping peacefully on her back with one hand resting on my pillow. I kissed her thumb lightly, hoping the soft touch of my lips would wake her up before the thunder was going to startle her. Seconds later, a loud crack followed by a flash of lightning echoed through the quiet bedroom.

Her eyes snapped open and her lungs took in a great amount of air as she bolted upright in our bed.

"Alex?"

She didn't move her head to look at me. Her eyes were transfixed on the door and I realized she wasn't fully conscious yet. Another flash of lightning blinded my eyes and I instinctively reached out to touch her upper arm and gently pulled her towards me.

"I'm here Pipes," I whispered.

She turned her head and her eyes focused on mine. She lay down beside me and snuggled into my embrace as I wrapped my arms around her. A loud thunder made her body jump and her fingers clutched my t-shirt as I tightened my hold on her waist.

Piper has always been scared of lightning. It's something I find extremely cute about her, but she's ashamed of it and thinks it's childish.

"You didn't put your phone on mute right?" she asked softly.

"No kid, of course I didn't."

Nicky had invited our daughter to the movies yesterday, because she wanted to spend some time with her. Rose had been overexcited and wanted to stay at her house overnight, which surprised Piper and me little surprised. Rose still wasn't a big fan of sleepovers, although it got better over the years. It was a rare thing to have the entire house to ourselves and it actually felt a little strange.

A third lightning bolt followed by a deafening crack, filled our bedroom again. Piper sucked in a breath and buried her head in the crook of my neck. My left hand tangled into her hair, while my right hand drew slow comforting circles on her back.

"Don't worry Pipes. Nothing bad can happen."

Her warm body became heavier in my arms as she relaxed into my embrace.

"We should try to get some more hours of sleep. It's way too early," I continued.

She pulled back from my neck and looked me in the eye. "Al, I don't think I can sleep right now. Can you please hold me and talk to me for a while? I really need a distraction."

"Okay, well, is there anything you wanna do in the morning?" I asked her before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, we're having lunch at Nicky's tomorrow, but before we have to leave, I want to stay in bed for as long as possible, make slow, lazy love to you and take a bath afterwards," she whipered. "And you?"

My fingers caressed her upper arm slowly, making her shiver under my touch.

"That sounds absolutely perfect to me Pipes."

Her body jerked in my arms as another loud noise of thunder reached our ears.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized. "This is so embarrassing."

"No, it's not. Don't be embarrassed," I reassured her.

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your irrational fears Al. It wouldn't surprise me if you don't have any."

"I'm afraid of doctors and hospitals Pipes, and I'm scared of men because… you know, and I'm still a little scared of you leaving me," I admitted. Showing my vulnerable side to Piper is still not one of my biggest strong suits, but all the therapy I've had after our daughter was born, made me realize I had to open up to Piper about everything that goes on in my head. Finally, after two years of weekly sessions with Susan, the relationship between Piper and me was stronger than ever.

"Yeah, I know Al, but your fears are not irrational. I mean, they're based on life experience. My embarrassing fear of lightning isn't. It's just plain stupid."

"Are you saying that my fear of getting abandoned by you is actually justified?" I said with a teasing smile.

"Oh no, no what I meant is that we know where it comes from and…" she tried to explain, but I cut her off by pressing a kiss to her mouth.

"I know Pipes. I know you won't leave me again. I'm just teasing you."

I glanced at her full lips and just when I was about to lock eyes with her again, her tongue darted out to moisten them. They glistened deliciously in the dim light and they looked oh so… inviting. I didn't wait a second longer and leaned in to capture them with my own. The action seemed to surprise Piper a bit, because she didn't move her lips in sync with mine, but as soon as I slowly licked her bottom lip, she opened her mouth for me. My tongue gently touched hers, causing her to moan into my mouth and part her lips wider. I immediately responded by putting my weight on my elbow and tilting my head to the side. Our kiss became more intimate as I eagerly slid my tongue further into her mouth and swirled it around hers. The sound of thunder disappeared into the background as I kissed my wife passionately, until I had to pull back for a little air.

"Al?"

"Yeah?" I said in a voice that was already sounding deeper than two minutes ago.

"If you were given the chance to do it all over again. Would you?"

I rested my head back on the pillow and slid my fingers under the soft material of her pajama top to stroke the warm skin of her belly.

"You've already asked me that question when we were in prison," I smiled before kissing her on the cheek.

"I know, but that was fifteen years ago. Is there anything you wish you had done differently in the past fifteen years?"

I diverted my gaze from her and starred up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, I guess. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't lash out, sneer and snap at you those two years after Rose was born. It came completely out of the blue almost everytime, and it was unfair and unreasonable," I whispered as a pink blush covered my face. I hate that version of myself and feel ashamed about how I treated Piper sometimes.

"You don't have to feel guilty about that Alex. It was all part of the trauma you had to endure after the assault," Piper said while stroking my forearm. "You just needed to let off some steam every now and then."

I locked eyes with her again and gave her a apologetic smile.

"But you didn't deserve it."

Her fingers brushed over my cheek before she kissed my briefly on the mouth.

"No I didn't, but I knew it was going to happen. It's completely understandable that you snapped at me sometimes, I'm the person you trust most," she whispered while I kept caressing her belly. "During my first phone call with Susan, she already told me that it was highly possible you were going to react like you did. I was prepared sweetheart, and I wanted to be there for you."

My heart swelled with emotion as the words left her mouth. I'm not sure what I've done so correctly to deserve her.

"I'm so lucky to have you and I love you so fucking much Pipes." I let my hand slide from her back to her side and squeezed it gently. Piper smiled at me and tucked a strand of black hair behind my ear. "I love you too Al." She kissed me again, pressing her lips a little harder against mine this time. "Is there anything else you wish you had done differently? "

"Yeah," I breathed nervously. The next thing I was going to say was such a sensitive subject to Piper, but I wanted to be honest with her. "Sometimes, I fantasize about what our life would have been like if we had another child."

Piper's body froze against mine as she looked up at me with a shocked expression on her beautiful face.

"Don't get me wrong Piper, I don't regret not adding a second child to our little family. I'm still happy with our decision, but sometimes I feel a little curious about what it would've been like."

The expression on her face softened. "I get it, but are you sure you don't regret it? Because if you do, we can always talk about it again," she whispered and I could clearly hear the hopeful tone in her soft voice.

"No I'm sorry sweetheart, I don't want a second baby it and besides… I'm forty-eight. I'm way too old," I chuckled.

She cupped my face in her hands and kissed my full on the mouth. "Yeah you're right, we're definitely too old and you know what Al? I'm actually okay with our decision to not have another child. Our family is complete. I mean… I won't complain if you change your mind, but the three of us… it's perfect the way it is"

I was completely caught off guard by her confession and propped my head up on my elbow to study her face.

Maybe, Piper and I were finally… finally in harmony with ourselves, and in peace with our lives and the choices we made. We both had changed so much in the two years after Rose was born.

"You sure?" I asked her tentatively.

She placed her hand on my hip and pushed me onto my back. Her body shifted on the bed, her fingers curled around the back of my neck and her mouth closed the gap between us. A low moan escaped my throat the as her lips found mine. Fuck, the taste of her lips is so enchanting. I immediately opened my mouth when her tongue sucked at my bottom lip. She slid it inside and didn't allow me to take control over our kiss. I softly touched her shoulder to roll her over, but she wouldn't let me and climbed on top of me. I always feel a little uneasy for a few minutes, when Piper takes charge and is on top of me. Being the submissive one is not in my nature, but once I feel my wife's weight push into me and her small breasts press agains mine, I give into the feeling and lay back and relax. I was so caught up in the kiss that I didn't notice Piper's hand had slipped up my t-shirt. My legs fell open automatically as I gave her more room while her tongue massaged mine in a lazy pace, until she had to pull away.

"I hope that answered the question for you Al."

My arms wrapped around her waist and I kissed the tip of her nose before Piper laid her head in the crook of my neck, slowly dragging her finger over my jaw.

"What about you Pipes? Is there anything you would like to change?"

"No, I'm pretty happy with how I've presented myself the past fifteen years," she snickered against my skin. "No, I'm just kidding. I regret not standing up for you against my mom sooner. Some days she was just plain rude to you and I didn't say anything and let her hurt you."

I wrapped my arms a little tighter around her soft body and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I get it Piper, she's still your mom and eventually, you did stand up to her and that's what matters in the end kid."

On Piper's 38th birthday, Piper and Carol had a huge fight about Piper's future with me. It was already late and I had spend the evening at the gym, because Piper wasn't celebrating her birthday anyway. I just walked through the front door and stopped in the hallway when I heard them talk. I eavesdropped their conversation… not very polite, I know, but I was too curious to make my presence known. My blood still boils when I think about that evening…

 _June 7, 2019_

" _So, Piper, you're thirty-eight now. How does it feel?" Carol asked my wife._

" _Fine, but I still feel like I'm twenty," Piper chuckled._

 _I could hear Carol letting out a heavy sigh._

" _Is this the year you're going to give me another grandchild darling?"_

" _Excuse me?"_

 _I didn't understand why Piper sounded so surprised. She should have seen this coming. Carol always had a peculiar obsession with Piper having children._

" _Piper, Rose is almost three years old and will start preschool soon. It's the perfect time to get pregnant again."_

 _I let out a quiet sigh and rolled my eyes at Carol's words._

" _Mom, I don't think Rose is going to have a sibling. Alex is pretty clear about the fact she doesn't want another baby."_

" _And what about you dear? What do you want?"_

 _My breath hitched in my throat. I knew Piper was going to answer this question in all honesty, because I wasn't there… at least that's what she thought._

" _I dont now mom. Sometimes I desperately want it and sometimes I really don't."_

 _Relief washed over me as Piper answered her mother's question. It's exactly what she's always been telling me whenever we talked about a second pregnancy._

" _But I can't force Alex into things she doesn't want. I think you need to accept the fact that we're not going to give you another grandchild," Piper continued._

" _Well, Alex has never been a real mother Piper. Everytime I see her with Rose… she's not confident at all and doesn't have a clue how to deal with her sometimes. It doesn't surprise me that she doesn't want to have a second baby," Carol spat._

 _Fuck, what a cunt… I reached into my pocket to grab my cell phone and texted Neri. She always said the right thing and possessed the talent of making me feel better out my mom skills._

" _That's not true! Alex is a fantastic mother and Rose adores her," Piper said. She was raising her voice at this point._

 _I smiled at Piper's words as I took a sip from my water bottle. I was in a desperate need of a shower, because I could smell myself as soon as I lifted my arm._

" _Piper, maybe you should reconsider your marriage to Alex."_

 _I froze on the spot. Was she really saying this?_

" _What's that supposed to mean?" Piper's tone was angry now._

" _You're reaching your forties and you're still fertile. I think you should find yourself a nice guy darling and have his babies. You can't ignore your maternal feelings sweetheart, if you want more children you need to consider your options. It's not too late."_

 _I bit my lip in anger, but also felt nervous. What if Carol made Piper realize her suggested option wasn't so bad. Sometimes, I'm still a little scared that Piper is going to leave me for a man._

" _Are you saying that I should divorce my wife, because she doesn't want to have another baby? God, you're nuts. I love her no matter what," Piper stated firmly._

" _I'm just saying you need to think about your future with her Piper. I want what is best for you."_

" _No you don't. Alex is exactly what's best for me and we are not going to have another baby. You can either accept that or you can leave right now."_

 _I can't say I wasn't shocked by Piper's sudden anger. Was she really standing up for me against her own mother?_

" _Piper you're wasting your life with this woman," Carol said while standing up from the chair._

 _I quickly ran towards the front door, opened it and closed it again, making them believe I just came home. Carol walked straight past me and slammed the door behind her…_

Piper cut off all contact with her mother and she didn't speak to us for three years. Eventually, Piper and Carol had a good talk for Bill's sake. We're still a little suspicious about her intentions, but we try our best to let her become a part of our life. She comes to visit and likes to babysit Rose from time to time. I'm still shocked Piper had the guts to stand up for me and chose sides, even if I told her numerous times that she didn't have to.

"Yeah, but I still wish I had the courage to draw a line right after you were released from prison," Piper said.

I opened my mouth to reply, but was cut off by another bolt of lightning ,followed by a thunder crack. Piper's entire body jerked at the sound.

"Shhh Pipes, it's okay," I whispered as my hand traveled to the small of her back and my lips kissed her temple.

"I thought it would've stopped by now."

"It's going to stop any minute now Pipes. I promise."

She tilted her head up and looked me in the eye with an intense loving gaze.

"Have I ever told you how hot you still are Al? I mean, if I compare you to Katie, Polly, Ashley or Megan… or all the moms at Rose's school. They are all younger than you are, but definitely not as hot." She traced her index finger lightly over my face. "You're almost fifty and you barely got any wrinkles or lines on your face and after all you've been through… your eyes all still sparkly and full of life."

I didn't know what to say. I had lost all the ability to talk due to the fluttering in my chest. Her hand trailed down my neck until it reached my chest. My breath hitched in my troath, anticipating her next move. She pressed her lips against mine and kissed me briefly. "And you know what I love most about you?... your beautiful tits." She breathed into my mouth and gently squeezed my left breast to emphasize her adoration for my womanly curves. "I mean… I fucking swear they're even bigger and heavier in my hands than when you were in your twenties Al."

I couldn't suppress the chuckle that erupted from my throat. "That's because I'm getting old Pipes. They're not getting bigger, they're sagging."

"I know, but whatever. You're still extremely sexy to me," she whispered. "I'm so glad that we're still trying to have sex at least once a week. It's not the same as when we were younger. It's not as spontaneous as it used to be, because we actually have to plan it because of Rose, but at least we both try. Polly and the other girls are always complaining about having sex no more than once a month, because their husbands don't want it more frequently. Can you believe that Al?"

She looked at me with a serious expression on her face, like she actually wanted me to answer the question.

"I uh… yeah.. maybe they don't find their wives attractive anymore? Or their libidos are tapering off quickly?" I stammered awkwardly. "You know Pipes, I really don't care about Holly's sex life. I'm more focused on ours."

"Yeah, but the lesbian bed death still kinda scares me you know?"

I let out a hard laugh and squeezed her sides in a playful manner.

"Pipes, I've told you so many times. That's a myth okay? It doesn't exist."

"Yeah, but I don't want to become like Polly or the others and I know you're a very sexual person with a high sex drive, but do you think you still want to make love to me when we're like sixty or something? Or is the thought alone grossing you out?"

It still amazes me how insecure Piper can be sometimes. My hand cupped the back of her head and pulled her towards me, pressing my lips against hers as they kissed her soft and tender. I sucked on her upper lip to coax her mouth open. She automatically complied and welcomed my tongue inside. A soft moan of appreciation escaped from her throat as my tongue danced with hers. Our kiss grew passionate while my other hand traveled down her back and reached her round ass. I pushed her pelvic area into mine with a hint of dominance. We moaned in unison as our centers rubbed against each other through our panties and I slowly brought our kiss to an end.

"Hmm that was a good kiss," I breathed when I pulled back from her swollen lips. Her eyes were still closed. I eased my hand under her pajama top and stroked her back. "I hope that answered your question?" I said cheekily.

"It sure did." She opened her eyes and beamed at me. "I love you."

I kept staring at Piper's face while she studied mine. Her soft features contorted in something more serious.

"What's wrong kid?"

"I just realized that the older you get, the more you look like Diane," she whispered. "You always had the same personality, but now I can see the resemblance in your looks too."

I bit my lip and my heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, I've noticed that too. It fucking scares me you know? It freaks me out that I'm already older than her," I said in a soft voice. "I can't imagine dying at such a young age and leave you and Rose behind."

Piper's nails dug into the skin of my upper arm as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Let's not think about that okay Al? You're going to be very very old and I'll die first, because I can't live without you."

I smiled at her as I saw tears glisten in her eyes. My lips found hers again to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.

"I think the lightning has passed," I said, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah you're right."

I cupped her face in my hands and kissed the corner of her mouth lovingly. "Pipes, maybe we should go on a city trip next month… to Rome or Barcelona?" I asked while pushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Susan had suggested that Piper and I should go on a city trip at least once a year, because it would help us to build trust and deepen our connection. It's honestly the best relationship advice we've ever had.

"I would love too Al, maybe Rose can stay with Nicky this time instead of Cal and Neri. I'm sure Nicky will love it."

She pressed a light kiss against my jaw before placing her head on my chest. My fingers laced through her blonde soft locks while my other hand stroked her forearm that was resting over one of my breasts. I always love those intimate moments with her. We savored the silence and my eyelids became heavy. I was still tired and almost asleep as Piper's sudden laugh pulled me out of my slumber.

"What's so funny Pipes?" I asked in a sleepy voice.

"Nothing, I just thought about Nicky that's all."

I kissed the top of her head as I noticed a hint of amusement in her voice.

"What about her?"

"Oh no, I can't tell you Al. You're going to kill her."

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I wasn't going to drop the subject that easily.

"Pipes, I don't get it. Why are you laughing? Are you two making fun of me or something? Is there some inside joke I don't know of?"

A mischouvious grin formed on her face and she tilted her head up to look at me.

"This is not funny kid. It's your duty as my wife to inform me about the things our friends say about me," I teased.

"Okay okay, I was thinking about the day I came back to Litchfield and Nicky told me she fingered you as a Christmas gift to herself," she giggled. "But I never told you I knew."

My eyes widened in shock and a deep flush crept up my neck. Fucking Nichols. We were supposed to take that to our graves.

"Oh," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm not mad at you Al. It just surprised me, because you've always told me that you didn't like her romantically when we were in prison."

Now it was my turn to let out a hard laugh.

"Fuck no! Romantically? Piper don't be stupid. We were both dumped by our girlfriends and you know how Nicky is… numbing the pain with sex. And I'm a good friend you know? I let her touch me because I felt bad for her and I kind of needed it too." I admitted.

"Jesus Alex! God, I seriously don't know how I deal with the fact that Nicky knows what your pussy feels like and what a lust-filled face you make when you come," she laughed.

"PIPER!" I practically screamed as I gave her a playful slap on her butt cheek. "Please stop. This whole thing is fucking embarrassing."

A loud buzzing noise interrupted our conversation and I was glad it saved me from Piper's teasing. I reached under the pillow and pulled my cell phone out to glance at the name that appeared on the screen.

"Speak of the devil," I mumbled before I accepted the call.

"Vause?" Nicky asked tentatively as if she didn't have a clue of who she was calling in the middle of the night.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt the passionate, mind-blowing, dirty sex you're having with your lovely wife, but you need to untie her from the bedpost and come over. I tried everything I could, but your mini-Piper wants to go home. She's scared of the lightning."

"We were already expecting that Nichols. I'll be there in twenty minutes," I said and ignored her teasing, before I hung up the phone.

"Everything okay Al?" Piper asked me worriedly.

I nodded and gently pushed her off me. "Yeah, she's scared and wants to come home," I said while I slid out of bed and grabbed my glasses from the nightstand. I walked over to the closet to pull on my sweatpants.

"Are you okay with being alone right now Pipes?" I asked when I walked up to her and pressed a kiss against her lips.

"Yeah, the lightning is already over. I'm just going to sleep a little more."

"You should definitely sleep a little more. We can't lay in bed all morning now Rose is coming home," I chuckled while I tied the shoelaces of my Converse.

"Please don't kill Nicky, Alex," Piper said in a soft voice.

"Oh don't worry. I'm not going to kill her. I'm going to mentally torture her for the next couple of weeks."

"You two are seriously insane… but nevermind. Please drive safe sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you too Pipes," I winked before closing the bedroom door behind me.


	13. M

**A/N:** thanks to all of you for reviewing on the previous chapter. I'm trying my best to write every moment as real as possible and capture the aspects that are relevant to the different stages in a woman's life, even if they're a little awkard. Hopefully, you'll like this one too and please let me know what you think.

 **M ~ Mother**

 _April 8, 2043_

It was a little after two in the morning when I switched off the engine of my brand new Jeep. Piper and I had made a good amount of money the past few years. Ever since Piper and Polly had decided to put me in charge of PoPi's logistics, the financial situation of their soap business exploded and they got the opportunity to open a few stores overseas. I purchased this black gorgeous vehicle a month ago, as a treat to myself. I still can't keep my hands off the leather seats and sometimes, I even sniff the material, breathing in its scent. Cars are like women to me, they immediately catch my attention when they're beautiful and they always get me interested in less than two seconds.

I left the car and walked up to the house. The curtains were closed and I suspected that my wife was fast asleep, it's the middle of the night after all. I entered the house, tiptoed to the door that separated the hallway from the living room and flinched at the sharp pain that shot through my hand as soon as I pushed it open. The room wasn't as dark as I had anticipated and was surprised to find Piper lying on the couch, sleeping soundly. Cooper, our black labrador retriever, opened one of his eyes to look at me. He let out a heavy sigh and went back to sleep.

I glanced at my wife's sleeping form, she looked so peaceful. I shuffled towards the sofa and knelt beside her.

"Pipes, wake up sweetheart," I whispered, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

She opened her eyes and had to blink a few times in order to clear her vision.

"Al?" She quickly removed the blanket that was covering her body and tried to push herself up into a sitting position. I gently touched her shoulders to push her back into the cushions.

"Let your body wake up for a few minutes sweetheart. Don't rush." I leaned in to kiss her forehead as she relaxed again. "Why are you sleeping on the couch? You should have gone to bed kid."

"I wanted to be awake when you got home." Piper cupped my chin in her hand and a bright grin formed on her face. "Congratulations Al," she whispered before pressing a loving kiss to my mouth.

I smiled against her lips as I relived the memory of the past few hours in my head. I took her hand in mine and brought it up to my lips, peppering the warm skin with kisses. "Congratulations to you too Pipes."

"What does he look like? Is he cute?" She bombarded me with questions, wearing a excited expression on her face. I opened my mouth to speak, but she stopped me by pressing a hand against my chest. "No wait, don't answer yet. You must be so tired and thirsty. I'm gonna get you a cup of tea first." She lifted herself from the couch and pointed to the pile of clothes on the coffee table. "I took your yoga pants and t-shirt from the bedroom. Please get comfy Al. Maybe we can snuggle a bit before we go to bed?" she asked before walking into the kitchen.

I undressed myself and didn't bother to pick up the clothes from the floor. It was only when I rested my back against one of the sofa's arms, legs stretched out in front of me, that I realized how completely exhausted my body actually was. The soreness in my muscles became worse while the adrenaline in my veins tapered off and I decided to close my eyes for a few seconds.

"Did you take some pictures Al?" Piper asked as she came back from the kitchen, carrying two steaming cups of tea in her hands. I opened my eyelids and looked directly into her blue crystals. I nodded and reached for my phone on the coffee table.

"Can I sit between your legs?" She handed me the hot liquid as I parted my legs to give her some room. She settled between them, resting her back against my chest, and placed her head on my shoulder. The weight of her soft body pressing against my front offered some soothing warmth to my tense muscles as I relaxed a little more. Her hand sneaked up around the back of my neck, pulling me in for a few open-mouthed kisses.

"Show me the pictures," she demanded eagerly with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Okay, but I have to warn you Pipes."

She lifted herself from my chest and glanced over her shoulder to meet my gaze. "What? What do you mean? I thought you said he's fine?"

"Yeah, he is, but I'm sure his cuteness will kill you," I chuckled teasingly.

She rolled her eyes in disbelieve and I pulled her back against my front, missing the warmth that was radiating from her soft body.

"Jesus Alex, you scared me," she whispered as she settled against me once again. I kissed the top of her head and handed my phone to her.

"I took like a thousand pictures tonight. Just swipe to the left."

Piper sucked in a breath as she laid her eyes on the first picture. "Oh my god, he's so beautiful," she said with so much emotion in her voice that it made my body shiver. Goosebumps emerged from my skin and a nice tingling rose up my spine. "He's got a full head of hair and it's so dark," she described as if I couldn't see the picture myself. "I wasn't expecting that. I don't know why, but I just assumed he would be blond Al."

I nuzzled my nose against the wrinkled skin of her cheek, deliberately planting a few kisses on her jaw.

"Yeah me too. He's got his brown hair from Daniel," I stated while my wife was swiping through the next shots.

"Brown eyes? Wow, he definitely doesn't look like his mother. Daniel has got some strong genes," she laughed. "And he looks so healthy with those rosy cheeks and chubby face."

I didn't say anything as I listened to Piper's happy rambling and laced my fingers through her hair, lazily combing the soft locks as I took a sip from my tea.

"Can you believe this is our grandson Al?" she asked, pointing to the baby on the screen. "It's so surreal." Her voice was still thick with emotion and I pulled her tighter into my chest.

"I know Pipes. I can't believe our little girl has become a mother herself." As soon as the words left my lips, I realized that my own voice wasn't so steady either.

Just five hours ago, Piper and I had received a phone call from our daughter, telling us she was in labor. Rose was already past her due date, but the news still surprised us. She was experiencing excruciating pain, had completely lost it, and had begged me to come over. Rose always came to me when she didn't know how to handle things. According to her, our son-in-law wasn't the best support because he was a man and didn't understand things like this. She had kicked him out of the room because of it. Piper and I both knew Daniel did the best he could, he's such a great guy, but our daughter always became a little unreasonable when she couldn't control a situation. God, she was just like Piper. Her request made me feel so uncomfortable, that I lamely suggested that she should ask Piper instead. Piper is the one who gave birth to her, she knows what it feels like, not me. But if I'm really honest… I just didn't want to see my sweet little girl in so much pain. Rose wasn't having any of it and insisted on me being there and of course… I couldn't deny her anything. Two minutes after our phone call, I found myself driving to the hospital.

I placed my empty cup on the floor and snaked my hand under the hem of Piper's tank top, caressing the soft and warm skin of her belly.

"Is she okay now? Rose, I mean," Piper asked tentatively as she covered my hand with her own.

"Yeah, she's okay. The minute the baby slid out of her, she was smiling again and crying tears of happiness. You don't have to worry Pipes," I reassured her. "They're allowed to go home in the morning."

I could feel Piper exhale a heavy sigh as I pressed a feathery kiss to her temple.

"And you? How are you Al?"

I smiled at her concern. "I'm fine Pipes. It was intense, but I'm fine," I said in a raspy voice due to the heavy exhaustion in my body and the growing need for sleep.

Rose was almost fully dilated when I entered the room and I was glad to see Daniel sitting beside her bed again, holding her sweaty hand. I don't know what had happened in the past twenty-five years, but the contrast couldn't be clearer. I managed to guide my daughter through her contractions by rubbing her back and breathing along with her. When it was time for Rose to push, my son-in-law and I helped her by pulling her legs up while she crushed our hands in the process. Her screams are still freshly burned into my mind, but I'm proud of myself for being able to keep it together and supporting Rose at such a life-changing event and I'm so glad it was a positive experience for me after the horrible one of Piper having Rose.

"She'll be such a good mom," she whispered. "Don't you think?"

"Oh, I'm sure of it. The baby stopped crying the second she touched him. She's going to do a fabulous job Pipes." I answered while I kept caressing the skin of her belly, occasionally dipping my fingertip into her navel.

"Can you actually believe we're the ones who raised her? I mean… when we were her age, we traveled the world together because of your illegal activities and didn't crave stability like that at all," she giggled.

I perfectly knew what Piper meant. Rose is only twenty-five and has a well-paid job as a lawyer, which is extremely ironic to us seeing the fact that both of her mother's are ex-convicts. I still remember our shocked faces when Rose told us she wanted to apply to law school. She had met Daniel when she was eighteen. Piper and I were a little uncomfortable towards the relationship at first, because he's ten years older than our daughter, but he turned out the be a good guy with the best intentions. Rose had married Daniel two years ago and it had been the most emotional day of my life.

"No, she's living her life completely different than we did at that age and I think that proves what a great job we did on raising her," I answered while I subconsciously applied more pressure with my hand, making the movement on her belly more insistent. "I'm sure your parents would be so proud if they were still alive."

"Yeah, you're right Al. Rose is living the life my parents had planned for me," Piper sighed. "I can't wait to meet my grandson in the morning. I wanna know what he smells like," she swooned. I knew she was fantasizing about holding him, smelling him and kissing his little nose.

"I bet," I responded in a deep voice as I let my finger travel up her ribcage and slowly dragged it along the underside of her left breast. I quickly noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra, something that pleased me immensely, I didn't want to feel separated from her by layers of clothing. The small detail caused me to suck in a breath and I was forced to squeeze her upper arm with my free hand in order to keep myself from moaning at the unexpected contact of her bare breast against my fingertip.

Piper didn't seem to notice the sudden change in my demeanor and kept rambling about the baby.

"It's such a long time ago since I've held a baby. I can't wait to babysit him for the first time." She was so caught up in her fantasy that she didn't even react when my thumb lightly brushed over her nipple. The tentative stroke was not purposeful nor meant in a sexual way. I just wanted to hold her as close as possible and feel _all_ of her. "I'm going to show him off to the girls. They're going to be so jealous," she continued proudly.

I kept quiet as the tip of my finger made its way to my wife's other breast, mesmerizing the feeling of her nipple pressed against my palm when I cupped the mound into my hand.

"Al?"

"Hmm?" I hummed in response, squeezing the soft flesh so lightly that it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't even register it. I immediately realized it was a wrong assumption when she grabbed my hand in hers and glanced over her shoulder to look me straight in the eye.

"You're not even listening!" she said in an accusing tone.

"What! No! I am listening. You were saying you're going to show off our grandson to you friends." I couldn't conceal the proud smirk that was tugging at the corners of my mouth. She diverted her gaze and shook her head in a disapproving manner. "Pervert," I heard her mumble under her breath and, although I knew she meant it as a joke, I couldn't help feeling a little hurt.

"I'm not a pervert Piper."

She clicked her tongue and I was sure she rolled her eyes at me. "Uhm, yes you are," she laughed.

I pulled my hand from under her top and placed it on the back of my neck, massaging the tense muscles I found there. "Well, I'm sorry for wanting you close, for expressing my unconditional love for you. I had an overwhelming experience tonight Piper, we just became grandmothers. I'm so happy and proud of us for raising our daughter into a strong, kind-hearted woman. I want to share this with you and feel _all_ of you right now, because I still can't believe all of this is real… that you're real, sitting here between my legs. You're my fucking everything okay?" I confessed, my voice cracking with emotion.

Piper looked down at her hands and started fidgeting with the hem of her tank top. A flush of shame crept up her neck. "I'm sorry.. I just thought you wanted… I mean… we just did yesterday morning and we're out of lube and… you know… I'm not really into it so soon again, but I know you are and…"

Her rambling and awkwardness made me smile and a wave of pure love rushed through my body. My hand reached out to cup her chin, forcing her to look at me. "Hey, shhh. I know sweetheart, it's okay," I whispered as I pulled her towards me before kissing her gently.

Our intimate life had changed drastically since menopause hit us ten years ago. Luckily for me, my body didn't show any symptoms and nothing had changed for me, but Piper experienced all the negative ones. Her loss of libido and vaginal dryness put a strain on our sex life. She didn't want to make love as much as she used to and I don't think I've ever masturbated so often in my life… not even when I was a hormonal teenager. I hate the fact that I always need to use lube before I can touch her properly and, although I know it sounds ridiculous, it kind of damages my ego everytime I can't bring her to orgasm. On the other hand, I also don't climax every time my wife pleasures me. Fuck, we're really getting old. After a long time of anger and frustration, I finally got to accept this new stage in our sex life and I'm able to enjoy each moment her naked body is pressed against mine. It really doesn't matter to me anymore if we don't reach those few seconds of pure ultimate bliss.

"Let's snuggle a little more Pipes." I whispered as I pulled her towards me. A breath of relief escaped from my lips when I felt Piper's body melting against my front once again and I let my fingers curl around her elbows, stroking the skin with my thumbs.

"Lucas Alexander Simmons," she whispered. "Do you like his name Al? He's named after you, you must be feeling so proud"

A flutter unfolded in my chest as Piper said our grandson's name out loud. It felt like I was dreaming. "I don't know. I mean, of course I'm flattered, but I'm not sure why I deserve to be named after," I chuckled.

"Are you kidding me? Rose adores you Alex. The boy's middle name doesn't surprise me at all."

I ran my hands up to her shoulders and gave them a loving squeeze. "Aren't you disappointed she didn't ask you to be there tonight? I don't want you to feel left out. You're her mother too," I asked softly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the baby's middle name and Rose asking me to come over.

"Oh no sweetheart. She's always been more connected to you. It's been this way since she was a little girl, but I know she loves me too." She turned her head to the side and pressed a reassuring kiss to the exposed skin of my throat.

"Good, because she really does Pipes. She loves you to pieces."

We savored the silence in the living room, dozed off for a few minutes, until our bodies jumped at sound of the loud ringtone coming from my phone. Cooper started barking and Piper shot up from the couch to shush him.

"Cooper, shush! It's the middle of the night," I heard Piper shout before I accepted the call.

"Hey girl, is everything okay?" I greeted my daughter with a concerned voice. I wasn't expecting her to call me this late and surely not after everything she's been through.

"Oh yeah, don't worry, I'm fine. I just wanted to be sure you got home safely," she answered as I glanced at Piper who was carrying our empty cups to the kitchen.

"That's sweet of you kid. I arrived home about a half an hour ago. How are you Rose? Can't sleep? Is Lucas keeping you up already?" I snickered and my heart swelled with love as Rose's sweet laugh filled my ear.

"No, he's asleep. I just tried to feed him again, but I'm still not lactating mom. I feel really bad about it. He's not even a day old and I'm already feeling like I'm the worst mother ever." I could hear her voice trembling with sadness. "I'm such a failure."

"Honey, you're not a failure. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just go with the flow okay? If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, nobody is going to judge you for that Rosie, and your son will grow up into a strong man either way," I reassured her. Piper arched an eyebrow at me with a confused expression on her face.

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

I opened my mouth to continue my encouraging speech, but Rose took a deep breath and whispered through the phone.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I really need to pee, but I'm so scared. I'm holding it in for like an hour already"

My eyes widened in surprise and I saw Piper getting even more confused. She sat beside me and placed her hand on my upper thigh as I gave her a loving smile.

"Why Rosie?"

"Because, I'm sure it's going to hurt. I'm so sore, I feel like I can't walk or sit ever again," she whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear her at all. I closed my eyes and started to massage my temple with my free hand. I knew Rose was in pain, but to actually hear her confirm it made my heart clench.

"Why are you whispering sweetheart?" I asked.

"Alex, what wrong?" Piper interjected, but I quickly touched her hand to silence her. I'm not very good at multitasking and Rose needed all of my attention right now.

"Because Dan is asleep. I don't want to wake him up," Rose answered.

"He's your husband Rose, I'm sure he wants you to wake him up. You really need to talk to him about everything that's going on in your head honey."

Rose always told me everything, no matter what the subject was, and I'm convinced that I know more about her than Daniel does. It's so recognizable. I always told my own mother everything about myself and my relationship with Piper. Rose was exactly the same, but I needed her to open up to her husband more and tell _him_ about her concerns and worries.

"I know, but I feel more comfortable talking to you."

"Alex, what's going on? I'm worried," Piper interrupted again.

"Is that mom? She's awake? Can I talk to her?" Rose whispered.

"Yeah sure. I'll pass the phone over. I love you kid," I said and handed the phone to Piper. Cooper walked in my direction, giving me a hopeful look.

"Oh Rosie, I'm so proud of you," I heard Piper say while I put on my shoes. I stood up from the couch and grabbed my coat from its hanger. Cooper followed me out of the house and I felt a strong wave of peace unfolding in my chest.

A new generation… fuck, it's so strange. Piper will turn sixty-two this June and I'm sixty-three already. Our daughter had left the nest a few years ago and gave birth to a beautiful baby today. Now it's her turn to worry over her child, feel unconditional love for such a tiny human being and experience overwhelming sadness each time he grows more and more independent. Piper and I have done our job and we've done it nicely. I'm sure my mother would be so proud of me.

I was still lost in my thoughts as I reached the front door ten minutes later. I entered the house, pulled off my coat and collapsed into the couch once again, completely exhausted. My eyes closed on their own accord and I felt Piper's weight sink into my lap while her hand brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"We should go to bed Al, it's three in the morning and I wanna look fresh tomorrow. I have to impress a handsome little man at the hospital," she chuckled. She stood up from her seat and reached out to grab my hand, pulling me off the couch.

I smiled at the thought of my daughter. I'm so proud of all her achievements and I'm so grateful for her trust and our special relationship. My heart instantly grew a few inches and I didn't notice the single tear of absolute happiness that trickled down my cheek as I followed my wife into our bedroom.


	14. N

**Warning!**

A few facts before you start reading: 

* This chapter contains a sexual assault scene

* It's rough, violent and explicit (this fic is rated 'm' for a reason, so please do not underestimate)

* This moment also contains a hint of self-destructive behavior

* Please skip this chapter and wait for the next one if you don't want to read about topics like this (the next chapter is going to be sweet. I promise!)

* The love between Piper and Alex is the main focus… it always is

* There's a long author's note at the end of this chapter

* God, I'm nervous lol

Okay, here we go…

* * *

 **N ~ Night**

 _July 29, 2017_

"I've nothing to wear," I groaned in frustration as I dried my hair with a towel.

Piper and I are going to celebrate Nicky's release tonight. It was already ten in the evening and we were supposed to be at the bar at eleven, but I was still standing in front of my closet, wearing nothing but a towel. I heard Piper spitting her toothpaste in the sink as I scanned the shelves one more time. Piper had asked me to dress nicely, because tonight is a 'special occasion'. Her interpretation of 'nicely' is different from mine. I feel most comfortable in a leather pants and a basic t-shirt, but I knew my wife wouldn't approve of that style tonight and it was probably way too hot outside to wear leather or jeans.

"Lemme see Al," she said when she walked into our bedroom. I turned around and took in the sight. She looked stunning in her turquoise playsuit and silver sandals. Piper approached the closet and it only took her a few seconds to pick an outfit for me.

"I love this one. You look gorgeous in it," she stated and held the flowy, knee-length wrap dress in front of me.

"I don't know Pipes, I already wore it on your birthday."

"Yeah so? I wanna make Nicky jealous," she chuckled as she sat down on the bed. I shifted my eyes between her and the dress.

"Fine," I said, snatching the black garment out of her hand. I turned around, facing the closet, and opened one of the drawers to grab a pair of panties and a bra. My fingers unfolded the damp towel from around me and I did nothing to prevent it from falling to the floor.

"Al?" Piper whispered, touching my fingers with hers.

"Yeah?" I glanced over my shoulder to make eye contact with her.

"Let me look at you," she said in a soft voice and tugged on my hand to encourage me to turn around. I followed her command and an amused smirk formed on my face as her eyes shamelessly roamed up and down my naked body. She parted her legs and I automatically stepped between them, intentionally bringing my full bosom in front of her face. Her eager hands reached out to cup them, squeezing the mounds together and testing their weight in her palms. "So big… I love your tits," she whispered before pressing her full lips to one of my nipples.

I used to hate my large breasts when I was younger. They've always been bigger than average and especially boys always started to act a little rude whenever I entered the classroom. I did my best to hide them by buying my beloved band t-shirts in a larger size than usual. The boys lost interest, something I was grateful for, but I already had developed a slight aversion to my breasts. My mother encouraged me to buy the t-shirts in a size that actually fitted and convinced me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my height or body. I gained more self-confidence and started to appreciate them, until the disastrous encounter with my father which made me go back to square one. A few years later, I met Piper, she loved my boobs and she was the one who taught me how to love them like the way they are. I'm quite fond of them now.

"Piper, we shouldn't…" but the rest of the words died in my throat as soon as her hand trailed down my belly and into the patch of hair above my sex. My eyes clamped shut and I stopped breathing as I instinctively parted my legs a little, a silent invitation to encourage her further.

"Hmm," she hummed in appreciation and slid her fingers between my folds. After a few soft, slow strokes, my eyes shot open in confusion.

"What the fuck is that burned smell Pipes?" I said in a hoarse voice.

"Oh shit!"

She withdrew her fingers from my center and pushed me out of the way. "It's my straightener. I think I left it on," she shouted as she ran towards the bathroom. I let out a hard laugh, dressed myself, applied some eyeliner and red lipstick before I walked down the stairs.

"Piper? This dress is too much isn't it? It's too revealing right? I think I'm going to change into something more casual" I said while pointing at my cleavage. She took a couple of seconds to form an opinion and shook her head. "Don't be a prude Al. Yes, you're showing some cleavage, but it's sexy. Just wear this dress okay? Do it for me?" She gave me a flirtatious look which made me melt right away.

"Allright. For you."

"So charitable," she chuckled. "Come on Al, we're late." She opened the front door of the house as I hastily slipped into my heels and stumbled into the hallway.

"Oh really?" I said sarcastically. "You didn't seem so worried about arriving late when we were upstairs." I unlocked the car and we stepped inside. It was only a ten-minute walk from our house to the bar, but I had insisted on driving, because my wife was experiencing some lower abdominal cramping today. I didn't want her to walk when it wasn't really necessary.

I parked the car in front of the bar and spotted Nicky waiting for us outside.

"Hey, there she is," Piper exclaimed "She looks good." She opened the door and practically ran towards our friend. Nicky enveloped her in a big hug and kissed my wife on the cheek.

"Oh my god, look at you Chapman. There's finally some meat on your bones," Nicky said teasingly as she gave Piper a playful slap on her butt.

"Hi Nicky," I said and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Vause," she greeted me with a sly smile and a little nod.

The three of us walked into the building, ordered a drink and positioned ourselves at the bar.

"Good job Vause, you've knocked up Chapman eh? I knew you had it in you. Cheers!" she chuckled and lifted her glass of wine in the air.

I burst into laughter and rolled my eyes. "Oh man, Nicky."

We talked about the day she had been released, about her drug use and her plans for the upcoming weeks. After an hour or so, I noticed that Piper was becoming more quiet and started the squirm uncomfortably in her seat, tracing the rim of her glass of water with her index finger. Nicky must have noticed it too, because she shifted her eyes between me and Piper, shooting me a questionable look.

"Are you okay Pipes?" I asked while pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's just… there's a guy on the other end of the bar and he's staring at you Al. I think he's interested and it makes me very uncomfortable."

I tilted my head to the side and glanced at the person she was talking about. As soon as I made eye contact with the ginger-haired man, he gave me a lopsided smile and lifted his glass in my direction. He was tall, muscular and handsome.

"He seems harmless Piper. God, he is like twenty or something. I bet he still lives at his mama's house," I snickered and softly squeezed her knee.

"Yeah, but he's flirting with you Alex."

"So? Maybe he likes a cougar."

"Or a milf," Nicky added with a laugh.

"Don't worry okay?" I assured her.

She nodded and took another sip of her drink.

"Did you find yourself another prison wife after I left you behind in prison Nick?" I asked out of curiosity and also as an attempt to change the subject.

"No Vause, I'm still waiting for my lovely Italian to show up at my doorstep some day."

"Did she ever visit you?" Piper asked tentatively.

Nicky diverted her eyes from her and looked down at her glass. "No, she's probably to busy with the child."

"Straight girls. They'll fuck you up every time," I tried to enlighten the mood, earning me a small smile from my friend.

We kept talking about random things for the next hour, ordered another drink, until Piper jumped off her bar stool. "Fuck, shit!" she cursed, clutching her protruding belly in her hands. "I swear… she just kicked."

My eyes widened in shock and my fingers intensified their grip around my glass.

"Oh Alex… our baby," she cried as tears of happiness started to stream down her face.

"Fuck Pipes, are you serious?" I reached out and placed my hands on her belly. "I don't feel anything," I said, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice. She let out another gasp and covered my hands with hers. "She did it again! Did you feel that?"

"No," I whispered and shook my head. I knew it was perfectly normal that I couldn't feel the baby kicking in my wife's belly yet, but I still felt a little disappointed.

One of her hands made its way to my knee, nudging my legs apart. She carefully shuffled forwards to stand between them, her back resting against my chest. My hands started to rub her swollen abdomen as a wave of protectiveness shot through me. I didn't even recognize myself when I almost let out a predatory warning growl at the moment Nicky touched my wife's pregnant belly.

"I can't feel it either Alex," she said and I instantly felt relieved. Piper swayed her hips from left to right and my fingers traveled down to her thighs. "What are you doing kid?" I chuckled before pressing a kiss to her ear.

"I'm trying to keep her awake. I want to feel her moving all night long."

Nicky let out a hard laugh and Piper turned around, kissing me briefly on the cheek.

"I think I'm going home Al. You can stay, but I'm so tired," she said while yawning in my face.

"Yeah, I can imagine sweetheart." I picked up my car keys from the bar and handed them to her. "Take the car. I'll walk home."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, of course. Please take them."

"Thanks Al." She kissed me on the mouth and I cupped her face in my hands, holding her in place while I licked her upper lip. Piper parted her lips and just as I was about to slide my tongue inside, Nicky interrupted us.

"Hey not-lesbians, you're not alone remember?"

Piper kissed me one more time before whispering a few words in a seductive tone. "Maybe we can do a medical role-play if you get home before two in the morning." She turned around, said her goodbyes to Nicky, left the bar and left me speechless.

Much to my delight, Piper and I had recently added some role playing into our sex life. The first time we tried was extremely awkward, because Piper couldn't contain her nervous giggles and she ended up laughing hysterically. The second time went a little more smoothly and while we were doing it, I realized I enjoyed it even more than I had anticipated. I was getting more and more turned on by the minute, until Piper started to break character every three minutes. My arousal tapered off quickly and it made me want to stop. It takes a certain level of trust to be comfortable with exploring such activities and I love the fact that Piper and I had reached that level not long ago. We are still experimenting and discovering this sexual sides of ourselves, but I secretly hoped our third time role playing would be perfect. I immediately became impatient, felt the urge to leave Nicky behind and go home as soon as possible, but that would have been rude.

"So, you and Chapman are expecting a girl eh? That must have been a total shock for you."

Nicky knew me too well. Piper and I had found out the sex of our baby only four days ago and I was still processing the news. For the past twenty weeks, I was seriously convinced that we were having a boy, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. I loved babysitting Neri's twin boys and I could easily picture myself playing soccer with my son, talk about cars with him or even check out some hot cheerleaders at a sports game. But a girl? The thought of me dropping my daughter off for her ballet class, wearing a pink tutu… or going to the spa together… or getting our nails done… fuck, it almost made me laugh out loud.

"Yeah, I know right? I mean... she's healthy and that's all that matters, but fuck Nichols… me? A mother to a girl?" I said in pure disbelieve.

"It's going to be so interesting to watch," Nicky laughed.

"Yeah, Pipes is nesting like a maniac since we've been told that the baby is a girl. She's forcing me to paint the nursery with Neri next week. She has picked out a light shade of pink and I swear Nicky… she's buying so much girly stuff that I don't recognize my own house anymore."

I rolled my eyes, took a large gulp of the alcoholic liquid and placed the empty glass on top of the bar as Nicky burst into laughing.

"You surprised me when you told me that you and Piper were trying for a baby. I always thought you didn't want any kids Vause."

"Yeah, well, things change, but what about you Nick? Are you going to find yourself a nice lady and have babies with her now that you're out of prison?" I quickly asked, feeling uncomfortable with the current subject of our conversation.

One night during the riot at Litchfield, Piper and I were relaxing in a digger bucket when I suddenly confessed my growing interest in having a baby with her. I still needed time to get used to the idea, but Piper wanted to try for a baby fairly quickly after I was released. We were in our mid-thirties and I knew Piper's biological clock was ticking, so I just blindly agreed to search for a donor. I'm very excited about her pregnancy, but I'm still not fully convinced that this is what I truly want for myself.

"No Vause, I've already told you, I'm waiting for her."

"Nicky, Lorna is…" I started, but she cut me off by shooting me a warning look.

"Mark my words Alex. She's coming back for me."

"I hate to say this, but she's not," I said in a soft tone. I didn't want to upset my best friend, but I also didn't want to confirm her false statement. She surprised me by nodding her head when a soft whisper came from her mouth. "I know."

"Is this why you're occasionally using heroin again? To cope with your broken heart?" The question escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

"Yeah."

My heart clenched in pain when I heard her confirm the reason I already expected, but I understood all too well.

"Let's talk about something else okay?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

I shrugged my shoulders and took a sip from my freshly poured drink. Nicky and I kept talking about our experiences in prison, her mother and about Carol, until it was almost two in the morning.

"We should go home Nick, I'll have to babysit my cousins tomorrow," I said when I suddenly remembered Piper's offer. She nodded. We left the bar, hugged goodbye and I started walking down the street while Nicky took a cab home.

Ten minutes later, I walked into the darkened, abandoned alley next to my house when a man's voice reached my ears.

"Hey!"

I turned around and recognized him as the young man who flirted with me at the bar, the one who had made Piper feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Got a cigarette?" he asked as he walked up to me.

I shook my head. "No sorry, I don't smoke anymore."

"Shame." He took another step forwards and was invading my personal space at this point.

"I uh.." I mumbled and my body tensed up, preparing itself to turn around and walk away.

"You've been attracting my attention since you walked into that bar a few hours ago," he said in a low voice. "Can I take you out for lunch tomorrow?"

I couldn't suppress the chuckle that escaped my throat. Gosh, this man was hardly twenty years old and so naive.

"Oh no, I'm sorry dude. I'm married. Have a nice night," I said politely. I gave him a smile and turned around, but almost jumped out of my skin when his hand curled around my upper arm.

"What the f…" but I couldn't finish my sentence, because he roughly shoved me to the side, pinning my front against the wall of my house. I tried to turn around, but his grip on my arm and hip made the movement impossible.

"To that pregnant blonde lady I assume? I saw you kissing her," he growled into my ear. The smell of alcohol filled my nostrils. "You're nothing but a pathetic lesbian aren't you?"

God, I was familiar with guys like him. First they're trying to hit on you, but as soon as you brush them off, their egos are damaged and they start to show their homophobic side by insulting you for being gay.

"ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION," he screamed into my face and a wave of fear rushed through me. His tone was aggressive and dominant, something I didn't expect and for the first time since he started talking to me, I became extremely scared.

"Yes," I answered automatically, hoping my sexuality would cause him to lose interest. It didn't… and my answer fueled his aggression and anger even more. His hand left my hip and grabbed a fistful of hair before slamming my head against the wall with such brutal force, that flickering stars appeared in front of my eyes. I opened my eyes again, but my broken glasses made it impossible to focus on my surroundings.

"That's fucking disgusting. You're a disgrace to human kind," he spat with venom in his voice. One of my arms flung backwards on pure instinct, scratching my fingernails across his face. He hissed in pain and grabbed both of my wrists violently, trapping them above my head while his other hand made its way up my thigh. Tears streamed down my face as he crushed my body between his and the wall. My eyes widened in horror when I felt something hard pressing against my butt.

"I'm sure I can fuck all your filthy lesbian urges out of you."

My body was slipping into a state of shock when his hand reached under my wrap dress and yanked my panties down my legs. It took me an enormous effort to clamp my thighs together and I started to cry harder when I heard him unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants.

"Please no," I begged him in a trembling voice as the iron taste of blood filled my mouth. "Please stop." I was right on the brink of becoming hysterical.

"Oh don't worry honey. I'm sure you'll enjoy this even more than when your lady licks your pussy," he slurred, pushing the hem of my dress up to my waist.

I stopped fighting, because I knew I wasn't going to win this physical battle. My body relaxed on instinct as I tried to focus on my breathing. His hand tugged on my hip to tilt my pelvis backwards, causing my back to hollow and my outer folds to part, providing himself easier access into my opening. A mere seconds later, he entered me with one powerful thrust. My loud scream filled the quiet air around us and he didn't give me time to recover as he started thrusting in and out of me with a violent pace. The pain was so intense that my breathing turned into hyperventilating while I tried to relax my muscles as much as possible. I've only been penetrated by something so thick and large once before and it happened on pure accident during a moment of passion with my wife. Fortunately, it didn't hurt because I was extremely wet, but the feeling wasn't very pleasurable either. The whole thing had occurred only four days ago, which is kind of ironic seeing the current situation I was in.

A wave of nausea unfolded in the pit of my stomach as his moans, and the sound of his skin slapping against the back of my thighs and ass filled my ears. His hand left my hip and slipped into my bra, squeezing the soft flesh roughly.

"Jesus, so big… I love your fucking tits," he breathed into my ear, his stubble scratching the delicate skin of my cheek. A bile rose up in my throat when I remembered Piper saying the exact same words earlier tonight. Piper… fuck. I almost gagged at the thought of her. My sweet innocent wife…  
A feeling of intense shame and dirtiness crawled up my spine. What would she think of me?

I started to cry hysterically and the pain between my legs increased as the young man kept thrusting into my body. A few labored breaths later, he stiffened and pulled out of me before ejeculating his warm release all over my inner thighs, sinking his teeth into my neck to muffle his low groans. He immediately let go off my hands after he was done. My body was completely limp because of the shock and pain and I instantly collapsed to the ground. The man zipped his pants and walked away without saying a word.

The whole ordeal didn't last longer than two minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I allowed myself to calm my breathing and stop crying before I was going home. I rolled my underwear further down my legs and ankles, clutching them in my hand while I pulled myself up. My mind and body were still in shock and couldn't believe what just had happened. I cursed myself for not fighting harder, for wearing this dress and for kissing Piper in a public place. The self-blame was already kicking in and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

It only took me twenty steps to stumble around the corner and another ten steps to reach my front door. As soon as I entered the house and shuffled into the hallway, I felt something warm trickle down my legs and I knew it wasn't the evidence that he had left on my skin. My hand touched the door handle and I sincerely hoped that Piper would be upstairs, already fast asleep. I would take a shower, go to sleep and pretend nothing had happened so Piper wouldn't find out. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

"Jesus Alex! What took you so long? I've been waiting for you for hours."

I froze to the spot as she stood up from the couch, wearing a beautiful white lingerie set that I had never seen before. She looked so utterly innocent in the pure white color, her growing belly and her angelic blonde hair that fell loosely around her shoulders.

"Al?"

I surprised us both when the upper half of my body suddenly bent over… I heaved a couple of times before vomiting all over the hardwood floor.

"Alex, are you drunk?"

My breathing turned into hyperventilating for a second time and my eyes lost their focus. Total panic fogged my brain and I subconsciously ran towards the couch, hiding myself between the sofa and the wall. My mind was craving a feeling of safety and I hoped Piper would get the hint and leave me alone.

"What the hell are you doing? You're acting very strange," she said with a confused laugh. Her footsteps came nearer, until she stood in front me, looking down at my trembling form. I tilted my head up to meet her gaze, causing Piper to let out a gasp. "Your glasses! And what the hell happened to your face?"

I diverted my eyes from her when a deep flush crept up my cheeks. I was in no condition to speak. Piper turned around to grab my spare glasses from the bookshelf and handed them to me. I took off my smashed glasses and pushed the round black-framed one up the bridge of my nose.

"Al? What happened sweetheart? Did you fall?" she asked in a sweet, loving tone that made my heart flutter. She grabbed her robe from the couch, pulled it on and knelt in front of me.

"Please tell me love."

I didn't want to tell her. My chest was heaving rapidly, my breathing was uneven and tears were flowing down my cheeks. Piper glanced at the the piece of black fabric that I was still clutching in my hand and shifted her eyes to my long exposed legs.

"Is that your underwear?" she chuckled in confusion. "Why aren't you wearing them?"

I looked at her and saw her eyes widen when the realization hit her.

"Fuck." Piper's hand reached out to touch my knee, making me flinch. She opened my legs a little and when she saw the dried up fluids between my inner thighs, she gasped in horror. "Fuck no. Fuck no… this can't be true." She stood up from the ground, breathing heavily and holding on to the bookcase for support. "Oh God, please no," she cried. "Okay Piper… breathe, try to stay calm for the baby," she said to herself while her free hand stroked her belly.

"Pipes?" I managed to choke out.

"Yeah?" she whispered as she lowered herself onto the coffee table.

"Please call Diane. She needs to know," I cried, taking in short breaths.

She looked at me questioningly as if I was messing with her.

"Pipes please, call her. I need my mom" I sobbed in pure panic.

I saw something change in her eyes when she realized that I was being serious and she slid to the ground to sit in front of me.

"Al, I can't call her sweetheart… she died ten years ago."

Fuck… I was seriously losing my common sense. The previous ordeal had caused my brain to travel back and forth in time, trying to protect me from the mental pain.

"Fuck," I whispered, feeling even more ashamed.

She scooted closer and enveloped me in a hug, stroking the back of my head. I allowed myself to melt into her embrace for a few seconds, until a feeling of dirtiness shot through my body and I immediately pushed her away. "Stop," my voice trembled with sadness.

I let out a breath of relief when Piper unwrapped her arms from me and stood up to walk into the kitchen. I closed my eyes and was glad my breathing had returned to normal. She came back before I could start to wonder what she was doing.

"Let me clean you up bit love." She knelt in front of me once again, carrying a towel and a washcloth, and placed her hand between my knees to spread my legs again… wider this time. A new wave of fear rushed through me and blurred my vision. I started to breathe heavily and my body reacted the same way as it would do to a death threat … like a caged animal… driven into a corner… for the second time tonight. I know there are several psychological reactions that can occur when someone is being attacked or feels threatened. Some people flight the scene, some freeze on the spot and others fight back. Well, I'm definitely a fighter, because when Piper pressed the wet towel against my vulva to clean it from the semen and blood, I lashed out at her on pure instinct. I had no control over the response whatsoever. It was only when I heard the palm of my hand collide with the skin of her cheek, that I realized what I was doing. The slap across her face was so hard, that her jaw hit her collarbone with full force. We both sucked in a breath and I started to cry hysterically. What the fuck was happening to me? I've only hit Piper in the face once, but I instantly regretted it and swore to myself that I would never do it again, not even when it would earn me some very satisfying hate sex. I glanced to her pregnant belly and felt even more awful. Did I seriously just hit a pregnant woman?

"I'm so s..sorry," I hiccuped.

Piper tilted her head up and looked at me with a loving expression on her face.

"No Alex, there's no need to apologize sweetheart. I should have asked. I'm sorry," she whispered and gave me a comforting smile.

No, she shouldn't have asked, she could always touch me everywhere and whenever she wanted. It has always been that way and I didn't want that to change because of what had happened.

"It's a good thing you've stopped me though," she continued. "I don't want to wipe all the evidence away. I'm going to call the police." She stood up from the ground and took a step forwards.

"NO!" I screamed and grabbed her ankle, causing her to lose balance for a second.

"No?"

I shook my head and gave her a pleading look as tears kept streaming down my face. Piper lowered herself to a sitting position and covered my hand with her own.

"Why not Al?"

"Because… I don't w..want to. I'm a registered felon Pipes, you actually think they would believe me? They got other priorities than start an investigation for the sake of a criminal."

"That's the stupidest argument I've ever heard," she whispered.

"Piper please," I begged in a soft voice. "I don't want to tell them all the disgusting details okay? I'm done with judges, I'm done with police, I'm sick of court. And besides… they have better things to do than to defend an ex-con okay?"

"I don't agree with you Al, but I'm not going to force you right now… on one condition," she said while looking me straight in the eye. I arched an eyebrow at her, not sure what she was going to say.

"Please clean yourself with this towel okay? I'll keep it in case you change your mind in the future, then we'll have at least some evidence to support your case." She stroked the back of my hand with her thumb and smiled at me. I nodded and took the towel from her hand, wiping my thighs and most intimate part before handing it back to her.

She dabbed the cut on my cheek with the washcloth, cleaning up the blood. "It looks like a superficial cut Al. You don't need stitches," she whispered while I took a quick glimpse inside her robe. I couldn't contain the sly smile that formed on my face when I noticed that the white bra she was wearing, was actually a push-up. I suddenly remembered our plans for the night.

"This is not what you had in mind when you suggested a medical role-play right?" I chuckled.

"Okay."Piper swallowed thickly, nibbled on her lip and her face contorted into an expression of extreme sadness, as if I just had smacked her in the face for a second time. "I understand that sarcasm is your thing, but can you please not make jokes right now?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you."

She gave me the most caring smile I had ever seen. "I love you too Al," she whispered and pressed a soft kiss to my bruised cheek. My eyes closed on their own accord and I tilted my head to the side to brush my lips against hers. I peeked through my eyelashes and saw Piper studying my face, searching for any hint of reluctance and when she couldn't find any, she pressed her mouth against mine, lightly kissing it a couple of times without urgency, before she pulled away.

"I'm going upstairs for a shower Pipes."

"Yeah, I'm going to clean the floor."

A little while later, the hot water was soothing my tense muscles and I didn't even remember walking upstairs, undressing or turning on the shower. My mind was already playing tricks on me, slipping into a dream-like state every few minutes. I washed my hair and used a washcloth to clean my body, but the feeling of disgust remained. I needed to scrub all the dirtiness away, because I could still feel his fingers on my breast and his penis between my legs, smell his scent in my nostrils and hear his low voice in my ears.

My hands reached for the shower curtain, yanking it open when I suddenly remembered the sponges inside one of the drawers. Immense relief washed over me as I slowly dragged my fingertips over the rough side of a sponge. I quickly stepped into the shower again and scrubbed the harsh surface along my arms, turning the delicate skin raw and red as tears rolled down my cheeks once again. My hand made its way to my breasts, where I scrubbed the skin harder and harder, until scrapes appeared on the soft flesh. I traveled lower and dropped the sponge when I reached my vulva. I carefully cupped it in my hand and gasped in shock. It felt extremely swollen and I was sure it was black and blue already, but I didn't have the courage to look at it. I picked up the sponge from the floor and slid the rough material between my legs, scrubbing all the filthiness away. The pain I felt there was intense, but I could't stop the scrubbing… didn't want to either. The washing motion between my legs grew more rapidly, my soft crying turned into sobbing and fragments of the attack flashed through my head as I tried to clean myself. A cracking sound reached my ears and when I heard footsteps coming closer, my whole body tensed up, preparing itself for another fight.

"I brought you a clean t-shirt and underwear baby. I'll place it on the chair over here," Piper said.

I could see her silhouette through the shower curtain and immediately felt exposed, naked, and threatened and, although she couldn't see me, I instinctively turned around, shielding my naked body from her eyes.

"Get out," I said in a warning tone.

She let out a heavy sigh and took another step in my direction.

"Alex."

"GET THE FUCK OUT," I screamed at the top of my lungs, startling her… and myself.

She didn't protest and quickly left the bathroom, closing the door behind her. It's perfectly normal for us to walk into the bathroom to apply some makeup or brush our teeth while the other one is showering, but I was going to lock the door from now on.

I turned the shower off, dried myself and pulled on the panties that Piper had placed on the chair. I glanced at myself in the mirror. The right side of my face was badly bruised and another wave of nausea rushed through my stomach when I saw the reddish mark on the pale skin of my troath. He must have left it there when he bit me the moment my body gave him all the sexual pleasure he needed. My eyes traveled lower and it didn't surprise me when I saw a few spots of fresh blood staining the white fabric of my underwear. I probably had scrubbed myself a little to enthusiastically, but I didn't really care. I hastily pulled on my black t-shirt to cover the scrapes on my breasts, brushed my teeth and left the bathroom.

"I'm sorry I screamed at you," I whispered apologetically when I walked into the bedroom. Piper was already under the covers, sitting against the headboard and reading a book.

"Oh it's okay Al. Come, lay beside me sweetheart."

My feet carried me towards the bed and Piper pulled the covers back. I let my body sink into the soft mattress and I almost moaned at the feeling of soothing warmth that the blanket offered me. Piper and I stared into each other's eyes for a long, silent moment, until she opened her mouth to speak.

"Can I hold you?"

I tensed up when the words left her mouth. Fuck, I wanted her to hold me while I cried into her chest, but I felt way too dirty en guilty to confront her with my disgusting body right now. I shook my head and knew she wouldn't take it personally.

"Let's hold hands?" I offered instead and laced my fingers through hers. She gently squeezed my hand and gave me a loving smile. Tears were stinging my eyes again, but I hastily tried to push them away. Fucking hell, she looked so innocent. She didn't deserve any of this.

"I'm so sorry Piper."

She closed her eyes and licked her bottom lip. "Alex, don't."

"But…"

"No, stop it. It's not your fault."

I just lay there, holding my wife's hand and savoring the safety I felt when she was this close to me.

"Do you know who did this to you Al?"

Fuck, I should've seen this question coming. I didn't want to upset her even more than she already was and shook my head. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her _who_ it was, _where_ it happened and certainly not _why_ it happened. My sexuality had never been a big deal for me. I never felt bad about flirting with girls in high school, not even when the boys and girls would bully me for it, but now…. now was the first time in my life that I was experiencing a feeling of deep shame because I loved women. Because I love Piper, my wife for almost two years.

"God, I wish I had picked you up." Her voice was dripping with guilt and it pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Piper, it's not your fault either okay?" I whispered as I gave her hand a soft squeeze.

"I'm going to call Polly in te morning and tell her I'll be working at home and I'm going to tell Neri you're not going to babysit the boys. I don't want you to be by yourself tomorrow."

I blinked and felt extremely grateful for her thoughtfulness.

"Allright, but please don't tell Polly what happened okay?"

"Of course honey, whatever you want," she smiled. "Am I allowed to tell Neri?"

Maybe it could be helpful when Piper told Neri about what had occurred tonight. We couldn't do this on our own and I trusted Neri the most.

"Yes."

"I'll buy you a morning-after pill and a STD test in the morning."

A flush of embarrassment crept up my face and I closed my eyes for a second, trying to relax as much as I could, until another flashback made me gasp for breath, crushing Piper's hand.

"Shhh it's okay. You're safe," she soothed.

My breathing quickly steadied, when I gazed into her blue eyes.

"I'm going to schedule an appointment with a therapist Alex."

"No!"

"Yes! There's only so much a person can take Al. You've been through a lot in your life sweetheart. You need some professional help to process everything, especially tonight's event."

I knew she was right, but therapy was not my thing. I consider myself as a strong woman, just like my mother. I'm a survivor, I can deal with everything on my own, but after what had happened an hour ago, I wasn't so sure of that anymore.

"Let's try and get some sleep love," Piper whispered and placed our joined hands on her belly. I nodded and she kissed me briefly on the mouth before closing her eyes. Thirty minutes later, Piper was breathing deeply, but I was nowhere near sleep. My mind was racing, every fibre of my body was in pain. I can not predict the effects of the attack, but there is one thing I know for sure,

This was going to change the relationship between Piper and me drastically…

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm so so sooooo sorry for this guys, but please let me explain myself. Before I started this fic, I rewatched a few episodes of the second season of OITNB and there is this scene where Piper was scared that she had sent a rapist to Alex's block (S02E01) and it immediately caught my attention. A million questions swam through my head. What if it did happen? How would Alex deal with such an traumatic experience? And what about Piper? Will she be able to provide Alex all the emotional support she needs? We all know how Piper reacted when her girlfriend showed some PTSD-symptoms after killing Aydin, don't we? *cough* Stella *cough*. Can their relationship handle it? How does something like this change their dynamic? I decided to include this topic into this fic, but in a whole different setting (out of prison, married, baby on the way… in other words: the happiest time of their life) because I'm especially curious about Piper's growth in the years prior to this moment and her way of dealing with a broken Alex in the present. I'm seriously considering to write a multi-chaptered fic about Alex's recovery, the aftermath and Piper's role, after I finish this one. We'll follow her through the various stages of PTSD, her therapy sessions, her behavior towards Piper and of course, the healing (switching from her POV to Piper's). So, it won't focus on the 'act' itself, but on how they deal with it. I think it can be a story about love, hurt, romance, deep connections, emotional rollercoasters and also happiness (God, I really love to write about emotional inner battles), but I don't want to waste my time on writing such thing if you guys don't want to read it :). A little side note: I know everything about PTSD and trauma-related therapy (no, this chapter is not my life story), so… I think I possess enough knowledge about this topic to write a 'realistic fic'.


	15. O

**A/N:** Thanks for all the feedback on the previous chapter! I just wanna say that I deliberately choose to let Alex surrender herself without a fight, because that's what happens in _almost_ all sexual assault situations… even if the woman is a strong, powerful female like her (and believe me, I've spoken to a lot of those women). Saying things like 'you could've done this' or 'you should've done that' to (or about) survivors only adds to the self-blaming most of them already endure without the judgement of others.

To the professional guest reviewer: I'm PTSD survivor myself and I can totally understand your concern. I don't wanna share details, but let's say that I struggle with the same pros and cons as you regarding a new fic about this topic. I don't want to trigger others, but I don't want to taboo this topic either. Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I really appreciate it.

To all the others: thank you for taking the time to read en review, but let's close this topic for now :D

This new chapter is kind of random again. I'm not very happy with it, but I hope you'll like it anyway :) and please remember that English is not my first language. Don't like? Don't read.

* * *

 **O ~ Ocean**

 _August 10, 2015_

The fruity taste of cherry, lightly mixed with a hint of black pepper, filled my mouth as she absentmindedly closed her full lips around the straw of her Margarita. I kept my eyes focused on her young face, captivated by her beauty. We arrived here only yesterday, but this island already has become one of my favorite places on earth. The beautiful colors of nature in this place are absolutely magnificent.

"Fancy a walk along the beach or do you wanna share a dessert?" I asked in a raspy voice, swirling the alcoholic red liquid in my glass.

She looked up at me with the most striking blue eyes in the world and an excited grin formed on her face.

"We can't do both?"

I let out an amused chuckle and swallowed the last sip of wine as I glanced around the busy terrace.

"Of course we can kid."

"No, I was kidding Al. I'm going to pay for dinner."

She stood up from her seat and walked into the restaurant. It is already eight at night, but the temperature in Madeira is still very comfortable. Piper and I are staying at a luxurious resort, in a perfect suite that is even more impressive. I'm still in awe of the large jacuzzi in the middle of the room in which we had spent some time after yesterday's dinner. Piper was very pleased with the balcony with sea view, where she had installed her lounge chair the second we walked through the door. All this luxury reminded me of the days we traveled the world together. It always was a nice result of my involvement in the drug cartel. This is the first time after serving our sentences that Piper and I are traveling together, but I can't deny that I miss those thrilling, pre-incarceration trips. I'm so fucking lucky with my current probation officer. I was released only five months ago, but he had allowed me to go on this vacation.

"Ready?" she asked as she picked up her beach towel from the chair.

I nodded, stood up and offered my arm for her to hold on to .

"Why did you choose to wear those wedges Pipes? I mean… we visited a lot of hospitals abroad, but I don't want to add a Portugese one to the list," I said as we walked down the wooden steps.

"Because I wanna look nice."

"For who? That ring on your finger doesn't make you very approachable any longer sweetheart," I chuckled.

"For you dumbass."

"Oh so, you're still going to shave your legs and dress nicely to keep me happy? You don't have to Pipes. It's not like I can leave you so easily now that I've signed the official papers" I said teasingly, feeling very pleased with myself.

"Jesus, Alex." She rolled her eyes and stopped walking to take off her shoes.

"Let's go for a walk?" I offered as we sank our toes into the soft, white sand.

"But there's no one around and it's dark."

I draped my arm around her shoulders, pulled her against my side and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Even better."

We strolled along the shoreline, savoring the absolute silence as the waves kissed our feet. A ray of moonlight lit up the surface of the infinite ocean… the water was so clear we could see the shells on the bottom. I glanced at Piper, who was walking in front of me, completely lost in her thoughts. She looks so beautiful in her white summer dress and I could easily see her black bikini showing through the thin fabric. Her flawless skin is already slightly tanned, which made her blue eyes sparkle even more, and her golden locks danced around her shoulders as the wind blew through her hair. She looked like a Greek goddess and a tingling spread throughout my body at the sight of her.

I quickend my pace to walk beside her and laced my fingers through hers while the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the chirping of birds, and each other's breathing filled our ears.

"Let's sit over here," I said and pointed to a spot beside me. Piper nodded and laid out her beach towel on the sand as I lowered myself into a sitting position next to her.

"The sky is so bright Al. Let's look for shooting stars," she whispered as she laid herself down onto the towel, folding her hands behind her head. I gazed up to the night sky, completely hypnotized by the glowing lights.

I can't believe this is my life now… Piper is not just my girlfriend anymore, she's my wife. I felt a sudden weight on my shoulders as soon as the realization hit me. I couldn't fuck this up. I've to take care of her all my life and support her in every way possible. The thought of never being alone again sent chills down my spine. She'll always be by my side until the day I die.

"Al? Come closer sweetheart," she whispered and patted her sternum. I placed my head between her breasts, closed my eyes and listened to her steady heartbeat.

"Alex?" Her voice was so soft, almost shy.

I opened my eyes and tilted my head up to face her. "Yeah?"

"Kiss me," she demanded in a gentle tone.

My lips curled into a smile as I placed my left arm above her head while the other one made its way to her hip. My mouth found hers as my fingers entangled themselves into her soft blonde hair. A few seconds later, my tongue gently pushed itself past her lips, creating an intimate bubble around us. She parted them slightly and I eagerly slid my tongue inside her hot mouth, where I could still taste the sweetness of her Margarita. We moaned at the same time the moment my tongue touched hers. Our kiss quickly grew passionate when my fingers left her hip and traveled down to her thigh, slightly lifting the hem of her dress. Piper's right hand curled around the back of my neck as her other hand touched my shoulder, gently tugging on my upper arm. I immediately recognized the urgency of her request and instinctively knew what she wanted. I rolled on top of her as our tongues kept caressing each other. She was the first one who had to break the kiss in order to breathe.

"I love you," she whispered out of breath.

I squeezed her thigh as my fingers pulled her leg up to place it around my waist while my lips kissed the corner of her mouth before trailing down her neck. The moment I reached a particular sensitive spot, my tongue darted out to lick it, earning me a soft gasp and a squeeze on my shoulder.

A violent sound of rumbling waves reached our ears, but we were so caught up in each other that we didn't register the ocean's threat. Two seconds later, a cold wave washed over the lower half of our bodies, causing me to suck in a breath and Piper scream out loud. I burst into laughing and rolled off her to check on our belongings. Everything was still there.

"Fuck no," Piper sighed in frustration as she stood up. "Look at me, I'm so wet right now."

I glanced up and arched an eyebrow at her. "Well, saves me time," I chuckled, shooting her a flirtatious look.

"This is not funny Alex," she groaned and pulled her dress off over her head.

I expected her to lay down beside me again, but her fingers reached behind her back to untie the strings of her bikini top.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a hint of surprise in my voice.

"I'm going for a swim."

"What? Topless?"

"Naked," she answered and surprised me even more when she hooked her thumbs over the edges of her bikini bottom and rolled them down her legs. She threw her swimwear in my lap and ran into the Atlantic Ocean. The waves enveloped her naked body and I subconsciously pushed my glasses further up the bridge of my nose to get a clearer sight.

"Alex," she squealed. "It's not that cold! Get over here!"

I stood up and ran a hand through my shoulder-length hair before tying it in a little ponytail.

"No. I don't know what's in there"

"Are you a pussy?" she screamed.

God, I love the way that word sounds when she says it. She sure knows how to provoke me, because a second later, I found myself taking off my glasses and unbuttoning my denim shorts before pulling the black t-shirt over my head. I walked up to the ocean like a model on a catwalk, deliberately showing off my toned body to Piper's wandering gaze.

My breath hitched in my throat as soon as my toes came in contact with the cold waves of the ocean. Fuck, that's cold.

"See? The water temperature is pretty nice right?" Piper asked happily.

"Y..yes," I stuttered as my lungs struggled to take in oxygen and goosebumps appeared on my skin. Piper reached for my hand and pulled me towards her. We walked into the water until all but our heads were submerged.

"You're such a devoted wife," she whispered, fumbling with the clasp of my strapless red bandeau bikini. "But this one needs to go, it's against my rules."

"Your rules?" I arched an eyebrow at her. "You're such a…" but I couldn't finish my sentence when I felt the top loosening around my breasts. A mischievous grin formed on Piper's face as she pushed her upper half out of the water, holding my top above our heads.

"Catch it if you can," she teased and I couldn't help but chuckle at the playful twinkle in her eyes.

"I'm not going to jump out of the water Piper and _especially_ not when I'm half naked."

"Why not? I'm doing it too. There's no one around" she said and grabbed my shoulder to support her weight as she pushed herself up again, providing me the opportunity to take in the very, very delightful view.

"Because… god," I groaned. Fuck, putting words together is such a hard task when your brain wants you to concentrate on other 'things'. "Believe me Pipes, it looks much more elegant when you do it."

She looked down at my torso and rolled her eyes at me. "Who cares Al? It's just you and me anyway."

"No, seriously." My voice was more stern than I'd intended, but Piper didn't seem to notice.

"Okay… well… how about this?" She flung her arm back, still clutching the top between her fingers. "Let's see how fast you can swim."

"Piper!" I said in a warning tone, folding my hands around her waist, but that didn't seem to daunt her. She pushed herself up one more time and threw the bikini top behind me. I turned around and gasped in shock when I noticed that the garment had landed way out of my reach. I was so dumbfounded by Piper's bold move that I didn't feel her fingers pull at the tied strings of my bikini bottom. My eyes were still focused on my red top when the other piece of my swimwear landed in the exact same spot, immediately getting swallowed by the waves, floating off into nothingness.

"What are you waiting for? Go get them," she laughed and nudged my shoulder.

"Fuck, it's my favorite," I whispered in complete disbelieve.

"Uhm correction… it _was_ your favorite, but don't be sad Al. You look more beautiful when you're all natural."

I turned around and grabbed her waist to bring her closer. "You're in so much trouble kid. Just wait until we get back to the hotel"

"Good, that's what I was hoping for," she purred into my ear and wrapped her legs around my waist. I gently touched her fingers and placed them on the back of my neck. The moonlight shone onto her angelic face and made her hair sparkle like a golden waterfall around her head. I don't think she has ever looked so beautiful... and she's mine. She chose me. A familiar wave of possessiveness shot through me as I let the realization sink in.

"I can't believe Danny and Cal paid for our honeymoon," she whispered as she stared into my eyes. Her burning gaze into my soul made my heart flutter and my spine tingle in the most delicious ways. I swallowed thickly, moistening my very dry throat.

"No, me neither. They must love their sister a lot," I responded in a deep voice that scared me a little.

"They like you too Al."

I raised my eyebrow at her. "You think so?" Fuck, I couldn't hide the insecure tone that was seeping through my words.

"Yes of course. I mean… Danny likes your sense of humor and Cal seems very impressed by you."

A proud smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. "Impressed eh?"

She nodded and leaned in to capture my lips with her own as my hands started to wander over the smooth skin of her back, until they reached her full, round ass. I squeezed the soft flesh lightly and brushed one of my fingertips over the crack, making her shiver under my touch.

"Yeah, he always starts to act a little weird whenever you walk into the room," she shrugged. "How are you feeling sweetheart?" The expression on her face changed into one of sincere concern, something I could totally understand after what happened at the night of our wedding.

At the end of our wedding day, Piper's friends blindfolded us and dropped Piper and me off at some fancy hotel, a quiet place to spend our night together, before our plane to Madeira would take off the following morning. Her friends had decorated the room with rose patals, had lit up some candles and had placed a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs on the bed. Their unexpected surprise was very thoughtful, but also a little too tacky and cliche for my liking, but Piper seemed overjoyed with the girls' action and that's all that mattered to me. The room was pretty nice and the kingsize bed looked so inviting that I instantly collapsed onto it. Piper had just opened the bottle of champange, when we suddenly heard a soft whimper echoing around the room. She rushed over and positioned her warm body beside me as soon as we realized that I was crying silently. It had been such a beautiful day and I've never felt so happy in my life, but the fact that my mom wasn't there to celebrate this special moment with me, made me incredibly sad too. It was in the back of Polly's car that I thought of my mother, of Fahri, and my friends and family who weren't there, because I simply didn't have them… they didn't exist. Apparently, the overwhelming feeling became to much when Piper and I stepped into that bridal suite. I didn't want to cry and bother Piper with my depressing thoughts. I just wanted to give her the memorable wedding night she derserved and cherish her naked body until the sun started to rise, like people always expect newlyweds to do, but after I was done crying we instantly fell asleep, still dressed in our white wedding dresses and a opened bottle of champagne resting on the nightstand.

"I'm fine Pipes. I was just a little overwhelmed," I whispered as a flush covered my cheeks.

"I get it love. It was such an intense day."

I brushed my nose against her cheekbone, inhaling her coconut scent, before planting a few kisses along her jaw. "I can't believe we're married Piper. I wonder what Fahri would think of the fact that you're my wife now… if he were still alive. He always liked you."

"Well, I think he would've slipped into a never-ending fit of laughter when he would find out that you're a married woman in the first place," she chuckled as she moved her hair to the side, exposing her elegant neck to me. It was a subconscious move, but after so many years, I knew Piper as the back of my hand. I pressed a few kisses to the delicate skin of her throat, earning me a soft moan of approval.

"I bet," I whispered against her collarbone. Piper was about to say something, but I stopped her when I let out an ear-deafening scream

"Alex what the fuck!" she shouted.

"Oh my god, I felt something." My hand reached down into the water. I grabbed my ankle and pulled my foot above the surface. A slimy green thing had found its way between my toes. "What the fuck is that! Take it away Piper!" I ordered in a panicked voice.

She curled her fingers around my heel to observe it more closely. "It's just seaweed Al," she snickered as she pulled it out from between my wriggling toes.

"Fucking nasty," I growled as a shiver of disgust rose up my back.

"So, Alex, you don't feel comfortable with lifting your naked upper half out of the water, but somehow you don't really seem to care that your current pose doesn't look so charming either?" she asked with a smug face. "I can see your…. _open oyster,_ which is kinda funny seeing the fact that we're standing in the ocean _._ "

I hastily let go of my ankle and closed my legs. "You're afwully cheeky today kid."

Piper folded her arms around my neck and yawned against my shoulder.

"You're tired baby?" I asked as my hands touched the back of her thighs, applying a gentle pressure to encourage her to wrap them around my waist.

"Yeah."

"Let's go back to the hotel," I offered. I could feel her nod against my neck, but she didn't move and clung to me harder instead. I let out a hard laugh, because I knew that she wanted me to carry her. I gathered my strength, placed my hands under her butt and lifted us out of the water. My feet started walking on their own accord while the ice-cold wind hit our naked bodies, knocking the air out of our lungs. I heard Piper gasp for breath as she started to shiver in my arms and I pulled her closer, offering her my natural body warmth while I carried her towards solid ground.

After a couple of steps, we reached the beach where I laid her down onto the sand. I didn't want to let her go and covered her body with my own while her hand left my neck and reached for the towel that lay beside us, placing it over my trembling form. I stopped shivering right away when her fingers rubbed the fabric over the skin of my back. All the muscles in my body relaxed and my breathing turned back to normal, but Piper kept shaking underneath me.

"Shh relax," I whispered before kissing her quivering lips.

"F…fuck it's s...so cold."

I smiled against her cheek, pulled myself up into a sitting position and picked up her dress that lay beside us. Piper closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and I noticed that the goosebumps on her arms slowly disappeared while I dressed her.

"Lift your hips baby," I whispered in a low voice as my hands pulled her bikini bottom up her thighs.

I stood up and a proud smirk formed on my face when I felt Piper's eyes watching me as my fingers buttoned my denim shorts.

"Like what you see Pipes?"

"I love it," she admitted with a profound blush covering her face. I wast just slipping the t-shirt over my head to cover up my torso when I heard her let out a loud scream.

"NO! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE," she cursed.

"Wow Pipes, chill! If you want me to walk back to our hotel topless, you could've asked me nicely you know."

"No, look!" she said and I turned around just in time to see a big, fat seagull flying away… carrying my wife's bikini top in its beak.

My eyes widened in shock and I burst into laughing "Karma is a bitch."

"Yeah, I guess that makes us even Al."

I enveloped her in a big hug, kissed her on the mouth and took her hand in mine. We strolled back to the resort and I still felt a little guilty about what had happened on the night of our wedding, the skin on my arms and shoulders was stinging a little and I knew it was a consequence of the five seconds I had spent in the sun today, the two glasses of wine at tonight's dinner made me feel a little lightheaded and my shorts didn't feel very comfortable without wearing any underwear, but none of it mattered, because she is here with me and that's more than I could've ever dreamed of.


	16. P

**A/N:** thanks for the reviews! I'm in bed with the flu, so I've got all the time in the world to write chapters and study for my upcoming exam. This chapter mentions sexual assault (very mild, no details) and it also will be the last chapter in this fic that contains that topic.

I also noticed that almost every chapter has a paragraph that includes Alex's thoughts about the beautiful art of love-making, or Alex and Piper talking about it. That's just a stupid coincidence, I'm not some creepy pervert lol. I'll only write about it if I think it fits into the chapter and that's almost every time, seeing the fact that I'm writing these one-shots from Alex's POV and we all know that sex is very important to her right? But maybe this doesn't even bother you and you actually like to read about it. Or maybe you want to read less about thinking and more about doing ;)

* * *

 **P ~ Princess**

 _June 19, 2034_

"Need help?" Piper asked as she closed the trunk of her car.

I opened the front door of the house, shook my head and carried the heavy bag of groceries inside. Piper and I had taken the afternoon off to run some errands. I stepped into the hallway and immediately spotted my daughter's favorite sneakers on the shoe rack. I didn't remember seeing them there when I left the house this morning and there was no way she was in the house at this time, because she was supposed to attend a ballet class around four. Maybe Rose was finally wearing the cute bohemian sandals Piper and I had bought during our yearly trip to Europe last month, but our spoiled baby didn't like its colors and refused to wear them. Apparently, she had changed her mind today.

I shuffled across the floor, until I reached the door that separated the hallway from the living room and swung it open. I've seen a lot of disturbing things in my life, but nothing, absolutely nothing, could've prepared me for the scene that unfolded in front of my eyes when I glanced at the couch.

A ginger-haired, muscular, shirtless, young man with a heavy stubble covering his chin was lying on top of my teenage daughter, kissing her passionately while her hands roamed over his broad shoulders, exploring every inch of his freckled skin. They were so caught up in each other that they didn't notice my presence. My body froze on the spot and my vision suddenly blurred as the man's external characteristics reminded me of the traumatic event that took place sixteen years ago. I quickly scanned the living room and spotted his shirt on the ground, but when I saw Rose's shirt and bra draped over the edge of the couch, something snapped inside me. I wasn't able to defend myself back then, but I could definitely protect my little girl from getting hurt.

I dropped the bag of groceries to the floor, the sound of breaking glass and Piper's footsteps in the hallway filled my ears, but that didn't stop me from lunging forward. A predatory growl escaped my throat as I grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and pulled him off my daughter… like a lioness protecting her cub. My strength surprised all of us, but I didn't want to let go off him and dug my nails further into his skin.

"ALEX!" I heard Piper scream behind me.

"MOM! PLEASE STOP HER!" Rose begged my wife in a panicked voice.

Piper didn't waste any time and hugged my waist from behind, still holding the car keys in her hand.

"Al, stop it! You're embarrassing Rose _and_ yourself," she hissed into my ear.

Blinding rage rushed through my veins and I couldn't see straight, but Piper's soft voice brought me back to the present. I slowly relaxed my fingers as she started to stroke my upper arms. "You're safe Alex."

I concentrated on my breathing and released the guy from my grip. "Good job," she whispered. He quickly picked up his shirt from the ground and pulled it on. I couldn't control my irregular breathing and a whole new wave of anger shot through me when I saw Rose buttoning her own shirt.

"What the fuck was that for?" he gasped in shock. He turned around, looking me straight in the eye and that's when I realized that this young man was a lot older than my daughter.

"You do realize that you could go to prison for that right?" I threatened in a low voice. "for inappropriately touching a minor?"

"And you do realize that you could go to prison for physically attacking someone right?" Rose asked and shot me a cold look.

"Who the fuck is she anyway?" the young man asked my daughter while pointing his finger in my direction.

Rose shifted her eyes from him to me. I could hear her thinking before she opened her mouth to answer his question.

"I…" she averted her eyes from me and looked down at the floor. "I have no idea."

"Rose!" I exclaimed as all the color drained from my face. Her unexpected answer crushed my heart into a million pieces. Was she ashamed of me? I don't think I've ever embarrassed my daughter before and I instantly hated myself.

"Okay, well… I'm so sorry Rose's mom," he said to Piper and turned around to face Rose. "I'll call you tomorrow princess." He left the house without saying another word. I stared into my child's eyes and she started to cry immidiatly. Fuck, I hate to make her upset.

"I fucking hate you," she spat with hatred, picked up her bra from the couch and stormed off to her bedroom.

"Fuck," I cursed, kicked the coffee table in anger and frustration and collapsed on the couch. Piper sat down beside me and placed her head in my lap. "She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you Al. She's just shocked by your unexpected reaction and you can't blame her for that."

My hand touched her shoulder, stroking the bare skin lovingly. "Have you seen this guy before?"

She shook her head and I exhaled a heavy sigh as a feeling of relief washed over me.

"Is he her boyfriend?" I asked, not sure if I actually wanted to know the answer to that question.

"I guess so. He called her his princess and they were making out on our couch Alex."

"Fuck," I sighed as I relived the memory. "God, Diane would've kicked my ass Pipes. She was always so chill when she accidentally walked in on me. Remember that one time when we were in…" I said, but Piper cut me off by covering her ears.

"Stop, stop, stop. Don't."

I let out a hard laugh and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "Sorry kid."

"You can't compare yourself to Diane in situations like this Alex. Your reaction was perfectly understandable, especially after you know what."

"Yeah," I nodded. "I should go upstairs and apologize to Rose."

"I think you should tell her Al."

All the muscles in my body tensed up when the words left her mouth.

"No!"

"Alex," she sighed. "Why not? She's not a kid anymore."

"Because I'm her role model Pipes. She looks up to me."

Piper breathed out another sigh, but this time it sounded slightly irritated.

"It's not going to change anything sweetheart. She'll love you no matter what."

My throat constricted and my mouth went dry.

"No, she's gonna think I'm not as strong as she thought and I don't want that. I don't wanna disappoint her."

"God," she groaned. "She needs to know some day. And besides, I think she already suspects something."

"Really?" I asked and licked my lips to prevent them from drying out. I still hate to talk about the event and _especially_ when Piper tries to convince me that I should tell our daughter.

"Yes. Last week, she asked me if you're scared of men because you totally lost it when you had to take a cab home."

Oh shit. Last Saturday, I was driving home after watching a sports game at Nicky's when suddenly, my car broke down. I didn't know what to do and called Piper, but had no idea that she had put me on speaker and that Rose was sitting next to her. I started to panic when Piper told me to take a cab, because she was on the road as well and didn't have time to pick me up. She assured me that nothing could go wrong and that not all men were the same, but I decided to walk home after I hung up.

"She knows something is off. I can feel it," she continued as she lifted herself into a sitting position.

"I'm so sick of it Pipes. It's been sixteen years, but it still haunts me from time to time. I successfully completed the therapy, I'm able to live a normal life and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to be a good mother and raise my daughter into a strong, independent woman."

"And that's exactly why you should tell her Alex. She loves you, that's not going to change. The bond between you will grow stronger if you share this with her."

"I'm not going to tell her Piper. She can't know that I didn't do anything to prevent myself from getting attacked," I said and stood up from the couch. "I'll go upstairs to apologize for my behavior."

I wasn't in the mood for a big argument and didn't wait for Piper's respond before climbing the stairs.

* * *

"Rose?" I asked and knocked on the door.

"Go away!"

I opened her bedroom door and glanced inside. She way lying on the bed with her head buried into her pillow.

"I'm so sorry little monkey. I feel so guilty." I walked over to the bed, lay down beside her, started to stroke her forearm and let out a sigh of relief when she didn't pull away.

"Yeah, you should. You embarrassed me in front of a guy," she spat and I closed my eyes when I noticed the hurt in her voice.

"I know Rosie and I'm so sorry. I just… it's a little weird to see my little girl kissing a boy." I opened my eyes, locked them with hers and gave her a loving smile, but she didn't return it and bolted upright to jump off the bed.

"So, that is what this is about?" she scoffed, putting her hands on her hips. "It just frustrates you that I like dick!"

I gasped in horror, but did my best to remain as calm as possible before this situation was going to escalate. It felt like I was talking to a young Piper again and it scared me a bit.

"Excuse me?" I said in disbelieve.

"You heard me!"

"No Rose, that's not what's frustrating me!" I was completely caught off guard by her response.

"No? So, you're saying that your reaction would have been exactly the same if you had found me on the couch with a girl?"

Shit, she does have a valid point. I probably would've reacted differently, but not because of the reason she just accused me of.

"Please mom, keep telling yourself that your daughter is a lesbian, because that's so much easier than facing the fact that she likes hot boys and loves to have sex with them."

I was at a loss for words. I'm not sure if she was speaking the truth or if this was one of her sudden teenage outbursts to provoke me into a rage, but the nausea was already unfolding in the pit of my stomach.

"That's not what I meant when I said it's weird to see you kiss a guy Rose! You're just growing up so fast." My voice was cracking with emotion as a lump formed in my throat.

"I don't believe you! You know what? I actually think you're jealous."

"Jealous?" I asked in surprise, arching an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah, I bet you've never tried some dick when you were sixteen and you regret that. You only fucked a bunch of girls, never took the chance to experiment with a man like your wife did and now you're fifty-four."

I had to fight the urge to jump off the bed and slap her in the face. I don't think she has ever insulted me like this before. I love my daughter to death, but she could be a handful sometimes. Rose is such a lovely, kind-hearted girl, but I find it hard to deal with her hormonal teenage oubursts. I know she can't help it and hates herself for lashing out at me afterwards, but I lose my patience sometimes and start screaming at her. I just don't know how to cope with her explosiveness in a constructive way.

"That's fucking vulgar and disgusting Rose. You're crossing a line young lady!" I said as a bile rose up my troath.

"No I'm not!" she growled. "Seriously, there's nothing wrong with men, so there's definitely something wrong with you! What did they ever do to you that makes you dislike them so much? Is it because your dad left you before you were born? You got daddy issues?"

"No," I sighed in defeat. "I just don't have the best experience with guys okay? And that's all I'm going to say about it. Please respect that Rose."

"Not the best experience? Did one of them rape you or something?" she chuckled sarcastically. "Because that would finally explain your strange behavior you now, but that's probably not the case, you're just being ignorant because you grew up without a man in your life."

My entire body tensed up as soon as the horrific word left her mouth. I curled up into a ball, pushed my glasses on the top of my head, buried my face in my hands and took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart. An intense feeling of dirtiness spread throughout my body and I couldn't suppress the whimper of humiliation that escaped my mouth.

"Mom?"

The lack of oxygen in my lungs made it difficult to respond. My throat felt like sandpaper and I just lay there like a statue when I suddenly heard Rose's footsteps coming into my direction and felt her weight push down on the mattress as she positioned her body on the bed, facing me.

"Mom?" she asked again and gently curled her fingers around my wrists, stroking her thumbs over the back of my hands. "Please don't cry."

I didn't even realize that I was crying, until she mentioned it.

"Mom, look at me," she whispered in a sweet voice, but she didn't force me to remove my hands from my face, something I was immensely grateful for. The last time I've felt this amount of shame was the moment I saw Piper sitting on the couch that night and I had to tell her what had happened. And now, sixteen years later, I found myself lying on my daughter's bed, too scared to look at her, because I knew I was going to see a young version of my wife… with the same shocked and horrified expression on her face.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I acted like a total cunt and disrespected you. I'm so, so sorry," she whispered and I noticed the love and guilt seeping through her words.

I revealed my tear-streaked face to her and cupped her cheeks into my hands. "It's okay monkey. We were both a little emotional after what happened in the living room."

She nodded and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Can you please answer my question mom? Did someone rape you?"

Fuck, not that word again. My first instinct was to deny everything and act like I had no idea what she was talking about, but it would only add to her confusion. She was already suspecting something for a couple of years and I didn't want to make things more complicated.

"Yes," I breathed in a heavy sigh and closed my eyes in shame and humiliation.

She covered her mouth with her hand to muffle the gasp that erupted from her throat.

"When?"

"When your mother was five months pregnant."

"Did you know him?"

"No."

"Fuck." She scooted closer, wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face against my shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said those hurtful things. I didn't mean it, but everything makes sense now."

"Don't worry little monkey, everything is okay. Therapy helped me to heal from it."

"I knew you visited a therapist when I was a baby, but I didn't know why," she whispered and tilted her head up to look at me. "You never wanted to tell me."

"Oh yeah, your mom and I even brought you with us a few times. My therapist always gave you a few plastic blocks to play with." I smiled at the memory of my innocent little one-year-old, sitting on the floor, happily playing with her toys while I told Susan and Piper about my darkest thoughts and feelings. "God, you were such a good kid."

"I've so many questions mom, but I'm not sure if I can ask them all. I don't wanna upset you any further."

God no, I don't want to answer questions or share details of the event with her. I don't want to tell her the reason why it happened or where the ordeal it took place. I know that's what she's going to ask me and maybe… I owe her that, but I need more time.

"You can ask me anything Rose, no matter what the question is, but let's talk about you right now okay?" I asked, shooting her a playful look. "Tell me more about that cute boy of yours."

She let out a hard laugh and rolled her eyes at me. "Okay, his name is Thomas, he's Cara's cousin, he's twenty-two and we occasionally have sex," she explained and I couldn't detect a hint of embarrassment, which made me feel kind of relieved, because I want her to know that she can tell me everything and doesn't have to be embarrassed about stuff like that. I treat Rose as a best friend and I'm always open to her about relationships, feelings, friendships and sex, but the news shocked me anyway. Call me naive, but I had no clue that my daughter was sexually active.

"Okay, is this the moment I've to tell you about condoms and stuff?" I asked and cringed at the thought. God, my mom was so lucky to have me as her daughter.

"Oh no, Nicky already did," she chuckled and my eyes widened in shock.

"Nicky?"

"Yeah, I told her when we were out for dinner last month. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was going to, but I couldn't find the right time to say it, because mom was always around."

"Don't worry Rose. It's okay, I know you always tell me everything," I said and reached out to stroke her soft blonde hair. "Tell me more about Thomas sweetheart."

"Okay, well he's not my first to be honest. He's my second sexual partner."

Another wave of shock rushed through my body and my brain couldn't form a coherent sentence right away.

"You think I'm a slut right?" she asked with a hint of hurt in her eyes.

"What? No of course not Rose! I didn't see this coming, that's for sure, but you're not a slut. You're just very curious about sex with different guys and that's okay, but please be careful," I whispered before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Can you please not tell mom? I don't want her to lecture me about real love and such."

A snort erupted through my nose as I thought of Piper's teenage years. She always told me she was kind of shallow in high school, had a lot of boyfriends and one night stands every single time someone threw a party. I was the complete opposite, I showed zero interest in sex when I was a teenager and only enjoyed masturbating to pictures of Cate Blanchett. I became sexually active when I was nineteen and had met my first girlfriend, but after that relationship ended… well, things got a little out of hand because of my broken heart. I was able to separate sex and love, until I saw Piper in that bar thirty years ago.

"I won't, but we don't wanna walk in on you again, or hear you, or whatever," I laughed.

"Do you have any idea how many times I've heard you and mom? God, do you really think you've the right to complain?" she said teasingly, rolling her eyes.

"Jesus Rose, fuck," I groaned in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"Oh whatever, we live in the same house mom, and you're my best friend. I don't care. Things like that just happen and I didn't want to burst your intimate bubble. Don't worry, it wasn't that loud," she shrugged.

I'm still amazed by her open-minded, caring, mature personality and the fact that she calls me her best friend. Rose is not my biological child, and it's probably not possible, but she definitely has my traits.

"Okay how about this," I started, feeling the need to make up for every time she had heard Piper and me making love in the past sixteen years. "If you're in the middle of a passionate make out session and things are getting a little steamy… you can always text me and I'll distract your mother for another hour before we come home okay?"

"An hour? Jesus mom, I know you only have experience with women and that they don't reach their peak so easily, but I'm telling you… I'm fucking a dude. I'm lucky if he lasts longer than three minutes."

I burst into laughter and rolled my eyes at her. The older she gets, the more I love being a mother. I'm not good with little kids, but interacting with teenagers is definitely my field of expertise. Conversations like these remind me of my own mother and I'm so proud of the fact that Rose and I have developed that same kind of relationship. I know Rose doesn't want to have this type of conversations with Piper. Hell, I can't even picture Carol talking to Piper about stuff like this.

"Was mom your first girlfriend?" she asked as a curious grin formed on her face.

"No kid, I didn't meet your mother until I was twenty-four. I had my first girlfriend when I was nineteen. Her name was Digger and her parents ran a cemetery. We were together for almost a year."

"Did you love her?"

A strange wave of sadness unfolded in my chest as I thought of her. She was my first love and always had a special place in my heart.

"So much. I was convinced we were going to get married some day, but she left me for a professional waterskier. I walked into her last year when I was visiting my mom's grave. She's married to a man and has three kids."

"Ouch," she whispered and squeezed my hand softly.

"Yeah, that's fucked up, but I'm so happy for her Rose. If someone deserves to be happy… it's her."

"And then you met mom?"

"No, my second girlfriend was Sylvia, we lived together but I cheated on her with your mother." I said as a faint flush crept up my cheeks. God, I'm so not proud of that. "I wasn't in love with Sylvie and when I saw your mom… it was love at first sight and I brought her home with me the second time I spoke to her." A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth when the image of a young, naive Piper popped up in my mind.

"I guess you did something quite right that night," she said cheekily. "What happened to Sylvia?"

"The only thing I know is that she lives in Europe with her long-term girlfriend."

"Oh, good for her."

"Yeah," I agreed and quickly changed the subject before she could ask more questions. "Why didn't you tell Thomas that I'm your mother?"

She swallowed thickly and a blush covered her rosy cheeks. "I don't know. I was embarrassed by your violent reaction."

"I get that sweetheart." I whispered. "So, Thomas is twenty-two. You're into old guys?"

"I guess," she shrugged. "Boys my age are so immature."

"And this guy is not your boyfriend?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not in love with him."

"But he calls you his princess?" I couldn't hide the confusion in my voice.

"Yeah he does, he's in love with me though, but I already told him that the feelings aren't mutual."

"Oh," I whispered and wasn't sure if I was supposed to start a lecture about using people, but isn't that exactly what all teenagers do?

"And besides I can't be his princess," she continued.

I raised my eyebrows at her. Was she implying that she already had a boyfriend and was cheating on him with Thomas? Because, that wouldn't surprise me, she's Piper's blood after all.

"And why is that Rose?"

"Because you're my mother and you're my queen…"

My heart swelled with love when the words left her mouth. Piper was right, telling Rose about the assault didn't change anything and I was still Rose's role model. I reached out to push a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and opened my mouth to tell her how much I love her and no man could ever take her away from me, but she stopped me when she decided to continue her speech.

"… and that makes me _your_ princess."


	17. Q

**A/N:** I like to thank everyone for reading and leaving reviews on the previous chapter, but I'm still a little overwhelmed by the kind words. A special thanks to vausesandspanishharlem, ejm137 and maryska for commenting on almost every single chapter! You girls are amazing.

About the relationship between Piper and Rose: don't worry, they're close too. In my head it's just that Rose has a preference for Alex, because Rose and Piper are too similar. Alex figured out Piper's personality long ago and totally understands Rose, whereas Piper doesn't fully understand herself sometimes and doesn't realize Rose's personality is exactly the same.

About this chapter: it's extremely girly and a little sentimental, but I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

 **Q ~ Quality time**

 _April 5, 2030_

I don't believe in life after death, but situations like this certainly make me wonder if there's some kind of afterlife. My mother would have died laughing if she could see me now and this is probably her way of punishing me for not being the girly-girl daughter she always wanted. Hell, what the fuck am I doing to myself? This is so not me. I rather grab a beer and watch a game with Nicky on a lazy Sunday morning like this, not this weird feminine stuff I have never understood anyway.

Okay, I'll have to admit, the hot water in the bathtub forces me to relax and clear my mind from stressful thoughts, which feels absolutely delightful. The vanilla and honey face mask that's on my face at this very moment, boosts my skin and the heavenly smell that fills my nostrils, helps me relax even more. There's some music playing in the background, the kind of music they always play in yoga classes. It's not my thing, but she had picked it out. It fits the situation and actually adds to the serene vibe in the bathroom. Okay, well… maybe I enjoy this more than I initially thought.

I lifted the slices of cucumber from my eyelids, placed them on the edge of the tub and picked up the glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and I almost moaned at the delicious taste when the liquid filled my mouth. I glanced around the bathroom and smiled when my eyes fell on the blonde who was sitting across from me, with a lemon and mint mask smeared on her face and two slices of cucumber covering her eyelids. She had tied up her long blonde hair in a messy bun and she looked so peaceful that it made me wonder if she had fallen asleep.

I lifted the pink glazed sprinkled donut from my plate and closed my eyes as I took the first bite.

"The sprinkles are getting into the water."

I peeked through my eyelashes and looked at her stern face.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I mumbled with a mouth full of food and placed the donut back on its plate. God, she has way too much power over me, but what can I say? She has me wrapped around her finger.

"Do you have any other plans today?" I asked.

"No," she shrugged. "So, that means I can spend the whole day with you."

"Oh no baby, Nicky and I are going for a walk this afternoon."

"No, you should call her and tell her you're spending the afternoon with me. I still want to give you a manicure and braid your hair after we get out of the tub."

I let out a hard laugh as the look on my face changed to one of amusement. "I don't recall agreeing to things like that."

She closed her crystal blue eyes again and clicked her tongue.

"I'm sorry kid," I said and instantly felt a little guilty for saying no to her. She ignored me, pouted her bottom lip, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I love you," I tried again. I didn't want our lovely morning to end this way.

She opened her eyes again and arched an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, well, I hate you."

"No, you don't"

"No. No, I don't," she whispered, shooting me a cheeky smile. "I was just kidding, but you can make it up to me."

"How?"

"Teach me how to shave my legs."

"What?" I couldn't suppress the surprised laugh that escaped my throat. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah seriously! I'm getting all these thick, black hairs on my legs and they gross me out. I can't even wear a dress when summer starts."

"Are you turning into a hairy little monkey?" I asked and touched her ankle to lift her leg out of the water to get a closer look. "God, you're totally exaggerating. I can't count more than two."

"Please?"

"No, you can ask me again when you got more than ten."

"But you still have to make it up to me," she giggled as I took another sip of my orange juice.

"Think of something else."

"Go bra shopping with me tomorrow after school."

"Honey," I groaned. "You're doing this on purpose. You wanna torture me."

"Come on, I really need one. My boobs started to grow all of a sudden and they hurt."

Shit, I should have read ' _The Care & Keeping of Us_' that Neri gave me on Rose's birthday last November, but I had put the book away and forgot about it. It could have prepared me for a conversation like this. Maybe I should start reading it tonight.

"What boobs? Oh, you mean those tiny buds on your chest?" I said teasingly, earning me a splash of water against my own chest.

"I want a pink one with little hearts on it."

Fuck, I love my daughter so much, but in moments like this, I wish I had a son. I hate shopping, especially when I need a new bra. All those lingerie shops are way to small, it always smells like sixty different flowers in there , and I don't understand women's obsession with a piece of fabric that no one ever gets to see except for your partner or a doctor. It's just weird to me, but I can definitely appreciate a nice lacy bra when Piper is the one wearing it.

"Why don't you ask your mom? You love to go shopping with her."

"Because, she has the tiniest breasts ever and mine are already bigger than hers," she stated and I almost choked on the laugh that threatened to escape my mouth, because that was hardly true. "And you and I… we are exactly the same. You understand what it's like to have larger breasts."

"The same?" I snorted and burst out laughing. "Rose, there's absolutely nothing to see yet." God, this kid is so unbelievably cute.

"Please mom?" she pouted and shot me a pleading look. That look that always gets her everything she wants.

"Fine," I said before I realized it. "I'll pick you up after school tomorrow and I'll buy you your first one."

"Yes!" she squealed in happiness. "Thank you so much mom! All the girls are gonna think I'm so cool."

Oh thank god, that's the best reason to agree to this. I don't want my daughter to feel like an outcast or be an easy target for bullies. So, if buying her a bra, will turn her into one of the cool kids, I'm willing to do it, even if this decision is going to earn me a huge fight with Piper. She's not going to be happy about the fact that I didn't discuss this with her first and will be mad at me because I'm going to buy our daughter a bra when she clearly doesn't need one yet. I sometimes wonder if she doesn't want Rose to grow up and I actually think she's got the illusion that she can prevent it from happening.

"Oh mom, I've got the juiciest gossip ever," she said excitedly. "Olivia's dad is behind bars since last week."

I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes to keep my breathing under control.

"Oh really?" I managed to choke out in a trembling voice. "Olivia as in… Jessica's youngest daughter?"

"Yeah, she cried all day during class."

I know it's super childish, but I still hold my grudge towards Jessica Wedge after all those years. It has been forty years and I still feel angry from time to time, especially now that both of our daughters are in the same class together. If Olivia ever has the nerve to hurt Rose, I swear Piper has to stop me from committing a murder. My wife always tells me that I've to get over it and it's not Olivia's fault, but I can't helpt it. Her mother caused me too much pain and it's not something I can forget so easily.

"Olivia is pretty nice and she doesn't deserve this, but it's kinda cool don't you think?" she asked.

"Cool?" I whispered as I opened my eyes again.

"Yes. Her dad must be a bad guy… kinda like a superhero to her."

"Oh."

"Is that all you can say? I just told you Jessica's husband is in prison."

Piper and I had agreed not to tell Rose about our own past, until the time was right. I immediately felt like a hypocrite as I glanced at my daughter who was still waiting for my response. I couldn't talk about prison without telling her my own experience first. That wouldn't be fair to her and I sincerely hoped that Piper would understand.

"Mom?"

The sound of her sweet voice pulled me from my thoughts and I took a deep breath.

"Rose, there's something I have to tell you."

"Oh?" she asked and arched an eyebrow at me.

"Your mom and I…" I swallowed thickly as I averted my gaze from her.

"Yeah?" she encouraged me.

"We were incarcerated long before you were born."

I held my breath as Rose's eyes widened in surprise and her jaw slightly dropped.

"Why?"

Okay, I should have expected that question.

"Drugs basically. I was part of an international drug cartel."

"You were a drug dealer?" she almost shouted in shock.

"Sort of. I was an importer."

A familiar wave of pride washed over me as soon as I spoke the words out loud. God, I still miss that job, but it doesn't fit into the domestic life I'm living right now and Piper and Rose are way more important to me than the cartel.

"Wow," she whispered. "You're a badass."

I let out a hard laugh and suppressed the urge to envelop her in tight hug and pepper her sweet face with kisses.

"What about mom? What did she do?"

This was turning into a cross-examination, but I didn't mind. She had the right to know.

"She carried a suitcase full of drug money to Belgium."

"Seriously? I can't picture her doing that."

"Well, she was very adventurous when she was in her twenties Rose." I didn't want to tell her that I was the one who pushed Piper into doing it.

"Really?" she asked in a disbelieving tone.

I nodded, took another bite of my donut and this time, she didn't say anything about the sprinkles.

"Did you only import drugs or did you use it too?"

Oh fuck, I did not see this question coming and before I could consider lying, I already opened my mouth to answer.

"No, used it too."

"Why?"

I'm not sure why, but I instantly felt vulnerable. Rose makes me feel things I didn't even know I was capable of. She ripped off all the layers of my skin, cracked my rib cage open and took my heart into her tiny hand the second she was born. I've never felt this kind of love before, it's so different from the love I feel for Piper, and it still scares me that Rose makes me feel this way and that my love for her still grows every single day. I turn into a sentimental mother hen every time she smiles at me or does something to make me proud.

"To cope with things." I quickly answered.

"Like what?"

I swear… sometimes she's too nosy for her own good.

"Fundamental things such as hate and love."

"Oh come on, be more specific."

I let out a heavy sigh and readjusted my ponytail.

"I was bullied from third grade until I finished high school. It's the reason I developed a low self-esteem, but you already knew that. Using drugs made me forget all of it and I was fucking good at importing heroin. I made great friends, traveled the world and women became interested in me."

"And what about the love part?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, uhm… a woman broke my heart at the time," I answered as a deep flush crept up my face.

"Fucking bitch," she growled, "but you're lucky, because you've got mom now. She loves you so much."

I successfully swallowed the snort that almost erupted through my nose. If she only knew…

"Yeah, you're right little monkey. I love her too and together we have you," I smiled.

A spontaneous idea suddenly popped up in my head.

"I wanna take you to Paris. Just us… you and me."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, of course."

"Oh my god! I'm so excited," she squealed. "Will we be staying at a fancy hotel?"

"Whatever you want kid."

A few seconds later, her face contorted with worry and she started to nibble on her bottom lip as she furrowed her brows, just like Piper always does when she's worried about something.

"What's wrong Rose?"

"What about mom? I don't want her to feel left out."

I gave her a loving smile. She's so thoughtful, definitely inherited that trait from Piper too.

"I'm sure she doesn't mind. She loves it when we spend time together Rosie."

She tilted her head up to look at me, contemplating my answer, but didn't seem convinced.

"How about this," I continued. "Mom wants to go to London this year, maybe you can go with her and I'll stay home?"

The three of us spend a lot of time together, but Piper and I thought it would be nice to give Rose some special one-on-one time every month. We started doing that since Rose was six years old and she gets to decide the activity for that day. She feels so important during those moments of undivided attention and Piper and I secretly love to spend time alone with our little girl.

"That's a great idea," she said with a hint of excitement in her voice. "We can go shopping all day once we're there. I love shopping with her, I think she doesn't even realize how much money she spends on me."

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, until we suddenly heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I said in a low voice.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your quality time ladies, but Cara is downstairs Rose. She asks if you want to go to the mall with her." Piper said as she walked into the bathroom.

Cara has been Rose's best friend since kindergarten and Piper and I adore that kid. We couldn't wish for a better friend for our daughter. Cara's parents even took the girls on a seven day trip to Atlanta last year. We were so happy and excited for her, but it scared us too. It's one of those situations where you're forced to let go of your baby girl and especially Piper is having a hard time when Rose wants to experiment with independence and freedom, but I'm always there to comfort her. I think it's a result of the disciplined and restrained upbringing she had had.

"Oh yeah I forgot. Liam broke up with her last week and now she wants to spend time with me again," Rose said in an angry voice while rolling her eyes.

"She brought Mason with her," Piper whispered teasingly. "He's waiting outside, keeping an eye on Cara's unlocked bike."

A heavy flush crept up Rose's neck as she practically jumped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her body. Piper let out a soft chuckle and kissed our daughter on the top of her head, brushing a wet strand of hair out of Rose's face. "I already placed your favorite outfit on your bed sweetheart," she said.

Rose walked over to the door and glanced over her shoulder to look at me.

"Next month, same place, same time?" she asked cheekily and I inwardly groaned before she walked out of the bathroom.

"Remember to wash your face!" Piper shouted and sat down on the edge of the tub.

"Did you have a good time with her Al?"

"Let's just say that I didn't hate it as much as I initially thought."

"Well, I'll have to admit… it's kinda weird seeing you like this. You don't look like yourself with all that stuff on your face."

"I know right?" I chuckled. "But it feels good and I feel so fucking relaxed."

"Does this mean you're going to join me next week for my monthly spa day?"

"God no, someone has to watch Rose," I tried.

"She is twelve years old Alex. She's perfectly capable of staying home alone for a day."

"Yeah, about that…" I whispered and averted my eyes from Piper. "I uh… Rose and I… I'm going to buy her a bra tomorrow."

"Oh."

Her voice was so soft, I almost didn't catch it.

"I know she doesn't need one yet, but she really wants it and I can't say no to her Pipes. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize Al. It's fine."

My eyes shot open in surprise and I tilted my head up to look at her.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and looked down at the fumbling hands in her lap.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I was expecting this for a few weeks. She has completely changed since Mason is in her class. Haven't you noticed that?"

"I don't know Pipes. I've noticed that she likes to talk about him a lot, but other than that… no I'm sorry," I admitted as I studied Piper's face.

"I don't know Al, she's becoming aware of her looks. I mean… she's the prettiest girl in class and I'm not saying that because she's my daughter. She wants to wear thight tops and is into this feminine stuff all of a sudden."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I didn't even realize that."

"God, she's growing so fast… her clothes don't fit anymore and she's even complaining about stomach cramps for the past few weeks. I think her first period will arrive soon Al. I'm sure our little girl is turning into a woman within the next three months or so and the boys will start to notice her."

I stepped out of the tub, wrapped a towel around my body, sat down next to her and took her hand in mine.

"Pipes, I know this is hard for you, but we can't prevent it sweetheart," I said soothingly and kissed her temple.

"I know and that's why you should go shopping with her tomorrow, but I just… I don't want her to grow up. She's my baby." Her voice cracked with emotion as the first tear rolled down her cheek.

"Pipes," I said softly. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her towards me as she burst out crying. "Shhh love, everything will be okay. This is a new stage in our life, but it's going to be so much fun."

"You think so?"

"Yeah baby, we can have some grown-up conversations with her, she loves shopping with you, we can tease her for having a crush on Mason and so on."

"That sounds fun," she chuckled and nuzzled her nose against my throat.

I cupped her face in my hands and wiped her tears with my thumbs.

"Yeah, and you know what the best part is of Rose growing up?" I said, shooting her a cocky look.

She gazed up at me with a confused look in her eyes.

"You'll finally have someone to go to the spa with you."


	18. R

**A/N:** Surprise! Quick update :). I wrote this chapter during the time I was in bed with the flu, so it was already on my laptop, it only needed a little editing and an author's note. Hope you have/had a great weekend guys and hopefully, this chapter isn't too confusing or disappointing. I think the next update will take a little longer to finish (not sure) because exams are coming up.

To the two guests who reviewed on the previous chapter: I'm very sorry I disappointed you. The original scene was a quality time one-shot between Piper and Alex, but after receiving a few messages about how people enjoyed reading about the relationship between Rose and Alex (and Alex as a mom), I decided to change the chapter (because Rose was going to make just one appearance after chapter 16 and I didn't want to disappoint readers.) Shouldn't have done that obviously. I created the scenario's for the upcoming letters a long time ago and I've got nine chapters left (including this one) and I just wanted to say that Rose will be in only one of them… Piper is in six out of nine chapters. I totally understand that you don't want to read my fic anymore, but I still want to thank you for reading all the other 17 chapters! Means a lot to me. So, thank you!

* * *

 **R ~ Rehab**

 _September 13, 2006_

There was a knock on my door and I slowly pushed myself off the bed and got up to open it. I'm not sure for how long I've been laying here, listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers' album ' _Stadium Arcadium'_ on my iPod and staring up at the clinical white ceiling.

I dragged my slipper-clad feet across the floor and didn't bother to put on some pants, because no one but my therapists came to my room anyway and believe me… they've seen worse.

"Oh, it's you," I said as I stared at the figure standing in front of me.

"You don't sound very excited Alex," she scoffed and raised an eyebrow at me. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"It's eight p.m. so that means it's visiting hour right? Where is your boyfriend?"

"He's visiting me tomorrow, so we can celebrate my 26th birthday together. I've got permission from Helen," she whispered.

"Lucky you," I said sarcastically and turned around to position myself on my bed again.

"Alex, I've got you something," she said in a happy voice as she followed me into my room, closing the door behind her. "Close your eyes."

"You've got to be kidding me right?"

"No, do as I say." She walked over to the bed as I closed my eyes. I felt her weight pushing down on the mattress as she sat down on my small single bed. "Okay, you can look now."

I peeked through my eyelashes and my eyes widened as the small, plastic bag filled with white powder came into view. "Fuck."

"I know right? Some dude from C-wing sold it to me during lunch break."

"How did you pay for it?" I asked, although I really didn't care. The plastic bag of cocaine dancing in front of my eyes, was enough to make my mouth water and if she had to suck a dick to get it… well… so be it.

"I let him take a nude of me," she shrugged. "It's less worse than you know."

Wow, how cheap. I seriously don't understand girls like her. I never did and never will.

"We can't snort it now. Visition is almost over and Tina is making her rounds in an hour," I said and picked up my iPod from the nightstand.

"No, Tina is not making rounds tonight, because Joseph called in sick. There's no one to sedate Peter when they find drugs in his room again."

I quickly dropped my iPod, reached for my wallet under my pillow and pulled out a ten dollar bill.

"What are you waiting for? Lay out a few lines," I ordered as my hand patted my nightstand.

"Not so fast beautiful. You didn't actually think I was going to hand it over so easily did you?"

"What's thats supposed to mean?"

"I'll give you the coke after you let me lick your pussy."

"Jesus fucking Christ," I mumbled under my breath. "You're fucked up."

"Please?" she asked in a soft voice.

I was ready to brush her off and kick her out of my room, because oral sex was not a part of our agreement, but her hands were already on my upper thighs, slowly making their way up to my hips. I sucked in a breath, closed my eyes and gripped the bed sheets below me. God, my heart didn't want this, but my body already responded to her touch. A pang of desire hit me straight in the crotch as she hooked her thumbs around the waistband of my panties. I kept my eyes closed, bit my bottom lip and automatically lifted my hips off the mattress, giving her a silent permission to take off my underwear.

"Is that a yes?"

"It's want you want right?" I asked flatly.

"Yeah, but I've never done this before Alex."

"I know." I'm not sure if she was indirectly asking for some sort of assurance that it didn't matter, but I was not going to give her one. I know that this sounds selfish, but it _did_ matter to me that she didn't have any kind of experience in giving oral sex to a woman, so I just kept quiet and patiently waited for her to make the next move.

It didn't take long before she realized that I wasn't going to say something, because after mere seconds, I felt the palms of her hands sliding down my thighs, taking my underwear with her. I shifted on the mattress and spread my legs wide, not caring if the movement looked too eager. I do not know shame or self-consciousness when I allow her pleasure me.

"Just lie down between my legs and do whatever you think is right," I instructed and took the thin blanket in my hand. She nodded and as soon as she was positioned in the right place, I covered her with the blanket and pulled it up to my waist. My imagination couldn't run free when I could see her during a selfish moment like this.

My hips bucked and my body shuddered as the tip of her tongue touched my clit with too much pressure. "Fuck," I cursed and reached under the blanket to grab a fistful of hair and pulled her head up, but quickly retrieved my fingers when I realized that the texture of her hair was completely different from what I was used to. "Go slow please. Just pretend you're kissing your boyfriend okay? You don't push your tongue inside his mouth without a warning or a little warm up right?"

"Sorry," she mumbled against my center. I gripped the bed sheets below me again as her hands started to stroke my inner thighs. My eyes closed of their own accord as I felt her full lips press against my opening. My imagination began to recreate a past encounter that perfectly matched the situation I was currently in.

"Fuck, you smell so good," she whispered as she nuzzled my pubic hair with her nose. The sound of her voice brought me back to the present and I let out an annoyed sigh.

"Can you please not talk?"

I forced myself to sink back into my imagination and shivered in pleasure when her hot breath hit my center. A low moan escaped my throat as her moist tongue slid between my already wet and swollen folds. The first few licks of her tongue were unsteady and tentative, just like three years ago when she tried this for the very first time. I smiled at the memory and suddenly felt the need to say the exact same words as I had said back then.

"That's right baby, soft and slow. You're doing fantastically."

The tone of my voice was so much more caring than a couple of minutes ago and a soft gasp escaped my throat as she gently began to suck on my inner lips. Fuck, I wanted to touch her, massage her scalp or tug on her hair, but I didn't, because it would ruin my fantasy in a heartbeat.

She pushed her tongue past my entrance and started thrusting it into my body in a slow pace. My hips started grinding against her mouth and I draped my leg over her shoulder, craving some kind of physical contact. Receiving oral sex is so extremely intimate to me… I just need to touch her when I'm showing this level of vulnerability.

She curled her fingers around my calf, stroking the soft skin with her thumb as the thumb and forefinger of her other hand spread my outer lips apart, exposing my throbbing clit to her hungry eyes. She closed her lips around the little bundle of nerves and sucked gently, causing me to cry out in pleasure. Fuck, she's a quick learner, but I already knew that. I touched her jaw and stroked her cheek tenderly.

"Pipes, sweetheart," I panted. "y.. your… fingers." I had trouble speaking due to the immense pleasure I was feeling.

She pushed two of her fingers inside my opening while her tongue continued its ministrations on my clit. I pictured her crystal blue eyes in my mind and could almost literally feel her delicate hand on my breast as I slipped my own hand under my t-shirt to squeeze the soft flesh of my right breast before lightly pinching the hardened nipple I found on top. I moaned quietly as she picked up the pace of her tongue and fingers between my legs.

"Fuck Piper," I whispered. "So good baby. Keep going."

I started grinding myself harder against her mouth when I felt a familiar tingle rise up my spine as my legs began to shake slightly, but then I suddenly remembered that she told me she had never gone down on a woman before and I didn't want to scare her by violently bucking my hips against her face while climaxing. I was determined to give her a positive first experience, even if I'm not sure she's into women. Maybe I'm just an experiment to her so she can find out her sexuality or maybe she's just looking for a cool story to tell her friends… a story to brag about. This is the second time I invited her over so maybe, I have nothing to be insecure about and Piper likes me just as much as I like her. I stilled my movements and tried to control the shaking of my legs as she continued to lick my clit and pump her fingers inside me.

"I'm going to come," I said and I instantly heard her voice in my head, " _Please let yourself go Al, don't control your body_." My fists clutched the bed sheets beneath me, turning my knuckles white as I pressed my vulva against her mouth and she let out a hum of approval. My legs started shaking again and when she changed the motion of her fingers, my entire body went rigid and I arched my back off the bed as an intense orgasm washed over me. I kept riding her fingers and slowed down my movements as the pleasure subsided a few seconds later. My body relaxed into the mattress, covered in a layer of sweat, but completely spent and satisfied. I took a few moments to recover and kept my eyes closed. She continued to massage my sex with her tongue and fingers and I let her, because this was her first time and, although she's probably another straight girl, I had the feeling that she was still enjoying it. My inner muscles fluttered weakly around her digits and the sensation in my clit became uncomfortable. I reached under the blanket to stroke the feminine hand that was was resting on my mound.

"Pipes, you can stop now sweetheart. You're overstimulating me," I whispered in a hoarse voice and opened my eyes.

A strong wave of disappointment and severe sadness shot through my body as I focused on my surroundings. Fuck, this was not my apartment nor my kingsize bed. I lifted the blanket and looked down at the ginger-haired woman between my legs. She wasn't Piper and this was not 2003. What a fucking lie. She locked her green eyes on mine and rolled off me.

"God, that was fucking hot," she whispered and pressed her full lips against mine.

I quickly pulled away, because I didn't want to kiss her. Kissing another woman is way too intimate and I only enjoy it when I'm in love with someone.

"Emily, what the fuck!" I said in a raspy voice. "No kissing, remember?"

"Oh yeah," she chuckled sheepishly. "I forgot."

I entered rehab three weeks ago and Emily is one of the other addicts in my therapy group. She quickly found out I was gay and had always wanted to experiment with a woman. I offered her a opportunity to discover sex with a female… well, no, let's be honest… it seems like a generous offer, but I'm actually doing this for myself. Piper left me three months ago and I've totally lost my sexual boundaries since then. Fahri invited me to Paris after I buried my mother and I had a fuckload of one night stands with _mademoiselles_ , one of them even gave me chlamydia, I used a lot of drugs and had a few threesomes in fancy hotels while I was there. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm getting addicted to sex. It's not like I want another relationship or actually enjoy pleasuring another woman, I just want them to pleasure me so I can pretend it is Piper who is in my bed. Emily's boyfriend knows about our activities and is okay with it. Emily knows that I'm thinking about Piper when she touches me and she is okay with it… so everybody is happy with this arrangement.

"You're not going to return the favor?" she asked as I put on my underwear.

"I'm not going down on you if that's what you're suggesting." I always return the favor when a woman specifically asks me, but I always use my fingers. I never want to lick some stranger's pussy, because I'm extremely scared that I won't remember what Piper's vulva tastes like after I start giving oral to someone else.

"You're not?"

"No, but I can finger you if you like," I offered.

"I'm just teasing you Alex," she laughed. "You should tell me about this Piper of yours. You really loved her didn't you?"

"No, I still love her," I corrected, "and I don't wanna talk about her."

She picked up the picture frame from the nightstand and smiled at me.

"Is this her?" she asked and pointed at the blonde woman in the picture. Fahri took that picture of Piper and me during our business trip to Bali. It's probably my favorite one. Piper looks so extremely beautiful and happy in that shot.

"Yeah that's Piper."

"She's gorgeous."

A beaming smiled formed on my face when the kind words left Emily's mouth. I love it when people say nice things about Piper.

"How come she doesn't visit you?" she whispered as she put the picture frame back on my nightstand.

"I already told you, we broke up."

"You're not even friends anymore?"

"No Ems, she doesn't even know that I'm in here."

"I've noticed that no one is coming to visit you though."

Fuck, I should've been glad that she had changed the topic of our conversation, but talking about Piper is less worse than talking about my lack of friends and family.

"My mom and best friend died in a time span of three months, so basically, I've no one left."

"Oh," she whispered as a deep blush covered her cheeks. "Do you think rehab will help you get clean?" I sensed she felt uncomfortable with the current subject of our conversation.

"I don't know. I just know that I'm still going to use coke and heroin every now and then, but I'm done with using it on a daily basis," I admitted. "Is that an answer to your question?"

"Yeah, so you're not going to quit the cartel?"

A snort erupted through my nose and I turned my head to the left and looked at her.

"Fuck no, it's my life Ems. I've no reason to leave, especially now that Piper has left me."

"But you can go to jail if they catch you Alex."

"I'm not going to end up in prison. I'm way too intelligent and cunning to get caught," I chuckled.

"If you say so, but I'll promise you this…" she whispered "if you do get locked up, I'll be the first one to visit you when you're allowed to see friends and family."

I felt a weird sensation spreading through my chest the second she made her promise. I don't think she realizes how much this means to me.

"Really?" I asked, my voice cracking with emotion.

"Yes, of course!"

"Why?"

She raised her eyebrows at me and I noticed that she had to suppress a laugh.

"Because you're my friend dummy."

"I am?" Oh god, I was growing more and more insecure and I didn't like it one bit.

"Yes."

"Oh."

I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, because I could be a little overwhelming and intimidating when I tried to make contact with the other kids at kindergarten. I was way too enthusiastic and bossy, it got better when I got older, but kids still refused to like me because we were poor, my mom worked three jobs and we lived in a trailer park. My mother always felt immensely guilty about not being home after school and not being able to afford the most expensive clothes and if I'm truly honest… I sometimes hated her for it. The bullying got worse when I started high school, because the kids found other reasons to bully me and I'm convinced that my inexperience with friendships and social situations had a huge impact on me. I am not good at understanding social rules or at participating in social interactions and I sometimes act like an asshole to keep others at a distance, but deep inside… somewhere behind the brick walls I've built around my heart… I'm a reasonable, loving and somewhat insecure young woman who craves love and friendship just like any other human being.

"You're my friend too Emily," I said in a soft voice. "Are you planning on staying clean after you're done with rehab?"

"Yes, my boyfriend and I are going to get married and try for a baby after I get clean. I really need to stop using, because otherwise he will leave me."

Oh fuck, I've really reached an age where people around me feel the need to settle down, get married and have babies. I already feel different from other women my age, but this strange nesting phase is definitely causing me to feel more and more like an outsider. I wanted to ask Piper to marry me earlier this year, but I delayed my proposal because we were having some problems and she left me a few months later. Okay, marriage is one thing, but kids? Hell no, I don't ever want to become a mother.

"Oh that's nice," I said. "You deserve a family of your own."

"Yeah, you should take this. I don't wanna use it." She pushed the plastic bag of cocaine in my hand and stood up from the bed.

"Are you still okay with our arrangement Alex? I mean… I don't wanna play with your feelings."

"No, it's fine. I'm not falling in love with you and my heart already belongs to someone else. You're my friend and we help each other in times of need," I winked.

She let out a hard laugh and glanced over her shoulder. "I'll see you in the morning and don't forget my birthday!" she said, walked out of my room and closed the door behind her.

I really should stop doing this to myself. A part of me just wants to forget Piper and a part of me really doesn't. I'm so fucking mad at her for leaving me, but I secretly wish she would call me so we can work things out.

I kept thinking about Piper's blinding smile as I laid out two lines of coke on my nightstand and snorted the drugs without hesitation. The effect hit me with full force. My heart rate increased, trying to find its way out of my rib cage as sweat trickled down my forehead. God, this feels so fucking good.

I pulled the pair of light blue panties out from under my mattress and brought the crotch area of the fabric up to my nose, inhaling the sweet, strong brew I found there. The mental orgasm that I experienced as soon as the familiar smell filled my nostrils, was intense and overwhelming. I'm not sure what Piper would think of me if she ever found out that I had snatched her underwear out of our laundry basket, before she left our apartment in Paris. She would probably think I'm some kind of oversexed freak… and maybe I am, but I don't care anymore, because deep in my heart I know she's never coming back to me and some rich man is going to marry her and fulfill her wish to become a mother. My heart clenched in pain as an another salty fluid streamed down my sweaty face and I suddenly heard myself whisper those three famous words, just before the darkness enveloped me…

"I heart you."


	19. S

**A/N:** writing this chapter didn't take as long as I thought. I guess time management is a talent of mine :). I came up with the idea for this one-shot when I first watched season one a couple years ago and I thought it could be an interesting and unexpected turn in Alex's life story. I also started writing the first chapter for the new fic based on chapter 14, but it's causing me a lot of stress, because I want do the topic justice… (hooray for anxiety disorder :s), and I don't consider myself as a good writer, not even close, but I love writing and exploring these characters. Anyway, I hope you like this one-shot and if not… well, that's my loss and hopefully, you'll like the upcoming ones.

Maryska, thank you so, so much for your recent words. You (and all the other reviewers) give me the confidence to continue writing these snippets and complete this fic.

* * *

 **S ~ Son**

 _September 6, 2017_

It would take another forty-five minutes until my delicious homemade lasagna would be ready to serve, and that means that I've a little time for myself before Piper is going to join me in the kitchen. I flipped open my laptop and decided to read another chapter of my newest ebook in the meantime as the smell of fresh mint tea filled my nostrils. I added a spoonful of honey into the steaming cup and my body relaxed into my seat as I started reading, occasionally blowing a little air over my tea to cool it faster. My hand subconsciously stroked the polished, wooden surface of the dinner table we had bought last week. I'm not sure what's going on in Piper's mind, but my wife suddenly wants to replace all the furniture in the house. We purchased a new couch and armchair, and I repainted nearly every room upstairs. I was halfway down the page when the sound of shuffling feet across the floor caught my attention. I looked up from my screen to glance at the waggling woman, who was tiptoeing into the kitchen without looking at me. She quietly opened one of the drawers under the sink and I instantly knew she was stuffing her mouth with salty crisps.

"Hey!" I said and couldn't contain a smirk when I saw her body jump at the sound of my voice. "Dinner is ready in thirty minutes."

"Ugh Alex," she groaned. "I'm hungry! I'm eating for two remember?"

Well, that's an argument I can't refute. She pulled the bag of crisps out of the drawer, waddled back into the living room and let out a heavy sigh as she collapsed into the brand-new couch. Piper was done with being pregnant and she secretly hoped that the baby would come out this week, but I didn't think that it would be a wise move, seeing the fact that our child wasn't growing very well and is better off inside Piper's womb than in the outside world with such a tiny body and weak immune system. Hopefully, it would take at least another four weeks.

"Oh Alex, can you please look at some orders and bills tonight? Polly forgot to tell you about them and they need to be shipped and paid by the end of the week," she said while turning on the tv to watch the news.

"Sure."

Fuck, I was looking forward to spend my free evening reading a book and just relax on the couch.

I shifted my attention back to my book and started reading again. Five minutes later, a little email notification popped up on the screen. Normally, I don't open work emails when I am not working, but this particular email made my palms sweat and a wave of shock rushed through my body as I read the subject line… _information regarding your father_.

My father? This email was probably not meant for me and I'm sure somebody had accidentally sent it to the wrong person.

I quickly opened the email, roamed my eyes over the digital words and when I saw my name spelled out… I instantly realized that this message was not wrongly delivered.

 _Dear Alex Vause,_

 _My name is Ryan Fisher and I'm from Long Island City, NY. You've probably never heard of me and I didn't know about your existence either until a couple weeks ago. I Googled your name, found your email address on PoPi's website and decided to send you a message._

 _I was able to locate my biological father, Lee Burley, last summer and he recently told me that you're his daughter. He only gave me your name, but I decided not to contact you, because I assumed that my existence might distress you and I don't want to turn your life upside down._

 _The reason that I am sending you this email right now, is because Lee died on the 12th of August of this year at the age of 70 after suffering from dementia for the past few years._

 _I'm truly sorry if this email shocks you, but I think you have the right to know._

 _Let me know if you have any questions and please feel free to contact me anytime._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Ryan_

Holy fucking shit, was this some kind of cruel joke? I read the email a second time, a third time and even a forth time, until the realization started to sink in. I'm not sure what shocks me the most… the fact that my father is dead or that there is some man walking this earth who shares half of my genes. My curiosity was triggered, so I decided to answer his email and started typing.

 _Dear Mr. Fisher,_

I quickly erased the words. Way too formal.

 _Hi!_

Fuck no, that sounds lame.

After six attempts, I finally decided to just copy his salutation.

 _Dear Ryan Fisher,_

Great start. Now what? Do I even want to contact this guy or is it better to just ignore him? I couldn't do this, maybe I should put it aside for a few days and think it over before I write something embarrassing. I was so caught up in creating a message and reading his for the umptieth time, that I didn't hear the beeping of the kitchen timer.

"Alex! Why aren't you taking the lasagna out of the oven?" Piper shouted as she came running into the kitchen. "You don't want our food to burn, do you?"

"Sorry," I mumbled sheepishly and closed the lid of my laptop in order to set the table as Piper took the food out of the oven.

I'm not sure for how long I've been staring, completely motionless, at my plate full of lasagna when Piper suddenly broke the silence.

"You're very quiet Al. Aren't you hungry sweetheart?""

"Not really," I whispered and shook my head while I started to play with my food.

"Do you feel sad or depressed?"

"No."

"Well… there's clearly something bothering you. Are you having dark thoughts again? Because if so, you should tell me Alex, maybe we can talk about it and I can help you."

"Jesus, Piper!" I said, losing my temper. "I'm fine don't push it. It's just..." I stopped talking, because I had no idea how to explain this.

"Just what?" she encouraged me.

"I just got an email from someone who claims he's my father's son."

The silence that followed as soon as the words left my mouth was awkward and agonizing.

"Really?" she finally asked.

I nodded and slowly tilted my head up to lock my eyes with hers.

"Oh Alex! That's great news sweetheart. I'm so happy for you," she exclaimed with happiness and reached over the dinner table to stroke my hand.

"You are?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Because you don't really have family or friends of your own, so this could be a great opportunity to expand your social circle a little."

I know she didn't mean it in an insulting way and was genuinely happy for me, but her words slashed through me like knives, because every single word was true. I don't have a lot of friends. I guess Neri is my friend, but I met her through Piper, so that doesn't really count and I always had a strong bond with Matt, my childhood friend, but after we found out that Piper was pregnant for the second time, he and his husband started to argue with us about their involvement in the upbringing. I haven't spoken to him ever since. Piper has a group of friends she has met during her yoga classes. It's a group of five women, including Piper, and they're nice, but they're not _my_ friends. Although, I like Katie a lot… she's independent, strong, funny and a little tomboyish, and I guess she could be a friend of mine too, but I'm not sure if she likes me. The girls gather at our home to prepare and eat dinner together once a month, but I don't interact with them and always go upstairs to watch a movie and eat dinner in bed. Then, there's Nicky. She's without a doubt my friend, but I lack the skill to keep my friends for a long time and I'm scared that Nicky will eventually leave as well. So, that means that I only have two friends at the moment, Nicky and Neri, and no family at all. It's not that I don't want to make more friends, sometimes I'm actually _longing_ to have a few close friendships, but my past had turned me into an introvert who feels more comfortable with observing social interactions from a distance. It's weird, because I used to host parties at my apartment and recruit girls in bars, but I guess the professional Alex is completely different from the private, personal Alex.

"Wow," I whispered as I felt a heated flush rise up my cheeks. "Do you really feel the need to point out that my social skills suck Pipes?"

"Oh God, Alex. That's not what I meant. I just think it's great that there's someone who shares a part of your genes honey, maybe you even have some similarities. That would be cool right?"

I looked at her suspiciously, not fully convinced by her explanation.

"I guess," I shrugged.

We sat in silence for the next couple of minutes. I still wasn't hungry and thought about what Piper just had said.

"Alex?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes?"

"My friends and family are yours too. You know that right?"

I averted my eyes from her and nodded.

"But it's not the same Pipes," I whispered and a tear trickled down my cheek as I heard Piper standing up from her seat. She waddled into my direction and before my body could tense up and stop her, I felt two soft arms envelope me into a warm embrace. My first instinct was to push her away and put up my walls, but as soon as the familiar coconut scent of her hair reached my nose, I buried my face in the crook between her shoulder and neck and allowed myself to cry softly.

"I'm so fucking lonely Piper. I've always been so fucking lonely."

She tangled her fingers in my hair and pressed a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

"I know you are sweetheart," she whispered and I could hear the pain, sadness and compassion in her voice… it made my heart clench. "You're slowly making friends Alex, but I don't think you realize it yourself."

"I am?"

"Yes, Nicky and Neri are your friends and I can tell Katie really likes you. Oh, and Polly appreciates the work you do for PoPi and the other girls keep asking why you always go upstairs when they are here. They want to get to know you Al, but you don't give them the chance."

Shit, she was right. Piper's friends often ask her about me and want to spend time with the both of us since I was released from prison, but I always come up with some lame excuse, so I don't have to particpate in conversations about girly topics I know nothing about.

"Talking to a group of women makes me feel like I'm a kid again Piper."

I still clearly remember the judge's voice the moment he sentenced me to three years in Litchfield Penitentiary. A fucking women's prison. Some of the crackheads there, liked to provoke and bully me, but most of the time… my prison experience wasn't that bad and I even had daily interactions with a few of the other women, but I never saw them as my friends, exept for Piper and Nicky. Oh, and Lolly of course, but I don't want to think about her, because I still feel guitly about what I did to her.

The heavy sigh that escaped Piper's mouth, tickled my ear and I let out a soft chuckle at the sensation.

"I understand babe, but I can assure you that the girls are not going to bully you or talk behind your back and everything will be allright, because Susan is going to help you with this isn't she?" she asked as she pulled me closer against her body. The physical contact made me feel incredibly safe and loved, but the feeling confused and scared me so immensely that I freed myself from her embrace.

"Yeah, she is, but I'm thirty-seven years old Piper. I just wish I could move on."

"I think you've underestimated the effects of bullying Al, you've pushed it away for all those years and the recent event ripped open an old wound sweetheart. I'm so proud of you for letting Susan help you process all of it. Better late than never right?" She took my hands in hers and placed them on her belly. "And we're creating a little family of our own. You'll never feel lonely again when she's here."

"I can't wait," I whispered and brought her hands up to my lips to kiss her knuckles.

"Can I read his message while I eat your meal as well? I'm still hungry."

I let out a hard laugh and squeezed the back of her neck gently.

"Of course you can kid. Let's move to the couch," I said, standing up from my seat.

I sank into the sofa and Piper sat down next to me, snuggling into my side before she placed her head on my shoulder. I opened my laptop, showed Piper the email and patiently waited for her first impression while she read the message.

"You didn't mention the death of your father," was the first thing she said after she was done reading.

"Oh yeah, I'm officially an orphan know," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Aren't you sad?" she asked in a sweet, caring voice that almost made my heart flutter out of my chest.

"Fuck no, why would I be? It's not like he was ever a father to me," I chuckled.

"Yes, but this means that you'll never have a chance to meet him."

Oh fuck… I've never told Piper about the humiliating encounter with my father. She has never asked about him, probably because she didn't want to upset me, and I never felt the need to bring him up. God, I hope she's not mad at me for not telling her.

"Actually, I've met him once Pipes."

She gripped my forearm and tilted her head up to look me.

"You did? When?"

"When I was twenty. I went backstage after watching a performance by his band in some old bar in town."

"Why didn't you tell me Alex?" she asked without judgement.

"Because it wasn't a very pleasant experience for me." I couldn't hide the blush that crept up my face as I thought about that night .

"Wasn't he happy to see you?"

I shrugged my shoulders and felt a little uncomfortable talking about my dad.

"He was overjoyed, but he was a coke-snorting junkie and was rude to me."

"Rude? What did he say?" I could tell Piper was getting more and more curious and I started to feel more and more embarrassed.

"He… he uhm," I stuttered and the blush that was covering my face turned into a deep shade of red. "He said something like…" I swallowed thickly and stared at the overly bright screen of my laptop, silently hoping the ground would open before me and swallow me whole. "I don't know Piper, I don't really remember."

I could feel Piper's eyes burning into my skin as she started to stroke my arm.

"I can tell you're lying to me Al."

I swallowed again, licked my lips and quickly decided to just tell her, because I had nothing to lose anyway.

"He told me that he could've accidentally fucked me and that I had great tits or something like that," I said without taking a breath. I felt her nails digging into the skin of my arm and a second later, she shot her head up to look at me.

"What?" she whispered and glanced at my breasts, which made me feel extremely exposed all of a sudden. I instinctively fastened the top button of my shirt to shield the little bit of cleavage from her gaze. Fuck, I've changed so much the past weeks and I hate myself for it. Normally, I would undo a few buttons to give Piper a better view, but that version of me was badly damaged and nowhere to be found.

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry sweetheart," she apologized and screwed her eyes shut.

"It's okay," I whispered and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"You don't want to talk about your father, do you?"

"No."

"Okay, just know that I'm always available if you change your mind," she said and snuggled into my side again. "Let's talk about this Ryan."

A snort erupted through my nose as his name left Piper's mouth.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked and rubbed her nose against my ear softly.

"I used to have an imaginary friend called Ryan. Fuck, that's so embarrassing," I chuckled before pressing a kiss to the tip of Piper's nose.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I created him when I was three years old. My mom always thought I would forget about him once I started elementary, but Ryan didn't leave my side until I was ten or something. I was such a strange kid."

A huge grin formed on her face and her eyes started to twinkle. "Oh my god Alex, that's so cute."

"God, no. So embarrassing. I don't remember any of it, but my mom told me about it later. I even talked to him out loud in class or at the playground. She should have sent me to a shrink back then."

"Al, don't be so hard on yourself. So many kids have an imaginary friend sweetheart. It's not a bad thing."

I was about to say something, but closed my mouth when I felt Piper's fingers leave my arm, trailing up to my neck before she cupped my face in her hand. I turned my head to the side and locked my questioning eyes with hers. She stared at my lips for a few seconds before she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against the corner of my mouth. A heavy sigh escaped my lips and I closed my eyes, trying to stay calm and give into the heavenly feeling. She pecked my mouth a few times and curled her fingers around the back of my neck to bring me closer.

"Is this okay?" she breathed against my lips and I nodded while I kept my eyes closed and relaxed my mouth, causing my lips to part slightly. She kissed me again, pressing her plump lips harder against mine, but still without any urgency as her fingers traveled further up my neck and started to massage the back of my scalp. I almost forgot how good it felt to have her kiss me like this. She licked my bottom lip and gently tried to push her tongue inside my mouth, while her thumb caressed my cheek, coaxing me into kissing her back, but she quickly realized I wasn't going to move my lips or open my mouth further. I could feel her smiling against my mouth, before she released my swollen lip.

"Did that feel good Al?" she asked in a soft voice before pressing a few feathery kisses to my jaw and cheek.

"Yes," I admitted and opened my eyes. She was smiling at me with sparkling eyes and placed her head back on my shoulder as if nothing had happened.

"Did you sent him an email back?"

"No, should I? I'm not sure."

"Why the doubt honey?"

"Maybe he's exactly like my father and I'll be disappointed again."

"Yeah, and maybe he isn't. You'll never know if you don't contact him," she said and I knew she was right. I couldn't judge him after just one email. "Look, I'm not saying you should meet him tomorrow and let him into your life like a long lost friend, but you can at least thank him for letting you know about your father's death right?"

"I guess you're right Pipes, I'll respond to him in the morning. I'm fucking tired right now."

"Sure babe," she said and stood up from the couch. "I'm going to pour myself some tea. Can I bring you a glass of wine?"

"Wine sounds nice sweetheart," I whispered as I placed my laptop onto the coffee table. The kiss from a few seconds ago, was flashing through my mind and my lips still tingled deliciously. It had felt fucking good to be kissed like that again and I wanted her to do it a second time. Feel her lips against mine, feel her fingers in my hair and her breathing tickling my skin, but I didn't have the confidence nor courage to ask her.

"Here you go," Piper said, handed me the glass of wine and sat beside me again. "Are you thinking about him?"

"Yes," I lied. "I'm curious about his age, maybe he's a lot older than I am, and I wanna know what kind of job he has and if he has a wife."

"Maybe he's gay too Al," Piper chuckled. "Maybe it runs in your dad's family."

I threw my head back and let out a hard laugh, but the laugh died instantly as I felt two of Piper's fingers brush over my exposed throat.

"That would be fucking hilarious if my dad has two homosexual kids."

"God, keep talking Al. I love to feel the vibration of your vocal cords against my fingertips when you speak."

I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes as my tongue darted out to moisten my dry lips.

"About what sweetheart?"

"I don't care," she whispered and softly pressed her lips to my ear.

"My dad was just seventy years old. That's young right? My mom was forty-four when she died. I guess I'm going to die young too."

"Please don't talk about dying. I don't wanna talk about that."

"You never wanna talk about dying Pipes."

She didn't respond and continued to caress the skin of my throat.

"Is dementia hereditary?"

"Jesus, Alex."

"What? We should prepare ourselves for the future Pipes, maybe you'll have to wipe my ass and feed me when I'm in my seventies."

"Can you please talk about something that has nothing to do with you getting older or dying?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Okay, well… do you wanna watch an episode of Homeland?" I suggested.

"Upstairs?"

"Sure kid, but only if I can eat ice cream in bed."

"Only if you're gonna share it with me," she giggled and stood up from the couch.

She stretched her arms out above her head, yawning as she did so, and I let my eyes roam over her body… over her swollen feet, the sculpted legs in her skinny jeans, the wide hips that are carrying the weight of the baby inside her protruding belly, her growing breasts, those slender arms and her beautiful young face. Fuck, she's so fucking gorgeous. I instinctively grabbed her hips and pulled her towards me, pressing my lips against her navel as she pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. A tiny foot gently kicked my chin, I chuckled softly and then, it hit me… hard...

I pushed my glasses onto the top of my head and pinched the bridge of my nose as I screwed my eyes shut. How in the fucking world can someone abandon a pregnant woman and show no interest in her baby… your baby? Let alone do it twice. I opened my eyes and glanced up at Piper, who was looking down at me with a concerned expression on her face. I gave her a loving smile before an almost inaudible, soft promise left my lips.

"I'll never leave you."


	20. T

**T ~ Tomorrow**

 _August 17, 2014_

"Are we one of those romance novel, red state, blue state couples?"

"Like James Carville and Mary Martin," she said.

"Matalin," I corrected.

"Or Maria and Arnold!"

God, she looks so young and beautiful when she looks at me with that beaming smile.

"They always did seem like hopeless masochists to me, maybe you're my Arnold."

"It's not a tumor!," she said in a low, manly voice, giving me her best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Well, I can't say I'm impressed, but I'm certainly amused by her failed attempt. She turned her head to the side to look at me, wearing a goofy expression on her face.

"Do not ever do that again," I laughed. "No. Wow. And don't ever fuck the housekeeper." I continued, pointing my finger in her direction as some kind of lame warning.

"Sure," she said and gave me a loving smile. I gazed into her crystal blue eyes and felt an electric spark flow up my spine. "Are you finally reading the book I recommended Al?"

"Yeah. I like it."

"Lemme see," she said and snatched the book out of my hands. Her eyes absorbed the printed letters and I quickly shifted my body to a lying position, placing my head in her lap. My glasses fell to the ground, but I didn't bother to pick them up.

"Pipes?"

"Hmm?"

"I didn't scare you with all of my confessions last night right?"

She lay the book down next to her and tangled her fingers into my hair to massage my scalp. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.

"Of course you didn't Al. I can't say you didn't surprise me, but you could never scare me sweetheart."

"Good," I sighed. "I'm still a little hesitant about it, but this playing house thing has definitely changed something inside me."

"I know, take your time to figure out your wishes for our future together. I'm not expecting you to make a decision tonight."

God, I'm so lucky she chose me. I lifted my arm to stroke her rosy cheek, but quickly retrieved my hand when a sharp pain shot through my back. "Fuck," I cursed and stood up to stretch out my tired body and pick up my glasses from the ground.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but this stone bench is very uncomfortable. I think I'm going to our bedroom to relax a little."

"Alone?"

"You can join me if you like," I answered and stretched out my hand, which she eagerly took.

We walked over to the garden, where I had built a bed, two nightstands and a reading nook for Piper. I'm not sure what's happening to me, but I feel the need to create a warm and cozy home for her… for us.

I positioned myself on the mattress and lay my head on the thin pillow as Piper crawled over to lie beside me. I automatically reached out to curl my fingers around her upper arm and pulled her towards me as a proud smile tugged at the corners of my mouth when I felt her snuggle into my front.

"I wonder when this riot will be over," she whispered, presssing a soft kiss to my sternum and burying her head under my chin.

"Tomorrow."

"How do you know?"

"I don't," I shrugged. "I just have this weird feeling."

"Interesting," she chuckled. "Solid argumentation, based on facts. Yeah, you convinced me."

I slipped my fingers under the hem of her grey long-sleeve t-shirt, lazily caressing the warm skin of her back. Piper didn't respond and that didn't surprise me, because I kept my touch feather light and tentative.

"Are you making fun of my argumentation skills kid?"

"Yes."

"You're going to pay for that," I said in a low, flirtatious voice as I let my hand glide down her side, squeezing gently before I began to tickle her mercilessly.

"AL!" she squealed. "STOP!"

"Say please," I laughed before I pushed her onto her back and climbed on top of her. "Say: please My Great Leader."

"NO!"

"Just say the magic words Pipes, and I'll stop," I whispered in her ear. She kept giggling and almost chocked on her own laughter as I continued to tickle her sides and belly, occasionally dipping one of my fingertips into her navel. I felt my abdomen clench for a few seconds as Piper's laughs and giggles filled my ears. Something changed in the air around us, but Piper didn't seem to notice, because she kept begging me to stop.

"Al, stop please!" she said, chest heaving rapidly and out of breath. My fingers traveled up to her ribcage where I caressed the skin softly. My hips jerked against hers of their own accord and Piper's body froze under me as she sucked in a breath.

"Alex, what are you doing?"

I let my body speak my desire and pressed my lips to her cheek, trailing kisses from her temple to her ear, where I gently sucked the lobe. God, this was not the reason why I brought her here, but I couldn't deny the arousal I was feeling all of a sudden. It was completely unexpected and definitely not welcome, because I already knew Piper was going to push me off her the second she realizes I'm turned on.

"Al?"

"Pipes," I replied and noticed that my voice was getting deeper. Fuck, my body wasn't able to hide its arousal any longer. My breathing had turned into a slight panting, my voice had dropped, my nipples were already hard, straining against the fabric of my prison bra and t-shirt and my hips started to rock slowly against hers as her fingers touched my shoulders.

"Al, look at me."

"No," I panted, burying my flushed face in the crook of her neck and slid my hand up to cup her right breast. An inaudible moan escaped from the back of my throat as I squeezed her soft flesh lightly. Why the fuck am I torturing myself like this?

"We can't," she stated, making me groan in frustration, even though I had already expected those words.

"Why not?" I squeezed her breast again and flicked my thumb over her nipple, trying to heat up her body before she would push me off her. It was my last chance.

"Because we're outside Al! People can see us. I'm not ready to have sex in front of others."

"No they can't. Look around Pipes, everyone is inside to grab some dinner."

She tilted her head up and looked over my shoulder.

"You're right. We're alone."

"See? I told you," I whispered. A proud smirk formed on my face and I mentally patted myself on the back, because I was still on top of Piper, exploring the warm skin of her belly under her t-shirt. "I wanna touch you."

She tangled the fingers of her left hand into my hair and grabbed my hip with the other as I captured her lips with mine. Piper didn't waste any time and eagerly tried to push her tongue into my mouth, but I quickly pulled back and smiled at her.

"We're in no rush Pipes," I whispered and leaned in again, brushing my lips over her chin, traveling up, until I reached her mouth. I gently licked her bottom lip while we breathed into each other's mouths. The intoxicating taste of her lips caused my abdomen to clench again and my pelvis collided with hers as Piper opened her mouth for me. My tongue experimentally touched hers, before adding a little pressure against the roof of her mouth while her hand found its way under my t-shirt, traveling up to fumble with the clasp of my bra. I abruptly stopped exploring her mouth, when I suddenly felt a stong wave of sadness unfolding in the pit of my stomach and I had to swallow back the lump that formed in my throat.

"Al, what's wrong?" Piper asked in a concerned voice.

"Nothing," I whispered. "I just have this feeling that something bad is gonna happen."

"Like what?"

"Please take off your clothes," I sighed, dodging her question and sat up to pull my white t-shirt over my head.

"I thought you just said we're in no rush?"

"Pipes, please. Take off your clothes"

She instantly obeyed my command when she realized I was being serious, and took her t-shirt off as I unclasped my bra, tossing it into the grass.

"Al?"

She sounded worried, but I couldn't find the words to explain my feelings. I leaned forward to press my lips against her sternum, cupping her breasts in my hands, softly massaging them through her bra, while my mouth made its way over to one of her nipples, grazing my teeth over the hardened bud before biting down gently.

"Fuck Alex," she sighed in delight.

I quickly unhooked her bra and slowly removed it, placing it on top of mine. My lips kissed her jaw, and when I covered her chest with my own and felt her breasts pressing against mine, an unexpected whimper left my lips as a single tear rolled down my cheek. My entire body relaxed and a feeling of safety washed over me as Piper wrapped her arms around my naked upper half, caressing the skin between my shoulder blades.

"What's going on sweetheart?"

"I wanna make love to you Piper."

"That's not the reason why you're upset Al. That would be insulting."

A heated flush rose up my cheeks as I thought about the real reason why I was feeling so emotional all of a sudden. Fuck, she's going to laugh in my face, but I need to tell her… need to get it off my chest.

"I have a feeling that this will be the last time."

Her hands gripped my shoulders as soon as I spoke the words out loud.

"I'm not leaving you again," she said with an aggravated tone. "How many times do I need to tell you before you're going to believe me?"

"I know, but there are so many scary things going on during this riot," I whispered. "Someone is going to put an end to all of this tomorrow Pipes, and it's going to be violent. I can feel it." I slowly dragged my finger along the underside of her breast and kissed her collarbone. "I want to feel you tonight, touch you in the most intimate way possible, 'cause for all we know, we might be dead by tomorrow."

I expected her to laugh at my raw display of emotions, but she was silent for a few seconds and took a deep breath before she opened her mouth to speak.

"Where is this coming from Alex? We are not going to die sweetheart."

"Yeah, that's what my mother's boyfriend said the day before he died in a car crash."

"What?" she whispered with a hint of shock in her voice. "I didn't know Diane had a boyfriend?"

"Yeah," I nodded against her shoulder. "She dated a nice guy for two years, but he died in a car crash after he walked out on my mom. They had a fight about me smoking weed. I was seventeen at the time, fucking traumatic and I still feel guilty. My mom never had the chance to say goodbye to him. He was the love of her life Pipes. She never got over it, put a lock on her heart and never let anyone else into her life again."

"Fuck Alex, that's horrible," she whispered, pulling me closer against her body. "But that's not going to happen to us sweetheart. Everything will be okay after the riot ends."

She covered my hand with hers and led it into her khaki pants and past the waistband of her unflattering prison panties, until a little bit of wetness coated my fingertips. "Please Al, touch me," she said with a seductive voice and pushed my fingers between her folds, guiding them towards her opening. "I need you."

A low groan rumbled through my chest and I quickly retrieved my hand from her panties. "Undress yourself Piper," I demanded again and hastily pulled my own sweatpants and underwear down, not caring about the fact we were in the prison's garden.

"As you wish My Great Leader," she giggled and took off her remaining clothes.

I positioned myself on top of her, pushing my weight into her warm body and covered us with the grey, itchy, rough prison blanket. I brushed my nose across her cheek to inhale her unique scent as Piper grabbed my left thigh, caressing my artistic tattoo. I got the tattoo three days after my mom's funeral, Fahri designed it for me, and Piper is the only one who is allowed to touch it.

I shifted my body to the side, causing our centers to rub against each other. It was a calculated move, because I know how much she loves the feeling of my pubic hair tickling her perfectly shaven, hairless mound. Piper let out a girly giggle and I furrowed my brows, tilting my head up to look her in the eye.

"Something funny?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Those braids." Her fingers left my thigh and brushed over the little braids to remind me of them.

"Oh right," I chuckled and tentatively rubbed my slick vulva against hers. Fuck, there's no better feeling in the world than slowly sliding my wet sex over hers, feeling all of her… it feels so fucking intimate and it always earns me the strongest and most satisfying orgasms when we have sex like that, but not tonight, because tonight, I want to pay full attention to her body. I moved a little to the side and Piper immediately pushed her thigh between my legs, adding some pressure against my throbbing clit. A delighted sigh left my mouth before I kissed her again, forcing myself to go as slow as possible, because I wanted to savor this moment for as long as I could.

I continued to kiss her as my left hand cupped her sex, giving her the chance to stop me. I always wait a few seconds before I penetrate her. I'm not sure why I feel the need to do it, but I guess that it has something to do with me being scared to shatter the trust and level of intimacy we have built. My lips curled into a proud smirk the moment I felt her pussy clench in anticipation. It was all the encouragement I needed and a heartbeat later, I slid two of my fingers through her folds, coating them in her juices before pushing them into her entrance. Her inner muscles gripped my digits immediately and a high-pitched moan reached my ears as I let out a soft gasp myself.

I slowly pulled my fingers out, but quickly pushed back in when she whimpered in frustration. My hand picked up a slow, lazy pace and my thumb gently massaged her clit as my tongue darted out to lick the shell of her ear.

"Harder Al," she whispered and I didn't need telling twice. I sped up my movements inside her and let out an animalistic groan as I listened to the wet sounds coming from between her legs that filled the air around us. The spongy tissue inside her opening became more prominent and I automatically changed the motion of my long, slender fingers, causing her to cry out in pleasure. Piper has always been very vocal and loud, whereas I'm more of a quiet lover, who lets out a slightly louder moan or groan a few times during sex, but those sounds are nothing compared to Piper's screams of pleasure. It's a fantastic balance if you ask me.

Piper's body suddenly went rigid, her back arched off the mattress and she kept riding my fingers as I sucked on a particular sensitive point at her throat the second I felt a wave of thin, watery juices gush out of her, soaking my palm and wrist. My body also responded to her orgasm and I subconsciously started to rub myself over her upper thigh, leaving a trace of wetness on her creamy skin. She relaxed into the mattress, trying to catch her breath, while I panted against her jaw and droplets of sweat trickled down my back. I wanted to stroke and kiss her all over her body, but my own body had other ideas… it was more in need of a release than I initially thought.

"Pipes," I whispered, licking her jaw as her fingers traveled down over my sweaty back and came to a halt when they reached my butt.

Her hands squeezed my ass and I instinctively picked up the pace of my grinding hips as silent moan left my lips when hers pressed a kiss to my forehead. I quickly felt myself reaching my delayed orgasm, but Piper suddenly spread my cheeks apart and experimentally brushed her fingertip over the tight opening that was hidden between them. My body froze instantly and I sucked in a breath when I realized what she was doing.

"Fuck sorry. I got carried away," she apologized as a blush crept up her face.

Her bold move shocked me, because she had never done that before. No one has ever stroked that part of my body. I've touched Piper between her butt cheeks once, but she didn't appreciate it and I've never done it again, so… the fact that she's touching me there right now, is very surprising to say the least.

"No, please… do it again," I said in a raspy voice, looking her straight in the eye.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, but don't put your finger inside."

"Allright, but I only gonna do it again if you finally washed your ass Al," she said teasingly.

I opened my mouth to scold at her, but she cut me off by kissing me on the lips. A low, primal groan escaped from my throat as her finger brushed over the opening for a second time. Fuck, I never thought my mind and body would be able to enjoy something so vulnerable like this. Piper sighed deeply when I buried my head into the crook of her neck and started grinding against her thigh again while I concentrated on the foreign, but very welcome, sensation. She began to circle her fingertip around the particular spot and I couldn't control my body's reactions any longer and sped up my frantic grinding while my soft panting turned into a heavy, erratic breathing.

"You like that baby?" she whispered into my ear. I nodded and my legs started to shake from all the overwhelming pleasure I was feeling.

"I'm coming Pipes," I groaned and a second later, my body convulsed on top her hers. A string of soft, low moans left my mouth and my legs shook uncontrollably as I kept rubbing my vulva against Piper's thigh in disorganized, uneven movements, trying to prolong my climax, until my body couldn't take it anymore. I'm not sure for how long the euphoria flows through my bloodstream during a moment of passion, but it always feels like time stops ticking when Piper gives me a mindblowing orgasm like this one. The feeling subsided eventually and I breathed in a large amount of air while my body occasionally spasmed in post-orgasmic bliss.

"Fuck, so good," I panted and kissed her throat. "You're amazing."

She withdrew her finger from my tight opening and squeezed my ass one last time.

"Well, that was unexpected and interesting. I can't wait to find out what other things you like in bed Alex."

Piper and I are in prison together for a long time now, but we've never had the chance to properly rediscover each other's bodies and explore new things and, even though I don't want to think about Piper having sex with other people in those years we were apart, I'm sure that she didn't stop developing her sexual side and I'm fucking curious to find out all the new things she enjoys in the bedroom. Sex in prison is far from ideal. We're always forced to be quick and fast, because there is always this nagging threat of getting caught, but we can finally take our time, now that this riot is going on… it's probably the only positive thing about it.

"What the first thing you wanna try when we're out?" I asked curiously.

"I want you to tie me up again."

I let out a soft chuckle and tilted my head up to give her a loving smile.

"You liked that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I never thought I would, but I guess I trust you so much that it turns me on when I'm in the submissive role," she whispered and I groaned softly as a wave of possessiveness and dominance shot through me. "What about you Al?"

"Roleplay obviously. I've never done it before, but I'm so fucking curious." I couldn't contain the enthusiastic smile that formed on my face while my heart fluttered with excitement. I've been fantasizing about it since I first met Piper, I've never felt the need to explore that part of me with anyone else.

She screwed her eyes shut and licked her lips to moisten them.

"I'm not sure if I wanna try that Alex. It's a little too… I don't know… too much?" she said in a soft voice and opened her eyes to lock them with mine.

"Oh," I replied and tried my best to hide the disappointment in my voice. I instantly felt vulnerable for revealing such an intimate fantasy to her… a fantasy she didn't share and I couldn't help but feel rejected. "That's okay Pipes. I'm sure I'll survive without finding out what it's like. You don't have to do things you don't feel comfortable with kid. I don't wanna pressure you into anything."

"I know Al. I've never felt any pressure when we have sex sweetheart," she said and cupped my cheek in her hand. "Anything else?"

"No, I don't know. Let's just wait and see if we're still alive after tomorrow."

"Fuck Alex, nothing bad is going to happen tomorrow. You're being paranoid."

I let out a annoyed sigh and rolled off her to grab my sweatpants.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I thought I had put a cookie in my pocket yesterday, but I guess I already ate it."

She burst out laughing and pushed the blanket off her to put on her underwear.

"God, you're just like a man Alex. Always hungry after sex," she chuckled.

"Yeah, well… I'm a tall woman. I need to refuel my energy after such an intense physical activity."

We dressed ourselves in silence and started walking towards the prison building.

"Fuck I'm starving," I said. "I hope there are some leftovers, because if not, I swear somebody is going to pay for it."

"Don't act moody Al. I'm going to take a shower, care to join me?" she asked innocently and slipped her hand into mine.

"No way. We're not going to have shower sex Pipes. I'll take one after you're done."

"Oh."

I could tell she was disappointed and it only added to my smugness. Damn, I love to tease her and I want her to beg me for it… and of course I'm going to join her in the shower after I find something to eat, but my name is Alex Vause and I'm not going to give in _that_ easily…

* * *

A/N: this one-shot was very loosely based on the song _We Might Be Dead By Tomorrow_ by Soko.


	21. U

**A/N:** Hi readers! I love writing rough and emotional scenes (especially domestic ones as you've probably already noticed) and this chapter is no exeption, because life has ups and downs. I want to write every event in Alex's life as real as possible, even when the details are awkward or too much information, but I refuse to leave them out, because in my opinion, the story will be less real and relatable without those details (I know my one-shots can be weird AF because of that, please don't tell me lol)

This moment is raw and filled with emotion (like a lot of the other ones) and a caring Alex. I'll have to disappoint you if you're more into fluffy pre-prison Vauseman, but drama and post-prison Vauseman are my favorite things to write. I hope I did the sensitive topic in this chapter justice and please let me know what you think if you're still reading my fic :).

This one-shot takes place during Christmas, but I want to wish everyone a happy Easter anyway ;)

* * *

 **U ~ Ultrasound**

 _December 24, 2016_

I absentmindedly stared into nothingness, swirling the red, alcoholic liquid in my glass and tracing the rim with my fingertip as the voice of that blonde, hot chick from Homeland filled my ears. It was nine p.m. and I was sitting on the couch, consuming my second glass of wine to numb some of the pain I was feeling in my heart. We came home around six and Piper immediately ran upstairs, making it perfectly clear she didn't want to talk about it. This is not her usual way of dealing with things and it troubles me that she's shutting me out after what had happened this afternoon. I've checked on her a few times, but she refused to come downstairs to eat dinner with me and watch our favorite series together. This was definitely not how I had imagined our Christmas Eve.

I sighed deeply, closed the lid of my laptop and placed it back on the coffee table as I thought about Piper, who was lying on top of our bed, sobbing, all by herself. Knowing that she is in so much pain, is absolutely heartbreaking and makes my chest thighten with sorrow. I stood up after a few seconds, feeling a little lightheaded due to the alcohol that was flowing through my bloodstream, and walked upstairs for the third time in three hours. I reached the bedroom and pressed my ear against the door. An eerie feeling crawled up my spine when I didn't hear any sounds coming from the other side. Our door doesn't have a lock, but I didn't feel comfortable with bursting into the room and invade her personal space. Piper had been very clear that she wanted to be left alone.

"Pipes?" I asked in a trembling voice as I knocked on the door.

She didn't answer and I instantly felt the need to make sure she was still lying on top of the bed. My hand closed around the door handle, slowly opening it as I braced myself for the scene my eyes were going to meet.

My mouth exhaled a shaky breath when I saw her, still in a fetal position, breathing steadily, and clutching my pillow in her arms. She wasn't crying anymore, which made me feel extremely relieved. I fucking hate to see or hear Piper cry, and _especially_ when I can't take her pain away.

"Piper?" I called her name again as I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. She didn't seem to notice my presence and didn't move an inch as I gently tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear.

"We'll get through this sweetheart, I promise, but you really need to talk to me."

She still didn't respond and was staring up to the ceiling, not blinking once. I'm not sure if she's ignoring me on purpose or if she was drowning in her own little world and couldn't hear me, but I felt fucking useless anyway. God, I'm not even capable of consoling my wife when she's having an emotional breakdown.

"Do you want me to call Polly?," I offered, desperately hoping she would be willing to open up to her best friend.

"No."

Her voice was raspy and thick with emotion, which made my heart clench, but I was glad she was at least acknowledging my existence. I quickly came up with another question to remain in contact with her.

"Are you hungry baby? I've made us some risotto."

After a few minutes of silence, I realized Piper wasn't going to answer me and we were back to square one. I stood up from the bed, left the bedroom and walked over to the bathroom. Fuck, this is going to be the worst Christmas ever. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noticed that I had bags under my eyes and, even though I hadn't shed a tear today, I looked like shit. I was about to leave the bathroom and go downstairs, when my eyes fell on the large tub in the corner of the room. The bathtub is Piper's happy place and she always feels better once her body is enveloped by the hot water. Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier. I quickly picked up the bottle of almond and honey bath oil from the shelf, squeezed a large amount of the liquid into the tub, lit up a few vanilla scented candles and placed them on the edge, before turning on the faucet.

Piper was still lying in the same position when I entered the room, and didn't resist as I rolled her onto her back and undid the buttons of her shirt, but as soon as my fingers brushed over the skin below her navel, she flinched, and fresh tears started to stream down her cheeks. Oh fuck…

"I'm running you a bath sweetheart," I whispered in a gentle voice and continued to undress her, until she was completely naked. I hooked my arm under her knees and wrapped the other one around her back, lifting her off the bed.

"You're beautiful."

She gave me a small smile and curled her fingers around the back of my neck when I pressed a kiss against her jaw. I could taste the salty flavor of her tears on my lips as I carried her bridal style into the bathroom.

"Feels good?" I asked as I slowly lowered her into the water.

"Yes," she whispered and I smiled as Piper let out a moan of approval.

"Please try to relax a bit Pipes. I'll be in the bedroom reading a book. Just give a shout if you need anything and I'll be right here."

I turned around, but Piper stopped me, grabbing my hand.

"No, please, join me Al."

I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes for a few seconds.

"You sure?"

She nodded and I slowly started to undress myself as Piper closed her eyes, forcing her muscles to relax. I slid into the hot water, positioning myself behind her, and spread my legs so she could lie between them. A soft sigh escaped my mouth as soon as she melted into my front and buried her head in the crook of my neck. She looked completely relaxed and extremely tired, but she allowed me to hold her and that's more than I had hoped for tonight.

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked before pressing a light kiss to her forehead.

"Not yet," she breathed, tickling the warm skin of my throat.

I covered her hand with mine and squeezed it gently as I let my eyes roam over her naked form. Her breasts were above the water and I'm not sure why I haven't noticed it before, probably because it had happened just a few days ago, but her breasts and areolas were slightly bigger and her nipples a darker shade of pink than I remembered. My eyes traveled lower to the the tiniest swell of her belly, just above her pubic bone and that's when the realization suddenly hit me. I sucked in a breath as my mind relived today's event. I could still clearly hear Lisa's voice ringing in my head.

" _I can't find a heartbeat."_

Fuck, nobody wants to hear those words when they get an ultrasound. We were walking on cloud nine ever since Piper had her first check three weeks ago. The fetus had a steady heartbeat and the perfect measurements. I was shocked at first, but quickly got used to the idea of my wife being pregnant… carrying a little human inside her. It was this afternoon when Piper noticed a large bloodstain in her underwear. The panic in her eyes is still branded into my brain and I don't think I've ever seen her so scared before. I drove her to the doctors' as fast as I could, hoping everything was okay, but Lisa's words only confirmed what we already expected. I froze in my seat while Piper turned hysterical... screaming at top of her lungs and not caring about the other patients in Lisa's waiting room. Lisa didn't care about them either, because she took her time to comfort Piper and gave us all the information we needed to know. Piper quickly decided that she wanted to go home and let the miscarriage progress naturally over the next few days instead of removing the fetus by surgery. Our ten week journey came to an end in less than five minutes and I feel so, so incredibly sorry for her.

I cupped her left breast in my hand and gasped softly when I felt its weight in my palm.

"Do they hurt?"

Jesus Vause, what a dumb question, of course they hurt. They look extremely tense and painful for fucks sake.

She nodded against my shoulder and I had to swallow back the lump in my throat as my hand gently started to massage her soft flesh. Piper let out a painful whimper, but her body became heavier in my arms as she relaxed her muscles a little more.

"Is this okay Pipes?" I asked tentatively, squeezing her breast with my fingers to ease some of the pain.

"Yeah, it feels good actually."

I kept massaging the mound for a few minutes, but stopped the motion as the palm of my hand accidentally brushed over its hardened, wet peak. My breath hitched in my throat and a gasp of shock escaped my mouth when I looked down at my hand and saw a few drops of a yellowish, white substance trickle down from my palm to my wrist. I immediately knew what it was and felt a wave of pure shock unfolding in the pit of my stomach.

"Fuck Piper," I whispered. "You're already… oh my god. You're not even three months pregnant babe."

I realized my words sounded a lot more accusing than I had intended and instantly regretted my tone when Piper burst out crying.

"I..I'm so s..sorry Alex," she hiccuped between sobs. "I k..know it's way too early, but I think it's because I want it so, so bad."

"It's okay Pipes, I'm sorry. I know you can't control the way your body changes. It just scares me a bit, that's all."

"Yeah, me too."

"It's fucking cruel you know," I said as I placed my hand below her navel and felt relieved when Piper didn't push it away.

"What is?"

"The fact that your body still thinks you're pregnant."

"I'm still pregnant Alex," she whispered and I mentally slapped myself in the face when a fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks. "But my cramps are getting worse, so I guess it won't take too long before I lose our baby."

Her voice was dripping with guilt and grief, but her tone was harsh, shattering my heart into a million pieces. I secretly hoped that the fetus wouldn't come out right now, because that would be a fucking nightmare, almost like a scene straight out of a horror movie.

"I guess it couldn't be more natural if it happens while we're in the bathtub together. It feels less inhumane and cruel than having a miscarriage while sitting down on the toilet, don't you think? I mean, there's is a serene and peaceful vibe in the bathroom right now and you're here with me, holding me close. I just hope it happens quickly so we can close this chapter Al."

Okay, maybe I should put my own fears aside for now. I pressed a soft kiss against her temple and started to caress her belly.

"Yeah, I hope so too."

"And if it happens now, we can try again next month."

My body froze and my eyes widened as soon as the words left her mouth. God, I don't want to try again. I mean, yes, I think I want to have a baby with Piper, but not at all costs. I am done with seeing her distraught every time the attempt wasn't succesful. Piper is getting obsessed with getting pregnant and I don't like this version of her. It's putting a strain on our marriage and that's not worth it, at least not for me, but I guess Piper thinks differently.

"Pipes," I sighed. "I think we should take a break from trying."

"What do you mean?" she asked and turned her head to look at me.

"I think we should stop for a while. I don't want this to turn into an obsession babe."

I could feel her nails digging into the skin of my knees and after a few seconds, she openend her mouth to respond.

"Alex," she started. "I've been trying to get pregnant for nine months, I finally conceived, I'm in the middle of a miscarriage and now you want to stop all of a sudden?"

"Pipes, this whole pregnancy thing is going on since we got married and I just think that the amount of time we put into it… it's not healthy for our relationship."

"Not healthy? What's that supposed to mean?"

I could tell she was getting angry at me.

"Well, I hate to see you upset every time it doesn't happen and I don't know… I don't know if I have the motivation to go on like this. You never ask about my feelings."

"That's because _you_ never show them," she spat and turned around to face me.

"That doesn't mean I don't have them. You always call Polly first after you take a pregnancy test. You always ask her opinion on baby stuff. Come on Piper, is she the one who is inseminating you every month? Is she the mother of your child? Are you married to her?" I said, raising my voice. God, I hate losing my temper and I don't want to lash out at her, but I'm feeling so many things at the moment and I don't know how to verbalize them in a nice way.

I immediately regretted my words when I noticed that Piper's bottom lip began to quiver and tears started to stream down her face.

"Fuck," I mumbled. "Sorry, I didn't…" but I couldn't finish my sentence, because Piper cut me off a second later.

"You don't know what it's like Alex… telling your wife you're not pregnant… _again_ … disappointing her. I have this constant fear that you'll meet a woman who is more fertile than I am and you'll leave me eventually to have babies with her, and Polly is not the woman I have to disappoint every time my period arrives."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was expecting some lame excuse, but this was definitely not what I wanted to hear, this was a thousand times worse than an excuse.

"Pipes," I whispered and reached out to touch her forearm. "You're not disappointing me baby. I want you, I love you and I'll never leave you for another woman just because your body can't carry a baby to full term."

"You won't?"

"No, of course not."

I pulled her towards me and exhaled a breath of relief when she didn't resist. My arms wrapped themselves around her waist, pressing her chest and hips against mine, as my nose inhaled the unique scent on the top of her head. Her tears were streaming down her face, landing on my shoulder, but I didn't care, because her feelings were my top priority right now.

"I like the idea of becoming a mom Pipes, but I like the idea of maintaining a good marriage a lot more. I'm still okay if it doesn't happen. I'm fucking happy either way, but I'm worried that you're not able to deal with it if we remain childless our whole life."

"I know and that's why I don't want to stop Alex. I wanna have a baby so bad."

I kissed her temple and wiped her tears with my thumb.

"Okay, we'll keep trying for the next six months sweetheart," I said in a soft voice. She has always been very clear about her primal instinct to get pregnant and give birth. I just can't take that away from her.

"And after those six months?"

"Then I'll take over," I sighed and screwed my eyes shut as soon as I realized what I just had said. Piper tilted her head up to lock eyes with me.

"You're willing to do that?"

I opened my eyes, gazed into her beautiful blue ones, and gave her a loving smile.

"Yes, of course."

She burst into another round of hysterical crying and wrapped her arms around my neck, taking in large gulps of air.

"I love you Al."

"I love you too Pipes, it will be okay," I soothed, rubbing comforting circles on her lower back, as I thought about my promise. Fuck, that's definitely not what I want. I mean, I love Piper to death and I'll do everything for her, but getting pregnant? I don't know. I've never had any maternal feelings or felt the urge to carry a baby inside my womb. Hell, I still doubt my decision to have a baby from time to time, even if Piper is the one carrying it.

My thoughts were interrupted when Piper let out a big yawn.

"Are you tired Pipes?"

She nodded against my shoulder and snuggled further into me.

"I can imagine baby, it's been a heck of a day. Let's go to bed," I offered before kissing her forehead.

"No, please Al… five more minutes."

"Allright Chapman," I chuckled softly, I could have expected this reaction.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, until Piper's heavy breathing filled my ears as her hand twitched against my chest. God, I fucking hope Piper gets pregnant again before July arrives, because otherwise, we'll need to have a few serious conversations and I'm definitely not looking forward to that. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply when I suddenly remembered the baby blanket underneath our Chistmas tree. Piper spotted the pink, knitted blanket with little white flowers on the internet last week, and was planning to buy it after she would hit the magical 12-week mark, but I impulsively bought it as a Christmas present a few days ago. Fuck, I really need to remove and hide it before she wakes up in the morning.

Piper mumbled something inaudible in her sleep and shivered in my arms. The water was turning cold and goosebumps appeared on the skin of her back. I knew she was cooling off quickly and that it would be better if I just carried her to the bedroom, but I pulled her further into my embrace instead, savoring the feeling of our naked bodies pressing against each other. "Allright Vause," I whispered to myself.

"Five more minutes…"


	22. V

**A/N:** thank you Guests, Vausesandspanishharlem, Icarriedawatermelon and Maryska (hope you had a great holiday girl!) for reviewing the previous chapter. I really appreciate it! I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter… lack of motivation and inspiration I guess. I didn't know how to write the beginning, the middle and the end haha. So, I'm definitely not happy with this moment, but I can't really skip this letter either right? :)

* * *

 **V ~ Virus**

 _January 3, 2004_

I took a sip of my dry martini as I nervously tapped my index finger on the table. Thirty minutes had past since I entered this fancy restaurant and the person I was supposed to meet, was nowhere to be seen. God, I hate it when people don't show up on time. I was about to ask for the check and leave this place when my phone suddenly vibrated in my overly expensive clutch. I quickly glanced at the screen and saw that I had received a text message.

 **From:** Fahri  
 _He just got outta the car. You've got 10 minutes._

I exhaled a deep breath, applied another layer of red lipstick, and adjusted my tight, black dress. Fuck, I don't feel comfortable wearing this outfit. It's way too short and doesn't look very charming when you're as tall as me, but my boss wants me to wear it whenever I'm meeting male clients and I don't really have the balls to tell him that I'm more comfortable in a slightly longer, less figure-hugging dress. I'm sure it will cost me my career if I do.

"Excuse me." A low voice filled my ears and I looked up to see a handsome, middle-aged man standing beside me. "Are you Pearl?"

This was probably the man who had arranged a deal with Kubra and I was glad he spoke English.

"Yes I am," I said and politely extended my hand to him. "Nice to meet you."

He shook my hand, gave me a small nod, but didn't tell me his name.

"Ten grand?" I asked, pointing at the silver suitcase he was carrying as he sat across from me.

"Of course."

I reached out to take the suitcase from him, but he quickly placed it on the chair beside him.

"Not so fast baby," he chuckled. "So, tell me Pearl, are you included in the price?"

I raised my eyebrows and let out a raspy laugh at his words, but the laugh froze in my throat when I realized he was serious… very serious.

"I don't think that was a part of the original deal." I knew Kubra would never promise sexual acts to clients when I was involved. It's not a part of my job as an importer.

"Just a handjob, that's all I'm asking sweetheart."

My eyes widened in horror and my palms became sweaty as he stood up from his seat, tightly clutching the suitcase in his hand.

"Okay, I'll take your silence as a no. Well… that's fine, it was nice to meet you darling."

"NO!" I shouted. Fuck, Kubra will kill me if I come back without the money.

"No?"

I shook my head while biting my bottom lip.

"Okay, I'll go to the the men's restroom. If you're not joining me in five minutes, I'll leave with this," he threatened, patting the suitcase.

He walked away without saying another word and I grabbed my phone to compose a text message.

 **To:** Kubra

 _He won't give me the money, unless I jerk him off!_

I almost yelped when my phone vibrated in my hand a millisecond later.

 **From:** Kubra

 _So? He's a new client Alex!_

Jesus, fuck this was not the kind of reaction I had hoped for.

 **To:** Kubra

 _I don't want to! Fucking gross._

Well, he was definitely not busy, because he answered almost immediately.

 **From:** Kubra

 _I'm still in Bali Alex, don't make me come over there!_

I swallowed thickly, wiped my sweaty palms on the fabric of my dress, grabbed my clutch and the suitcase full of drugs, and slowly dragged myself towards the men's restroom…

* * *

"Jesus Vause, what took you so long?" Fahri asked as I opened the door on the passenger side. "Wow. Are you okay? You're as white as a sheet."

I threw the silver suitcase in the backseat and accepted the cigarette he offered me. "Let's just drive please."

He started the engine of the car, lit up a cigarette for himself and opened his window. "Tell me what happened Alex."

"I gave him a handjob," I said flatly, leaning my head against the window.

He burst out laughing, causing his cigarette to fall from his lips. "Fuck," he cursed as the smouldering tip burned a small hole into his jeans. "Don't make stupid jokes while I'm smoking."

"It wasn't a joke."

He snapped his head to the side to look at me and I locked my eyes with his, giving him a small smile.

"What the fuck! Why?"

"Because I couldn't control my curiosity anymore," I said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at him "Damn, Fahri what do you think? Because he threatened to leave with the money if I didn't do it."

"What the fuck Alex! You should've texted Kubra. He would never approve of this. You're not a fucking drug whore, your position in this organization is way too high to fulfill cheap requests like that."

"I did text him Fahri and he practically said he'd kill me if I didn't do it."

"FUCK," he shouted, slamming his hands against the steering wheel a few times. "That motherfucking bastard."

He took a deep, shaky breath and lit up another cigarette to calm his rage. "Are you okay?"

"Fuck no, I'm far from okay. I just touched a dick for the first time in my life. God, I still feel it pulsating in my hand," I shuddered and almost gagged at the memory. "It looked like a fucking chicken neck. I'm sure the disgusting image will stay with me forever."

"Damn Alex. Next time someone asks you to do this, you're going to text me. Allright?"

I nodded faintly, flicked the cigarette butt out the car window and pushed back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. We kept driving in silence for the next ten minutes until we reached the hotel.

"Oh, you know what the funny part was dude? He told me my boyfriend was lucky to have me and slapped my ass after he was done," I snorted, trying to enlighten the mood and also to cover up the extreme embarrassment I was feeling. "I guess I'm quite talented at giving handjobs. It's sad that I'm gay though, such an useless talent to possess in my case."

"Alex," he sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze.

"Don't touch me Fahri."

"Oh right. I forgot," he chuckled sheepishly. "Please, promise me you'll never do this again. You don't deserve to be treated like that."

"You know I can't promise you that," I said, referring to Kubra's death threat.

"We'll figure something out." He averted his eyes from me and let out another deep sigh. "Go inside, get some sleep and I'll wake you up for breakfast at ten."

"Aren't you coming?"

"No, I need to drop off the money and pick up a mule from the airport."

"Allright, thanks for everything Fahri," I whispered.

"No problem Vause."

I stepped outside the car, took my heels off, walked into the hotel and took the elevator to the tenth floor. My feet automatically carried me to room 714 and I inhaled deeply, pushing the recent event into the back of my mind, before I slowly opened the door. The room was pitch dark and the smell of sweat filled my nostrils as I tiptoed over to the right side of the bed. My hands blindly searched for the small lamp on the nightstand and it took me a few seconds to locate it, almost knocking over a glass of water that was placed there. I unzipped my dress and unhooked my bra as soon as a dim light lit up the hotel room. I grabbed a black t-shirt from my suitcase, took my glasses off and slid into the bed, spooning her sweaty body from behind. She let out a soft whimper as I brushed my hand over her naked thigh.

"Shhh it's okay," I soothed.

"Al?"

"Yeah. How are you feeling?"

"Horrible."

"You'll feel better in the morning if you sleep a little more."

"I hope so. How did it go? Did you get the money?"

"Yeah. Everything went fine," I lied.

I kissed her temple and kept stroking her thigh with my thumb as I thought about the past four days. Piper and I began our trip in Bali, but Kubra unexpectedly sent Fahri and me to Java yesterday to complete a drug deal with a new client. We arrived here in the morning and only three hours later, Piper started to show some severe symptoms of a stomach virus while we were visiting a small, primitive village near Jakarta. Fahri drove us back to our hotel and Piper hasn't gotten out of bed since then. Today was even worse, Piper's symptoms increased, I had to leave her on her own to complete this drug deal and jerked off some middle-aged guy in a public toilet. Fuck, I still get nauseous when I think about it. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who was experiencing a feeling of nausea, because Piper suddenly jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom, almost stumbling over her own shoes.

I heard her retch a couple of times and I quickly kicked myself out of bed, sat behind her and pulled her hair up as she emptied her stomach contents into the toilet bowl.

"This is a good thing," I whispered tenderly while my free hand rubbed soothing circles on her lower back. "Get the virus out of your body." The smell that filled the bathroom was absolutely disgusting, but I didn't care, which surprised me a little seeing the fact that I'm the kind of girl whose gag reflex gets triggered as soon as someone vomits in my presence.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, glancing over her shoulder to look at me.

"Don't worry about it Pipes," I whispered and gave her a loving smile. "Are you done?"

She nodded and didn't protest when I scooped her up into my arms and sat her down on her side of the bed. She kept crying and apologizing as I grabbed a moist wash cloth from the sink and pulled her t-shirt over her head.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" I asked, hoping she would say no, because I hate hospitals.

"No, it's just a virus."

I gently started to dab the sweat off her face and torso, and swallowed back a laugh that threatened to escape my mouth. I swear, if my mom or Fahri could see me now, they would have laughed in my face for being such a big softie. Piper brings out a side of me that I never knew existed. I want to take care of her all the time and my day is absolutely perfect when she shoots me that bright, blinding smile of hers.

My thoughts were interrupted as Piper let out a soft cry and another wave of tears started to stream down her cheeks. She looked so, so weak and small.

"Pipes, stop crying kid," I said in a gentle voice. God, I hate to see her this upset.

"But this is so embarrassing," she sobbed as she let her tears run free.

"Why?" I asked in confusion, furrowing my brows.

"God Alex, look at me. Those four days with you were very special, but also so humiliating. I fucking pooped in front of an entire village _and_ you yesterday, I just puked in your presence and I squirted into your mouth when we were having sex in Bali." I couldn't contain the proud smirk that formed on my smug face as she reminded me of my new _achievement_. "I mean, I just met you six weeks ago Al. This is all so embarrassing."

I chuckled softly and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek. Piper and I were still in the awkward 'getting to know each other' phase. Piper is still acting a little mysterious and I… I'm having difficulties to show my hidden, vulnerable side. Getting to know each other hasn't been easy, I tried to keep my job a secret for as long as possible, until I couldn't stand lying anymore and my ex-girlfriend, Sylvia, is still stalking Piper and texting me all the time. That's one of the reasons why I asked Piper to keep me company during my trip to Bali. It would give us the opportunity to enjoy each other's presence without the fear of getting caught by Piper's friends or get interrupted by my ex. But now, we're in Java, where Piper catched a virus and I jerked off a dude for the first _and_ last time in my life. God, I'm never going to tell her that… she's definitely going to judge me.

"Don't worry about it. It's not like I'll never get sick in the future. Those things happen kid, it's very human and natural," I said while stroking her hair, trying to make her feel better. "And about the squirting thing…" I leaned forwards and pressed my lips against her ear to whisper in a low, deep voice "that was fucking sexy Pipes. I wouldn't mind if it happens again."

I felt her shiver under my touch as my hot breath tickled her ear. She swallowed thickly and placed her delicate, feminine fingers on my shoulders.

"Really?"

"Hmm," I hummed in confirmation, kissing a trail down her throat.

"Wait a second," she said, pushing me away as if she suddenly remembered an important detail. "I've got you something."

"You do?" I couldn't hide the surprised tone in my voice.

"Yeah, I asked Fahri to distract you while we were visiting the market in Kuta and I quickly bought you a present," she whispered. "Close your eyes Al."

I closed my eyes and heard her rummaging under her pillow. My body jumped a little bit as she softly touched my wrist, putting something small in the palm of my hand.

"You can look now."

I opened my eyes to see a colorful, beaded bracelet shimmering in the dim light.

"It's for your birthday."

I kept staring at the bracelet in my hand and felt a wave of ten thousand different emotions tingle my spine as tears began to sting my eyes. She's so kind and thoughtful, even when she's sick and feels horrible.

"It's beautiful Pipes," I whispered in a cracked voice. "Please put it on."

I handed her the bracelet and extended my arm in her direction, causing her to giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"It's supposed to go around your ankle Al."

"Oh right," I chuckled, grinning widely as Piper tied the bracelet around my ankle.

"I know it's not much and I'm sorry for not being able to give you expensive presents like you give me all the time."

"Pipes, you really need to stop comparing our finances kid. I love this, I love that you thought about my birthday," I said, pointing at the beaded bracelet.

"Yeah, but I've ruined it anyway. I've been in bed all day and I wish I could have taken you out for dinner tonight. I can totally understand if you don't want to bring me on one of your buisiness trips a second time."

"Piper, you didn't ruin my birthday," I said softly. "I still like you, the fact that you're sick doesn't change my feelings for you."

Her body tensed up the moment the words left my mouth and I instantly knew the reason why. Fuck.

"You've feelings for me? Oh my god, I always thought you only kept inviting me to your place because the sex is fantastic."

Her voice sounded shaky, as if she couldn't believe what I just said. I quickly turned around, ignoring her question and hiding the furious blush on my face, and opened my suitcase. I grabbed my favorite band t-shirt and handed it to her. Fuck, I've been so careful not to tell her about my feelings before I would find out hers, but I always thought my heavy crush on her was very obvious, but Piper seemed surprised.

"Al?"

"Yeah?" I asked casually, pretending as if I hadn't heard her question.

"Are you in love with me?" she asked as she slipped my t-shirt over her head. My heart began to pound against my chest, trying to find a way out of my ribcage, as my throat suddenly went dry and my palms started to sweat. Yes, I'm in love with her, I've known that for a little while now, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to let my real feelings show just yet.

"I don't know," I mumbled, pushing her back into bed and covered her body with the blanket. She grabbed my hand and gently stroked my wrist.

"Alex, you can tell me," she said in the most encouraging voice I've ever heard in my life. I'm not sure why, but I instantly felt like a wild animal, trapped in a metal cage. I'm not very familiar with expressing and verbalizing my feelings and especially not to the woman I'm in love with.

"Well," she started, taking a deep breath when she realized I wasn't going to say anything. "I'm definitely in love with you and I hope you feel the same way."

My eyes widened and my stomach did a somersault. I lost all the ability to form a coherent sentence and quickly snatched my hand back, stood up, walked to the other side of the bed without saying anything and slid in beside her, making sure to keep a little distance between our bodies. I didn't know how to handle this new, unexpected information. Piper had never been very clear about her sexuality or her feelings for me during the past six weeks, just like I hadn't been clear about my feelings for her. She hides me from her parents and I know she has a lot of friends, but only told her best friend about me. I always thought she just liked my attention, my luxurious lifestyle, the expensive stuff I give her, and the new sexual experience. Fucking a female criminal must be so thrilling and especially when you're a good girl from Connecticut, but fuck, I never expected her to be seriously in love with me.

I wanted to call my mom to tell her about Piper's confession and ask her for advice, but deep in my heart, I already knew what she was going to say. I moved closer to the beautiful woman next to me, pressed my body against hers and slipped my hand under the t-shirt she was wearing to gently caress the warm skin of her upset stomach.

"Pipes?" I whispered, not recognizing my own voice.

"Yes Alex?"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my raging nerves and swallowed in order to moisten my extremely dry throat, before I asked her the one question that was going to change my life forever.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"


	23. W

**W ~ Wounds**

 _December 19, 2003_

The squeaking sound of the old bed filled my ears as he rhythmically pumped his rock-hard manhood inside me. A soft moan escaped my lips, my legs began to shake slightly and I immediately realized I was already nearing a mind-blowing orgasm. Fucking embarrassing, seeing the fact that he entered me just two minutes ago, but maybe I shouldn't care too much, because I barely know this guy. I've met him at work last month. He's in an unhappy, sexless marriage and, after a year without having seks myself, I was desperately craving the physical contact too, so basically, we're doing each other a favor tonight.

He added more force into his thrusts, pushing deeper into me, as my inner walls began to contract around is dick.

"Fuck, so good Marcus," I panted and gripped the headboard behind me, preparing myself for a few seconds of pure ecstasy. God, it's been so, so long since I've experienced such an overwhelming feeling. I almost never bring men home, and yes, of course I still regularly touch myself, but those orgasms are always less intense and less satisfying than when I'm getting fucked by a man.

I felt myself approaching the edge and my body was ready to let go, until suddenly, I heard the front door of my house open. I instantly knew who it was, because there is only one person in this world who has a key.

"Fuck!" I cursed, unwrapped my legs from his waist, and pushed him off me. "You need to go."

"What?" he sputtered. "We're not done yet."

"Yes, we are."

I jumped out of bed, put on my black satin panties and a grey t-shirt and tied my damp hair up into a ponytail as I glanced over my shoulder to look at him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and licked my lips as he slowly took off his condom. He locked his eyes with mine, giving his erected penis a few firm strokes. Fuck, he's so incredibly attractive and he's doing this on purpose. "Why don't you come over this weekend? I'll make it worth it," I flirted as a whole new wave of arousal stirred in my lower abdomen.

"No way. I mean, I like you, you're fucking hot, but I can't put my marriage at risk. I think it's better if we don't do this again."

I sighed deeply and left de bedroom, closing the door behind me. My feet carried me into the kitchen and that's where I saw her, standing in front of the fridge, patting one of my rescue dogs, and wearing her leather backpack on one shoulder.

"Hi baby," I said in a happy voice, enveloping her in a big hug.

"Hi."

Her deep voice was raspier than usual, her eyes were bloodshot and I could swear that there was a reddish handprint on her left cheek. I was about to ask her what happened, but didn't get the chance, because Marcus walked into the kitchen, buttoning his jeans and buckling his belt.

"Oh," she whispered, shifting her eyes from Marcus to me. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Oh no sweetheart," I answered, but Marcus let out an annoyed sigh.

"Yes, you did," he growled, threw a fifty dollar bill onto the dinner table and left the trailer without saying another word.

"What the fuck is that?" she practically shouted, pointing her finger at the money. "Are you getting paid for your services?"

"NO!" I gasped. "Don't be ridiculous Alex. I borrowed him money for his car last week."

"Oh, okay… just call me whenever you're stuggling to make ends meet okay? I forbid you to prostitute yourself … _again_."

I screwed my eyes shut and swallowed thickly. I knew she didn't say it to humiliate me, but her words were like a slap in the face. I had told my daughter about my prostitution past, just a couple weeks ago. I wanted to keep those shameful years a secret forever, but she had accidentally found one of my diaries in an old box and confronted me with a few of the pages. I don't think I've ever felt so ashamed of my younger years as I did right then. I was forced to work three jobs after Alex was born, but still didn't earn enough money to nourish my daughter every day _and_ pay the bills. I desperately reached out to prostitution at night, until Alex started kindergarten, because that gave me the opportunity to quit selling my body and work a fourth job during the hours she was at school. Much to my surprise, Alex took the news quite well and started crying because she felt sorry for me. Yes, the first five years of Alex's life were extremely hard and I still shudder at the thought of me at eighteen, leaving my baby girl at Annie's home to suck a few dicks for money. I don't think I ever healed from the emotional wounds.

"Alex, I'm sorry," I whispered as a deep flush crept up my face. "I didn't have a choice."

"I know mom," she said as nonchalantly as she could. "I just don't want you to do it again."

She turned around and opened one of the drawers under the kitchen sink to grab two spoons.

"Is there a reason why you're here Al? I mean, it's 10 pm sweetheart. Normally, you're in your apartment reading a book at this time."

"Yes, I broke up with Sylvie an hour ago."

Oh fuck, the raspy voice, the bloodshot eyes and the handprint on her cheek made much more sense now.

"Oh no," I said and wrapped my arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. "I'm sorry Al."

"It's okay mom. I wasn't in love with her anyway. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I let her move in with me. Can I stay here for a few days?"

"Of course you can kid, but isn't she the one who has to go? It's your apartment."

"Yeah, but I can't kick her out at this time, can I? She needs a few days to pack her things and find herself a place to stay."

"Allright." I pressed a kiss to her shoulder and buried my nose into her raven hair, inhaling the unique scent I know so well. She may be twenty-three and a lot taller than I am, but I still love it when she's in my arms like this. I love having her back home.

"Wanna eat ice cream in bed?" she asked and turned around to face me.

"Sounds like an excellent plan."

I followed her into her bedroom, jumped into the bed, propped myself up against the headboard and let out a moan as the taste of chocolate touched my tongue while Alex changed into her beloved Rolling Stones t-shirt and slid in beside me.

"So, was that your boyfriend?" she asked cheekily while stuffing her mouth with ice cream.

A snort erupted through my nose and I raised my eyesbrows at her.

"I don't want a boyfriend anymore Al. Not after what happened to James."

"I know," she sighed. "But who is this guy? Your friend with benefits?"

"God Alex, will you stop please?"

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "You've been calling this dude every weekend since I left the house three years ago right? Wow, that's so adventurous."

She burst out laughing and nudged my shoulder in a teasing way.

"Jesus kid." I was getting a little irritated at this point. "I'm not calling him every weekend Alex. I barely have sex once a year if that's what you wanna know for fucks sake."

The expression in her voice changed into one of shock and she sucked in a breath.

"You're kidding me right?"

"No, I'm not," I said, blushing furiously.

"Once a year?"

"Yeah."

"Oh fuck, and I just ruined the moment by walking through that door."

"It's fine honey, don't worry about it," I lied, because deep down in my heart, I secretly hoped that this passionate encounter would have ended with at least two powerful orgasms for both of us and without Alex's interruption.

"Mom, come on, you're only forty-two. You're extremely attractive and you've got at least forty years left. You need to loosen up a little and have some fun. You only live once you know. I'll take you to a club this Saturday and we're going to find you a hot guy."

Now it was my turn to burst out laughing and roll my eyes at her. I can't believe this gorgeous, lovely, funny woman is _my_ daughter. I've always taught Alex that sex is a very natural thing and nothing to be ashamed of and I'm glad that she's very open to me about the subject, but sometimes she can be a little too straightforward. I did everything I could to develop a strong relationship with her. I love how she tells me everything, how she worries over me and how we became each other's best friends. I think it's quite the achievement, seeing the fact that I hate my own mother and didn't have a clue about healthy mother-daughter relationships while I was pregnant.

"Speaking of relationships, why did you break up with Sylvia, Alex?"

She shrugged her shoulders and averted her eyes from me.

"I uh…" she stuttered. "I cheated on her."

"Excuse me?" I gasped. "That's not how I raised you young lady."

"I know, I know, but I was not in love with her mom. We were having problems since the beginning. That's why I never introduced her to you and…" she stopped talking for a few seconds to take a deep breath, "I've met someone else."

"Oh," I said with a hint of surprise in my voice. "When?"

"Last month."

"What's her name?"

"Piper."

A twinkle appeared in her eyes and a big smile formed on her face as the girl's name left her mouth. This surprised me a bit, because I've never seen Alex's eyes sparkle when she talks about a girl.

"Okay, please tell me more about Piper, Alex," I whispered and studied her face, trying to unravel my daughter's thoughts… which is almost as hard as solving a Rubik's cube. The smile on her face grew even wider and a light blush covered her cheeks as she began to twirl one of the blue streaks in her hair around her finger.

"She's twenty-two and just started working at a restaurant as a waitress. She's from Connecticut and has two brothers," she beamed.

I don't recall seeing Alex this happy in the past four years. She was heartbroken for a long time after Digger left her and brought a different girl home every damn weekend to numb her pain, until Sylvia entered her life a few months ago. I secretly hoped that Sylvia was the one for Alex, but my daughter was more annoyed by her than in love with her.

"Are you in love with her Al?" I asked tentatively as I reached out to push a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yes," she whispered, looking me straight in the eye. "I can't stop thinking about her. I mean, I want to hold her hand in public, I'm gonna miss her when I'm going to Bali in two weeks, I call her a lot just to hear her voice and I enjoy being around her, even if we don't do anything in particular."

A feeling of pure happiness washed over me and I took her hand in mine, squeezing it gently.

"I'm so happy for you sweetheart," I said in a soft voice and kissed her cheek.

"Yeah, she's so different from all the other girls I've been with."

"She is?"

"Yes, I get this strange unfamiliar tingling in my body whenever she touches me or whenever I touch her, I constantly wanna kiss her when I make love to her and I actually enjoy it when she's pleasuring me. It's been so long since I enjoyed being touched. It feels like it's all new again… and it's extremely confusing and exciting at the same time."

It's very normal for Alex to talk about such intimate and personal things with me, but I can't say she didn't surprise me with those confessions. Alex hates being touched. Hell, even _I_ wasn't allowed to hug or touch her when she was a child. The fact that my little girl lacked the ability to make friends, created an imaginary one, and turned absolutely hysterical every time someone touched her, worried me so much that I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking about it. It got better over the years and I still remember the day she wanted me to hug and hold her. It was during her sixth birthday and my sister came to visit us with her two sons. She was playing with her action figures and the kids wanted to join her, but she immediately dropped them on the floor, ran towards me and spent a good hour in my lap, sucking her little thumb and watching the boys closely. God, I still get emotional when I think about it. I'm allowed to hug and touch her since that day, but her dislike of being touched still worries me from time to time and I'm sure that the physical bullying she endured in school, didn't help this issue either.

I know Alex has a lot of sex, but I always wondered how she manages to enjoy it when she doesn't like being touched. I never wanted to ask her, but I guess I have my answer now… apparently, she tries to avoid kissing and receiving during sex with girls she isn't in love with and I don't know why, but this new information crushed my heart a little and I felt kind of sorry for her. I always thought Alex was the one who lost interest in a girl after one night of passion, but maybe it was the other way around. It's no secret that my daughter is very succesful amongst lesbians, but maybe they were the ones who lost interest in her as soon as they found out about my daughter's aversion to physical contact outside the bedroom and her inability to let people in. God, I wish I could break down those emotional walls, so she can start to build deep connections with other people, but she refuses to show her caring vulnerable side to anyone but me.

"I'm happy to hear that you feel comfortable with Piper touching you Alex. She seems very special."

"Yeah, she is."

"Is she in love with you too?"

Her smile faded as soon as the question left my mouth and she quickly averted her eyes from me, nibbling on her bottom lip. Oh fuck…

"I hope so, but probably not," she sighed. "I don't even know if she's gay. I mean, I think she might be bisexual, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. Maybe she's just straight. I don't know."

"You didn't ask her?" I asked as I felt my stomach flip. I'm not sure if I can handle it if my daughter has fallen in love with a straight girl. God, I sincerely hope Piper is not playing with Alex's feelings just because the attention boosts her ego.

"No I haven't. The only thing I know is that she likes me, finds me attractive and has never been in love with a woman. I don't know mom, she's fresh out of college and probably in her experimental phase."

"Sweetheart, I think you're being a little pessimistic. She said she likes you and finds you attractive, didn't she? This is all new to her, maybe she's waiting for you to take the first step. I think you should tell her that you're in love with her."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," she smiled as the sparkle in her eyes returned. "Do you think it will be a good idea if I ask her to join me on my business trip? I don't wanna miss her for two weeks."

"No Al," I shook my head. "I think you should wait a little longer until you found out if she's in love with you too. Maybe you can take her to London in March?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

We enjoyed the last bit of ice cream in silence as I thought about this new girl in my daughter's life.

"Mom?" she asked, staring up to the ceiling.

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'm fat?"

My body froze and my eyes widened in shock when I realized that it was a genuine question.

"Fat? Why in the world would you think that?"

"I don't think I'm fat, but my body has changed since Digger left me and now that I'm in love again… I'm getting a little insecure about my weight, because Piper is very thin."

I screwed my eyes shut and quickly considered all the answers I could give her, but after a few seconds, I decided that it would be best to just to ask her.

"Do you want my sincere opinion sweetheart?"

She snapped her head to the side and looked at me with an anxious expression on her beautiful face.

"Yeah."

"You're definitely not fat Alex, but yes, you gained a little weight since Digger left you, but that's completely normal baby. You were nineteen at the time and still physically developing. You're a full-grown woman now sweetheart, and it's totally understandable that you're a tad heavier than before. God, you were always way too skinny and even a little underweight as a child, until you hit your twenties. I'm glad that there is finally some meet on your bones," I said truthfully. "You're a beautiful young woman Al. Don't ever doubt that."

"Yeah, well… it's not a huge issue, but I don't know, I feel a little self-conscious when I compare my physical appearance to Piper's, maybe I should give Eve and Carly a call. I'm sure they still remember the advice they gave me on how to starve myself," she chuckled nonchalantly as if she were joking, but my maternal instinct told me otherwise.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing."

"Alex," I said in a stern voice, curling my fingers around her upper arm and adding a little pressure to her skin. "Did those smug bitches from high school told you you were fat?"

She nodded weakly, almost invisible to the naked eye and my stomach churned as a wave of nausea crawled up my throat.

"It's not a big deal mom. It didn't affect my confidence. I know I'm not fat."

"Fuck," I whispered as tears started to stream down my face. My daughter had always told me about the endless bullying she suffered from in school. Those cruel kids always seemed to find a reason to shatter her self-esteem. It started when Alex entered kindergarten, children didn't want to play with her, because she was too bossy and overwhelming. When she got older, they began to torment her because of her minimal social skills and because of the fact that I had to work four jobs _and_ couldn't afford expensive clothes. And when Alex hit puberty, kids bullied her because they sensed that there was something different about her sexual orientation. Girls didn't want to sit next to her any longer and boys began to use physical violence every time Alex stood up for herself. My heart still breaks into a million pieces when I think about the day my thirteen-year-old daughter came home and told me two boys from her class called her a dyke and physically attacked her for ogling their sister. Fuck, she didn't even know she was gay back then.

"Why didn't you tell me Al?" I sobbed. I tried to keep my emotions in check for Alex's sake, but was doing a very poor job. I never cried in front of her when she told me about the bullying. I always pushed back my tears, until Alex went to bed at night.

"I don't know," she whispered, fumbling with the hem of her t-shirt. "I didn't want you to worry. I know how much pain aunt Heather caused you when she developed bulimia."

"Honey," I sighed. "You're much more important to me than my sister. You should have told me."

She shrugged her shoulders, locked her eyes with mine and gave me an apologetic smile.

"You're not purging like she does, right?"

"Oh fuck no," she said, looking me straight in the eye and I immediately believed her. "Mom, I'm not happy with my weight right now, but it's nothing serious. I guess I'll always gain and lose weight without an obvious reason. That's just the way it is."

I exhaled a breath of relief, scooted closer to her and buried my nose in the crook of her shoulder. A whiff of jasmine filled my nostrils and I furrowed my brows in confusion, because Alex is not the type of girl who likes to wear perfume.

"You smell good Al, special occasion?"

"Not really. I felt the need to see Piper after I broke up with Sylvie and I called her as soon as I left the apartment, but she's working tonight."

I tilted my head up to see the wide grin on my daughter's face. God, she's definitely in love with this girl. I opened my mouth to say something, but was cut off by the ringtone of Alex's phone that echoed through the room.

"Hey Pipes," she said in a gentle voice after she accepted the call and jumped out of bed.

Pipes? She gave this girl a nickname already?

"No, I'm at my mom's trailer. We're talking and eating ice cream in my bed." She walked over to the window, gazing up to the glittering stars at the sky.

I smiled at her the second she glanced over her shoulder to look at me. She's not ashamed of the conditions she grew up in and doesn't feel embarrassed about the fact that I still live in the trailerpark.

"Yeah, she was pissed at me and smacked me in the face, but I'm okay. Believe me, I've been through worse," she snickered, but I knew she wasn't joking. I wonder if Alex told Piper about the bullying, but probably not. She hates to talk about it, even with me. I guess I'm not the only who has emotional scars.

"I wanna see you Pipes. Can I take you out for dinner tomorrow?"

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply through my nose. Her voice sounded eager… way too eager. Alex is not the clingy type, not even close. She's pretty reserved and loves to be on her own with her nose buried in a book, but can't hide her excitement once she's in love. It's not like I want her to suppress it, but I don't want Piper to feel overwhelmed either. God, maybe I worry to much over her. She's twenty-three Diane, for fucks sake.

"Oh," her smile faltered as she ran a hand through her hair and I could tell she was disappointed by Piper's answer. "What about Thursday night? Or Friday? Or both so you can stay over at my place?"

 _Oh no Alex, don't do this sweetheart, you just met her_ , I thought to myself. This is one of those rare moments where I can see little Alex resurface, desperately wanting to connect with the person she likes. I had taught her about unwritten social rules in romantic relationships when she first started dating Digger, but maybe I need to do it again.

"Sounds great!" she exclaimed, giving me a thumbs up. "I'll pick you up at eight."

They said their goodbyes to each other and Alex reached inside her handbag to grab a cigarette after she hung up the phone.

"Thursday it is?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah," she beamed as she exhaled a puff of smoke. "She's gonna take me to her favorite restaurant."

I observed her closely as she opened the window and positioned herself in the windowsill. I know my kid is a tough nut to crack, she got that from me, but I desperately hope that Piper possesses the talent of breaking down Alex's walls. Alex deserves to be loved and I fucking hope her new love interest embraces all of her imperfections and accepts her just the way she is, but I guess Piper has already achieved so much more with Alex than every other woman ever has and I'm so relieved that Alex enjoys being touched by her, that she wants to be around her soon-to-be girlfriend every minute of the day. It sounds like Piper could be her true love and maybe… just maybe… she's the one who can heal my daughter's deepest wounds.

* * *

 **A/N:** Welcome and thanks to the new followers and thanks to the people who favorited my fic.

Thank you so much for the reviews on the previous chapter. To the Guests who asked for sexy times: well… I wasn't planning on it to be honest. I've never ever written a story in my life, not even in my first language and now that I'm writing this fic, I discovered that writing smut is one of the hardest things ever. I already have the scenarios for the last chapters planned out in my head, but I can still change one of those scenarios if you really want to read about some sexy stuff.

Okay, about this chapter: whilst watching all the seasons of OITNB, I've noticed that Alex almost always crosses her arms when she's talking to people… like if she literally wants to keep people at a distance. She also pulls back or makes a face when people like Lorna, Red or others (except for Piper and Nicky) touch her and I find it kind of fascinating, so I decided to include a little part about it in this moment.

I know the date of this snippet is close to the previous one and it's more a Diane moment than an Alex moment, but I hope you liked it nevertheless. I love writing about Alex from her POV. God, I can't believe I'm almost done (and yes, that means I'm going to stop at Z. I'm so sorry to disappoint you Guest).

Have a great weekend everyone!


	24. X

**A/N:** it's been a week since the previous update, but I'm still blushing because of your reviews. I don't think I deserve such kind and encouraging words, but thank you all! It's very much appreciated!

To Maryska: oh my… I think I've made a few mistakes in my timeline and you're probably going to detect them once you'll put the chapters in a chronological order. Oh, and the first chapter of the 'chapter-14-fic' is written and edited. Hope you're happy about that :) There are a few hints in this moment about what will happen in that story.

About this chapter: I added some family cuteness, family drama and some sensitive/taboo topics, but seriously… who invented this letter?! It was a little hard to come up with a word, let alone create a scenario aroud it, so please… don't expect too much of this snippet.

* * *

 **X ~ Xenophobic**

 _May 31, 2019_

"Al?" she asked in the soft voice that always makes my heart melt. "Are you okay?"

I lifted my eyes from my book and looked at her as she walked over to the porch swing I was sitting on.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just needed a little time to myself. It's a little busy inside the house," I lied, because I didn't feel fine at all.

Today is Bill's birthday and Carol had invited the entire family over for dinner. I don't like group interactions, I've no common interests with Piper's family, I'm not very fond of Danny and Maggie and their three sons, but it's my mother-in-law who makes this whole fake festivity a living hell for me. Carol and I have never been friends, she doesn't like me and I don't like her, but we managed to tolerate each other, until the last few weeks of Piper's pregnancy. She's taken every opportunity to hurt me since then, and I truly believe that her dislike for me turned into full-blown hatred.

"I promise you we'll go home early," she whispered and sat down next to me. "I can see you're tired Al."

I draped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards me as I gave her shoulder a little squeeze and brushed my nose over the top of her head.

"Sounds good," I said in a low husky voice and heard her suck in a breath as my lips touched her ear. "I need to let off some steam once we get home, so… we're gonna watch a soft lesbian porn and I'm gonna fuck you so hard and so good, until I finally lose the urge to kill your mom."

She shivered under my touch as my hand left her shoulder and began to trail along her collarbone, up to her throat and over her jaw. "You look so beautiful tonight Pipes."

I leaned in to caress her chapped lips with mine and couldn't contain the smirk that tugged at the corners of my mouth as soft moan escaped Piper's throat. "Al, please," she whispered against my lips, encouraging me to keep going. I added more pressure to the kiss and gently pushed my tongue between her lips, begging her to let me in. She eagerly responded, opened her mouth for me and I already felt the slightest bit of wetness pooling between my legs, creating a damp spot in my underwear the second my tongue touched hers. Our kiss quickly grew passionate and I suddenly realized that I desperately needed this to relax a little.

"Ewww," two high-pitched voices reached our ears and we quickly broke apart. Piper jumped back to the other side of the swing as I looked at the two four-year-old boys who were standing in front of us, giggling into their tiny hands.

"Didn't your parents teach you not to sneak up on growns-ups when they are…" I started as a wide grin formed on my face "…doing their business?"

Piper snorted through her nose and I tried to suppress a laugh.

"No," Hunter stated and crawled into my lap, burying his head against my chest as Mason snuggled into my side. God, I've never been a fan of little kids, but those two boys mean the world to me. I glanced at Piper who gave me a soft smile before blowing me a kiss.

"Aunt Alex?"

"Yes Hunter?" I asked, pressing a kiss against his crown.

"I love cuddling with you, but I don't like cuddling with aunt Piper."

I raised an eyebrow at my wife, who was looking just as confused.

"Why is that?"

"Because aunt Piper hurts my ear."

"She hurts you?" I asked, winking at the gorgeous woman across from me.

"Yeah, because she doesn't have these," he explained, patting my right breast with his little hand. "You feel like the pillow in my bed and it doesn't hurt my ear."

Piper's eyes widened in shock and I burst out laughing at the priceless expression on her face.

"Typically boys," I laughed. "They'll always be fascinated by boobs, no matter how old they are."

"Hey! You said boobs," Mason giggled, pointing an accusing little finger at me.

"Oh right, sorry."

Our moment was interrupted by the boys' father who picked up one of his sons from the swing.

"Grandma's famous dinner is almost ready guys. Are you up for a few hours of watching Carol pretend like she has created the perfect family Alex?" he winked at me.

"Fuck yeah, I bought front row tickets to the show of the year Cal," I sighed sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him as we walked into the house.

* * *

My eyes darted around the room. Everyone was sitting at the round dinner table in the middle of the huge living room. The table was perfectly set, candles were flickering in the middle and Carol had pulled out her most expensive silverware. It was all so fucking depressing. I glanced at Neri who was sitting at my right, holding my sleeping daughter in her arms. It's eight-thirty already and Rose and the twins passed out before Carol finally emerged from the kitchen. Typically Carol, who in the fucking world serves dinner at eight-thirty when there are children involved? A mix of anger and disblieve shot through my body as the thought of an unfed Rose popped up in my head. I still remember the nights where I went to bed with an empty stomach, because my mom didn't have any money left to buy food at the end of the month. I never blamed her for anything, but I do blame Carol right now. She's too fucking selfish to think about the kids.

I reached out to touch my daughter's face, trailing my thumb over her little blonde brows before pressing a light kiss to her forehead. God, I can't believe she's in my life for eighteen months already. It feels like only yesterday that I first laid my eyes on her.

"You wanna hold her?" Neri asked quietly, trying not to wake up the sleeping toddler.

I shook my head and gave my best friend a soft smile. I know how much she loves Rose and still wishes she had a daughter herself, but she can't get pregnant anymore due to an uterus rupture during the delivery of the twins.

"She's gonna be so hungry when she wakes up," she whispered, stroking Rose's empty belly. "I'm glad Cal gave the boys a rice cracker an hour ago. I fucking can't believe Crazy Carol."

I opened my mouth to share my thoughts on this particular situation, but was cut off when Carol clinked her teaspoon against her glass.

"Mom, please… not now. We're all starving."

"Cal, shut up," she hissed, standing up from her chair. "I just wanted to say that I'm so happy to celebrate Bill's birthday with all of you. Danny, Piper and Cal, we're so proud of you and your _wives_ for blessing us with seven beautiful grandchildren." She looked me straight in the eye as the last part of her fake speech left her mouth, silently reminding me of the fact that I didn't have a part in giving her those grandchildren. She's still not acknowledging me as her daughter's wife and as the other mom of her seventh grandbaby.

"Oh Carol, you don't have to thank us," I said in a voice that didn't sound like mine. "It's a real honor to be part of your perfect family."

I felt Piper's hand touch my thigh, squeezing softly as some kind of gentle warning and I quickly put a slice of cucumber in my mouth to prevent myself from saying things I'll regret later.

"Well, we're so fortunate and maybe we'll be blessed with an eight grandbaby this year," Carol continued, ignoring my words, and lifted her glass in my wife's direction. Everyone snapped their heads to the side and stared at Piper. I almost spit out chewed pieces of cucumber when I realized what Crazy Carol was actually implying.

"Oh my god Piper! You're pregnant again?" Maggie exclaimed. "Congratulations!"

"I'm happy for you little sister, but I don't think you should eat the salmon," Danny said, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

"I…. I uh," Piper stuttered as a deep flush covered her cheeks. She was clearly shocked and embarrassed by her mother's words.

"Piper is not pregnant again and she never will be," I growled. "At least not while she's still married to me."

"Al is right. I'm not pregnant again, but no one knows what will happen in the future. Let's just enjoy dinner for now. We're all starving," she said, digging her nails further into my thigh. Everyone nodded in agreement and began stuffing their mouths with salmon.

"I love you," I said quietly to Piper, but she didn't respond and started a conversation with Danny, who was sitting next to her. I know my words were a little harsh and I had probably hurt her by saying them in a room full of her family, but I just can't bite my tongue anymore when Carol brings up the subject of Piper and babies, especially now that Piper is slowly beginning to accept that there won't be a second child.

I didn't speak to anyone, because the topics of the conversations they were having didn't interest me. I just ate my food, pretended that I didn't exist and prayed that Piper would be ready to leave this dreading place in the next hour. God, I don't know why, but I instantly thought of Larry. Larry… fucking Larry would've been a perfect addition to this fake family. I still remember the first time I saw him. He was everything Carol had ever wanted for her daughter and I was so glad that Emily, my friend from rehab, had kept her promise and visited me during those first visiting hours in prison, so Piper wouldn't think that I didn't have any friends. I acted like a total bitch by holding Emily in a way that only lovers would do, making Piper believe that Emily was my girlfriend. I still don't regret that.

"Oh mom, did Oliver tell you about his girlfriend?" Danny said, pulling me out of my trip down memory lane.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my wine. Oliver has a girlfriend? God, Danny's eldest son is barely eight years old for fucks sake. I glanced at my own kid, who was still sleeping in Neri's arms, sucking her three fingers and clutching the stuffed jellyfish we bought her a couple weeks ago.

"No, he didn't. You got a girlfriend Ollie?" Carol asked in a high voice, stroking the back of his head affectionately. Piper had always been Celeste's favorite, because she was the only granddaughter in the family. Rose is Carol's only granddaughter, but she's definitely not her favorite, not that I care obviously, but I'm convinced that it has something to do with me… with me being a woman or just me in general. I haven't figured it out yet.

"Yes," the young boy nodded. "Her name is Valentina, she's seven and she's from Argentina. She moved to the States because her dad needed a job. She can't speak English yet."

 _Valentina, a girl from Argentina_ … I sang to myself. Fuck, am I composing stupid songs now? I must be really fucking bored.

I looked at Carol and saw the muscles in her jaw tighten as she swallowed thickly.

"Oh Ollie, why don't you find yourself a nice white American girl eh? Those foreigners are taking all our jobs and soon, one of them will take over your father's place in the company he works for. Danny, I can't believe you are okay with this."

Piper stiffened beside me and Neri let out a quiet 'wow' as a snort erupted through my nose. I had to pinch myself in order to check if this was actually happening.

"So Carol," I said loud and clear. "You're not only homophobic, but you're xenophobic too?"

Everyone sucked in a breath as the room went deadly quiet and all eyes turned towards me.

"ALEX!" Piper shouted, curling her fingers around my upper arm.

"Excuse me?" Carol asked in disbelieve. "What did you just call me?"

"Xenophobic. You just adviced your _eight-year-old_ grandson to ditch his Argentinian girlfriend for a _white_ American girl, because you're scared that her dad and his fellow Argentinian friends will invade America and take your son's job. That sounds pretty xenophobic to me."

"Al, stop," Piper hissed, tightening her grip on my arm.

"No Pipes, this is fucking unacceptable."

"Aunt Alex said a bad word mom," I heard Danny's other son whisper to his mother. I didn't even know if it was their second or their third son who was making the comment… that's how much I care about them.

"Alex, I don't think you've got the right to judge me dear," Carol said mockingly. "You're not exactly a saint either. I remember a time where you were a drug dealer and risked my daughter's life for your job and to make things worse, you turned her gay, sent her to prison and now you're sitting at _my_ dinner table, with _my_ family, celebrating _my_ husband's birthday."

I clenched my fists in anger while Piper, who was still holding my arm, dug her nails even further into my skin.

"Maybe _your_ daughter didn't feel the need to get involved with _my_ criminal business if _you_ had been a loving mother who made the effort to show interest in her life every once in a while." I knew I stabbed her in the heart with my words. Believe it or not, but Carol wants to be a good mom, she just doesn't know how.

She let out a hard hateful laugh and her eyes were spitting fire, which fueled my anger even more.

"You're lecturing me about being a good mom? Alex my dear, where were you the first weeks after Rose was born? Piper had to take care of the baby all by herself."

Fuck, she had sliced my artery and I felt myself bleeding out quickly. She was right, I was emotionally unstable after Rose's birth and fled the house almost every day to escape my new reality… my new life. God, I still feel guilty towards Piper.

"I had a damn good reason," I said, although I knew it was a lame excuse.

"No you didn't. The assault was entirely your own fault and you made Piper suffer, because you could't handle the consequences."

"MOM!" Piper screamed as she finally let go of my arm. I froze in my seat, completely baffled. Carol had always made it perfectly clear to me that she blamed me for the attack, but she had never ever brought it up in front of the whole family or Piper… until now… and fuck I didn't like it one bit.

"Excuse me," I whispered and stood up from the chair. "I need to use the bathroom."

I could hear Piper and Carol screaming at each other as I sat down on the toilet. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't feel my legs anymore. Carol's insult triggered a painful memory and I felt myself slipping away into the protective and comforting parts of my mind I knew all too well. I have managed to cope with dissociation a lot better, because I know how to prevent those minutes of detachment, but this time... I did nothing to stop it and allowed my brain to slide into a very welcoming unconscious state.

* * *

"Alex?"

A soft voice reached my ears as a feminine hand stroked my upper thigh. I slowly opened my eyes and had to blink several times in order to focus them on a pair of chocolate brown ones. "Hi gorgeous," she greeted me with a sweet smile. "I knocked on the door and called your name, but when you didn't respond… I became worried and just walked in."

"It's okay Neri," I whispered, still feeling a little confused and disorientated. "I didn't lock the door?"

"No you didn't, that's why I walked in. I didn't expect to find you sitting down on the toilet."

I suddenly became aware of my naked lower half, but quickly shrugged off the shame I was feeling.

"How long have I been sitting here?"

"Fifteen minutes. Do you remember anything?"

"About eighty percent."

"Okay good enough. Piper and Rose are in the car waiting for you."

I reached for the toilet paper and averted my eyes from Neri as I wiped myself, even though I couldn't remember if I actually peed.

"Is she mad at me?"

"I don't think so, but you know how Piper is, she's more like her mom than she's willing to admit."

I stood up from the toilet, pulled my panties and jeans up, and followed Neri to the front door.

"I'll call you in the morning Al. Do you want a hug?"

"No sorry," I apologized, knowing that she desperately needed one after what had occurred thirty minutes ago. We said our goodbyes to each other and ten seconds later, I approached Piper's car and saw her texting someone, probably Polly, while Rose was fast asleep in her car seat.

"Hi," I whispered as I stepped inside the car.

"Hi," she replied stoically, making me nervous in less than a second.

"Are you okay Pipes?"

"No, you?"

"Not really."

We kept driving in silence for at least twenty minutes until I could't handle the tension anymore and opened my mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry for putting you in an impossible position babe."

She sighed deeply as the first tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Please don't cry," I begged, wiping the tear away with my thumb.

"Why did you feel the need to insult my mom Al?"

Fuck, this is going to be one fucked up conversation. I briefly glanced over my shoulder to check if Rose was still sleeping.

"Because she discriminated a group of people Pipes, that's just unacceptable."

"You know how my mother is, you should've kept your mouth shut," she spat.

"Well, that's fucking hilarious," I laughed sarcastically as a feeling of anger shot through my body.

"How so?

"Because you were all supportive when I informed you about the fact that Audrey and I were thinking of setting up the organization and now you're telling me that I should've kept my mouth shut when someone gets discriminated? Fuck Piper, that's fucked up," I said, raising my voice.

I've met Audrey in January of last year, we immediately clicked and became friends. Her story is similar to mine and we both felt the need to help others in recovery. A year ago, we decided to start a small organization for LGBT people who have experienced any kind of violence, bullying or discrimination because of who they are. I've always had a strong moral compass, but never wanted to get involved with human rights activists, because their view on certain things doesn't match my moral believes, but this is my organization and I can approach things exactly how I want. I mean… a fucking riot doesn't solve anything and will only cause the opposite effect. Audrey and I are receiving emails, letters and even phone calls from people who are asking for advice or just want to share their story with us.

"That's different."

"Explain!" I barked. Fuck, I was losing my temper in a rapid speed. "Because she's your mom?"

"Yeah."

"You know, when I was twenty-one, I dated a girl for three months. She was from a upper-class family, studied biology at uni and her parents were devoted Christians. They loved her unconditionally and accepted her sexuality, but they didn't accept me as their daughter's girlfriend and you know why Piper?"

She shook her head and tried to focus on the road as tears started to stream down my cheeks.

"Because I lived in a trailerpark, because my mom was a single mother, because we were poor and because I didn't have a decent education," I cried, feeling worthless, because that family reminded me of Piper's parents. "Carol is excluding people because of their roots. That's unfair and xenophobic don't you agree?"

"Yes, I know you're right Al, but she's still my mother."

My heart clenched in pain when I heard the meaning behind Piper's words. She still wants recognition from her mom, still wants to hear her mother is proud of her and secretly hopes that her mom will show interest in our life one day. Piper's heart was longing for everything my mother had always given me and I instantly felt sorry for her. I reached out to curl my fingers around her the back of her neck, gently massaging the tense muscles I found there.

"I know she is kid. I'm sorry."

"I told her she crossed a line tonight and that this was her last chance. If she says anything to hurt you one more time, I'm going to cut off ties with her."

"Did you tell her that?" I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice, even if I tried.

"Yes."

"Pipes," I sighed. "You don't have to choose between Carol and me. You know that."

"I know sweetheart, but you're my wife and you mean so much more to me than my mom."

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and wiped my tears with the back of my hand as Piper squeezed my thigh softly.

"Pipes?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Do you ever worry that Rose will get bullied or discriminated in the future just because she has two moms?"

"I don't know. I never really thought about it. Are you worried?"

"Sometimes," I admitted.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just hope her classmates will accept it when she starts school in a few years. I'm scared that she will become ashamed of us once she realizes that it's not very common to be a child of same-sex parents. "

"Al, there's is nothing abnormal about same-sex parenting. You're worrying too much. Rose will grow up into an open-minded adult because that's how we're going to raise her."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

I covered Piper's hand with my own and brought it up to my lips, kissing it softly, before a loud whimper filled the car. I took a quick glimpse over my shoulder and saw Rose stretching her tiny body and rubbing her eyes.

"Al, can you please take a cookie out of my handbag," Piper whispered, trying not to disturb a half-conscious grumpy toddler.

Her whimpers turned into cries and Piper reached back to caress her little chubby leg.

"Hi Rosie, you're hungry baby?" she cooed in a caring voice that made me smile.

"Y…yes," Rose hiccuped.

"Mommy is getting you a cookie okay? Just a second," Piper promised. "Al, hurry."

I rummaged through Piper's handbag, but couldn't find something edible. Oh fuck…

Rose was losing her patience and started to scream, kicking her little feet against the passenger seat, telling me to hurry up or else….

"ALEX, COME ON!" Piper shouted. Wow, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"You didn't put a cookie in your bag Pipes."

"Get her out of her car seat," she ordered as she pulled the car over to the side of the road. I furrowed my brows in confusion, but knew better than to ask questions. I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned around, hitting the dashboard with my ass as I struggled to unstrap Rose from her car seat. Jesus, this is not the most comfortable position when you're 5'10.

"Come here little monkey," I said softly, gently caressing the tiny wrists that were tangled into her blonde hair. Rose is still too young to verbalize her feelings and developed the habit of pulling out strands of hair when she's frustrated or angry. Piper and I tie her shoulder-length hair into a little ponytail every morning to prevent our little girl from getting bald.

I pressed her against my chest, rubbed her back and peppered her salty cheek with soft kisses as I glanced at my wife, who was unbuttoning her shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked, although I already knew the answer to that question.

"What does it look like Al?" she responded, lowering the cup of her bra and revealing her small left breast to my eyes. She took our screaming daughter from my arms and held her like a baby, guiding her nipple towards Rose's mouth. I heard Piper exhale a sigh of relief as Rose latched on and hummed with contentment, sucking greedily.

"God, she's so hungry," Piper stated, running a hand through her blonde hair. I looked at the rapid movements of my toddler's jaw and realized that Piper wasn't exaggerating. "She must be starved after so many hours without food."

"Pipes," I whispered softly. "I thought you wanted to reduce the breastfeeding to once a day sweetheart. You're trying to stop, because Polly and Megan think it's creepy to nurse your baby after its first birthday remember? And you already nursed her this morning."

Piper and I had fought about this a lot over the past months. I don't like the way she let's herself be influenced by her friends. I mean… she's our daughter and it's Piper's body, and Rose still clearly needs the intimate moment with my wife every morning. I don't think it's natural to stop before Rose is ready and I have the feeling that, deep down in her heart, Piper doesn't feel ready to stop either, but she's just is too sensitive to other people's opinions.

"Yeah, well, we don't have a lot of options Alex. She's extremely hungry. What do you excpect? You want me to tell her to wait until we get home? I'm sure she'll understand."

"I'm not the one who adviced you to stop Pipes."

I shifted in my seat to kiss my daughter's rosy cheek, causing her to open her eyes and release my wife's nipple. She touched my nose with her tiny hand and pushed me away.

"NO!"

I chuckled softly and kissed her little ear as she latched on again.

"Don't worry kid. I'm not asking you to share," I laughed.

"She developed some trust issues Al, because you steal her strawberries every morning."

I let out a hard laugh, kissed Piper on the lips, leaned back into my seat and took in the sight of Piper nursing Rose. She began to trace her finger along the toddler's face, humming Rose's favorite song. The natural bond between mother and daughter made my heart melt and a feeling of pure love washed over me as my daughter fell asleep in my wife's arms. I still have to pinch my arm every fucking day to convince myself that all of this is real. I was that poor girl from a trailerpark, who was raised by a single mom and wore second-hand clothes to school for years, but I fucking survived and the stunning woman in front of me is my wife, she's married to me and the cute little girl in her arms is my daughter, who chose us as her parents. I'm not going to fuck up like Carol did and I'm still not sure if there's some kind of afterlife, but deep down in my heart, I hope a certain person is watching over us and I strongly want to believe that she's the one who blessed me with two of the most beautiful women in the world. My eyes traveled up to the glittering stars at the sky and I felt a single tear trickle down my cheek as inaudible whisper left my mouth.

"Thank you mom."


	25. Y

**Y ~ Yoga**

 _June 23, 2029_

The smell of incese lingered in my nostrils as I inhaled deeply, trying to get as much oxygen into my bloodstream as possible. I was sitting on my blue yoga mat, doing some breathing exercises, when she entered the room, wearing black leggings and a white oversized t-shirt, carrying her own yoga mat under her arm. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun and I couldn't help but think she looked absolutely radiant without makeup.

"Hi, it's good to see you again," she said, placing her yoga mat in front of mine. "You needed another private lesson?"

"Yeah, I've noticed that my focus is so much better during your private lessons than when I'm attending Gail's group lessons."

This is the third time I had booked a private session with this yoga instructor. She's new, but she helps me relax and gives me advice on how to balance work and family.

"I'm glad to hear that," she smiled. "Let's start in the lotus position and do some breathing exercises first."

I nodded and closed my eyes, allowing my muscles to relieve some of the tension. This morning, I had a huge fight with my wife, I can't even remember why exactly, but the tension in my body was an unwelcome result of the verbal fight. God, I hate arguing with her.

"Hey," she whispered after a few minutes, pressing her warm hand against my sternum. "You're having trouble to relax. Something is bothering you, am I right?"

I slowly opened my eyes, locking them with hers as a nice tingling sensation crawled up my spine.

"Yes."

"How come?"

"Oh you know," I shrugged as a faint blush covered my cheeks. "I had a fight with my wife this morning because of our daughter. Rose has reached puberty recently and we're finding it hard to deal with her emotional outbursts. She tries to play us off against each other and I know it's a normal thing to when you're a teenager, but I don't wanna fight with my partner."

She gave me a sweet smile and I quickly averted my eyes from her, feeling a little uneasy because of her intense gaze.

"I get it, but everything will be allright," she said, moving her hand to my upper arm to give it a reassuring squeeze. "Just keep meditating every night to prevent yourself from lashing out at your family. I'm sure you and your partner will find a way to deal with this new phase."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I've to keep reminding myself that this is just a phase."

"Oh believe me, I'm always right," she chuckled, brushing her thumb over my collarbone. "I think you should move your body into the cat pose. It's a great position to help you clear your mind _and_ it increases your emotional balance."

This information wasn't new to me. I'm currently reading the book she gave me for my birthday. It describes every yoga pose and their benefit to the body.

I got on all fours, took in a deep breath and briefly glanced at my yoga instructor while she stood up from her mat and picked up her phone from the floor to put on some relaxing and peaceful music. I let my eyes roam over her body, licking my lips subconsciously, as my heart started to beat a little faster. She has the perfectly hourglass figure with soft, womanly curves in all the right places… she looks so fucking good for a woman who will turn fifty next year.

"Lemme help you," she said, walking over to my yoga mat and positioned herself behind me. I sucked in a breath when I felt her fingers curl around my hips. "Close your eyes and exhale."

I did as I was told and exhaled slowly, while she helped me by tilting my hips towards the ceiling. My back arched instantly and my butt brushed over her pubic bone as she changed my position. My body jumped at the unexpected contact, but she didn't seem to be affected by it at all, which made me wonder if it was a calculated move.

"Good girl," she praised in a voice that sounded different than a few minutes ago. "Gail didn't exaggerate, you truly are a natural."

She repeated the movement of my hips trice, pushing her pelvic area softly against my butt. Oh yes, she is doing this on purpose, there is no doubt about it. She's a very flirtatious, confident woman and always uses her sex appeal to confuse me during our sessions... and… I don't like to admit it, but it's working.

Her hands traveled from my hips to my lower back, making my body shiver at the touch.

"God, you're tense," she whispered, sliding her strong hands over my naked back, until they reached the clasp of my sports bra. She took the clasp between her fingers, pulling it away from my body to release it a second later. I gasped in surprise as the plastic piece collided with my skin, causing it to burn lightly. Her hands began to massage the muscles of my neck, easing some of the tension that I knew she would find there. The movements of her hands were strong and purposeful, making me moan in relief as I felt my body relax, but my arms didn't appreciate the weight they were forced to carry and started to tremble from the effort. I pushed myself up, sinking into her lap as I pressed my back against her front. I know this position is way too intimate and sexual for a yoga lesson, but honestly, I don't care anymore and my teacher didn't seem to mind either, because she automatically curled her arm around my waist, gently caressing my belly without a hint of hesitation, while her other hand continued its ministrations to my neck.

"I'm not sure if this is an inappropriate thing to say as your teacher, but you're beautiful," she whispered as her fingers moved from my belly to my sternum. I wanted to come up with a cheeky response, but the words froze in my throat when I felt one of her fingertips brush over my left breast. The touch was so light en quick, that I almost didn't register it, but my body clearly did, because the nipple immediately hardened and a wave of primal desire shot through me.

"Let's repeat those breathing exercises again, I'm sure it will go a lot easier now that you're much more relaxed" she suggested, genlty pushing me off her. She stood up from the ground, stretching her arms above her head. "God, Jesus, is it me or is it fucking hot in here?"

"Yeah, it's hot… in here."

"Do you mind if I take my leggings off? They're sticking to my sweaty skin."

My eyes widened in surprise and I could feel my heart skip a beat when the unusual question left her mouth.

"N..no of course not."

"Good."

She quickly slid her leggings down her long legs, revealing her grey silky panties to my wandering gaze. I've seen her sculpted legs before, but they still have a certain… effect on me. She lowered her body to the ground, parting her legs as she moved into a cross-legged position. It took me all of my willpower not to look between them. I swallowed thickly and kept my eyes focused on hers as she placed her hands on her knees.

"Are you okay?"

"Y.. yeah." I stuttered and hastily closed my eyes again, trying to concentrate on those goddamn breathing techniques. I did everything I could to control my breathing and relax my body as much as possible, but my breathing only grew more irregular. She let me struggle for a while, until she scooted closer, guiding my legs around her waist before she put a hand on the small of my back.

"Let's do this together," she said, adding a little pressure on my back to bring our upper halfs together. A wave of arousal unfolded in my lower abdomen when I felt her breasts pressing against mine. "When I exhale, you inhale. It's very easy."

I closed my eyes as her hand touched my jaw, guiding my lips towards hers, until they were almost touching. Her mouth exhaled a long steady breath, which I automatically inhaled. We kept breathing into each other's mouths for the next two minutes and my breathing turned normal while my body relaxed along the way. The feeling of her breath against my face tickled my mouth so deliciously, that I instinctively pecked her on the lips, surprising both of us.

"Fuck sorry," I apologized after I pulled away from her.

"It's okay. I guess a kiss is kind of inevitable when two people are doing these exercises together," she responded and started to rub my thigh with her thumb. "You're allowed to do it again if you want. Just go with the flow and do what feels right. There are no spiritual, emotional or physical boundaries in this room. Don't ignore your instincts."

My heart didn't want to kiss her again, but my body had other ideas. I captured her lips with mine before I could stop myself, already dragging my tongue across her bottom lip to let her know I demanded entrance. She parted her lips slowly, allowing me to take control over our kiss, something she almost never does. The kiss was slow and sensual, and I thoroughly savored it, until I had to pull away in order to breathe. I opened my eyes and noticed that hers were still closed. Her lips were moist and parted, breathing out tiny puffs of air. I took advantage of the situation by taking a quick glimpse between her legs and had to suppress a moan when I saw a damp spot staining her panties and in that moment… I knew things were going to escalate tonight.

I leaned back a little to move the crotch area of her underwear aside and a soft moan escaped my throat while I focused my pupils on her perfectly shaped vulva. Her outer folds were swollen, her inner lips were already open and glistening with arousal while her clit pulsated in rhythm with her heartbeat.

"Like what you see?" she asked, her voice dripping with confidence. I snapped my head up and looked into her magnificent eyes.

"Absolutely. Can I touch you?"

"Of course," she chuckled. "It's all yours during this session."

I tentatively touched her opening, coating my finger in her juices, and felt my own arousal skyrocket as she let out a deep breath. My fingertip circled around her clit, but she didn't react, which frustrated me a little. I slipped my free hand under her t-shirt and started to caress her soft belly. A proud smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as she closed her eyes and shivered in pleasure. Her self-control was crumbling quickly, causing my self-confidence to grow.

My favorite part of her body is her belly, it's soft and her abs are covered in a thin layer of feminine fat. You can't see them, but you can definitely feel the muscles when you trace your fingers over her amazing skin. Fuck, I shouldn't be thinking of this while the love of my life is waiting for me at home for fucks sake. I know my wife secretly fantazises of me getting fucked by another woman while she watches us. It's turning her on for some reason, but she's always been very clear about the fact that it's just a fantasy. I'm sure she won't be able to handle it if she finds out that I've already fucked my yoga teacher twice.

I glanced between my instructor's legs and bit my lip as I pushed a finger inside her hot, waiting sex without giving her a subtle warning first. It knew it was bold move, she's not the type of woman who thoroughly enjoys penetration, because her vagina is very tight, but judging by the amount of wetness pooling at her entrance… I knew the resistance would be minimal and my finger would slide in easily. Her eyes snapped open and her hips bucked against the palm of my hand as a low groan filled my ears.

"Feels good?" I asked, testing the waters as I pulled my finger out, before slowly pushing it back in.

"Yes."

"Can I add another one?"

If there's one thing I've learned from all those yoga lessons, it's that communication is key. I don't want to hurt her or do stuff she doesn't feel comfortable with.

"Yeah."

I added a second finger into her sex and screwed my eyes shut as her inner walls gripped my digits tightly. She lifted the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head before she quickly unhooked her bra and let it slide off her arms, revealing those glorious breasts to my eyes. I leaned forward and kissed the areola of her right breast softly, making her hum with approval. My hand grabbed the soft flesh, testing its weight and squeezing it roughly, as I let my tongue swipe over its hardened peak. The reaction was immediate, she reached out to tangle her fingers into my hair, scraping her nails along my scalp while my lips closed around her nipple, sucking harshly.

Her soft groans grew a tad louder as she covered my hand with hers, taking control over the pace between her legs, pushing in deeper and faster, and making the movement a little more rough.

"That's right," I said in a seductive voice. "Show me how you like it."

Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she pulled my fingers out of her body, hissing as she did so.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I asked in worried voice.

"No, but I think we should stop."

"What? Why?"

"Our wives… you do realize we're cheating on them right? Again..."

I sighed deeply and ran my wet fingers through my damp hair. She can't be fucking serious.

"Fuck them. I'm so wet for you right now," I whispered, pushing my two fingers into my mouth to taste her essence on my tongue.

I'm not exactly sure what triggered her, but she grabbed my arms and pushed me down onto the floor. I yelped in surprise and saw nothing but a raw predatory hunger in her dilated pupils. She hooked her thumbs around the edges of my shorts and panties, and I automatically lifted my hips, making it easier for her to take them off. Her fingers unclasped my bra and after just three seconds, I was lying on my blue yoga mat, completely naked, with my yoga instructor's head between my legs as her hands held my knees apart. I could feel her hot breath against my skin while her thumb and forefinger parted my outer lips, exposing the hidden parts of my vulva to her lustful eyes.

"Oh fuck," she mumbled against my thigh, sinking her teeth into the plump flesh to prevent herself from moaning out loud. "I didn't expect to find you this turned on already."

"Yeah, well… I've warned you and you did this to me, so you'd better do something about it," I said cheekily, tangling my fingers into her hair as she slid her tongue along my groin.

"Hmmm, greedy aren't you?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but my brain stopped functioning as her lips sealed around my clit, sucking tenderly. My hips jerked of their own accord and I screamed out in pleasure when her tongue leisurely brushed over my entrance, dipping it inside before dragging it back up to the most sensitive spot of my pussy.

It took her only a few wet strokes along my opening and clit to bring me to the edge. I felt my body stiffen and my upper half arched off the floor as I allowed the pressure in my lower abdomen to burst. My grip in her hair tightened and I felt her swallow my release as my orgasm crashed into me. Stars were sparkling behind my eyelids and my throat felt dry because of the loud moans that echoed through the room. The climax lasted longer than usual, exhausting my body, and so fucking satisfying.

The strong purposeful strokes of her tongue turned into soft gentle licks while my orgasm slowly subsided.

"Holy fuck… that was," I panted, chest moving up and down rapidly, but I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence as she began to blew a puff of cool air on my genital area before she dragged her tongue over my opening and up to my overly sensitive clit.

"Oh god no," I whined, completely drained, but still enjoying the feeling of her wet tongue against my hot centre. "Please no. I can't."

"Yes you can," she whispered and continued to stimulate my bundle of nerves all over again while my body began to tremble from a mix of agonizing guilt and overwhelming pleasure.

I pushed myself up onto my elbows and glanced down to get a glimpse of her head between my legs. Her sweaty skin was glowing in the candlelight, making me realize that the image of her tongue flicking over my clit was one of the most erotic things I had ever seen. My eyes traveled lower and I had to suppress a low groan when I noticed the movements of her other hand inside her panties. The movement was extremely slow and I instantly knew that she wasn't aware of the fact that she was touching herself. I draped one of my legs over her shoulder en rubbed my foot over her naked back to pull her out of her trance.

"Come here," I whispered, curling my fingers around the back of her neck. She looked up at me, immediately understood what I wanted and kissed her way up to my mouth, pressing her weight into me. I tugged her panties down, smoothly sliding them over her ass, before I brushed my fingers over her stomach and into the soft curls above her sex.

"Spread your legs," I ordered and pushed two of my fingers inside her, making her groan in relief as her hips jerked on instinct. "Is this what you need?"

"Yeah," she answered and mimicked my actions, entering my opening with two of her own fingers.

My hand began to set a steady rhythm, curling my fingers in a perfect angle and thrusting into her a little harder than usual. She surprised me by copying the motion with her own slender digits, pushing deep inside me. The natural smell of our most intimate parts mingled together and lingered in the air around us as we continued to fuck each other. My vagina was still very sensitive from the previous orgasm and after a couple of thrusts of her hand, I felt myself coming a second time. A loud moan erupted from my throat as my body convulsed underneath her, bucking my hips uncontrollably against hers. This climax wasn't as intense as the first one, but still very satisfying and overwhelming.

"Was that a second orgasm? " she asked teasingly, wearing a slightly arrogant expression on her face as she pulled out of me. "I thought you said you couldn't do it."

I rolled my eyes at her and flipped her over, covering her body with mine as I pushed in even deeper.

"Oh god," she panted, placing her sweaty hands on my shoulders, and stared into my eyes as if she could see my soul. "So good P…"

She screwed her eyes shut, bit her bottom lip, and buried her flushed face in the crook of my shoulder. I could feel her smiling against my skin. "Fuck," she chuckled sheepishly and squeezed my ass cheeks roughly.

"You almost said your wife's name didn't you?" I asked nonchalantly, trying to save the situation. Fuck, I don't want this to end. She's been asking for this particular one a long time and I want it to be a perfect experience to her.

"Yeah, sorry."

"It's okay, don't worry about it. I'm sure I'll accidentally moan my wife's name in the future. Those things just happen."

"Are you implying that we're going to do this again?"

A deep flush covered my cheeks and a strange mix of self-hatred and excitement unfolded in my stomach as I thought about my next private yoga session.

"Yes."

"Hmm," she hummed with approval, kissing my collarbone. "Can't wait."

I picked up the pace of my fingers, sank my teeth into her throat and her sex grew even more slick while her legs began to shake slightly. I immediately recognized the signs and curled my fingers against the spongy tissue of her g-spot, earning me quick kiss on the lips in return.

"I'm going to come," she panted, warning me… just like she always does when she almost reaches her climax.

"I know baby."

Her body began to shake uncontrollably as a mind-blowing orgasm washed over her. Her velvety walls contracted around my fingers as a string of soft moans caressed my ears like a perfectly composed melody. I watched her as she came hard… drowning in ecstasy and stripped of every barrier, allowing herself to lose control in front of me. I kept stimulating her clit, until her body became limp underneath me.

She opened her eyes after a few seconds and locked them with mine. I pressed my lips against hers, offering her a distraction, as I pulled my fingers out and wiped them on her inner thigh.

"Coffee?" I asked in a soft voice, hoping that I didn't ruin her fantasy to soon by whispering the particular word we always use to end rare, but passionate, moments like this. I don't want to do this very often, because it's not really my thing, but I still want to fulfill all of her sexual wishes.

"Yeah, coffee," she answered, switching back to her real self and still trying to catch her breath. "God, my breath… I'm getting too old for this."

"I can teach you some breathing exercises?" I winked, earning me a playful slap against my ass cheek.

I placed my head between her full breasts and began to trail my index finger along the underside of her left breast as she picked up her phone from the ground, held it above my head, and glanced at the screen.

"Fuck," she cursed as I placed a few open-mouthed kisses against her sternum, sucking at the salty skin. "We should get the couch back into place babe. It's 8 pm, Rose and Nicky will be here in twenty minutes. I don't think they'll appreciate it if they find us like this."

I tilted my head up to look at her, gazing into a pair of hypnotizing green eyes that were hidden behind black-framed glasses, as I pushed a loose strand of raven hair behind her ear.

"I love you so much," I whispered, stroking the rose tattoo on her arm.

She gave me a loving smile and pressed her lips against my sweaty forehead before she opened her mouth, filling my ears with the deep sound of her raspy voice.

"I love you too Pipes."

* * *

 **A/N:** thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter. I changed the word/scenario for this chapter at the last minute, because two Guests asked me to write sexy times (god, writing smut is so hard)… I certainly think this wasn't the best chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it! I wanted to experiment with Piper's POV at least once before I'll finish this story. Hopefully, the switch in perspective and role-play scenario wasn't too confusing.

To the Guest who wonders about the 'Carol hate'. I don't know about other writes, so I can only speak for myself, but to me… Carol isn't that bad at all. It's just that in my head, the relationship between Alex en Carol isn't very good. Alex, who was raised by Diane (a fantastic mom in my fic), judges Carol for not always being there for Piper. She compares Carol to Diane, which is not fair, but a very human thing to do. Carol is a little strange and still has a few old fashioned opinions, no matter how hard she tries to change. She also has a strong dislike for Alex in my fic, because Alex is the one who dragged Piper into a criminal business, forced her to carry a suitcase full of drug money, and sent her daughter to prison. So, the tension between them is because of how the other treated Piper in the past. I wrote Carol like this because of the difficult relationship between her and Alex. I'm sure I would've pointed out Carol's softer/loving side if it had been a Carol/Piper one-shot without Alex in the picture. I hope my explanation makes sense :)

Okay, only one to go guys…


	26. Z

**A/N:** I can't believe this is the last chapter guys. I'm quite sad, because I still have so many ideas for one-shots in my head, but I ran out of letters. Apparently, 26 chapters in not enough. Anyway, I want to thank everyone who has supported, read, reviewed, favorited and/or followed my first fic, especially to the ones who joined me from the start and decided to stay until the end. I'm not sure when I'll be back with something new, but I guess it won't take too long.

About this chapter: I'm super nervous about this one and going to warn you… it's emotional, dramatic, raw and rough. I did my best to write it as real and respectful as possible. I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes, and please forgive me for this one-shot. Don't send me hate mail :D.

Allright, here we go…

* * *

 **Z ~ Zen**

 _April 29, 2060_

Two soft voices filled my ears, waking me up from a deep sleep, and interrupted my very erotic dream. I'm not sure for how I long I had been asleep, maybe a few minutes… hours? Days? Weeks? I kept my eyes shut, hoping the women would leave the room if I didn't show signs of being awake.

"For how long has she been sleeping?" one of them asked. The voice sounded feminine and familiar, but I couldn't place it right away.

"For three hours straight," the other woman replied.

"She's sleeping a lot isn't she?"

"Yes she is."

"Did she eat breakfast this morning?"

"No, Rose was here around ten and tried to feed her small pieces of toast, but she kept refusing and fell asleep eventually. I'm sorry to tell you this, but her condition is getting worse. The number of seizures she has in one day is still increasing and they're lasting longer too."

"Oh god, is she experiencing pain during those seizures?"

"No, but the doctors think it will not take too long until…"

She didn't finish her sentence and I instantly became curious about the words she clearly didn't feel comfortable saying out loud.

" And Alex herself has also hinted at it a few times," the woman continued.

Alex? That's me… what the fuck… they're talking about me.

"I know Melissa. I know."

"Okay, my shift is over in two minutes and Stephanie will take over from there. You can push the red button above her bed if you need anything, but you already know that."

"Thank you so much for taking care of her Melissa," the most feminine one of the voices whispered before I heard the closing of a door. The woman who decided to stay in the room, walked into my direction and just a second later, a pair of full lips were pressed against mine. My eyes snapped open and I gasped for breath, causing her to pull away abruptly. I studied the face in front of me, taking in the silver hair and wrinkles on her delicate features. I didn't recognize the woman, but the chrystal blue eyes that were hidden behind a grey pair of glasses, looked kind of familiar to me. I'm sure I've seen her before, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Hey sleepyhead" she whispered, stroking my cheek with her thumb. "Rose told me she came to visit you this morning and read you a book. Did you have a good time?"

I parted my lips to answer her question, but my throat felt like it had swallowed a cactus and my tongue felt like sandpaper. I tried to lift my right arm to pick up the glass of water from my bedside table, but my body didn't cooperate… it didn't move at all.

The woman beside my bed seemed to understand what I was trying to do and reached for the glass.

"You're thirsty sweetheart?" she asked, pushing the straw between my lips and I almost moaned in relief as the cold fluid entered my mouth. I was still gazing into her blue irisis, trying to link those beautiful eyes to a name. She looked liked the woman in the dream I just had, but she was so much older and didn't have the long blonde hair.

"Did Rose bring one of the kids with her?"

I furrowed my brows in confusion, I still didn't have a fucking clue of who she was or what the fuck she was talking about.

"You're not going to answer me?" she chuckled, adjusting my blankets with her free hand. "Well, I guess she didn't. Lucas and Julia are very busy with homework at the moment and Dan told me that Hugo had a soccer game this morning."

She didn't look at me whilst she was speaking, and it made me wonder if she was feeling somewhat uncomfortable with seeing me like this, drinking from a straw and physically incapable of holding the glass myself. I released the straw from my lips and swallowed the last sip of water before I opened my mouth.

"Who are you?" I managed to choke out in a hoarse voice, slurring my words.

She screwed her eyes shut and placed the glass back onto the bedside table before she pinched the bridge of her nose and swallowed thickly. My question clearly upset her and I instantly felt guilty, even though I didn't know why exactly.

"I'm Piper," she whispered, giving me a loving smile. "Your wife."

All the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle fell into place the moment she said her name. Piper, my gorgeous wife. The woman I've loved for so many years.

"Oh hi babe," I greeted her with a big smile when I recognized her. "Snuggle with me?"

"Of course."

She positioned herself beside me, draping her arm over my waist, and buried her face in the crook of my neck. It feels so fucking good to have her this close to me. I instinctively reached out to take her hand in mine and surprised myself when my left arm did exactly what it was supposed to do.

"Pipes?"

"Yes?"

"Can you take these off me?" I asked, pulling my t-shirt down, and pointed at the electrodes that were securely attached to my chest. "The beeping sound of the machine is making me crazy."

I realized that my speech was slow and slurred, and forming words didn't go as easy as it normally did.

"I can't. I'm sorry. The machine is monitoring your heartbeat love."

"My heart is perfectly fine Piper," I said, stroking the back of her wrinkled hand with my thumb. "What the fuck am I doing at the hospital anyway?"

"I explain that to you every day Al."

"Oh."

"Well," she sighed. "You suffered a stroke three weeks ago and had a second one last Monday. They both affected the left side of your brain pretty badly. That's why the right side of your body isn't working anymore and why your speech is different."

"And why I didn't remember you," I added.

"Yes, that too, but you don't have to feel guilty about it Al. You can't help it."

I squeezed her hand softly, silently apologizing for everything I had put her through and already felt my eyelids getting heavy once again.

"Do you need anything? I can ask Stephanie to give you a shower if you like?"

"Is that a subtle way of saying that I smell Pipes?" I chuckled.

"No! That's not what I meant."

I pressed my lips against her forehead and brushed my nose over her silver hair, while my damaged brain slowly remembered the events from the past three weeks. Piper… Rose… the morning of the first stroke…

It was around eight in the morning when I called Piper's name from the shower, because I was experiencing a severe headache and my vision was blurring. She walked into the bathroom and touched my face, saying it was drooping on one side and that it looked strange. The last thing I remember is hearing a loud gasp before I fell to the floor. I woke up in the hospital with my daughter sitting next to my bed, crying silently and stroking the back of my hand with her thumb. She may be in her early forties, but I still hate to see her upset. It's fucking heartbreaking. Rose visits me almost every morning and sometimes, she brings my son-in-law or one of the kids with her. I'm very grateful that my family still comes to see me, I enjoy their company, but the effects of the strokes are extremely embarrassing and I don't want them in the room if I'm having a seizure, or when the nurses carry me into the bathroom to give me a shower, or worse… when those young girls have to change my bedsheets, because I don't have any control over my bladder since the first stroke. God, fuck… it's all so fucking humiliating. I'm not a crier, but I cry every single time when it happens while Piper is sitting beside my bed or lying next to me. I can feel the intense shame crawling up my spine just by thinking about it. I even hate talking to my loved ones now that my speech is weird. I'm not sure if I ever want to go home again. I'll leave the hospital in a wheelchair and that means that Piper will have to take care of me twenty-four seven. I know she wants to do everything, but I don't feel comfortable with her wiping my private parts after I've used the toilet, or with her assisting me in the shower. God, she's my wife for fucks sake, I'm not her child. She doesn't deserve all of this and this is not the kind of life I want for her _and_ myself.

My stomach suddenly made a rumbling sound and Piper immediately slipped her hand under my t-shirt, caressing the pale skin of my flat belly.

"You're hungry Al?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want something to eat? I can get you a piece of fruit or some yoghurt?" she whispered and my heart clenched in pain, because I could hear the hope in her voice.

"No."

I felt Piper's fingers travel from my belly to my hip, flicking her thumb over the protruding bone, before she moved them up to my ribcage where the bones became more visible too.

"God Al, you need to eat baby. You've lost a lot of weight since you got here."

The feeling of her fingertips against my bare skin made me shiver in pleasure. Fuck, I've missed her touch so much and my body was yearning for a little physical contact. I may be eighty years old, but I've never lost the need to be as physically close to Piper as possible. We don't have mind-blowing sex like we used to when we were younger, but I still want to hug her, kiss her and hold her naked body in my arms while I touch her most intimate part as soft and as slow as I can. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I still have the stamina to cherish her body for at least an hour _and_ I don't end up with a bruised ego because she doesn't climax anymore. Fuck, I can't even remember my own last orgasm, but I still consider our intimate moments as satisfying, whether we reach a climax or not, but I guess that's all over now. My entire right side isn't working any longer and what's the point of maintaining that level of intimacy with your wife if you can't even touch her properly?

"Pipes?"

"Yes?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I opened my mouth to speak.

"I don't wanna eat anymore."

She removed her hand from under my t-shirt and snapped her head up to look at me, wearing a shocked expression on her face.

"What's that supposed to mean Alex?"

"I'm tired babe."

"I can leave you alone if you want and come back tomorrow, so you can sleep a little more."

"You know what I mean," I sighed, getting a little frustrated. "I… I'm tired."

"Al," she whispered as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. "I need you to be more specific. Just say what you wanna say."

My bottom lip began to quiver as I looked into her sad eyes and my lungs took in a big gulp of air before I started to cry silently. I knew what I wanted, where I was ready for, but I didn't want to say it out loud.

"Oh sweetheart," she said, stroking my scalp. "Do you want me to say it?"

"Yeah."

"I think what you're really wanna say is that you feel ready to give up. You're done with life."

The unexpected wail that escaped my mouth didn't sound human. I reached out to clutch Piper's shirt between my fingers as tears streamed down my wrinkled face and my shoulders shook violently.

"Al, it's okay baby," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I was expecting this for a while now. You're body is exhausted and I don't want you to fight it."

She kissed my cheek several times and I slowly opened my eyes to look at her face. She was still crying, but her face looked peaceful and relaxed.

"Really?"

"Yes. I mean, I love you so so much, and I want to keep you around forever, but you're tired and done… it would be unfair and selfish of me asking you to stay. Love also means letting go when the times has come. Please don't get me wrong, I'll be so sad and gonna miss you so fucking much, but I think I'm ready to let go of you if you don't want to live anymore sweetheart."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

A heartbreaking sob erupted from my throat, a whole new round of fresh tears rolled down my face and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was crying tears of relief and a wave of peace washed over me. Piper is such a strong woman and I'm sure she has the strength to go on with her life after I die.

Piper and I both snapped our heads up to look at the machine next to my bed when the lines on the monitor changed as my heart rate suddenly dropped and grew more irregular. She locked her watery eyes with mine, giving me a loving smile.

"Were you waiting for my permission Al?"

"I guess so."

"Does it hurt?" she asked, placing her delicate hand on my heart.

"No."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when Piper snuggled her face in the crook of my shoulder and slipped her hand under my t-shirt once again.

"Pipes, I wanna say goodbye to Rose and the kids and thank Dan for being so good to our daughter, but I don't think I'll make it till tomorrow. I'm so exhausted."

"Sweetheart," she whispered as she began to draw slow circles over my belly. I couldn't suppress the soft moan that escaped my mouth and instantly felt ashamed for thoroughly enjoying such a simple touch. "Don't worry about Dan and the kids," she continued, ignoring the sound I just made. "They now you love them babe, and you already said goodbye to Rose this morning."

"I did?"

"Yes, she called me as soon as she left the hospital. Apparently, you were very sentimental this morning and cried hysterically when you told her you had the feeling that it was the last time you might see her."

"Oh."

I closed my eyes and dozed off for a few minutes, until I felt Piper's hand touch the side of my face.

"Al?"

I opened my eyes and Piper quickly took a selfie with her cellphone. A feeling of overwhelming sadness unfolded in my chest. God, this is probably the last picture of me… of us… ever. I reached out and took the phone from her hand, looking at the two old women on the screen.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered before pressing my lips against the screen, kissing the beautiful face on the picture.

"So are you Al."

"Fuck no, you need new glasses babe," I laughed sarcastically. "I'm ugly."

Her lips released a heavy breath as she dug her nails into the old skin of my belly.

"Alex, please don't say that."

"Look at me Pipes," I said, shoving the phone in her face. "My cheekbones are sticking out, look at my right eye and mouth, they're drooping."

"Stop it," she whispered in a stern voice, snatching the phone out of my hand, and placed it back onto the bedside table.

"I can't walk, I can't move one side of my body, I can't get in the shower by myself, I need help using the toilet, my speech is fucked up," I continued, raising my voice as I started to cry again. "I'm a fucking…"

"A fucking what?" Piper shouted, grabbing my wrist and pinning it down the mattress. "Say it!"

I looked into her eyes, feeling extremely small all of a sudden. "A fucking retard," I whispered and screwed my eyes shut, because I was sure she was going to hit me in the face, but a loud sob filled the room as Piper pressed her tear-streaked face against mine, stroking my cheek with her thumb.

"Don't talk about yourself like that," she cried, kissing my jaw. "You're beautiful to me. I love you so, so much."

I let her sob for a few minutes, stroking her back, until she stopped crying. A sharp pain shot through my back, making me hiss, and I immediately realized that I had been lying in this position for at least four hours in a row. I placed my hand on the mattress, trying to push myself onto my side, but didn't have the strength to accomplish the impossible task.

"What are you doing?" Piper asked, noticing my struggle. "Need help?"

"No."

"Fuck Alex, stop being so stubborn," she muttered and rolled me onto my right side in one swift movement. I breathed a sigh of relief as my muscles relaxed and my heart rate dropped a little more. This position was much more comfortable, but I still desperately needed to feel her touch. I gathered all the courage I could find and closed my eyes.

"Pipes?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you please touch me?"

I peeked through my eyelashes and saw the corners of her mouth curl into a sweet smile.

"Where?"

"Everywhere. Please Pipes," I begged in a soft voice. "Those doctors and nurses are touching me the entire day and I hate it so fucking much. It's not the kind of physical contact I want to remember when I die. I need to feel close to you."

I sucked in a breath when I felt her fingers slip under my t-shirt, stroking my side before she pressed a kiss to my mouth.

"Are you scared Al?"

"Of dying you mean?"

"Yeah," she whispered, moving her hand to my lower back.

"No, I'm not scared of dying itself, but the thought of leaving you behind is what makes it unbearable."

"I can imagine sweetheart, but Rose and Dan will take care of me and you'll be watching over us right?"

"Of course," I chuckled. "I'll haunt you at night."

"Alex, that's not funny," she laughed. "I know you don't believe in life after death, but I sincerely hope you're wrong."

"Me too Pipes. I fucking hope my mom is waiting for me. I can't wait to kiss her, smell her and melt into her embrace the second she hugs me. You know what would be fucking weird? If she still looks the same. I'm forty years older than her," I snorted, as my heart ached with longing.

"I'm sure she'll be so happy to see you again sweetheart. She'll think you're beautiful no matter what, but Nicky will make fun of you for being an old lady with health issues. Oh, and you should definitely tell Polly that I miss her."

Nicky, my best friend, she died after a drug overdose at the age of sixty. I still miss her every day, but we had seen it coming a long time before the tragic event occurred. I speeched at her funeral and Piper and I took care of her grave for years. Polly, Piper's best friend, died last year after losing the battle to cancer. Losing your loved ones when you're getting older, is one of the hardest things about aging. I'm glad two of Piper's friends are still alive and will take her to the golf course when I'm gone.

"Pipes, you should give my car to Dan and all of my diaries to Rose."

"I will," she whispered, stroking my scalp with her other hand.

"You can sell the rest."

"No, I'll keep everything," Piper stated as she moved her hand up my back, gently caressing the skin between my shoulder blades, making me hum in delight. "Have you thought about what you want to wear?"

"In the casket?"

"Yes."

"My three piece suite of course. I wanna be the hottest looking corpse ever," I joked and a feeling of happiness spread throughout my body the moment Piper's sweet laugh filled my ears.

"Promise me that you'll be the one who is going to wash and dress me when I'm dead. I don't like the idea of strange hands touching me, _especially_ male ones."

"I'm not sure if I can do it all by myself Al. Is Rose allowed to help me?"

"Yeah."

Her delicate hand left my back, making its way over to my left breast and I let out a soft sigh as her fingertips brushed over my nipple before they traveled up to my shoulder. There was absolutely nothing sexual about the way she was touching me, but I don't think I've ever felt so loved and safe before.

"Did you feel that?" she asked.

"What?"

"I just touched your right breast sweetheart."

"Oh."

"I'll take that as a no."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"It's okay Al. I'm just curious."

She lifted the blanket and began to trace her finger from my breast to my hip while we both glanced down at her moving hand.

"What about this?"

"No."

"And this?" she asked, touching my upper thigh.

I shook my head, started to nibble on my bottom lip and clutched the bedsheet in my left hand as I felt myself getting frustrated and angry. Her hand quickly left my hip and brushed over my pubic bone before her fingers slipped between my legs, cupping my sex through my panties.

"This?"

I gasped in surprise and screwed my eyes shut at the unexpected sensation. She giggled softly, pressing her lips against the tip of my nose while her fingers moved to the upper thigh of my left leg, where she began to caress the flesh with her thumb.

"Fucking tease," I chuckled, running my hand through my grey hair.

"Sorry love," she replied, kissing me on the cheek. "Do you have any other specific wishes for your funeral?"

This whole conversation was kind of surreal to me. Piper never wanted to talk about stuff like this, but I guess she finally came to the conclusion that she can't avoid it anymore, given the fact that my body would give up soon.

"Not really, just pick out a nice headstone and I would love to be buried next to my mom if that's possible."

"I'll do my best," she whispered, giving my hip a reassuring squeeze.

"Pipes?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," I said, my voice cracking with emotion. "Thank you for being my partner through love and through pain and through beauty fish."

She gave me a weak smile as her bottom lip began to tremble and tears started to stream down her cheeks.

"You don't have to thank me love. I think I'm the one who has to thank you for being my wife, for never leaving me," she said, taking my hand in hers and kissing the wedding ring around my finger.

A loud whimper echoed through the room when the sweet words left Piper's mouth and it took me a moment to realize it was mine. Tears were rolling down my face and snot dripped into my mouth, but Piper didn't seem to care and pressed her lips against mine with everything she had. She curled her fingers around the back of my neck, pulling me further into her embrace. My body tensed up when I felt her tongue probing between my lips, trying to coax them open. She seemed to sense my hesitation and discomfort, and pulled away from me.

"Relax babe," she whispered, shooting me a reassuring smile.

"I'm scared," I admitted, feeling extremely vulnerable. "My mouth…it's…"

"Shh Al, it's okay. You don't have to do anything, just open your mouth and let me kiss you properly."

I closed my eyes and nodded, clutching the bedsheet in my fist. Her hand started to massage my neck as she pressed her mouth against mine for a second time. I exhaled a deep breath and melted into the mattress when her tongue gently licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I instinctively parted my lips and completely relaxed as her her tongue slipped inside and started to caress mine in the most careful way ever, but it's not in my nature to let her control our kisses and it didn't take long until I began to slide my tongue along hers, very tentatively, earning me a soft feminine moan in return. Kissing when one side of your face is drooping, isn't very charming and extremely clumsy, but we still savored the feeling and the intimacy, until Piper's hand cupped my cheek and her thumb quickly wiped away the little bit of saliva that trickled down the right corner of my mouth, making me pull away abruptly.

"Shit," she mumbled. "I hoped you wouldn't notice."

"Fuck, this is so humiliating… I'm so sor.." I slurred, while tears kept streaming down my cheeks, but Piper cut me off by kissing me again.

"It's okay Alex," she whispered against my lips, crying silently. "I love you."

"Pipes," I said in a raspy voice, squeezing her hand. "You know that it's okay with me if you fall in love with someone else right? I don't want you to close your heart when I'm gone. You should find yourself a sweet man or a beautiful woman who takes you out for dinner, holds your hand during a stroll down the park on a sunny day, makes love to you every night, and worships your body like I always did. You deserve that and nothing less."

She let out a heartbreaking wail and enveloped me into a strong embrace, peppered my face with kisses and stroked my side as we continued to sob together, until we ran out of tears.

"I don't want to Al, my heart belongs to you," she said with a broken voice. "Why don't you close your eyes and relax a bit? You're exhausted."

I nodded and closed my eyes as Piper buried her head under my chin, and pulled the neckline of my t-shirt aside, kissing the inked letters of our daughter's name below my collarbone. My lips released a sigh of absolute contentment when the familiar scent of coconut filled my nostrils, while my body slipped into an unconscious state. My throat made a strange gurgling noise after twenty minutes, and pulled me out of a very, very deep sleep.

"Fuck," I mumbled, rubbing Piper's upper arm with my thumb.

"Don't fight it Al."

I closed my eyes again and sank back into the mattress. All the muscles in my body relaxed and my breathing grew extremely slow and irregular.

"It's okay baby, just relax and surrender to the feeling," my beautiful wife whispered in my ear, stroking the top of my head. "I'll always love you and I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for everything."

"I'll always love you too," I said as a few last tears began to flow from my eyes and I felt Piper's lips pressing against mine for the very last time. I've lived my life to the fullest, created a bunch of beautiful memories, married the girl of my dreams and built a little family with her. My life is completed… my story ends here…

The sounds coming from the machine suddenly became one long monotome sound as I slowly exhaled my last breath into my wife's mouth.

I felt peaceful,

I felt free,

I felt… zen.


End file.
